Help Ferox increase her orgasmic ability

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by FeroxFemina, Jan 29, 2011.

  1. FeroxFemina

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    Please share with me all of your best advice on how I can become super orgasmic.

    Unfortunately I have not been blessed with thoughtful lovers and have been guilty of faking my orgasms :eek: I know, it's a sad sad crime but it had to be done

    That is behind me and I am now ready to step forth into multi-orgasmicness (just invented a cool new word).

    At first I will be flying solo, so tips on masturbation techniques would be greatly appreciated... but when I can find a loving partner/victim, I will put all sex tips to use as well.

    If the advice is good and I have lots to report on, I may even give up my blogvirgin status and write about it all. Who knows?:confused:

    So, who's with me? Let the orgasms commence

    Sincerely,

    Ferox
     
  2. D_Parkinson Nipplelover

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    i have a few ideas
     
  3. Riven650

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    Hi Ferox,
    Brave of you to admit faking orgasms. I think that's the first step towards your goal. But immediately I hear myself using the word goal I realise that that's the trap you fell into the first time and I can feel you setting yourself an even bigger goal (to become multi-orgasmic) now. So I think my first piece of advice is to tell you to beware of goal fixation.

    I had no idea how 'normal' faking it is until I was about 30. I'd probably slept with twenty or more different women and had sex countless times, but when this particular woman came while we fucked it felt very different. Her whole body was involved, the texture of her vagina changed and I KNEW that it was the real thing. It was the same for her. Afterwards, she lay in a daze giggling and saying, "Oh, Mr Riven!" It had also been her first real orgasm during sex. We went on to repeat the experience many times, although our relationship didn't last. In a nutshell, we both had our hearts elsewhere. She had a husband (the father of her kids) who wanted to come back when his affair became difficult. And similarly, my long term gf, who had also gone walkabout, came back to me. However, we (orgasm woman and I) came away from the experience having learned a lot about sex.

    I learned that pressure to perform, desire to please and goal orientation, had been the factors that had stopped me from relaxing into sex. I had always suffered (I thought) from premature ejaculation. The goal I was fixated on was trying to keep up a good thrusting rhythm so that my lovers might achieve orgasm. My lovers had shared the goal fixation, and because they felt it necessary to show appreciation, reward me, whatever, they'd fake it. Sound familiar?

    I went on to give the gf (who'd come back for a second time round) some proper orgasms at last, although that relationship didn't last because, once again she couldn't stop herself from cheating. I later met the women who is now MrsRiven, and a few months into our relatinship she experienced orgasm during intercourse for the first time too. I'd got it sorted :eek:)

    Ok. What to do about it:
    1) Stop faking it. You've already done that so give yourself a brownie point.
    2) Slow down and teach yourself to masturbate slowly and gently and try to stay relaxed as you come. I'd suggest you do it on your back, knees apart, as if in the missionary position. This gives you a chance to re-program your body. To tune in to a style, pace, and pressure of stimulation that your lover/s can replicate when fucking you. You could skip this stage and go straight into sex with your man but I think this will make it easier.

    3) Avoid goal fixation. The idea is to take urgency out of the process and focus on feeling the pleasure as it builds rather than on the goal of orgasm. Sooner or later orgasm will overtake you and it should be more powerful because of your level of relaxation. If you're working alone, use a dildo if you like, because it gives your vagina something to hold on to, and use the flat of the free hand to rhythmically massage the area around your clit (which is the important thing that's happening during intercourse). Ok. what's next?
    4) Make a pact with your partner not to 'try' to come, or not come. 'ie. you don't try to come; he mustn't worry if he blows his load before you've even got going. If he does, it doesn't matter. When you've both had a good sleep, try again.
    5) Allow him to set the pace. You relax and let him fuck you at a pace he can maintain without blowing his load. This might necessitate him stopping form time to time, and even pulling out to let his excitement subside a little. Encourage him to bury his cock up to the hilt (this is where an over-long cock is a positive disadvantage) and gently nudge your clit with the base of his cock. He will gain confidence in his control of the situation, and you will learn to relax and enjoy the process. Do this enough times, and if you stay relaxed and focus on how nice his cock feels... If you don't start chasing your orgasm... You will come :eek:) And when you do, your pussy will (completely on it's own) milk his cock and make him come at the same time.
    6) Well, when you reach this point, I think you'll agree with me that the goal of becoming multi-orgasmic... Pah. Multi-Schmulti. Who's countin' baby? When you're in that zone numbers don't make any sense at all :eek:)
     
    #3 Riven650, Jan 29, 2011
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2011
  4. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    OK, as this thread was my suggestion, I'd best answer hey? :tongue:

    For those who haven't read my post in the thread that inspired this one, I should start by saying that I believe my multi orgasmic-ness is largely something I was born with, although I do think you can do things to maximise your orgasmic-ness.

    I should also say that while I'm incredibly muti orgasmic with a partner, with toys I get one orgasm and that's it (weird, I know). So FF, even if you can't orgasm more than once with a toy, don't despair, you may still be multi orgasmic with your next partner.

    Okay, so my tips are:

    1. When you do get around to trying things out with a partner, let down all barriers. Any worries at all about your body shape, your performance, or anything else will impair your ability to orgasm. Sounds rather like the advice we tend to give to people who can't orgasm at all, but I think it holds true for me as well. The more worried I am, the less I'll orgasm.

    2. Learn about the different orgasmic spots and ways to manipulate them (you're already doing this FF). I suspect it may be possible to 'train' your body to respond to stimulation in certain spots if you're persistent enough (of course there will always be some spots that don't respond at all for you and will never respond).

    3. Masturbate often!!! (The fun part :biggrin1:). The more often I play, the faster I find myself responding.

    4. Learn what it takes in a physi-mental sense to push you over into orgasm. When resting on the pre-orgasm plateau, I actually need to push myself over into orgasm both physically (for instance with my mid spot if that's the orgasm I'm going for) and mentally or it won't happen. Some women need to relax at that crucial moment, but if I did that I'd NEVER have an orgasm!

    5. Find the things that work for you mentally. For instance, during completely vanilla sex, I have significantly less orgasms than I do when D/s is involved.

    6. Never assume that it's all over because you've had an orgasm!!!


    I hope you succeed in your quest for more orgasms :biggrin1:.
     
  5. Riven650

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  6. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    ROFL :biggrin1:. No it's not! It's because I'm a submissive slut at heart and get off on being treated like one :biggrin1:. Besides, THEY (my partners) still seem perfectly capable of being goal oriented as they play :tongue:.


    She didn't say she'd ONLY faked it, just that she'd done it in the past. She may well have orgasms on a regular basis, just not every time with those particular partners. Plus it's multi orgasms that FF asked about.


    I'm not sure. I really do believe that most women can improve their orgasmic capability. But for some that might mean going from 0 to 1 orgam. For others it might mean 2 or 3 orgasms instead of one. And for others it might mean 200-300 instead of 50. I don't think you can completely defy your natural orgasmic ability, but I do think you can push at the boundaries a little.


    Oh, I just thought of another tip. Well, it's not a tip, so much as an observation. My orgasms start to come thicker and faster when I'm in the floaty place. But unfortunately, I think the floaty place is at least in part a result of orgasm. Having said that, it is also, in part, a result of being severely mindfucked. I don't really go to the floaty place when I play alone, so that could be why I can only orgasm once. So I guess, finding your floaty place could possibly help??? Maybe?

    That so wasn't helpful :redface:, but at least the thought is out there.
     
  7. LaFemme

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    I agree with Mr Riven & subgirrl completely. They are both giving excellent advice.

    I'm fortunate in that I'm highly orgasmic and multi-orgasmic with the right guy. Just a couple of things I'd like to add:

    First of all, masturbation is the key to being orgasmic with a partner. You need to know your own body before you can expect your lover to learn it.

    Second, you need to be completely relaxed and in the mood. Read some erotica or watch some porn to get you started. Think sexy thoughts. Feel sexy.

    Third, personally, I would start with a clitoral orgasm. Try a variety of positions to see which one feels best for you. And don't touch yourself until you have already started to lubricate. Personally, I hesitate to become overly dependent on toys b/c I find that I then become a little desensitized to real sex. I only use a toy about once every 10 times I masturbate. This could just be me, but I know that at times sex therapists recommend leaving toys alone until you've really learned what you need to know about your own body.

    Last, I would practice kegels. You are going to be able to feel things better inside if you have good muscle tone. I do at least a couple hundred per day.

    That's pretty much all I'd add to the preceding advice. Good luck - it is soooo worth it!
     
  8. D_Winthrop Woodcock

    D_Winthrop Woodcock Account Disabled

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    Ferox,

    Riven is absolutely right about setting the "goal". its called performance anxiety and is the major cause for trouble.

    there is very simple way to do it.... its all about building up the excitement...
    I would like to share a piece i read from a book by nancy friday titled "forbidden flowers" briefly.

    A lady never used to have orgasms when she did it with her husband. The hubby however was open-minded enough to say what you need is a woman's touch! they had met another girl whom they both knew, who used to have spontaneous multiples.

    so the wife went there, with the best presentation ofcourse... the Multi girl started teasing her around the breasts, not touching the nipples. just teasing... building it up... building up the energy.... then she massaged the nips... for about 30 mins in all.

    next she went downstairs. slowly moving her finger in circles around her clit, caressing her thighs... teasing, building up the excitement. but not once did she touch her clit! after about 30 mins of that then she got to the clit and started working it.. nice and slow. keyword "slow". parallely stimulating the G spot.

    eventually she had orgasms... it was described that she just din stop cumming.... it went on all night... that all the pent up feelings of not having an orgasm all her life, were released in one night... she had some thing like 50 or more orgasms.... all very strong.... thats multiple for you!

    what can we learn from this?
    1. no performance anxiety
    2. engage into the experience
    3. favorable surroundings
    4. tease, tease and tease more
    5. build up the excitement, the sexual energy to a point that you will explode!
    6. most importantly. take it slow, nice and easy. give it time. and if you have one, dont stop. keep up the tempo!
    7. do what works for you - your techniques/spots. don't go by what works for others/ according to science, etc. bottom line stimulate yourself in a way that you get maximum sensation/feedback

    I would also suggest having a proper meal and taking rest before you start all this... no point even trying if you are tired or hungry. besides you ll lack the drive and energy!

    well that's it! guess now you ll now have multiples on a daily basis!
    all the best... :)
     
    #8 D_Winthrop Woodcock, Jan 29, 2011
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2011
  9. JacKNight

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    Agree with LaFemme the women who I've been with who played themselves were way easier to get there. Also I'm told that a big girthy cock helps as well
     
  10. LaFemme

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    A girthy cock gives me a nice g-spot and clitoral orgasm. Mike 7 did a great description of how his wife and coincidentally myself, reach a blended orgasm. It's on another thread - which I am too lazy to find right now.
     
  11. FeroxFemina

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    I'm currently at this stage of Riven's steps.... lets call it the 6 step programme.

    No partner right now, but when I am ready to start those steps I will update you on how it's going ;)

    Thank you for all the advice, keep it coming
     
  12. FeroxFemina

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    I cum all the time on my own... mainly clitoral though, when I have vaginal orgasms it's through using toys inside (dildo or vibe) and clitoral stimulation so its a blended orgasm.

    I've had 7 partners and can't even count 10 times that I had a real orgasm... every other time I faked :( (thats about 90% of the time)

    I'm flying solo to isolate my erogenous zones and focus my attention of my body and my desires and reactions.. that way, I'll be a better communicator with a partner
     
  13. FeroxFemina

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    I have a mini one of those... it's pretty good!!
     
  14. DasLeezard

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    Tell the man to get off his ass, and get into the kitchen to make YOU a sammich for once.

    It works for me, anyway.
     
  15. Riven650

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    That's not such a bad idea! I made a pretty damn good south indian style vegetable curry tonight and MrsRiven just gave me a big squeeze and a kiss. They do say that the way into a woman's knickers is through her stomach... Don't they? Well, maybe they don't. But it's a pretty good place to start :p
     
  16. hsarge

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    Ferox, you know what to do to masturbate to orgasm. The next time you have sex, concentrate on yourself. Manually stimulate yourself the way that pleases you. Take your mind to the fantasy you use. Be responsible for your own orgasm. Take him along for the ride. He's your dildo and he provides the batteries. Just think of taking care of yourself. Don't worry; he's a man; he will take the credit.
     
  17. FeroxFemina

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    :rofl: :biggthumpup2:
     
  18. RawDog

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  19. HiddenLacey

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    I agree with Hsarge. I can orgasm over and over alone and very quickly, with a partner it can be impossible. If I don't make it happen it's probably not going to. The more you know about your body and the more comfortable you are with yourself the better off you are.
     
  20. Riven650

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    I agree with the above up to a point, in that; yes, you should know how to have good relaxed sex with yourself. However, I'm sure that if I was making love with a woman and she seemed totally engrossed in her own game of sex and I was just being used as a dildo (to quote hsarg) I'd start wondering why she doesn't just use an effing dildo. It's like expecting a woman to enjoy being used as a 'cum dumpster' (delightful term gleaned from the seemier side of the internet) - a convenient hole to jack off into. Sorry, I know that 'being used' can be a turn-on, but I think the kind of sex you can have when you both want to become ONE in passion is where the best sexual highs lie: When you're fucking the person because of who they are; how much they mean to you; how much you want them to feel it...
     
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