Funny Limrick

[Big Jake]

I heard this one on the "Eric Andre Show" of all places.

Here's a limrick about Anal Sex,
Stick it where she least expects,
Fuck her so hard her ass will flex,
If she has a sister, tell her she's next.

 

[EllieP]

I don't really think that's a limerick. The cadence is all wrong.

 

[ConanTheBarber]

A limerick is written in five
Lines that for humour must strive;
xxxBig Jake gives us four
xxxSo we still need one more
If a limerick we hope to contrive.

 

[ConanTheBarber]

[FONT=&quot]Keeping to the theme:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]“Big” Jake has a thing for the ass
If it’s proffered for free by a lass;
XXBut the bill always comes –
XXBloody battered bare bums –
When their portholes discover his mass.

[/FONT]

 

[Fuzzy_]

Oh Connie, don't you despair
Big Jake will take you with care
. . . Fuzzy will watch
. . . While rubbing his crotch
Then we realize that Jake took you bare

 

[ConanTheBarber]

[FONT=&quot]Oh Fuzzy … I hear your Great Love;
They say you’re more hung than a dove;
xxBut I won’t have you watch
xxBig Jake’s kind debauch –
I’d rather eat shit from a glove.[/FONT]

 

[185248]

Whether by reason, whether by rhyme,
Jake will do both off you from the behind.
Conan will squeal loudest, when Jake sticks it in,
Fuzzy will masturbate, Conans cum on his chin.


Vibezz will just walk away before he goes blind.

 

[Fuzzy_]

Oh Connie, you'll ruin your appetite
Yet something that doesn't seem right
. . . When you devour that feast
. . . Without even the least
Care that shit goes with red wine not white

 

[ConanTheBarber]

Whether by reason, whether by rhyme,
Jake will do both off you from the behind.
Conan will squeal loudest, when Jake sticks it in,
Fuzzy will masturbate, Conans cum on his chin.


Vibezz will just walk away before he goes blind.

Vibes doesn't know limericks from shit,
But he brings to the table great wit;
..His lines are too few
..And his rhythm askew –
But his poem remains a great hit.

 

[ConanTheBarber]

Oh Connie, you'll ruin your appetite
Yet something that doesn't seem right
. . . When you devour that feast
. . . Without even the least
Care that shit goes with red wine not white

Now Fuzzy knows limericks from shit
And he even pairs wine like a flit;
..But red wine or white
..Is a question not quite
Apropos when you’re losing yah kit.

 

[Fuzzy_]

You forced Fuzzy's hand with your craft
But Fuzzy is not quite so daft
. . . To duel with the master
. . . Of poetic disaster
While vibes just stood there and laughed

 

[ConanTheBarber]

[FONT=&quot]A fine win in a poetic duel
Would exhaust me and prove that I’m cruel;
..I’d rather drink wine
..Or shove in my nine
Than give to your victimhood fuel.[/FONT]

 

[Fuzzy_]

Though Fuzzy is not quite a bard
His poems can still catch you off guard
. . . It's not easy for Fuzzy
. . . For any such Wuzzy
Would agree that this shit is hard

 

[185248]

Connie and Fuzzy cause such a din
When Fuzzy does Connie with vigour and vim
Trying to erase from my mind this night
Connie and Fuzzy making love in half light
Seared to my mind I feel a bit grim.

 

[Fuzzy_]

Those claims of nine inches are famous
But Fuzzy has a remarkable anus
. . . . It's not easy to please
. . . . No matter the tease
'Cuz it still feels empty and painless

 

[ConanTheBarber]

Sad that his shit is so hard,
But the good news is Fuzzy’s a bard;
..Bytimes he’s a wuzzy
..And always quite skuzzy –
But his poems are with genius quite tarred.

 

[ConanTheBarber]

Vibes listened to ecstasy loud;
O Hark! The sounds of the ploughed.
..He wanted to join
..But, guarding his groin,
He decided that three was a crowd.

 

[EllieP]

OK, so i've lead a sheltered life and I don't know any dirty limeriks, not even the young lady from Nantucket. But I do remember one from a drinking game:

A tutor who tooted the flute
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot
Said the two to the tutor
Is it harder to toot or
Tutor to tooters to toot.

It's fun to say after two margaritas. You laugh your head off. After three it's impossible.

 

[ConanTheBarber]

How sweet and pure was the mirth
To find Fuzzy dismissive of worth;
.."Nine inches won’t do it –
..My bum’s a conduit."
(Please tell him my subject was girth.)

 

[185248]

Conan the librarian said to fuzzy the cat
Come here sweet kitty place your head on thy lap
With fuzzy his claws
And Conan no drawers
It ended in horrible bloodied mishap