Both of you are right on the mark. It is very hard to really find someone to connect with, without regard to sexuality or gender. Everybody is in the same boat as far as that goes.
For me with guys, there has always been a mismatch. I now know I wanted more than they were able to give. I wanted a "normal" guy-girl relationship. While I understood why this was impossible intellectually, I still wanted it badly and made unrealistic expectations.
Guys, as an over generalized rule with many exceptions, are Ok with a superficial sexual relationship,"hit it and quit it" as it were. . Anything that involves "ooooh feelings' or "ecch a commitment", or meeting friends and family seemed to be a deal breaker most of the time. After a few weeks, a couple of months and you again realize the relationship has maxed outm is not only discouraging but it makes you gun shy. While times have changed for the better, I think this makes transgenders even less likely to put themselves out there, because it is that much harder and we carry so much baggage.