Handling Death

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Countryguy63

Countryguy63

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I was one of the lucky guys that grew up not losing anyone close to me until I was an adult. All of my Great Grandparents passed while I was a child, but I hadn't spent enough time with them to get really close, so it didn't affect me that much.

Now as an adult, I have the hardest time dealing with death. The first one I lost was my Dad 5 yrs ago I cried for days and I still cry (like now) when I think about him, and miss him everyday like it was yesterday. Truth be told, when something significant happens in my life, I subconciously still reach for my phone to call him...sorry rambling. The only other person I have lost in my family was my maternal Grandfather 3 years ago, and yes still cry over that.

What get's me, is that I get extremely emotional over death, even if it's not someone close to me. I just heard that a good friend's ("D") son passed away. I'm great friends with him, but had never met his son, only talked about him with "D". I started beaking up and cried when I heard. I can't imagine what "D" is going through, and it tears me apart to think of his pain.

Isn't it stupid to be that broken up over someone you never even met? I almost feel foolish. Do you have to just go through lots of deaths before you can handle it properly? How do others deal with it?
 
It's not stupid. You are feeling for your friend's loss. Nobody wants to see someone they care about suffer. I work in health care and see a lot of death. Some affect you greater than others. Occasionally when I am lucky I get to help someone leave this earth with dignity and I am greatful to be a critical part in the end of a life.

With your dad, there is no time limit on grief. Celebrate the man you knew.
 
You should see a professional grief counselor. As much as we might empathize with you, that will not teach you how to accept and deal with death in a healthy manner.
Good luck and big hugs
 
You're not alone in the way death affects you. I too have the same reactions and no neither of us needs to see a counselor. The fact is that within our minds we feel the pain and anguish of those directly affected by death. We understand their loss and that loss becomes ours. Is this bad or some sort of mental illness? I think not. What I do is take some quiet time and write a personal note to the bereaved to express those very inner most thoughts that I and perhaps you in this case have.

I'm wondering if you're a romantic at heart. This mindset can make you very emotional. Aside from these comments of mine it is my belief that you have a big heart and desire somehow to lessen the burden of others. The world could use more givers such as yourself and less takers who simply skim the surface of life. You see things that others do not and feel things that others are not capable of feeling. Hold your head high and be proud that you care.
 
Countryguy63 said:
Isn't it stupid to be that broken up over someone you never even met? I almost feel foolish. Do you have to just go through lots of deaths before you can handle it properly? How do others deal with it?
Click to expand...

i hate going to wakes. I've had quite a few deaths to deal with considering i'm only 33. the usual grandparents, older relatives, some of my dad's friends, those are all somewhat expected or anticipated over time and I can get throught those ok.

but I've also had family & friends from my own generation die from car accidents, motorcycle accidents, freak drinking accidents, gunshots, drowning, military action, cancer, suicide etc. those are the worst, even if i wasn't that close to the person who died, it's brutal seeing the rest of the family in mourning, it always gets me.

I'm not directing this to u specifically country guy, but I once heard it said that as we age, old men become more like old women (more emotional) and old women become old men (stronger and stoic). maybe there's some truth in that. (i think it was originally in italian and that's a really crude translation/paraphrasing)
 
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Thank you to all of you ((Hugs))

peirced, I am very much a romantic, and yes tend to be emotional both in love and sorrow.

You've all made me look at entirely differently

edit..thadjock posted at same time

HEY!! :mad:, Old, my ASS!! :tongue: lol

seriously, I've always been emotional, even as a young guy. I just never had to deal with death until recently.
 
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I think it depends on how much you experienced it when you were very young. It still does not make it any easier but I suppose you take a more fatalistic approach to it.

I had 3 sets of grandparents (one set divorced years before I was born and both remarried and I was brought up to treat all six as natural grandparents) and I was very close to all of them. The first died when I was 13 and the second when I was 16. Three died when I was in my 30's and the last one (paternal step-grandfather) only last year age 96. He was still going to afternoon tea dances with various girlfriends up until a week before his death. I was sad when he died but his zest for life until the end brought a warmth to me and all I could think of was "good on you mate for living life to the full". This may make me sound callous but when someone dies who's had a long, full and happy life then their passing should be a cause for celebration.
 
There is no time limit on anyone's grieving process. It is necessary, i.e., you can't bypass it and everyone's is unique. I'd say that the depth of your mourning is probably proportional to the depth, capacity and quality of your loving. Celebrate the love! My dear grandfather and namesake, died when I was in third grade but I think about him and feel his presence almost everyday, same with my dad who died 18 years ago. Death is part of life and we only learn to deal with it by dealing with it. Good counseling might help. Time helps too.
 
Countryguy63 said:
I was one of the lucky guys that grew up not losing anyone close to me until I was an adult. All of my Great Grandparents passed while I was a child, but I hadn't spent enough time with them to get really close, so it didn't affect me that much.

Now as an adult, I have the hardest time dealing with death. The first one I lost was my Dad 5 yrs ago I cried for days and I still cry (like now) when I think about him, and miss him everyday like it was yesterday. Truth be told, when something significant happens in my life, I subconciously still reach for my phone to call him...sorry rambling. The only other person I have lost in my family was my maternal Grandfather 3 years ago, and yes still cry over that.

What get's me, is that I get extremely emotional over death, even if it's not someone close to me. I just heard that a good friend's ("D") son passed away. I'm great friends with him, but had never met his son, only talked about him with "D". I started beaking up and cried when I heard. I can't imagine what "D" is going through, and it tears me apart to think of his pain.

Isn't it stupid to be that broken up over someone you never even met? I almost feel foolish. Do you have to just go through lots of deaths before you can handle it properly? How do others deal with it?
Click to expand...
While no one has mentioned this, I think if I were you, I would dig deeply and seriously into your religious background. This can be a big help. I know. I've had the experience of death and of the help that real religion can and does give.
 
[QUOTE

Isn't it stupid to be that broken up over someone you never even met? I almost feel foolish. Do you have to just go through lots of deaths before you can handle it properly? How do others deal with it?[/QUOTE]

I think it's only natural to feel for others. And, as you said, you've only experienced one death. My dad's death was the first death I really had to deal with, too. It broke me up and still does. I look at some of the things I've done in life and think, wow, dad would love this! And what helps me is what a good friend once told me, that he was still here, still watching over me, and sharing in all I do. I think that was the best support I ever got over losing the one person in this world who supported me.

Having a friend who loses someone, or knowing someone that dies, I think brings the pain of losing someone close, like your father for example, back in your thoughts, whether subconsciously or consciously. Sometimes seasons do it for me. Crisp, cool fall weather? I cry. It's just sad to see the beauty of my dad's favorite season and not miss him.

I think you're honest with your feelings, and that's a heck of a lot more healthy than bottling it all up. So, don't change!!

Take care and I hope your feeling better soon. :redface:
 
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