Help with GF

[dolfette]

I would venture to guess that there isn't a woman out there that hasn't been coerced into doing something sexually that they either A. hated doing or B. would prefer not to, especially when they were young/er.

uh huh.
and each one of those relationships ended in resentment.

 

[ManofThunder]

uh huh.
and each one of those relationships ended in a restaurant.

Fixed that for you. Sorry, that's what I read at first. :tongue:

 

[helgaleena]

The operative word is 'ended'. Coercion leads that way, sooner or later, for the relationship or the person. OP will find many wise words of advice about how to communicate without it here, I hope.

 

[dolfette]

if she really detests it...
someone talking to you about their need for something you just cannot give them without it causing some harm to yourself will always feel shitty.
and doing thigs that you detest do cause harm. they chip away.

but maybe he chose the wrong word when he said detests.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I would venture to guess that there isn't a woman out there that hasn't been coerced into doing something sexually that they either A. hated doing or B. would prefer not to, especially when they were young/er.

uh huh.
and each one of those relationships ended in resentment.

*raises hand* I've (especially when younger) done thing I would have preferred not to at the time (the first time I had anal comes to mind), but I wouldn't have called it coercion, and it didn't lead to resentment.

 

[molotovmuffin]

*raises hand* I've (especially when younger) done thing I would have preferred not to at the time (the first time I had anal comes to mind), but I wouldn't have called it coercion, and it didn't lead to resentment.

See...that's the thing. You weren't coerced into something and you found your grove with it. The Op isn't happy because the gf...isn't up to his standards on the bj thing; not that she won't be later on but he's wants it now. All these posts about there being something wrong with HER because she's not and maybe never be (in love with giving bjs) are just wrong. Some women do and some women don't, get over it.

 

[TexasC0wb0y]

That's one of the worst parts of it all, I would hate knowing it wasn't something that she wanted as well. Part of the whole experience is a mutual want!

*raises hand* I've (especially when younger) done thing I would have preferred not to at the time (the first time I had anal comes to mind), but I wouldn't have called it coercion, and it didn't lead to resentment.

 

[dolfette]

That's one of the worst parts of it all, I would hate knowing it wasn't something that she wanted as well. Part of the whole experience is a mutual want!

yeah...i never could wrap my head around a person getting off on something when he/she knows the other person is hating every second.

 

[TexasC0wb0y]

yeah...i never could wrap my head around a person getting off on something when he/she knows the other person is hating every second.

Me either, typical guys are like that from the friends that I've known (just from my experience). They seem to not care and I disagree with them. Its so much hotter when shes ready and of course willing to do 'other' things. If she isnt, im ok. Just here to please :wink:

 

[B_subgirrl]

See...that's the thing. You weren't coerced into something and you found your grove with it.

If I'd EVER felt like he was trying to 'talk me into it', it would never have happened. He mentioned it once, then after that he only made very occasional, very subtle hints that he was still interested in trying it. No pressure at all. We both got lucky when I discovered that I enjoyed it.

That's one of the worst parts of it all, I would hate knowing it wasn't something that she wanted as well. Part of the whole experience is a mutual want!

In my case, with the example I used (first time anal), it WAS a mutual want. While I didn't want to try anal, I DID want to make him happy. I considered it to be worth one night of what I thought would be physical and mental discomfort to at least give it a go. If I'd hated it, it wouldn't have happened again. As it turned out though I enjoyed it, so there was more in the future.

My advice for the OP based on this:

1. It is POSSIBLE that sucking cock may grow on your gf in the future. If you want to maximise your chances of that happening, BACK OFF. Make sure she knows that you love bjs and then back off completely and leave it up to her. And don't just think that not mentioning it for a week or two counts as backing off. You need to back off permanently and create a no pressure situation.

2. I actually think it's highly unlikely that her opinion of an act that she has already participated in more than once will change significantly. It is more likely that she will give you less bjs as time goes on (for reasons given by others in this thread). You need to make a decision. IF it turns out that her dislike of giving bjs stays the same or grows even stronger, can you live with that forever? It's a yes or no answer. If you can't live with it, you shouldn't be in the relationship. If you can live with it without complaining or resenting her, then go for it, but don't complain in 5 months or 5 years when you aren't getting any bjs.


Side note not aimed at the OP in particular: Why on earth do people enter relationships with others, then expect them to change???

 

[helgaleena]

yeah...i never could wrap my head around a person getting off on something when he/she knows the other person is hating every second.

Only in porn! Never in romance! It's how to tell them apart, sometimes. :tongue: