i dont know what to do

[luvmalebonding]

my partner. i have love for him. when i was single i use to pray to God for a man to treat a way that i needed. loving affectionate caring etc and my partner is all that and more , but for some reason im just not feeling him anymore. idk. im not unhappy but im not happy either. hes good to me he truly is but he turns me off. im a very horny creature but not so horny for him and no hes not bad looking but i just dont know what it is fellas any stories or similar experiences out there u want to share

 

[MilkDaddy]

Kinda surprised to read this post after the last one..Not sure what to tell ya man. This is something for you to really feel out and determine for yourself. Are you just in one of those down phases couples go through? Are you growing apart from him, or he you? Is something in your life unfulfilled with him? Are you still harboring mixed feelings about him watching porn?...etc?
Meditation may help.

 

[Jacksson2]

Wow..as I was reading this I thought I could have been me writing it...I recently went through a similar phase....I loved my partner but didn't think I was in love with him...we just went through the motions....I found myself seeking gratification from a few other men as I am way more sexual than my partner...after my partner found out I was fucking these other men we were able to communicate in a way we always should have been....that was a year ago and we are now stronger than ever....even though I still like to talk to other guys....

 

[ericats]

Have a conversation about the relationship and what you both expect from it and try to work through the differences and maybe go for relationship counseling. If you 2 aren't compatible than maybe you should break up. It is better to be happy together or happy apart than miserable together.

 

[luvmalebonding]

thank you all for your comments... and no its not about the porn issue Guys we been walked pass that issue

 

[Cloppo]

Therapy is a good place to start. My other half and I did it a year ago- for 6 months. It has paid dividends.

 

[Jacksson2]

We went to counseling as well....it got us openly communicating..which is how we worked through our issues....be totally honest for it to work...

 

[wappingite]

All relationships go into a lull. That feeling you get with a new relationship is not as exciting over time, and it becomes normal life. Sex can become routine as well. There is nothing wrong with that, and it doesn't mean the relationship is bad either. I'd talk to him about spicing things up a bit and changing the routine. Relationships take cultivating.

For some people though, they always have to have high of a new relationship. I have several mates like this who are in serial relationships (usually up to around 2-3 years max). They have bfs who are perfectly fine and nothing dramatic or catastrophic happens. They just get bored and want something new and don't want to 'settle'.

Just be honest with yourself about what's more important to you.

 

[MisterSlave]

@ - Bonding: Sometimes as they say, love can fade and better to have found that out in a boyfriends relationship, than a marriage.

Perhaps if might mean that you do not feel the same degree of intensity for your loaver and partner as you once did. I am not saying that you should end your relationship, my any means. . however I am saying you should perhaps take a look at your "love-equity". How much are you getting back from your relationship with someone versus how much time and effort and emotional investment you are putting into it.

I have had relationships that just ended up getting cold. . I have been there Bonding. . trust me, I have.

I dare say, when you find your (soulmate), the intensity may fade some. . but even if it does, there will always be that thing in the back of your head going, (They are the one).

good luck with things bud.

Misterslave

 

[killerb]

what is it about him that turns you off?

 

[luvmalebonding]

he's very insecure,and he treats me as if i cheated on him. he has alot of unresolved issues about himself that he hasn't delt with. if my phone rings he wants to know who it is. he went through every log in in his phone to see if i had two facebooks one he knew nothing about. things like this. and he has the nerve to ask me why am i so distant from him. i'm trying to help him but he wont get past it so...

 

[Jacksson2]

Have you cheated on him?...I go through the same thing with my partner....It does get old.... although in my case I didn't give him reason to trust me...but that is behind us but he still has these insecurities and must know who is texting each time I get a text... also he goes through my phone and checks the history to see what I've been up to.....seek counceling....if there is no trust you have no future.... you need to find a guy that makes you happy...and can trust each other....

 

[luvmalebonding]

No he cheated on in his previous relationships which ended a marriage of 20 years. He thinks I'm going to do to him what he did to his ex this is the crazy thing it was 11 pm the other night. He was on his way out the door to a gay club so I told him I may go to a friend house. He blew up. Especially when he found out my friend was gay. Yall know what made him feel a little at ease....? When he saw he looks better than the guy..... my partner is crazy insecure. Funny thing is he thinks his ex and I are the problem even though hes the one who cheated

 

[Infernal]

It sounds like his insecurities and trust issues have damaged your relationship to the point where it may not be salvageable.

 

[luvmalebonding]

To me it is..I feel as though we were always meant to say goodbye. I hope I helped him acknowledge that his insecurities which he says is love is actually his own insecurities. .I went for a run yesterday and I didn't leave anote saying that I was out on a run .he said that gave him the right to believe I left him for good and started a fight about

 

[KennF]

You've got some issues to deal with. And, I'm not so sure they are only the ones you are thinking about.

I get the fact that you are new to your relationship and you've got a lot of personal issues, but then again, so does he. It is ALL about the communication. It doesn't matter if you're gay, bi, straight, monogamous, or in an open or complex relationship. It is all about the communication.

Now, as for your feelings, you may be moving from infatuation to love, or from first love to binding, or falling out of love. All of these are possible.

Let's not miss the fact that you are probably a little upset at him not trusting you with love. You can be attracted to him and because you're angry at not being trusted, you can be turned off. And that is totally separate from loving him.

I love my husband very much, but that doesn't mean I have to always like what he's done or how he's treated me. Or that I don't piss him off or anger him. Love and anger aren't always neat and separate.

He's right, if you leave and don't give him the courtesy of saying something, then he has the right to be angry and tell you that. His feelings in that moment are valid.

If you are upset that he is being insecure and distrustful, then your feelings are valid and you have the right to tell him.

But you two need to decide if you are going to move passed the every day minor snubs and remember what is important and if it IS important to both of you.

-K

BTW - if you've already concluded that you are meant to say goodbye, then that is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

[luvmalebonding]

KennF.. first off I'm good ok.. my only issues are the ones I stated in this thread. Secondly any man who thinka that there partner decided to end a relationship because he didn't leave a note stating he was going for a jogg has issue within self. I appreciate your comments but u and I must agree to disagree.

 

[luvmalebonding]

So I can be clear. Help me to acknowledge my personal issues. I do appreciate everyone's comments but I mostly post on this site to fellowship with the community not because im some helpless gay man. Not saying that is how you perceive me but just making that clear

 

[KennF]

KennF.. first off I'm good ok.. my only issues are the ones I stated in this thread. Secondly any man who thinka that there partner decided to end a relationship because he didn't leave a note stating he was going for a jogg has issue within self. I appreciate your comments but u and I must agree to disagree.

I didn't say that he should end a relationship over the failure to leave a note. I said that your boyfriend has a valid emotion. You choose to leave without the common courtesy of telling him where you were going.

If I were in his shoes, I would be rightly concerned.

You failed to think about me when you left. Eitehr you did it deliberately, or you didn't.

If it was deliberate, then why? What message were you sending him? What did you expect the result to be?

If it wasn't deliberate, then it was inconsiderate of how he might feel.

From his perspective, did he know you jogged that time every day? Did he know if you were hurt somewhere? Did he know if you had be abducted? He was left unknowing. His appropriate reaction should be to let you know that it was inconsiderate or rude.

Just my opinion, since your relationship is only a few weeks old.

-K

 

[KennF]

So I can be clear. Help me to acknowledge my personal issues. I do appreciate everyone's comments but I mostly post on this site to fellowship with the community not because im some helpless gay man. Not saying that is how you perceive me but just making that clear

Don't see you as helpless.

I see you as new to relationships and maybe unsure of how your new gay relationship fits into your perception of what it is turning out to be.

I am just giving you my perception as someone whose been in a relationship for 7+ years and what it takes to keep the relationship going and strong. It doesn't matter if it straight or gay.

From my perspective, it takes realistic expectations with clear communication (expressing them and listening to your partner) of those expectations and a constant reminder of what is important versus trivial.