getting over someone
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hud01
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Go out and do normal activities...Trust me you will slowly emerge out of it.....The pain shows you are alive....If your heart was dead you would not care....Its been 4 months now, and i dont feel any better.She cut of contact with me for no reason, i loved her.Its all i think about 24/7, i cant eat properly and have lost lots of weight.I just want to fotget but i cant, i just feel like dying tbh.
rbkwp
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yep
Can be difficult, some consolation is ..
most of us go thru similar, and usually, get over it ..
was going to say survive, but ...
anyway 4 months seems a long period, you really have to look at other things obviously
not knowing your circumstances, be pointless to prattle on
YOU, must know whats best .. soooooooooooooo uhmm Pull finger matey..
Can be difficult, some consolation is ..
most of us go thru similar, and usually, get over it ..
was going to say survive, but ...
anyway 4 months seems a long period, you really have to look at other things obviously
not knowing your circumstances, be pointless to prattle on
YOU, must know whats best .. soooooooooooooo uhmm Pull finger matey..
Mercurygirl
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I think everyone has been where you are at one time or another in their lives. Totally sucks, I know. The problem for you is that there was no real closure, no answer as to why? It's cruel of her to have done that. I'm sure you've run the last month of your relationship through your mind over and over trying to figure out what went wrong? This sounds (not saying it is in fact) that your girlfriend found someone else during the relationship and if she reveals who it is you'll be able to trace their origin and know she was cheating and she doesn't want to look like the ho. Could even be a former boyfriend. I say this because of the way she ended it. Usually we women are more than happy to tell you what's wrong with you, the relationship, if you're a jerk. It's much harder if you're a nice guy only we still have feeling for someone else from our past or found someone who we believe to be a better match.
Has she refused to talk to you at all? If you could just say to her, "look, I know it's over I just want to know what went wrong so could you please do me the this final favor of telling me why? I'm not going to be mad I just need an answer, some closure, so I can move on." If she ignores you or won't tell you, you just have to swallow that giant lump in your throat and move on. I know it's difficult but anything more, like stalking her to find out what she's up to, who she's seeing, apart from being creepy, will do more damage to your self-esteem and drag this pain your feeling out even longer. You've just have to pull yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on that horse. Tell yourself you're better than that, her, and start looking for someone else.
Has she refused to talk to you at all? If you could just say to her, "look, I know it's over I just want to know what went wrong so could you please do me the this final favor of telling me why? I'm not going to be mad I just need an answer, some closure, so I can move on." If she ignores you or won't tell you, you just have to swallow that giant lump in your throat and move on. I know it's difficult but anything more, like stalking her to find out what she's up to, who she's seeing, apart from being creepy, will do more damage to your self-esteem and drag this pain your feeling out even longer. You've just have to pull yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on that horse. Tell yourself you're better than that, her, and start looking for someone else.
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D_Aberchirder_Crustinuts
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Henry,
It probably isn't much consolation, but I'm dealing with almost the same thing myself. Ended a long distance relationship a little over two months back. Can't say it was for 'no reason', but there was next to nothing given or explained when contact stopped. It went from "I'm giving you some time" to "OK, where the fuck did she go". It definitely leaves a lot of stuff unanswered and leaves you sort of incomplete. It changed my image of her and killed a lot of the good memories I had of her. I'd much rather have left as friends who still talked and been given some answers about stuff.
I'll second Hud and Hand_Solo's advice. Time heals all. We'll live.
Take Care
It probably isn't much consolation, but I'm dealing with almost the same thing myself. Ended a long distance relationship a little over two months back. Can't say it was for 'no reason', but there was next to nothing given or explained when contact stopped. It went from "I'm giving you some time" to "OK, where the fuck did she go". It definitely leaves a lot of stuff unanswered and leaves you sort of incomplete. It changed my image of her and killed a lot of the good memories I had of her. I'd much rather have left as friends who still talked and been given some answers about stuff.
I'll second Hud and Hand_Solo's advice. Time heals all. We'll live.
Take Care
I went thru something similar and like you couldn't think about anything else because there were unanswered questions that I had. In the end I thought to myself, if someone treats someone else like this then they didn't love them in the first place and are not worth harboring anguish and anxiety that is only hurting me. I went out and felt miserable but that first step lead to others and very quickly I had no thoughts of 'what could have been', it was all a fantasy anyway. I wish you well in sorting yourself out, it's not easy.
Enid
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Thankyou for the replies everyone.We wern't actually together, we met on a certain site, spoke basically every day for 2 months, i lost my virginity to her.She said she didnt want a relationship, but we were still very close thats why its all so hard to understand for me, i just wish i hadnt ever got attached.
Mercurygirl
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Ah, your first, that explains a lot. First heartbreak, especially from the one who you lost your virginity to, is always the hardest to take.
P.S. I love your avatar. Freddie is the king!
P.S. I love your avatar. Freddie is the king!
Turbojetx
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First off, been there. Is this your first serious love ? Hurts like hell. But, have you learned anything from this ? Life sucks, yeah, but you dust yourself off and start all over with what you have learned. And everything happens for a reason.
Can you start getting involved in other activities, including physical exertion and workouts, and I agree with what mercurygirl has said. She gave a good woman's perspective on it. But, if you contact her--would you get a straight-up answer ? Would an answer from her make you feel any differently ? If she blamed you ? Or if she blamed herself, there would still be a nagging feeling that there still was something that you "didn't do right" that would have kept the relationship going? Be prepared. I would also add....maybe she is concerned about your sexual orientation and that is fair. But that could be discussed...
Or, can you just try writing down on paper all that the relationship meant to you and how much it hurts---but don't send it? Just take it outside to the nearest beach, or forest or field, tear it up and cast to the wind. It'll mean closure to you and you will remember the good times you had with no regret. And can go on to fall in love again.
Here's my experience with my first head-over-heels love. a: I moved way too fast towards settling down b: I was infatuated c: she liked to date many men and married ones, to boot, and d: she lied about having a serious illness in order to either get out of the relationship (most probably) or get more attention for some reason. Would I have forgiven her for what she had done at the time ? Damn straight, she was a knockout, funny and gave the best oral that I have ever experienced since. But she would have been a horrible mate.
So, get back 'out there,' ask out some women, let them know upfront that you just broke up with someone but would like to just hang out and get to know them, that it may possibly just end up a friendship, would that be ok. Get some weight back on you, get a good tan, buy some new clothes; looking great is the best revenge.
Best of luck in this, keep in mind that this happens to humans and it takes time to get over all the pain. If we didn't feel it though, we would be dead souls, so be thankful to your Creator that you have this inside of you.
PS. I think she's very immature to have dealt with this in this manner; is this the type of person you would want to have a relationship with, who handles life's major problems by avoidance ? Not a great quality to have. She may also have some type of an ego thing, you were something to pursue and once she got that, she was done. Both sexes can have that trait. In my opinion, she may attempt to come back to you after some time passes and she realizes that you were a pretty good catch. Watch out for your adoration as it may get the best of you. Run, do not walk. My opinion.
Finally, obsessing is not good for you--if this continues, after 4 months, you may think of going to a counselor, it's up to you.
Can you start getting involved in other activities, including physical exertion and workouts, and I agree with what mercurygirl has said. She gave a good woman's perspective on it. But, if you contact her--would you get a straight-up answer ? Would an answer from her make you feel any differently ? If she blamed you ? Or if she blamed herself, there would still be a nagging feeling that there still was something that you "didn't do right" that would have kept the relationship going? Be prepared. I would also add....maybe she is concerned about your sexual orientation and that is fair. But that could be discussed...
Or, can you just try writing down on paper all that the relationship meant to you and how much it hurts---but don't send it? Just take it outside to the nearest beach, or forest or field, tear it up and cast to the wind. It'll mean closure to you and you will remember the good times you had with no regret. And can go on to fall in love again.
Here's my experience with my first head-over-heels love. a: I moved way too fast towards settling down b: I was infatuated c: she liked to date many men and married ones, to boot, and d: she lied about having a serious illness in order to either get out of the relationship (most probably) or get more attention for some reason. Would I have forgiven her for what she had done at the time ? Damn straight, she was a knockout, funny and gave the best oral that I have ever experienced since. But she would have been a horrible mate.
So, get back 'out there,' ask out some women, let them know upfront that you just broke up with someone but would like to just hang out and get to know them, that it may possibly just end up a friendship, would that be ok. Get some weight back on you, get a good tan, buy some new clothes; looking great is the best revenge.
Best of luck in this, keep in mind that this happens to humans and it takes time to get over all the pain. If we didn't feel it though, we would be dead souls, so be thankful to your Creator that you have this inside of you.
PS. I think she's very immature to have dealt with this in this manner; is this the type of person you would want to have a relationship with, who handles life's major problems by avoidance ? Not a great quality to have. She may also have some type of an ego thing, you were something to pursue and once she got that, she was done. Both sexes can have that trait. In my opinion, she may attempt to come back to you after some time passes and she realizes that you were a pretty good catch. Watch out for your adoration as it may get the best of you. Run, do not walk. My opinion.
Finally, obsessing is not good for you--if this continues, after 4 months, you may think of going to a counselor, it's up to you.
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Your friends are there to make you happy and for you to make them happy. Never give anyone the right or the power to make you unhappy. If they have the ability to make you unhappy, and then choose to do that, then it's time for you to take back control and realise that you'd better off without them.
A friend of mine recently ended a close 20 year friendship without any explanation. I could have easily fallen apart, into a deep depression and withdrawn from the world, but I didn't ever give him the right to make me unhappy. I've moved on and wouldn't ever want someone in my life that's prepared to try to hurt me or make me unhappy.
A friend of mine recently ended a close 20 year friendship without any explanation. I could have easily fallen apart, into a deep depression and withdrawn from the world, but I didn't ever give him the right to make me unhappy. I've moved on and wouldn't ever want someone in my life that's prepared to try to hurt me or make me unhappy.
It has been a year and some months since my ex and I broke up, and I still find myself getting sad thinking about our relationship and with this person being so far away. Although, I think about her less now and when I do think about her, it only hurts or I feel angry for a little bit.
Everybody handles breakups differently. A lot of people are going to tell you to get out of the house, find a hobby, make new friends, and hang out with your friends more. Oh, and the most famous one, "Join a gym!" Well, none of those things really worked for me and I still found myself feeling pretty shitty. The best cure to a breakup is time, my friend. Give yourself time to mourn properly, go through the angry phase, and finally get to the point where you turn back to normal and you're ready to date again. Oh, and some people are also going to tell you to run out and get laid. I never found that to work for me neither. It only made me wish that person was there more and I felt even more crappy about the breakup. But like I said, everybody is different.
Everybody handles breakups differently. A lot of people are going to tell you to get out of the house, find a hobby, make new friends, and hang out with your friends more. Oh, and the most famous one, "Join a gym!" Well, none of those things really worked for me and I still found myself feeling pretty shitty. The best cure to a breakup is time, my friend. Give yourself time to mourn properly, go through the angry phase, and finally get to the point where you turn back to normal and you're ready to date again. Oh, and some people are also going to tell you to run out and get laid. I never found that to work for me neither. It only made me wish that person was there more and I felt even more crappy about the breakup. But like I said, everybody is different.
thatoneguy
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I'm sorry to hear that man. It must be hard :/ I haven't had a girlfriend for almost 4 years now, just spontaneous sex. I don't find it as enjoyable as with one woman though. So I guess that is my folly.
I usually have to decide whether I loved the sex, or the woman. I haven't yet found both.
most recently I hung out with one of my favorite girl friends, and we practically fucked, but didnt because she was nervous i was too big. And now she stopped talking to me and I think i miss her really bad, but in reality I just wanted to fuck her brains out.
on the other hand my girlfriend in high school wasn't sexually attractive, I just loved hanging out with her.
In both cases you really have to bring it upon yourself to get out with friends, family, anything to take your mind off them.
The worst thing you can do is dwell on the past, you must get out there and do something. ANYTHING.
I usually have to decide whether I loved the sex, or the woman. I haven't yet found both.
most recently I hung out with one of my favorite girl friends, and we practically fucked, but didnt because she was nervous i was too big. And now she stopped talking to me and I think i miss her really bad, but in reality I just wanted to fuck her brains out.
on the other hand my girlfriend in high school wasn't sexually attractive, I just loved hanging out with her.
In both cases you really have to bring it upon yourself to get out with friends, family, anything to take your mind off them.
The worst thing you can do is dwell on the past, you must get out there and do something. ANYTHING.
B_thickjohnny
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Take it from one who knows - move on. She cut you off for a reason and that's because SHE'S hurting too and needs to heal. Relationships sometimes go south and when they do, this happens. I feel for you, I really do. When I broke up with my BF of 5 years I should have cut everything off. It's been two years and a 5,000 mile move to get me to where I am today. I'm better but not best. You'll be ok. Get out, meet friends, join a club, get active in some group or activity, work out like a fiend. The more you keep yourself active, the better you'll be. Really!
Its been 4 months now, and i dont feel any better.She cut of contact with me for no reason, i loved her.Its all i think about 24/7, i cant eat properly and have lost lots of weight.I just want to fotget but i cant, i just feel like dying tbh.
It's really difficulty when that happens. But don't let it take over your life. Get out with your friends, take up something new, set yourself a challenge. Chalk it up as a learning experience. If she's made a mistake, she'll come & find you. But don't wait for her - sounds like it'll take you a bit of time to move on anyway.
If you feel really down, make sure you talk to your family & friends about it. Don't be a martyr.
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I've been there too (but a few years ago) and my downers were miserable and long-lasting. It really isn't much different from pain of getting over the death of a loved one. We're all different, but we all do eventually get through it. I do agree with the advice to get yourself involved in a lot of things (commitments) that take you mind off it even for a while. Enough of that and the mental pathways seem to change.
very_hairy
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It's the most cliche advise, but honestly, time is the only healer. It truly sucks (I'm in the midst of going through this as well) but there is nothing you can do but continue on as best you can and surround yourself with others that care about you. I hope it works out well for you
It took me 5 years to heal from the loss of my first love. 5 years before I was ready to open my heart to someone else. I dated a lot, had a few off & on boyfriends, but no one I really fell in love with until almost 2 years ago. That ended just over 3 months ago. So here I am again. Over 20 years later. But I will heal again.
As others have said, the key is to keep busy. I have taken on extra work, cleaned out closets and drawers. Developed friendships and even flirtations. Every day I get up and put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. Better, not bitter. I'm not going to lie - it's tough. It feels like I'm screaming inside, bleeding. I used to belly laugh & smile all the time - now it feels fake. My hair has fallen out and I'm starting to look my age. But....one foot in front of the other. I will heal. I will not be bitter. It hurts so much because I cared so much.
So just keep moving. Everyone is different. You may feel better in 6 months. Or 2 months. Or a year. Whatever. You know you have the capacity for love - don't let that go.
As others have said, the key is to keep busy. I have taken on extra work, cleaned out closets and drawers. Developed friendships and even flirtations. Every day I get up and put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. Better, not bitter. I'm not going to lie - it's tough. It feels like I'm screaming inside, bleeding. I used to belly laugh & smile all the time - now it feels fake. My hair has fallen out and I'm starting to look my age. But....one foot in front of the other. I will heal. I will not be bitter. It hurts so much because I cared so much.
So just keep moving. Everyone is different. You may feel better in 6 months. Or 2 months. Or a year. Whatever. You know you have the capacity for love - don't let that go.
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