Having a difficult time topping my BF.

[hnla394]

Hi there,

Posting this in hopes of some advice here. I have a an amazing and loving bf, however, I am having difficulties topping him.

He is vers, and usually ends up topping me (I love to bottom and he has a big one), however, I know that sometimes he would like me to put mine in him as well.

My issue is, when it's time for me to put it in, I cannot stay hard enough because of the pressure of trying to put it in. I have successfully done it, but it usually lasts for 10 seconds but then pops out because I get soft again.

I don't think the issue is getting erections, because I literally get a massive hard on just by hugging him/ cuddling him. And I get big erections all the damn time. It's the action of trying to push it in so incredibly hard that is the issue I think.

Also, I start to get performance anxiety because I know I can't do it and then it just makes it so much worse! (hes very loving about when this happens)

I've had some friends tell me to warm him up by fingering him, and I have done that too, but it doesn't really help me.

Does anyone have some advice? I know this is prob a common issue, but it feels like I'll never be able to top him like he would like.

Thanks

 

[deleted13997961]

hey, sorry to hear yr having those issues. It sounds like feeling pressure is doing you no favors. It wont get easier unless you make "getting your dick inside him" less of a focus imo. Try to decenter the process of penetration and accept that it might happen, it might not and just enjoy yourself in bed. Ironically, If you take the pressure off doing it you might find it easier.

 

[F-major]

Yes, I’ve had similar issues. My husband is mostly a top and it’s hard to stay hard because it’s tight and uncomfortable initially when I too him. I think what helped was recognizing that once i successfully get inside and he gets comfortable, it becomes very pleasurable for me too. Knowing that past the discomfort of inserting there is a “reward” helps. Viagra as a safety blanket, and avoiding masturbation also seems to help.

 

[AboveHeaven]

I understand your frustration, and I can definitely relate. It took me almost two years to top my boyfriend, so I can empathize with your situation. I truly hope that you will eventually get the chance to experience that with your boyfriend as well!

As someone who is primarily a bottom, I have had moments when I wanted to top my boyfriend, but he tends to be tight and has difficulty relaxing. Allow me to share some insights that might help you.

Based on my experience, it's crucial for both of you to be stress-free and free of anxiety. Clear your schedules for a day and make sure you have ample time for yourselves. This approach allows you to take all the time you need for you to top him, for him to relax, and for you to get in the right mood.

Additionally, I believe using a butt plug or a prostate massager on yourself during foreplay could greatly assist in your situation. Keep it in while you attempt to top him. The stimulation it provides may have different effects on your erection, but unless you give it a try, you won't know for sure!

Remember, patience and open communication are key. Regardless of whether you manage to top him or not, what matters most is that both of you feel comfortable and relaxed, so you can genuinely enjoy each other's company without worrying about the outcome.

I wish you the best of luck, and I truly hope everything works out for you!

 

[ShockDapper24]

BlueChew is your new best friend. Seriously, I had this issue MAJORLY with my ex. I’m very hung and he was verrrrry tight, his tight hole clamped down on my dick and that mixed with the slow pace I had to start with created a lot of problems for us, once I started taking BlueChew I was juuuuuust fine and hard as a rock for as long as I needed to be, life saver!!!