Facebook narcissism

[deleted15807]

I had to pull the plug. Is it the Facebook platform that promotes narcissism or do narcissists use Facebook to further themselves? The relentless self-promotion and those godawful selfies that represent the vast majority of uploads has turned a healthy slice of some of our lives into a theatre performance with makeup, scripts and casts and reviews(those ubiquitous "likes").

Is Facebook sharing making us more vain?

 

[edonline]

I'm on Facebook and one of the type of posts I HATE are the ones which say things like "My true friends will copy & paste this to their wall, not just share it". Talk about seeking out compliments.

 

[Trott.lint]

I'm about to pull the plug on my membership of this most narcissistic of social media platforms. At the moment, I only work weekends so I've been using it during the weekdays to stay in touch. But I'm constantly questioning why I'm on it, seeing all the narcissists submerging themselves in a bog of narcissism.

 

[Trott.lint]

^PS: it's not even the copy and paste shit or selfies. It's the constant updates about fuck all. It's the public declarations of love for loved ones that so cheapens a fundamental human emotion. It's the empty collection of 'friends' and 'likes' the way we used to collect marbles as kids. Yuk! I'm over it.

 

[ActionBuddy]

I lasted two weeks on FaceBook... This was about 3 years ago. I have a VERY common first and last name. There are over 8,000 people on FB with my same name!

I chose a variation of my name, that I knew friends would know was me, and start "Liking" things and "Friending" actual friends and people that I admire. Right off the bat I got over 100 Friend invites from people who claimed that we went to High School together, (we didn't). Within a week people recognized who I was from associating my comments and Likes and who I had Friended, and then things went haywire. I was getting Friend requests from people I barely knew, didn't know at all, but, worse, people I didn't like at all... Including two former employees that I FIRED, and two former business partners that cost me thousands of dollars to get OUT of a relationship with!

The worst though was when people started IM'ing me on it... I must admit that I did not master the Settings of FB, and I probably could have figured out how to turn it off, but, by that point I was so sick of how much of my time it was taking, I deleted everything that I possibly could, made a "good bye and good luck" comment, ending with "If you are my 'Friend', you know my phone number. Use it."... And, then I changed the language to Serbian, and haven't signed in since.

I had poked around in it long enough to see what it was really about, and long enough to learn how to block a Friend who was sending hundreds of pics of hairy chested men per day, but figured that I didn't need it. I can totally see using FB, even needing it, if you have a project or business to promote, or are an artist, or performer of some sort that needs to promote their work. But, I don't. And, I am online way too much as it is. I think it is terrible that many worthy organizations use FB as there only source of info now a days, and I let them know that. Even worse is when people only use FB, instead of phone calls or email to spread the news about news about friends. I recently found out, word of mouth, about the death and memorial service for an old friend who died three months ago. I called his wife, and several friends about it, and why didn't they let me know? And, all of them said, "It was on my FaceBook."... Like it was MY fault for not hearing about it... Ugh!

A/B

 

[sangheili90]

I'm about to pull the plug on my membership of this most narcissistic of social media platforms. At the moment, I only work weekends so I've been using it during the weekdays to stay in touch. But I'm constantly questioning why I'm on it, seeing all the narcissists submerging themselves in a bog of narcissism.

I'd say instagram is far worse, but that would only apply to celebrities who seem to use it to keep in touch with their millions of followers.

 

[sangheili90]

I lasted two weeks on FaceBook... This was about 3 years ago. I have a VERY common first and last name. There are over 8,000 people on FB with my same name!... I chose a variation and start "Liking" things and "Friending" actual friends and people that I admire. Right off the bat I got over 100 Friend invites from people who claimed that we went to High School together, (we didn't). Within a week people recognized who I was from associating my comments and Likes and who I had Friended, and then things went haywire. I was getting Friend requests from people I barely knew, didn't know at all, but, worse, people I didn't like at all... Including two former employees that I FIRED, and two former business partners that cost me thousands of dollars to get OUT of a relationship with!

The worst though was when people started IM'ing me on it... I must admit that I did not master the Settings of FB, and I probably could have figured out how to turn it off, but, by that point I was so sick of how much of my time it was taking, I deleted everything that I possibly could, made a "good bye and good luck" comment, ending with "If you are my 'Friend', you know my phone number. Use it."... And, then I changed the language to Serbian, and haven't signed in since.

I had poked around in it long enough to see what it was really about, and long enough to learn how to block a Friend who was sending hundreds of pics of hairy chested men per day, but figured that I didn't need it. I can totally see using FB, even needing it, if you have a project or business to promote, or are an artist, or performer of some sort that needs to promote their work. But, I don't. And, I am online way too much as it is. I think it is terrible that many worthy organizations use FB as there only source of info now a days, and I let them know that. Even worse is when people only use FB, instead of phone calls or email to spread the news about news about friends. I recently found out, word of mouth, about the death and memorial service for an old friend who died three months ago. I called his wife, and several friends about it, and why didn't they let me know? And, all of them said, "It was on my FaceBook."... Like it was MY fault for not hearing about it... Ugh!

A/B

I only use it to share articles and photos with people I know, pretty much everyone I have on there lives on the other side of the country so it serves as a great means of keep in touch. However, I really do not understand how someone can have hundreds, let alone thousands, of "friends" on there and feel so comfortable as to post personal things and upload pictures of family etc. Most people don't know this, but the default privacy setting of facebook is set so that "friends" of your "friends" can actually see your photos on there, unless of course you change that setting.

 

[Trott.lint]

@sangheili90 yeah, I was on Instagram too for a while. The celebs don't bother me, you can just ignore them with impunity; it's the real people in your life who turn out to be very different on social media. I almost see it like an all-consuming merry-go-round. If you choose to climb aboard you're trapped in a virtual bubble with a fixed group of people, and the longer you stay on, the harder it is to get off. When you do try to get off, you get cold feet about jumping off something going so fast, and the inevitable dizziness and nausaea you'll feel as a result. Sorry, I have an overactive imagination!

 

[Trott.lint]

Most people don't know this, but the default privacy setting of facebook is set so that "friends" of your "friends" can actually see your photos on there, unless of course you change that setting.

It's worse than that. If you post a picture with the public setting and one of your friends likes it, all their friends get to see that picture & get a snapshot into your life. You can't change that, unless of course the setting is 'friends' rather than public. A friend admitted to me that she is easily able to stalk people she works with but who she isn't friends with because mutual friends like or comment on the non-friends' public posts, thus delivering it straight to her newsfeed; she doesn't even have to go searching for it, FB does the job for her.

 

[sangheili90]

@sangheili90 yeah, I was on Instagram too for a while. The celebs don't bother me, you can just ignore them with impunity; it's the real people in your life who turn out to be very different on social media. I almost see it like an all-consuming merry-go-round. If you choose to climb aboard you're trapped in a virtual bubble with a fixed group of people, and the longer you stay on, the harder it is to get off. When you do try to get off, you get cold feet about jumping off something going so fast, and the inevitable dizziness and nausaea you'll feel as a result. Sorry, I have an overactive imagination!

I think it is only a big thing for people who are in their teens and early twenties, and this primarily applies to females of that age. I actually kind of enjoy spending some time checking out the instagram pages of certain models and other celebrities, I just find it interesting and kind of wonder what their lives are actually like.....though it is by far nothing I am obsessed with or would ever actually have a conversation about lol.

 

[sangheili90]

It's worse than that. If you post a picture with the public setting and one of your friends likes it, all their friends get to see that picture & get a snapshot into your life. You can't change that, unless of course the setting is 'friends' rather than public. A friend admitted to me that she is easily able to stalk people she works with but who she isn't friends with because mutual friends like or comment on the non-friends' public posts, thus delivering it straight to her newsfeed; she doesn't even have to go searching for it, FB does the job for her.

LOL You are right, and I think everyone who uses facebook has done that at some point, though I'm sure the intention was not negative.

 

[Trott.lint]

LOL You are right, and I think everyone who uses facebook has done that at some point, though I'm sure the intention was not negative.

Yeah, when FB makes it so easy for you to stalk, why wouldn't you. Most people are casual/incidental stalkers, some are more chronic and worrying. Either way, the Exit sign is in sight for me. I think the best way is to go cold turkey and not check it for a week. Easier said than done. Bring on FBA...

 

[sangheili90]

It's worse than that. If you post a picture with the public setting and one of your friends likes it, all their friends get to see that picture & get a snapshot into your life. You can't change that, unless of course the setting is 'friends' rather than public. A friend admitted to me that she is easily able to stalk people she works with but who she isn't friends with because mutual friends like or comment on the non-friends' public posts, thus delivering it straight to her newsfeed; she doesn't even have to go searching for it, FB does the job for her.

I've actually got a facebook horror story that you might find interesting, it is kind of embarrassing for me but whatever.

About 2 years ago, almost exactly to the date, I got a friend request from a person who was a member of a community I was a part of on facebook. She left a message with the request asking if it was ok if she added me and then introduced herself etc. Anyway, we started chatting on the facebook instant message system and over time it slowly grew to the point where we took our conversations outside of that environment. We chatted, got to know each other but we couldn't meet up since she lived on the other side of the country. By February I made plans to go visit her and take her out for Valentine's day and when I let her know she had a fit. Something wasn't right and thanks to a relative I was able to find out that this person had been using someone else's photos lol, I was pissed when I found out. About a month later I found out that this person had been doing this for years and had done this to literally dozens of guys. I just consider myself fortunate that I got my money back for the trip I had planned but after that I stopped using facebook for anything besides minor updates.

 

[sangheili90]

Yeah, when FB makes it so easy for you to stalk, why wouldn't you. Most people are casual/incidental stalkers, some are more chronic and worrying. Either way, the Exit sign is in sight for me. I think the best way is to go cold turkey and not check it for a week. Easier said than done. Bring on FBA...

So, moral of the story is be safe on the internet and try to stick to meeting and interacting with people in the real world.

 

[ActionBuddy]

^ You got "Catfished"... Always insist on a cam-to-cam session before planning to meet them. I they don't have Skype, YahooIM, GoogleHangouts, or some other way to cam, tell them to get one or you are done.

A/B

 

[Trott.lint]

@sangheili90 Yes, that's a good way to get put off FB for life! Mind you, you're lucky. It could have been a guy trying it on, which would have been a double shock if you're straight

 

[Crimsonlurker]

I think it might be both. Depending on who you are, where you live, your gender and etc those totals fluctuate. I was about to say that we live in the most narcissistic time but that's not true. I'm thinking our narcissism is just easier to display and is more expected. If you don't have a social networking site along with a billion friends you couldn't possibly be all that close to then people think something's wrong with you. There are people out there whose whole entire careers exist solely on social media sites. Celebrities who are famous simply because someone saw something on one of those social media sites. 15 Minutes of fame and all that. Trickling down to everyday people. To the point where most people not only think they're famous but think they've earned it.

It's human nature to search for approval but facebook turns that up to eleven if you're not careful. Then again same goes for every site. Generally speaking the software is just a tool. Just like any other really. It's that we generally lost track of what really matters in life. That loss was always there, it's just now it's been substituted with selfies, bragging, likes, status updates and etc. That's the thing though. A certain amount of personal responsibility has to come at some point. Gambling, smoking, looking at porn, drugs and etc are all pretty addictive given both circumstances and personality types but the real loss is people not understanding what personal responsibility really is.

Sure, facebook does help people to either be vain or become even more but thats because they allow/allowed it to.

 

[twoton]

I hate those flippin' "please share this so I know you like me" posts, and the "If you don't share this you hate veterans." I also get irked by people who continuously fall for hoaxes. "Look! A blue and red striped elephant!" And I get irked at people who update everyone on their health/medical/psychological problems multiple times a day. "The doctor finally lanced the pustule, but it didn't do a thing to help my OCD."

 

[deleted15807]

It's human nature to search for approval but facebook turns that up to eleven if you're not careful. Then again same goes for every site. Generally speaking the software is just a tool. Just like any other really. It's that we generally lost track of what really matters in life. That loss was always there, it's just now it's been substituted with selfies, bragging, likes, status updates and etc. That's the thing though. A certain amount of personal responsibility has to come at some point. Gambling, smoking, looking at porn, drugs and etc are all pretty addictive given both circumstances and personality types but the real loss is people not understanding what personal responsibility really is.

Sure, facebook does help people to either be vain or become even more but thats because they allow/allowed it to.

Correct on all points but I think Facebook as put in place tools that allow the worst parts of being human to step forward and not back. No conversations or posts are private. You must assume that everything you post will be seen by everybody. I tried keeping groups of people separate but group A has no idea that are privy to stuff I don't want group B to know so they go and gab about it. Then I'm forced to explain to group B what I didn't want them to know.

Given you have to expect everything to be seen by everybody both expected and unexpected you are forced/coerced to create this illusion of yourself with perfect snapshots, perfect hair, seen and "checked-in" at all the hot places (yes at Prada, not at Target). That checkin feature is the big turbo boost combining vanity and capitalism.

 

[EllieP]

I decided quite a while ago that I had too much information on Facebook. So I really pared down my profile and my postings. Facebook really really wants to know where I went to high school. It wants to know where I've worked and am working now. It's constantly asking me a lot of creations to "complete my profile." I'm good, thanks.

It finally became too much when a casual friend of mine told me about how life was caving in and how much trouble she and her family were facing. I was dumbstruck. I mean, I'm not her closest friend, but I would have lent an ear long before then. But her Facebook page was filled with all sorts of great stuff happening in her life.

People know next to nothing about my life online. Well, actually, people know more about me here than on Facebook.

I've decided this weekend to take a break from Facebook until sometime during November. The political rancor is really stressing strong relationships and making me re-evaluate the intelligence of some friends and family.