When most people meet me, they automatically assume that I'm straight. I'm very masculine and you probably wouldn't know that I was gay unless I told you. I recently came out this year and I had a few of my friends message me on Facebook saying things like "Congrats, I'm really happy for you" I'd ask them if they were surprised that I was gay and they would say "You know, not really. You're a good looking guy, you're nice, polite, and really thoughtful...it makes since that you're gay, women don't deserve you" It sort of had me thinking...Is being nice, polite, caring and considerate common characteristic in gay men? What are are a few signs that set your "Gaydar" off?
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American boys are generally not generally not encouraged to grow up to be gentle, considerate or cultured men. On the other hand, many exceptions are to be found and treasured. And they're not all gay.
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You could be on to something, Myke Hawk! I am a lot like you; but , people have reacted differently! When I was younger, after learning I was gay, friends , doctors and the like would say that I could not be gay, because I was too butch to be gay! They also would say that if I would just stop hanging out with "those" men, that I would be ok, meaning , of course, straight! I think refinement, compassion, caring , giving , thoughtfulness and kindness are qualities which abound among gay men. Most straight men, in my experience , tend to shy away from expressing such sensitive qualities!
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Lol I thought at first that these were characteristics of gay men, but it all depends on upbringing I think. Initially when I came out I met mostly intelligent, sophisticated, caring gay guys and kind of assumed most were like this. This was when I was in college at a fairly prestigious school with students who were, on average, from a wealthy background. Later on, when I had a kind of "crash and burn" period of my life I met some of the absolutely most classless, trashy, ignorant, manipulative gay guys imaginable and am grateful to be in a better place now. I think the only thing different about the gay trashy guys is they are more high on themselves than straight trashy guys.
For me, gaydar goes off pretty much from an instinct or a certain look. I don't think sensitivity or manners has anything to do with it. Sorry for my jaded response btw.
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I agree 100% - I have met so many trashy, inconsiderate, condescending, and disrespectful gay men (mostly 20s-30s) and have met a great deal of straight men who are just as considerate, loving and caring as I am... I was raised in a similar situation to danjs584 because I went to a prestigious boarding school until I left for college, so for the most part, those qualities were taught in school. All guys were expected to be chivalrous and considerate of our female peers. It wasn't until I went to a 'regular' college that I learnt otherwise.
martin60018
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crass gay queens, considerate gay gentlemen. there is a world of difference. dont mix them up.
Wow! I was really impressed by how many people responded to this thread. It's nice to be able to have this type of intetaction with other gay and bi men. Since coming out, I have found it really hard to find any type of acceptance in the gay community, I felt more love and acceptance by all of my straight friends. The majority of the men that I have come in contact with have been just like the ones you described above...rude, direspectful, and inconsiderate, most the guys that are around my age. At one point I almost let guys like that turn me a way from the gay "community". Sometimes it seems like a very shallow community, most of the guys only care about themselves and have no awareness of others. I was almost at the point of becoming jaded but then I talk to guys like you all and meet some of the guys that I follow on twitter and remind myself that everyone isn't like that. I was raised to be a loving, compassionate, and chivalrous individual. If those are the characteristics that my friends think make up a gay man...then I'm proud of that.
PS. Sorry if I sound unorganized in this reply. I'm writing from my iPhone and it's 6AM here lol. Again, thanks so much for all the interaction, I hope to chat with you all soon.
OCMuscleJock
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Most people think I'm straight till I let them know otherwise. Not that I'm hiding, I just don't care what people think. Some gay guys you know IMMEDIATELY that they are gay just from how they "shine". Like Adam Lambert...That's what I mean by shine. 
lol Most of my friends you'd never guess were gay by how they looked or carried themselves. Most people see muscle and hairy and are more apt to think Biker or something other than gay. The main thing is be how you wanna be. Act how you want to act. You know you're doing it right when men and women (gay or straight) want you. Not only for your looks but your actions/manners.
lol Most of my friends you'd never guess were gay by how they looked or carried themselves. Most people see muscle and hairy and are more apt to think Biker or something other than gay. The main thing is be how you wanna be. Act how you want to act. You know you're doing it right when men and women (gay or straight) want you. Not only for your looks but your actions/manners. A female friend once told me that she could tell I was gay because I always give her consistent eye contact when we talk.
I'm not extremely masculine or feminine. Probably somewhere in between. I think I give myself away when I run or talk about certain things...
I'm not extremely masculine or feminine. Probably somewhere in between. I think I give myself away when I run or talk about certain things...
I think there's a few strands to this ...
1. The ( biological / inherited ) aspect, of the sexuality itself, which if it is there at all, must be something to do with brain structure, chemistry, hormones etc. ...
2. The cultural aspect - picking up things from the gay culture around you ...
3. The psychological aspect of having to keep yourself supported, through your own process of realising who you are, and how you want to be ...
- I think these combine different ways in different people. Some of us can end up a little selfish and superficial.
But very often, there's something about empathy, understanding, communication, politeness, stylishness, realism, vision ...
:smile:
1. The ( biological / inherited ) aspect, of the sexuality itself, which if it is there at all, must be something to do with brain structure, chemistry, hormones etc. ...
2. The cultural aspect - picking up things from the gay culture around you ...
3. The psychological aspect of having to keep yourself supported, through your own process of realising who you are, and how you want to be ...
- I think these combine different ways in different people. Some of us can end up a little selfish and superficial.
But very often, there's something about empathy, understanding, communication, politeness, stylishness, realism, vision ...
:smile:
I'm with on that. Being polite and thoughtful, then girl girls ask if I was in the military or that my family is from the south.
Some that I say I'm gay, say" really? I would have never guessed, you don't Cary yourself as most gay guys.
Every form of people are classed in one way or another .
What makes me stand out is being polite , respectful, clean, organized
What dose not, I'm stern, masculine , deep voice,
Some that I say I'm gay, say" really? I would have never guessed, you don't Cary yourself as most gay guys.
Every form of people are classed in one way or another .
What makes me stand out is being polite , respectful, clean, organized
What dose not, I'm stern, masculine , deep voice,
Most people assume I'm straight as well. It depends on who I'm around. If u put me in a group effeminate gay men I appear straight. If I'm in a group of masculine straight guys you can definitely tell I'm different. I consider myself a very kind, considerate, polite, thoughtful person and peope tell me that I am. I can usually spot other gay guys by their mannerisms even when it's very subtle, or the way some gay men speak. A lot of times I can see 2 men together and can tell that they are "together", not just 2 straight dudes hanging out.
Most people think I'm straight till I let them know otherwise. Not that I'm hiding, I just don't care what people think. Some gay guys you know IMMEDIATELY that they are gay just from how they "shine". Like Adam Lambert...That's what I mean by shine.
I really liked the way you out all of that, I agree 100%
I'd have to agree with you. Most people wouldn't know I'm gay but put me in a room with a bunch of straight guys and I stand out a little...I don't talk about the things they talk about and I'm respectful whe it comes to talking about women. Put me in a gay club and I feel like the odd man out.
I maintain eye contact when people talk to me because I have bad hearing. By eye contact, I mean I look at their face, lip reading. If people misinterpret this as being gay, whatever. I have never really cared what people think of me, I am what I am. Bad hearing also causes some strange speech problems, such as lisp. Had one chick ask me, years ago, if I was gay because of that. Again, whatever.
I've been in a few gay bars in my time, and they were a fun place to hang out. The people seem more lively than straight, hung up folks.
I've never had a M2M experience, but that may be changing this weekend. :smile:
sundancerco
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Very interesting read, all the opinions. Made me realize that my thoughts on the gay community are not as out of line as I had believed. . . Some people pick up I am different. Others don't. They assume I am straight because I ride a race bike, love to work on engines and build things. I have no association with the gay community, and all my straight friends are very loving and protective of me. . . And I just don't fit into the gay community. I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn't want to be part of the gay community and bond better with the straight community, but I guess I'm OK.
MisterSlave
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I'd say people are people, period. . there are many KINDS of people in the LGBTQ community. There are stereotypes of course Like: all gay men are good with interior design, and color scheme. . clothes and fashion, and perhaps, as you say pleasant to be around and have an agreeable demeanor, but. . as can be guessed with stereotypes, this is not always the case. I know some gay men who could use a queer eye, for the queer-guy make over,. . or who could use to learn how to cook, or could use some help decorating their home. . LOL
Not all gays fit the stereotypical gay Mold.
At times I get some od reactions from people based on these characteristics about myself: I aminto BDSM and I am a (dominant)- Bottom man. I perferr to have some control in the bedroom and enjoy a submissive top. (this is quite rare to find submissuve tops but they do exist). the other one is that I am a MASCULINE gay Bottom. Yeah I may like it in the ASS, but I still like to work on my car, and even do silver forging and swinging a hammer against metal. Some people think that being gay means that you are effeminate, but that is not always the case.
Syl'.
Not all gays fit the stereotypical gay Mold.
At times I get some od reactions from people based on these characteristics about myself: I aminto BDSM and I am a (dominant)- Bottom man. I perferr to have some control in the bedroom and enjoy a submissive top. (this is quite rare to find submissuve tops but they do exist). the other one is that I am a MASCULINE gay Bottom. Yeah I may like it in the ASS, but I still like to work on my car, and even do silver forging and swinging a hammer against metal. Some people think that being gay means that you are effeminate, but that is not always the case.
Syl'.
