Femophobia

[billybones]

Totally. It would get old.

Its sad to meet the guys who say 'no fems' and once you meet them they turn out to be fems themselves. I had an ex that literally floated 5 inches off the ground when he walked and he refused to believe he was an efeminate gay man. Refused!

 

[D_22]

Totally. It would get old.

Its sad to meet the guys who say 'no fems' and once you meet them they turn out to be fems themselves. I had an ex that literally floated 5 inches off the ground when he walked and he refused to believe he was an efeminate gay man. Refused!

LOL! That's some funny shit.

 

[deleted804287]

I've grown to have a lot of disdain for the whole "I want a man, if I wanted a woman, I'd get with a woman" comments. While I was starting to come out as a bi guy, I realized how homophobic I was to effeminate guys and it wasn't until I really started to become friends with some did I realize how ugly certain comments like that was. Most fem guys are trying to be fem, they're simply being themselves. Yes, we all have preferences. I have my preferences. I prefer masculine guys and I'm also seen as masculine. There has been a few times I've found a fem guy here or there attractive, but in the end I'm still more so attracted to masculine guys. Still doesn't make it cool for my reason to be, "If I wanted a woman, I'd pick a woman."

If we're all trying to hard to be more accepted by straights, being hurtful and prejudice against people in the same fight as us due to being slightly different just messes up our cause.

Just staying my preference. I like masculine men so I will date them. My partner out_n_about is very masculine. Fem guys can be very nice, however my statement is still true for me. Im dating men because I like men. If you want to act girly and like a woman that is fine, but I have no time for it. I will tell you that you aren't my type and move on. Its best to be straightforward and honest on the internet. It is so easy to get confused or misled online, its easier to say specifically what you don't want instead of wasting everyones time.

 

[billybones]

I don't think the majority of people even read profiles. In all of mine I make it clear that if you don't have a picture of your face in your profile, I have no interest in talking to you. But, every day, dozens of messages from guys with no face pictures come streaming into my mailbox.

To stay on topic, a lot of those profiles say "No FEMS!". How masculine and brave of them to not show their face. Cowards.

 

[dylz]

a lot of peoples preferences are bullshit anyway. ive had equal numbers of people tell me "i like you because youre effeminate" and "i like you because youre not effeminate". i guess if youre in the gray area people just see what they want to see.

tmblake09, no one is telling you you cannot state your preference. if you arent aware that you can "just state your preference" in a way that doesnt make you sound rude, coldhearted, and frankly rather dumb, i dont know what to tell you.

 

[Catharsis]

Just staying my preference. I like masculine men so I will date them. My partner out_n_about is very masculine. Fem guys can be very nice, however my statement is still true for me. Im dating men because I like men. If you want to act girly and like a woman that is fine, but I have no time for it. I will tell you that you aren't my type and move on. Its best to be straightforward and honest on the internet. It is so easy to get confused or misled online, its easier to say specifically what you don't want instead of wasting everyones time.

I see what you're trying to say. We all have our preferences. But I think some of the vocabulary that you're using might have been done in the wrong context. You're not sexually attracted to feminine men and you won't date one - that's perfectly fine. But saying that you don't "tolerate" them (feminine men) is completely different. You don't have to be in love with them to enact tolerance toward them.

 

[invisibleman]

I don't have femophobia.

 

[jambgood]

I see what you're trying to say. We all have our preferences. But I think some of the vocabulary that you're using might have been done in the wrong context. You're not sexually attracted to feminine men and you won't date one - that's perfectly fine. But saying that you don't "tolerate" them (feminine men) is completely different. You don't have to be in love with them to enact tolerance toward them.

Right on Catharsis. There is a huge difference between the statements, "I don't 'prefer' feminine men," versus, "I don't 'tolerate' feminine men."

 

[deleted103775]

I've grown to have a lot of disdain for the whole "I want a man, if I wanted a woman, I'd get with a woman" comments. While I was starting to come out as a bi guy, I realized how homophobic I was to effeminate guys and it wasn't until I really started to become friends with some did I realize how ugly certain comments like that was. Most fem guys are trying to be fem, they're simply being themselves. Yes, we all have preferences. I have my preferences. I prefer masculine guys and I'm also seen as masculine. There has been a few times I've found a fem guy here or there attractive, but in the end I'm still more so attracted to masculine guys. Still doesn't make it cool for my reason to be, "If I wanted a woman, I'd pick a woman."

If we're all trying to hard to be more accepted by straights, being hurtful and prejudice against people in the same fight as us due to being slightly different just messes up our cause.

I feel the same way. I think it's perfectly acceptable to be more attracted to masculine men, but it's best to phrase it just like that, as a preference. Using blunt, negative phrases like "no fems" and "i have no time for it" makes you seem intolerant and prejudiced.

 

[IntentsOfCare]

Here is my take on all of this, I understand that everyone has preferences… really I do get that. But at the same time guys have to realize that there is a dynamic of what is and what isn’t in style. I hear this one all the time “If I wanted a girl I’d be dating a girl”, and I’m here to say that they aren’t the same fucking thing. Girls don’t’ get beat on or discriminated against just for being who they are (unless it’s the 50’s or the south apparently). I’m not picking on anyone here but you have to admit that fems have it way harder. I’ve heard someone say to me once when they saw a fem coming they walked the other way or shit like that. I have no idea when it became okay for people to treat other people like that. They fem could be fem that cures cancer and you just don’t know. There is this super masculinity thing now that I just do not get. I personally am not really attracted to masculinity, I happen to have somewhat of an aversion to it for that very same reason. Because growing up I have always associated it with violence, ignorance and just plain douchbaggery. I’m slowly coming out of that mind frame because I realized it was prejudice as hell. I’m not starting to hang out with more “guys” as opposed to biological females, fems and trans individuals. I’m mentally and physically at the middle ground of gender. I was born XXY and my gender identity and personality reflects that. I’ve been passing as male my whole life because it’s the most convincing. I happen to be neither masculine nor feminine and that seems to throw people off and/or confuse them a bit. I feel like I have the best of both worlds without going overboard on either. That is also the balance that I’m attracted to but I will not turn my head from someone masculine or feminine. The fems are really put through the grinder because they have hate coming at them from all sides.
For those of you who say you haven’t seen hate against fems then I’d like to know where you live so that I can establish a fem gaylife preserve there. Because I’ve observed them being hated on by straights, gays and their families. “Why don’t you man up” “A real man doesn’t”, I’ve even heard of cases of gay macho men throwing beer bottles at them. My original thought when I used to see someone who was really masculine I’d do the chubaka noise or I’d make comments like “roids much” or “enough gym buddy” “who let the T out” and shit like that and it’s not even cool. You should never generalize someone like that or think it’s okay to poke fun at them because you are not them or you aren’t sexually attracted to them.
Back on point with the original poster’s main point. Three are those weak willed people who will in fact think what they are told to think and be attracted to what they are told to be attracted to. Popular opinion has had sway in society since people began to lump together. Remember the bushes from the 70’s (and you know which ones I’m talking about), now they are all but gone because it’s popular belief that everyone needs to shave down there. I can understand that when fighting for gay rights it’s a good tactic to say “hey we are just like you guys” but the butch lesbians and fem guys throw a wrench into that plan because they are so different. Differences should be celebrated and not punished.

P.S.
I completely understand if you don’t read any of this because I’m just now realizing that is TLDR.

 

[jdfun]

Yeah, I'm not going to say "If I wanted a woman I'd date a woman" because I think being sexually female and being effeminate are vastly different, but I don't think it's at all biased or bigoted to say that typically I'm attracted to guys who display masculine features, mannerisms, etc, much like I'm sure some prefer skinny or fat guys, some people prefer specific races, height, etc.

Also, I can appreciate that for many people, effeminate behavior is just their natural state of being, but if it's just an advertising tool you switch on to showcase your availability, or play into the campy gay friend cliche which perpetuates its own annoying stereotype, then I'm not going to belittle you over it, but I'm definitely going to consider you to be socially phony similar to how I find those who do the whole fake super interested we should totally hang out routine and then never actually want to hang out or return a message.

 

[silvian]

I can answer in my way.
I think a lot of gay are "femphobe" because straight people (and not only them) look like them as not "masculine" . It hurts so much becuase we are first of all single person and we have got a different character.
Often when media show gay people the show them as "sissy" stereotypes and a lot of gay people fallow the gay "style" i mean they are TOTALLY absorbed by their own comunity.. they listen madonna and lady gagam they follow the fashion life they are totally fucked by the system that want a gay man (but the some is for bi) as a stupid monkey that think only sex, fashion and no more!
So they are totally scared what the "good thinking" people and the heterosexist think about them so they reject this point of view and YELL how they are different for the pictures that society give to them.

 

[kiltiesf]

As a gay man who is more "gay" passable than "straight" passable; meaning that more often that not, my sexual orientation is concluded simply because I fit the stereotyping of what a gay man has viewed to be: small statured, well groomed/dressed, performs or participates in hobbies/interests often associated with women: interior design, cooking, etc. I would say that I'm more "Will" than "Jack", although, I can "Jack" it up when amoungst friends for laughter - but I'm just me. Neither pearls, high-heels, nor a purse fall from my mouth when I open it to speak, I don't refer to other male friends as "girlfriends". I have landscaped, painted (interior and exterior), hung drywall, can change a flat tire and done light plumbing work. I view myself more "middle-of-the-road" type gay - I'm neither hyper masculine (duh), nor a flaming queen; I'm just me. I too am tired of the meeting people who are turned off by the fact that I don't bulging muscles, or hung like Mr. Ed, that I don't walk around wearing fatigues or drive a jeep (not that there is anything wrong with those that do, I'm just not going to fake it in order to be accepted). I've accepted the fact that I don't fit into the stereo-typical "masculine" mold as defined by Hollywood, or society in general. I live my life to please myself and I don't allow others to define who I am. When I peruse the on-line profiles and read "must be str8 acting, or masculine", I move along to the next ad, because I know that I will not meet their requirements of what they are search for, and therefore save myself the frustration of trying to cram a "square peg into a round hole". Whatcha see is whatcha get. I'm actually attracted to other middle-of-the-road type guys like myself. I've had the macho guys who have tried to dominate me, which doesn't work and more than once have had to set them straight. Its funny, I've dated guys who society would perceive as straight and being the "top", and lemme tell ya, they loved resting their legs on my shoulders whilst getting a good ass pounding - just goes to show ya, that you can't always judge a book by its cover, because the pages in between can tell ya a completely different story.

Just my two cents - Kiltiesf

 

[MisterSlave]

I am the Opposite. . I am a Masculine-Bottom gay man. I have nothing against my effeminate gay brothers. I am just not a flamer. Don't do drag. . do not do the (giiiiiiiiirl, thing). I like masculine pursuits, and I enjoy masculine top-men. Its not that I have a Phobia, for Fem-men. . its just that Im' not into it. There are plenty of gay men out there however who would like an effeminate male. . so. . to each their own.

 

[MisterSlave]

I would like to add, I enjoyed reading Silvian's response. Gay culture has created its own set of (physical ideals), just like heterosexuals do, based on body image, and cultural norms. Im' glad to say, that there are (individuals). the LGBTQ, community is diverse, and he is right. What about the bisex-men. . and the Masculine-BDSM leathermen?, and what about the Larger framed people I dare use the term, (chubby) or full figured. Sometimes, some of us fall outside the norm. It may be harder for those of us who do not fit the (gay culture mold), but hey. . at least it makes us unique and authentic individuals. Some people see the value in things that are rare, exotic, and different.

 

[jjsjr]

There's a lot of this conversation already divulged here too:

http://www.lpsg.com/306540-attracted-to-effeminate-guys.html

As a hugely femme guy, I really respect the opinions already shared.