I feel like we are in urgent need of understanding what bisexuality is.

[CoburnAisling]

If a gay man finds a woman to be sexually attractive, they're not gay, thus, they shouldn't use that label.

In the effort to not define how other people label themselves, I would disagree with this part if taken literally. I call myself gay all the time because it describes a part of my reality, despite the fact that I also say I'm technically pan and can see other genders and bodies as attractive. My porn is usually gay, my smut is all gay (and I have written a fair amount), and for all intents and purposes, that's how I present. So it's closer to my reality than what most people envision "pan" to be. I haven't dated a woman in 14 years, and I've never dated a trans person of any gender. But I would date women, men, and others of any sort of sex as long as I'm attracted to them. So I'm both. I'm VERY gay. And also pan.

 

[FrankieGuile]

In these past couple of years I've been seeing more and more people misunderstanding the label of bisexual and other sexual/romantic iterations.

Thread after thread, post after post, tweet after tweet of "gay" men saying they find a specific thing about women sexually attractive, or a specific sexual act with women to be enticing or even desirable. The same thing with "straight" men feeling the same thing about men.

I feel that these ppl say stuff like this because they truly don't understand what being bisexual means.

They think that a bisexual person must be 50% attracted to men and 50% attracted to women and because they mostly feel attracted to one of the sexes (gender?), they choose to identify with one of the more known sexual orientations (Gay/Straight) even though they don't belong in them.

Bisexual ppl can be 99% attracted to men or women and still be bi. There are also different romantic iterations like homoromantic/heteromantic that people are simply not aware of.

This leads to a bunch of bisexual men pushing the narrative that, for example, gay men can be find women sexually attractive and still "remain" gay. Or the same with str8 men.

We should urge ppl to better research sexual and romantic orientations, I think it's very important.

So why not offer your own understanding of the label? Is it more satisfying to merely complain about something that rankles rather than offering a solution? It is certainly easier, but more cowardly.

 

[Call_Me_Dave]

I am not bisexual. I am not in denial. I am gay. But hearing a human in sexual throws of pleasure is hot! I don't think a gay man enjoying straight porn is bisexual but according to your strict logic, they are. That also means straight men who enjoy straight porn is bisexual too. The logic breaks apart when such rigidity is applied!

You're just 100% gay, not 99% gay! I put the 1% because I can enjoy straight porn but according to you I am now bisexual and should label myself as such accordingly which just I dont understand... @Call_Me_Dave do you agree I am bisexual?

I don’t know you from a hole in the wall. Nor am I “policing” anyone’s life. All I’ve ever said was the the bi tag was underused and if people were more honest, more people would be open to being bi. What you want to call yourself is your call, I’m not your parent, spouse, or babysitter. I would not make an assumption based on one comment thread on a website.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

Im

I don’t know you from a hole in the wall. Nor am I “policing” anyone’s life. All I’ve ever said was the the bi tag was underused and if people were more honest, more people would be open to being bi. What you want to call yourself is your call, I’m not your parent, spouse, or babysitter. I would not make an assumption based on one comment thread on a website.

I was more talking to Lukesilver about the policing. I merely asked you because you seemed to be in agreement with him mostly but also have shown a bit of a divergence. (Also, remember my disclaimert that sometimes I really am talking about a general "people who are reslly invested in what others call themselves" not a direct You)

I hope you aren't upset with me. I may be sensitive but I got a bit of aggressiveness or annoyance tone with me?

 

[Call_Me_Dave]

Not upset. I have no skin in this. I just find it odd that (sometimes) people (some, not all), would rather jump through burning hoops to label themselves as one thing, which has meant something different for centuries, rather than a term commonly used that fits their situation better. I’m not going to get mad being called a cis male, the shoe fits. If it didn’t, I’d look and see if there is something that more closely aligns with me, rather than try to alter language and common definitions of terms.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

Not upset. I have no skin in this. I just find it odd that (sometimes) people (some, not all), would rather jump through burning hoops to label themselves as one thing, which has meant something different for centuries, rather than a term commonly used that fits their situation better. I’m not going to get mad being called a cis male, the shoe fits. If it didn’t, I’d look and see if there is something that more closely aligns with me, rather than try to alter language and common definitions of terms.

I totally agree with you. However I find it a bit curious that you may not see the other side of the coin. How other people who have our exact thinking/logic also have different reasons and conclusions and applied in a warped way.

What I mean is, I also don't like when people dont admit to just saying they are bisexual when they are literally seeking out and enjoying sex with both men and women constantly.

But I simultaneously don't like that some others who are in agreement with me, will also say that if a man masturbates with another man in the room once or maybe even once every 10 years is now bisexual.

That's asinine. The purity testing and such rigidity does not work in real life! We all are susceptible to black or white binary thinking. We make shortcuts and assumption in our minds with such thinking and tyy to put things in neat boxes. But life is messy, chaotic, misshapen. It doesn't neatly fit.

I just wanted to know of you thought I was bisexual because I am now "one of those people" in Lukesilver eyes according to his logic and you mostly agreed with him previously not necessarily on this matter.

I can see you dont really care that much and sorry to push the issue. I agree with you though that if more bisexual men applied the label it may not be stigmatized as much! Its just the same people who are pushing for others to use the label are doing so for different reasons and logical deductions.

 

[Call_Me_Dave]

I totally agree with you. However I find it a bit curious that you may not see the other side of the coin. How other people who have our exact thinking/logic also have different reasons and conclusions and applied in a warped way.

What I mean is, I also don't like when people dont admit to just saying they are bisexual when they are literally seeking out and enjoying sex with both men and women constantly.

But I simultaneously don't like that some others who are in agreement with me, will also say that if a man masturbates with another man in the room once or maybe even once every 10 years is now bisexual.

That's asinine. The purity testing and such rigidity does not work in real life! We all are susceptible to black or white binary thinking. We make shortcuts and assumption in our minds with such thinking and tyy to put things in neat boxes. But life is messy, chaotic, misshapen. It doesn't neatly fit.

I just wanted to know of you thought I was bisexual because I am now "one of those people" in Lukesilver eyes according to his logic and you mostly agreed with him previously not necessarily on this matter.

I can see you dont really care that much and sorry to push the issue. I agree with you though that if more bisexual men applied the label it may not be stigmatized as much! Its just the same people who are pushing for others to use the label are dping so for different reasons and logical deductions.

If I were to try and put a label on you, the best I would come up with is gay with a sprinkle of bi, or bi with a heavy gay lean. Not everyone is going to fit nice and neat in every classification, and that’s ok. But they can and do help people identify, and even find other similar thinking people, which is the goal (in my brain). The more transparent, the better.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

If I were to try and put a label on you, the best I would come up with is gay with a sprinkle of bi, or bi with a heavy gay lean. Not everyone is going to fit nice and neat in every classification, and that’s ok. But they can and do help people identify, and even find other similar thinking people, which is the goal (in my brain). The more transparent, the better.

Interesting. I thank you for indulging me. I also am learning I may not even be gay because I don't enjoy anal sex. Its all these "rules" and assumptions others have internally that they apply to others that get to me.

So, according to this post here:

And then again, you might say "Oh, but I only find women attractive in certain situations", that is still bisexuality! Because you don't have to be 50% attracted to women and 50% attracted to men to be bisexual. You can even prefer to date men (homoromantic) and still be attracted to women, only sometimes. You're still bisexual.

Because I have seen a porn clip of Cytheria cumming hard and squirting everywhere and got aroused at the thought of it a person being so orgasmically pleasured they squirt like that (whole different convo about squirting lol, this was when I was a young teen) I am now bisexual. Ive never been turned on by a woman. I dont think about women sexually, I don't fantasize about them, I don't even have a "maybe in this situation I would have sex with a woman" thought. But, because I had aroused by that scene, I am now Bi but heavily gay? How does that help me? Im not meaning to attack the label and I am happy you answered! I just dont get why I am now suddenly some person in denial and contributing to a society that accepts gay men will and always want to fuck women because I don't say I am Bisexual since I that fateful day I saw that porn clip.

Imagine a football field. Apparently the only places that count as gay or straight are the end zones. If someone has a foot outside the line and not even at the 1 yard line, they are now bisexual on either side.

I can't seem to articulate what I mean properly. I'm just trying to challenge people to think and introspect as well, but sometimes its annoying, scary or hard for people to do so. Many people would rather keep things simple black or white and refuse any grey.

 

[FrankieGuile]

I don’t know you from a hole in the wall. Nor am I “policing” anyone’s life. All I’ve ever said was the the bi tag was underused and if people were more honest, more people would be open to being bi. What you want to call yourself is your call, I’m not your parent, spouse, or babysitter. I would not make an assumption based on one comment thread on a website.

The premise that people -- men -- are misled about the meaning of bisexuality, and are not being honest with themselves about its meaning, is a condescending and self-serving presumption. I think people are discerning and intelligent enough to make their own determination regarding how they identify.

 

[15153321]

In the effort to not define how other people label themselves, I would disagree with this part if taken literally. I call myself gay all the time because it describes a part of my reality, despite the fact that I also say I'm technically pan and can see other genders and bodies as attractive. My porn is usually gay, my smut is all gay (and I have written a fair amount), and for all intents and purposes, that's how I present. So it's closer to my reality than what most people envision "pan" to be. I haven't dated a woman in 14 years, and I've never dated a trans person of any gender. But I would date women, men, and others of any sort of sex as long as I'm attracted to them. So I'm both. I'm VERY gay. And also pan.

Well, I don't believe people can be more then one sexual orientation, that kinda goes against the definition of the orietantion itself. What's the point of having a label if you're gonna misuse it?
That being said, my intent is not to dictate how you live your life. I might not get it, I might not respect, but it's not up to me to get or respect.

 

[15153321]

That isnt a direct consequence of not policing others sexuality though. That is ignorance and gullibility of people. Id suggest trying to focus on that angle than police what people call themselves. Honestly because of how subjective this all is, its difficult to fight on this end of whst does and doesnt constitue as gay straight or bi.

I dont deny this stuff happens but it still isnt affecting you directly. You husband or SO will still be yours. You still will find men who are gay to be with. You can still talk before hand to find out if they are actually just bisexual and go about keeping persuing a relationship or not. You can just say you just dont fuck women and nothing changes on your part. Its not like even if for some reason people think gay men can like women sexually you are forced to. They just are ignorant, ya know? No skin off your bones

I mean, I understand, but then if we keep that energy, why are we criminalizing conversion therapy?
Why are we fighting for gay rights when it doesn't affect us individually?

 

[15153321]

Ive never been turned on by a woman. I dont think about women sexually, I don't fantasize about them, I don't even have a "maybe in this situation I would have sex with a woman" thought. But, because I had aroused by that scene, I am now Bi but heavily gay?

That changes the narrative you're creating though.

Maybe you didn't explain yourself properly or maybe I just didn't understand but by reading your posts I was left with the assumption that even though you consider yourself gay, you regularly watch str8 porn and get turned on by it.

If that's not the case, then I understand why you wouldn't use the label of bi since you are, in fact, not attracted to women and men (bisexual) but only men (homosexual).

That being said, I'm curious, what turned you on about it? I ask cuz I genuinely cannot imagine getting turned on by a woman having pleasure.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

I mean, I understand, but then if we keep that energy, why are we criminalizing conversion therapy?
Why are we fighting for gay rights when it doesn't affect us individually?

Just so I understand, you're asking if I am NOT meddling/caring with what other people label themselves as sexually because it doesn't affect me directly as an individual, why would I fight for gay rights for everyone?

 

[15153321]

Just so I understand, you're asking if I am NOT meddling/caring with what other people label themselves as sexually because it doesn'taffect me directlyas an individual, why would I fight for gay rights for everyone?

So my thought process is, bisexual men that are more gay leaning but still feel attracted to women insist on calling themselves gay for some reason or the other whilst still actively seeking out and being with women. Not only that, they go to the lengths of shaming actual gay men for not wanting to be with women and calling them close-minded and using arguments like "you should just open your mind and try it" or "you haven't met the right woman". That, to me, is a form of conversion therapy, since gay men are being shamed and ridiculed for being sexually attracted solely to other men.

Its not like even if for some reason people think gay men can like women sexually you are forced to.

You're saying that because that doesn't affect me directly, I shouldn't police what those men in particular choose to identify as. And that leads me to ask you, why do we fight for gay rights, let's say, for ppl living in other countries? Why do we criminalize conversion therapy when we're not directly affected by it?

Idk if my thought process makes sense or if I explained myself in a coherent way, but yeah.

 

[Call_Me_Dave]

The premise that people -- men -- are misled about the meaning of bisexuality, and are not being honest with themselves about its meaning, is a condescending and self-serving presumption. I think people are discerning and intelligent enough to make their own determination regarding how they identify.

No one ever said that people aren’t intelligent. What I said is that some people aren’t honest with themselves. I’m far from condescending . He asked me what I would call him, so I did.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

I was left with the assumption that even though you consider yourself gay, you regularly watch str8 porn and get turned on by it.

And here is the crux of the problem with all of this! Misunderstandings happen! Its easy to make rules when applying to a blank scenario but once people are put into the equations with differing experiences and such, it doesnt fit! But by your logic, I still am bisexual to some people!

The gold star gay thread proved to me that there are other gay men who think no self respecting true gay man can ever be gay and been with a woman, EVER. even if trying to learn their sexuality. If they have been with a woman once, by societal pressure or whatever, they are now bisexual forever even if they didnt like or enjoy the experience.

That being said, I'm curious, what turned you on about it? I ask cuz I genuinely cannot imagine getting turned on by a woman having pleasure.

I find I am really empathetic in ways. If someone interacting with me is in pain, I hurt. If someone is sad,I cry. If soneone is angry I feel it too. It sounds like woo-woo mumbo jumbo I know, but i think there is a sort of truth to it all.

And even though I have no desire for a woman, or their pussy or their body or anything, in rare (and I do mean rare) moments of porn or such, I can like "feel" the arousal so much I too am aroused. Not in the way of "I need to fuck this woman or a woman" or "Damn she is so hot!" But like a visceral human connection and empathizing "Damn she's cumming so hard and writhing in pleasure! I know how *I* feel when that happens to me! This is hot!"

 

[Cum_is_Great]

So my thought process is, bisexual men that are more gay leaning but still feel attracted to women insist on calling themselves gay for some reason or the other whilst still actively seeking out and being with women. Not only that, they go to the lengths of shaming actual gay men for not wanting to be with women and calling them close-minded and using arguments like "you should just open your mind and try it" or "you haven't met the right woman". That, to me, is a form of conversion therapy, since gay men are being shamed and ridiculed for being sexually attracted solely to other men.


You're saying that because that doesn't affect me directly, I shouldn't police what those men in particular choose to identify as. And that leads me to ask you, why do we fight for gay rights, let's say, for ppl living in other countries? Why do we criminalize conversion therapy when we're not directly affected by it?

Idk if my thought process makes sense or if I explained myself in a coherent way, but yeah.

Basically, the consequences of NOT policing what people call themselves does not DIRECTLY cause suffering to others. My energy is more focused on stopping the people who are different from casting judgment on others out of ignorance( and by that I directly mean, I would rather fight the people calling gay men who wont sleep with women "bigoted" than fight the bi men who call themselves gay or straight. The former is a direct action that affects OTHERS and the latter something/action that pertains directly to THEMSELVES ONLY)

So on that same logic, I will definitely fight for others who are oppressing gay men and women from living their lives because again, in those countries they are oppressing them over actions that does not directly affect them! Preventing two consensual adults from having sex does nothing for me directly other than fulfilling sense of moral superiority or something. I do not agree with that.

Preventing two consensual adults from loving each other and having sex directly affects those adults in a negative manner. I do not agree with that. I would rather stop the people who are preventing that, because even though it doesnt affect me personally what they do in another continent, my overall moral thinking is to not harm or prevent others if what they are doing is not harmful to others directly (or indirectly eventually too! Its all so complex and nuanced theres no way I can explain my full moral code and even then misunderstandings happen! And Im damn sure I am the cause of it lots of times haha.)

Hopefully

 

[Cum_is_Great]

even though you consider yourself gay, you regularly watch str8 porn and get turned on by it.

By the way as to what I get turned on by exactly?

I actually can watch straight porn but I am not focusing on the woman at all. Its how huge the guys dick looks on their tiny hands! (Edit: If I eventually do decide to watch straight porn, I) Usually enjoy women giving men hand jobs and sometimes blowjobs (but straight guys enjoy that *gwak gwak* noises too much I guess cause I hate hearing women do that! Hahaha)

Its usually a quick 30 sec clip of a porn scene but its straight porn!

 

[CoburnAisling]

Just popping in to be an obnoxious little stick in the mud and say that y'all are trying to make labels prescriptive rather than descriptive. Meaning, you're trying to say "If you call yourself that label, it's because you fit that label," but what you want to say is, "I call myself that label because it best describes who I am to me."

I won't say there aren't situations where it makes sense to draw a line. A cis man who only fucks cis women and never even looks at men is not gay, clearly. But if "gay" best describes the culture he associates with himself and he finds men attractive sometimes? I'm certainly not going to tell him he isn't.

 

[badnicky1]

In these past couple of years I've been seeing more and more people misunderstanding the label of bisexual and other sexual/romantic iterations.

Thread after thread, post after post, tweet after tweet of "gay" men saying they find a specific thing about women sexually attractive, or a specific sexual act with women to be enticing or even desirable. The same thing with "straight" men feeling the same thing about men.

I feel that these ppl say stuff like this because they truly don't understand what being bisexual means.

They think that a bisexual person must be 50% attracted to men and 50% attracted to women and because they mostly feel attracted to one of the sexes (gender?), they choose to identify with one of the more known sexual orientations (Gay/Straight) even though they don't belong in them.

Bisexual ppl can be 99% attracted to men or women and still be bi. There are also different romantic iterations like homoromantic/heteromantic that people are simply not aware of.

This leads to a bunch of bisexual men pushing the narrative that, for example, gay men can be find women sexually attractive and still "remain" gay. Or the same with str8 men.

We should urge ppl to better research sexual and romantic orientations, I think it's very important.

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