I don't get it.

[oddeyeblu]

You may be a weakness for him that he feels he needs to purge out of his life. Men can be very fickle toward other males when they get a new GF. If this is so, it's his own guilt compelling him not you. I would just move on. Years down the road you will reflect and realize, "What was I thinking" and laugh.

 

[AZNEWGUY]

You may be a weakness for him that he feels he needs to purge out of his life. Men can be very fickle toward other males when they get a new GF. If this is so, it's his own guilt compelling him not you. I would just move on. Years down the road you will reflect and realize, "What was I thinking" and laugh.

You are probably right.

 

[AZNEWGUY]

Just an update on the situation. After 4 months of dating his GF, he's engaged. I got him to agree to meet on a one on one chat at my place. I really need closure to this. I have so many questions, but don't know how to ask without pissing him off. I want him to be happy and the fact he's willing to meet up makes me believe he wants me still in his life. This sucks.

 

[sexplease]

no one knows, but one day, the Mother-ship will come, and we'll all feel like the special snowflakes we think we are.

 

[killerb]

Like many others have said, yes it's possible that it may work out for your friend & his future wife. I have a friend who used to have sex with guys & he even had a couple of boyfriends but ended up hooking up with a woman that he eventually married. I know that he was facing a lot of pressure from his church & family and he once told me that he was "tired of the questions".

I hoped that it would work out for them but I'm seeing some disturbing signs...

 

[giantsfrey]

everyone's different--maybe he is really happy with the girl and has made his decision and his friends should be supportive. and if that's the case, and you were really just a sexual relationship, and all you are now is a temptation to cheat, it could be best that he doesn't see or think about you anymore. of course, he could also just be repressing and hiding things and is really unstable and not comfortable with himself still, or his choice. if that's the case, good luck to the guy, but i hope you're not too hung up on him, cuz he'd be a pretty chaotic, unreliable, unstable partner.

 

[helgaleena]

You have been like brothers and then it got closer than brothers. Now he wants a brother again, not a lover. Can you do it?

I stress this because you say he got very close to your parents as well as you. You are family to him, no matter what. I hope that is enough for you and you can move on and find love for your very own, as he has.

 

[AZNEWGUY]

Update number 3, haven't seen him still, been since June. Now he text me with I just got engaged and you're one of the groomsmen. Keep weekend of Easter off. I hear what you guys are saying and I kept my distance but I truly don't know what to do.

 

[LeftCoast]

If this guy is really your friend, and it sounds like he is, and if you really care for him, then you have to let him live his life in his own way. You can't expect him to life his life your way. Being his friend may mean being quiet. Try not to make this about you.

 

[goldenf]

He's bisexual and he has chosen a life partner that is female.

I feel your pain but the fact that he wants you to be a groom means that your friendship still means a lot to him.

I'm not sure what I would do but as painful as it might be I think I'd probably do the honourable thing and consider going along to help make his day perfect.

It sounds like it could be good closure for both of you.

 

[TomCat84]

Look folks, CAN it work out? Sure, it CAN work out. But from what the OP is saying his friend only went to women because he thought being with a guy is wrong- that's why he was going back to church. He was feeling guilty about fucking around with men. Far be it for me to question someone's sexual orientation, but it doesn't bode well for him or his marriage. If he didn't have any issues with his male loving side, I wouldn't have any questions about this specific situation- but come on guys, he wouldn't be the first closet case who marries a chick, has kids, and then goes to the park bathroom or adult theater to satisfy his lust for cock. Sooner or later he's going to crave the dick.

 

[AZNEWGUY]

This is insane. Knowing the situation, would you go to the wedding ?

 

[B_StevJ]

Update number 3, haven't seen him still, been since June. Now he text me with I just got engaged and you're one of the groomsmen. Keep weekend of Easter off. I hear what you guys are saying and I kept my distance but I truly don't know what to do.

You have been doing it all along! Letting him be. Start thinking about you and how you want to move forward. The more you keep thinking about this situation the less likely you will move on. Get active with other things. Your life does not need to be about him and the moment you realize your the one putting yourself in these feelings, then you will move on.

I have a saying, which is when you least expected you will be the one selected.

 

[colgan1999]

people have the right to make choices, even bad ones

 

[sdbg]

This is insane. Knowing the situation, would you go to the wedding ?

I would not go. If this guy wants to sweep his past under the rug and not tell his fiancee, fine, but I would not participate in the deception.

A similar situation happened to me. My best friend and I crossed the line when we experimented with sex. Well, it opened Pandora's box. It was bigger than either of us could have imagined. I had no idea that I was gay before I realized that I had an attraction to my friend, but had no problem with it. We were really happy. We used to suck and fuck daily like 2 tigers in heat. For 6 years, we had a great time. Despite the fact that we lived together and were lovers for all those years, he was a closet case and didn't want any of our other friends to know. Sorry bro. As close as we were, no one could miss it. His biggest issue was not wanting to disappoint his parents.

So one time his dad set him up with a date the daughter of a golf friend. First date, she got pregnant. I found out a month later about the shotgun wedding from his mother on the phone. The coward didn't have the decency to tell me. Mom was gloating (bitch!). Friend asked if I would drive him to the wedding in a nearby state. I said sure. He mentioned that his fiancee was a born again Christian and he would no longer be able to drink and party. Sounds like fun (not!). After he left that day and I told a few of my friends who had know both of us all along, one guy told me that I should dress like I'm going to a funeral and wear a black sequin dress with a gaudy black hat with a black veil to the wedding. When the preacher asks: "Does anyone know any reason why this couple should not be united in holy matrimony?", that I should run down the aisle toward the altar and announce: "Yes! He's been my lover for the past 6 years!!". Despite being distraught over the situation, I laughed my ass off. It became a running joke with a few of our friends who were also dropped cold because of his "new religion".

As it turned out, I never heard from him for 2 years. I never got my chance to attend the wedding in drag. L.O.L.! Seriously, I was devastated. I buried myself in work and college. Got straight A grades. Years later, he shows up and announces that he is getting a divorce. He had 3 kids. We started to hang out again, and he became reacquainted with our old social circle. He apologized for how things went with the shotgun wedding. I took the high road and didn't make him feel bad about it.

In spite of our renewed friendship (no intimacy), I moved to San Diego with my best friend (female). A few months later, he called and wanted to come visit. We had a great weekend going out to eat, going to the beach, etc. The first night, I told him you can sleep on the sofa or I have a king size bed. He opted for the bed. One thing led to another, and we hooked up. The funny thing is that after the amazing chemistry that we had previously, I couldn't keep it up for him. I was in amazing physical condition from distance running and the gym, so there was no medical reason for the ED. It was emotional. I realized at that point that I no longer had that special feeling for him anymore. That ship had sailed! So, finally I gave up trying to fuck him, flipped him over and gave him a blow job that rocked his world. My remark was: "Not bad after 8 years, huh?"

He ended up moving east and we lost touch for about 10 years. Then one day I did a search on the internet and found his phone #. I called him. The tables had turned. My attitude was casual and strictly looking up an old friend. He proceeded to tell me how much he always loved me and what a great friend that I was. I was flattered, but it was too late. The past was the past, and that magic flame within me would never reignite.

We still keep in touch occasionally. He married for a second time, but I can tell he isn't happy. His wife loves me, yet I wonder how much he has told her. A year ago I drove over to visit them. At one point, I told him that I was devastated when he got married the first time. He acted surprised. I told him that I would have been his partner for the long haul if he would have been into it. He hinted that he would like to hook up, but I let it go over my head instead of flat our turning him down. Sorry bro. You had your chance and blew it. I'll be your friend, but that's as far as it goes.

Everything turned out the way it was supposed to. I fell in love 2 more times since then, although we never got past being friends. The important thing is that I realized that lightning can strike more than once.

I would send a card and maybe a gift, but would decline the wedding. Make plans to do something else and not be available. Great that he is tight with your family, but for your own sake, you need to put some distance between you and him. You can still be cordial, but it's time to think of yourself. My honest opinion is that his marriage won't last, and one day he will look you up again. By keeping a safe distance, you will never feel guilty for his marriage not working, and he'll never blame you for it. Best of luck to you!

 

[beretta216]

It sucks that he just dropped you from his life like that. No Bro should ever do that. Man Card revoked until he at least apologizes.

That having been said, I've known a few people who've "found God" suddenly, and it usually happens because of a major life shift/change/trauma that they can't deal with; and they grasp for that -- particularly if they weren't religious before, or otherwise lapsed. Makes me wonder if something else in his life changed too, or if he just found the pussy he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

Either way, still not a Bro thing to do; and what goes around comes around.

 

[deleted3782]

This is insane. Knowing the situation, would you go to the wedding ?

Knowing that you guys fucked on a regular basis and that the guy is living some bizarre lie based on pressures he feels from his family and church, I would not be a part of the wedding. Its a sham and I feel bad for his wife.

If he complains, just remind him that you are part of the life that he left behind, and he needs to start out on a new path without the baggage/temptation/reminders you bring to the table.

 

[DavidXL]

I would not go. If this guy wants to sweep his past under the rug and not tell his fiancee, fine, but I would not participate in the deception.

A similar situation happened to me. My best friend and I crossed the line when we experimented with sex. Well, it opened Pandora's box. It was bigger than either of us could have imagined. I had no idea that I was gay before I realized that I had an attraction to my friend, but had no problem with it. We were really happy. We used to suck and fuck daily like 2 tigers in heat. For 6 years, we had a great time. Despite the fact that we lived together and were lovers for all those years, he was a closet case and didn't want any of our other friends to know. Sorry bro. As close as we were, no one could miss it. His biggest issue was not wanting to disappoint his parents.

So one time his dad set him up with a date the daughter of a golf friend. First date, she got pregnant. I found out a month later about the shotgun wedding from his mother on the phone. The coward didn't have the decency to tell me. Mom was gloating (bitch!). Friend asked if I would drive him to the wedding in a nearby state. I said sure. He mentioned that his fiancee was a born again Christian and he would no longer be able to drink and party. Sounds like fun (not!). After he left that day and I told a few of my friends who had know both of us all along, one guy told me that I should dress like I'm going to a funeral and wear a black sequin dress with a gaudy black hat with a black veil to the wedding. When the preacher asks: "Does anyone know any reason why this couple should not be united in holy matrimony?", that I should run down the aisle toward the altar and announce: "Yes! He's been my lover for the past 6 years!!". Despite being distraught over the situation, I laughed my ass off. It became a running joke with a few of our friends who were also dropped cold because of his "new religion".

As it turned out, I never heard from him for 2 years. I never got my chance to attend the wedding in drag. L.O.L.! Seriously, I was devastated. I buried myself in work and college. Got straight A grades. Years later, he shows up and announces that he is getting a divorce. He had 3 kids. We started to hang out again, and he became reacquainted with our old social circle. He apologized for how things went with the shotgun wedding. I took the high road and didn't make him feel bad about it.

In spite of our renewed friendship (no intimacy), I moved to San Diego with my best friend (female). A few months later, he called and wanted to come visit. We had a great weekend going out to eat, going to the beach, etc. The first night, I told him you can sleep on the sofa or I have a king size bed. He opted for the bed. One thing led to another, and we hooked up. The funny thing is that after the amazing chemistry that we had previously, I couldn't keep it up for him. I was in amazing physical condition from distance running and the gym, so there was no medical reason for the ED. It was emotional. I realized at that point that I no longer had that special feeling for him anymore. That ship had sailed! So, finally I gave up trying to fuck him, flipped him over and gave him a blow job that rocked his world. My remark was: "Not bad after 8 years, huh?"

He ended up moving east and we lost touch for about 10 years. Then one day I did a search on the internet and found his phone #. I called him. The tables had turned. My attitude was casual and strictly looking up an old friend. He proceeded to tell me how much he always loved me and what a great friend that I was. I was flattered, but it was too late. The past was the past, and that magic flame within me would never reignite.

We still keep in touch occasionally. He married for a second time, but I can tell he isn't happy. His wife loves me, yet I wonder how much he has told her. A year ago I drove over to visit them. At one point, I told him that I was devastated when he got married the first time. He acted surprised. I told him that I would have been his partner for the long haul if he would have been into it. He hinted that he would like to hook up, but I let it go over my head instead of flat our turning him down. Sorry bro. You had your chance and blew it. I'll be your friend, but that's as far as it goes.

Everything turned out the way it was supposed to. I fell in love 2 more times since then, although we never got past being friends. The important thing is that I realized that lightning can strike more than once.

I would send a card and maybe a gift, but would decline the wedding. Make plans to do something else and not be available. Great that he is tight with your family, but for your own sake, you need to put some distance between you and him. You can still be cordial, but it's time to think of yourself. My honest opinion is that his marriage won't last, and one day he will look you up again. By keeping a safe distance, you will never feel guilty for his marriage not working, and he'll never blame you for it. Best of luck to you!

What a great post and great advice, especially the last paragraph. I laughed out loud at your friend's suggestion of wearing a black dress and running down the aisle!

Good luck, AZNEWGUY. This kind of stuff is no fun.

 

[AZNEWGUY]

I would not go. If this guy wants to sweep his past under the rug and not tell his fiancee, fine, but I would not participate in the deception.

A similar situation happened to me. My best friend and I crossed the line when we experimented with sex. Well, it opened Pandora's box. It was bigger than either of us could have imagined. I had no idea that I was gay before I realized that I had an attraction to my friend, but had no problem with it. We were really happy. We used to suck and fuck daily like 2 tigers in heat. For 6 years, we had a great time. Despite the fact that we lived together and were lovers for all those years, he was a closet case and didn't want any of our other friends to know. Sorry bro. As close as we were, no one could miss it. His biggest issue was not wanting to disappoint his parents.

So one time his dad set him up with a date the daughter of a golf friend. First date, she got pregnant. I found out a month later about the shotgun wedding from his mother on the phone. The coward didn't have the decency to tell me. Mom was gloating (bitch!). Friend asked if I would drive him to the wedding in a nearby state. I said sure. He mentioned that his fiancee was a born again Christian and he would no longer be able to drink and party. Sounds like fun (not!). After he left that day and I told a few of my friends who had know both of us all along, one guy told me that I should dress like I'm going to a funeral and wear a black sequin dress with a gaudy black hat with a black veil to the wedding. When the preacher asks: "Does anyone know any reason why this couple should not be united in holy matrimony?", that I should run down the aisle toward the altar and announce: "Yes! He's been my lover for the past 6 years!!". Despite being distraught over the situation, I laughed my ass off. It became a running joke with a few of our friends who were also dropped cold because of his "new religion".

As it turned out, I never heard from him for 2 years. I never got my chance to attend the wedding in drag. L.O.L.! Seriously, I was devastated. I buried myself in work and college. Got straight A grades. Years later, he shows up and announces that he is getting a divorce. He had 3 kids. We started to hang out again, and he became reacquainted with our old social circle. He apologized for how things went with the shotgun wedding. I took the high road and didn't make him feel bad about it.

In spite of our renewed friendship (no intimacy), I moved to San Diego with my best friend (female). A few months later, he called and wanted to come visit. We had a great weekend going out to eat, going to the beach, etc. The first night, I told him you can sleep on the sofa or I have a king size bed. He opted for the bed. One thing led to another, and we hooked up. The funny thing is that after the amazing chemistry that we had previously, I couldn't keep it up for him. I was in amazing physical condition from distance running and the gym, so there was no medical reason for the ED. It was emotional. I realized at that point that I no longer had that special feeling for him anymore. That ship had sailed! So, finally I gave up trying to fuck him, flipped him over and gave him a blow job that rocked his world. My remark was: "Not bad after 8 years, huh?"

He ended up moving east and we lost touch for about 10 years. Then one day I did a search on the internet and found his phone #. I called him. The tables had turned. My attitude was casual and strictly looking up an old friend. He proceeded to tell me how much he always loved me and what a great friend that I was. I was flattered, but it was too late. The past was the past, and that magic flame within me would never reignite.

We still keep in touch occasionally. He married for a second time, but I can tell he isn't happy. His wife loves me, yet I wonder how much he has told her. A year ago I drove over to visit them. At one point, I told him that I was devastated when he got married the first time. He acted surprised. I told him that I would have been his partner for the long haul if he would have been into it. He hinted that he would like to hook up, but I let it go over my head instead of flat our turning him down. Sorry bro. You had your chance and blew it. I'll be your friend, but that's as far as it goes.

Everything turned out the way it was supposed to. I fell in love 2 more times since then, although we never got past being friends. The important thing is that I realized that lightning can strike more than once.

I would send a card and maybe a gift, but would decline the wedding. Make plans to do something else and not be available. Great that he is tight with your family, but for your own sake, you need to put some distance between you and him. You can still be cordial, but it's time to think of yourself. My honest opinion is that his marriage won't last, and one day he will look you up again. By keeping a safe distance, you will never feel guilty for his marriage not working, and he'll never blame you for it. Best of luck to you!

Thank you so much. This is exactly what I needed to hear. As for changes in his life, his mother died 6 months prior meeting his new fiancé. He was devastated and was very alone. I've come down to hang out with him as much as I could to keep him occupied . After he met his girl, he completely disappeared. Deep down, I want to say fuck you and feel he only wants me there so his family won't suspect anything if I wasn't there. They know we were close. Again appreciate the advice.

 

[sdbg]

We still keep in touch occasionally.

Ironically, he called me later in the evening the same day that I submitted my original post to this thread. I'm glad that we still talk every few months and things are friendly. It's works better for me than the drama of "I never want to see you or talk to you again." Time heals all wounds. It's just a matter of how much time.