I need Advice :(

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by RateMe27, Sep 4, 2010.

  1. RateMe27

    RateMe27 Member

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    Im 21 years old, and I am a VERY sexual person. Fooling around and showing off on my webcam is something that I REALLY enjoy doing, the comments that people make are something that is really a rush for me and it gets me off in ways that I have never experienced before. My problem is, is that after I do it I feel so guilty because I know its not something my girlfriend likes me doing. The one time I told her she was very upset and I told her It wouldnt happen again, and since then I havent. But at the same time its really something that I like to do...I need advice :confused: I want our relationship to be to the fullest that i can be, but at the same time I want to do the things I want to do. Ive never cheated on her or anything of the sort, this website, and the things i do on it have always been some sort of a "dirty seceret" that I have never told anyone about. I enjoy getting off in the most involved and new ways that I can, and it doesnt come betwen our relationship. What I mean is if she came over after I was done, and wanted to have sex, i still would in a heart beat. What am I allowed/not allowed to do? :confused:
     
  2. helgaleena

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    You are allowed to do whatever makes you happy. She is only your girlfriend, not your wife.

    If you said vows and made promises to her to share your entire love lives forever after, then she might have some sort of say over what you do with your own body. But unless you marry her, you remain in charge of your own body. If she acts as if your body belongs to her, that is something you have a say about because she does not live in your skin.

    I do not think it is very nice to call this place a 'dirty secret', even to yourself! Please don't do that.
     
  3. erratic

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    What are you allowed to do? Short of finding a different woman who will be okay with you camming when she's not around, you'll have to come to an agreement with your current girlfriend. Did you tell her what you wrote here? Cause it sounds like you don't consider it cheating, but she does. If she thinks it's cheating perhaps you can get her to be the one watching you on the other end. If that works for you and for her, great. If not, you have to evaluate whether she's worth giving it up. If yes, great. If no, find another woman. Sooner rather than later.
     
  4. B_mitchymo

    B_mitchymo New Member

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    Probably the only reason she has an issue with it is because it might make her feel inadequate that perhaps she is not satisfying you as much as you need her to.

    Either talk to her about it and reassure her, or keep it a secret. If the secret gets out then its nowhere near as bad as actually cheating, that should at least console her when the time comes.
     
  5. sexplease

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    aaah, you're finding out why you are too young for a steady girlfriend. At your youthful ages, it's often quite hard to just be happy for WHO the OTHER person IS and either accept WHO they are and enjoy what gifts they bring TO the relationship verses what is taken from the other person.
    Do what makes YOU happy ( just be safe, take time to sit and THINK and use common sense).
    You are experiencing a "trial relationship."
    set your self free and find who you are.
     
  6. SpeedoMike

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    you each have expectations of the other... and you apparently aren't meeting her expectation. that's a hint!
     
  7. D_f6yiuhj

    D_f6yiuhj New Member

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    But 'mate' that is cheating dont you see? of course she was hurt [YOUR GIRLFRIEND] would you like it if she watched a load of strange men jacking off and they had a bigger cock than you?
    shame on you no wonder woman are so insecure about men with the bleeding internet
    cam sluts available these days!
     
  8. D_Ezdras Dingledonger

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    It's like they say, the entree isn't as good without something on the side. Plus when you're young it's hard to balance feelings of loyalty along with hormones. Personally I've always believed that people should get a free pass when it comes to the internet. Unless you're actually meeting people off it, who cares? You're young and unmarried. It's perfectly acceptable, at least to my mind, that you need an additional outlet for your sexuality.

    Think about it - is jerking it to online porn really that different to going on cam and jerking it? It's all part of a non-physical, intangible world that doesn't mean a thing unless you make concrete plans to take it to the next level. But so long as it stays in that realm of fantasy, it should be a non-issue. In fact, I would argue that it can oftentimes help you feel recharged and invigorated to make more of an effort with your girlfriend in real life because you've had that extra itch scratched.

    I'm probably in the minority with this line of thinking, but it's how I genuinely feel.
     
  9. DV8

    DV8
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    Dude, how you feel is how you feel. I do agree that she's not your wife, but like you said- you don't cheat- that lets me know that you're honest and loyal. I appreciate that in people. If you're willing to be honest with her about things, and you're loyal, that lets me know that you want your relationship to work and blossom- good for you man. If it's not something that she enjoys, then you have to make a judgement call- let it be your dirty little secret, or don't do it because it's upsetting to your girlfriend, who may some day be your wife. Relationships are about compromise. In a beautiful world, you could have your cake and eat it too without the dirty looks and stares from others, but that's not the case.
    I'm not one to preach infidelity or going behind someone's back, but that's totally your call- not my place to make the decision for you. I will go ahead and say that there's a guy I'm talking to, and I really like him. Because of him, I haven't slept with anyone else, which is change for me. And I'm okay with that. I've had plenty of opportunity and I've yet to take them. It's tempting, I know, but we all make sacrifices for a greater good. And who knows- one day, she may want to spice things up, have a little fun. That'll be great!

    One more thing before I shut up- do me one favor- one day, when you realize that the person you're dating at the time is the person you want to marry, please- make sure you're comfortable with yourself, and you're not hiding anything you SERIOUSLY can't suppress. It'll be one of the biggest mistakes you've ever made. It's easier to be honest, I think.

    Take Care
     
  10. davidjh7

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    You have gotten some great advice (and DrDante, my respect for you grows with every posting I see from you--kudos). I just want to give you a little food for thought. IF you are in a committed relationship with someone, you owe them a certain level of sexual loyalty. Exactly what that constitutes depends on what you work out together. On the other hand, if she freaks out on you about it, then that is a clue that she doesn't accept you for yourself, and likely has plans to try and "change" you into what she wants you to be. If you feel you have to be afraid of being yourself with the person you share your life with, something is wrong. I would propose sitting down with her, and having an open, honest, adult conversation about it. Tell her that it has nothing to do with wanting someone else other than her, just that it is an ego thing, and excites you, and you enjoy the attention in a fairly non-risky environment that lets you explore without many of the consequences that doing something similar in person would entail. Let her express why she feels uncomfortable and threatened, and if they are valid reasons in your mind, and you truly love her, then you have to respect her boundaries. There are other ways to get the ego boost you may need without compromising you relationship. If, on the other hand she instantly goes into a tirade and starts putting you down about it, trying to make you feel bad about it, then she isn't respecting you or your feelings, either, and maybe neither of you is mature enough yet to be in a committed relationship. Only the two of you can decide. Vanja made a good point, about putting yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if she was doing the same thing? Even if it was about an ego boost and not because she wanted another guy? How would you react and feel? Think about this, then talk with her about it. If you are afraid to communicate with each other, then no matter how good anything else is in the relationship, it is doomed. Use this as an opportunity to learn how to talk with each other about difficult things. That will do more for your relationship than anything else. I wish you the very best. Good Luck!
     
  11. NEWREBA

    NEWREBA New Member

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    I just don't think it's cool how others want to control our sex lives. Instead of feeling guilty after camming online you should feel liberated, happy and relaxed. So many girls get jealous even when their boy friend masturbates. You'd think she'd be happy that you can enjoy your own body.
     
  12. helgaleena

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    Whatever you and she decide, please do not be ashamed of enjoying support groups like this one! You like what you like. I disagree entirely with Vanya's post above.
     
  13. HiddenLacey

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    I don't think camming is cheating. I do think as long as it's just internet fun, no feelings involved and no plans to meet anyone in person it's not cheating. However, these are my feelings on the matter and I'm not your girlfriend.

    Camming can be different if it's someone you have developed a relantionship with. Maybe your girlfriend is worried you have some type of feelings for the people you are camming with? There are a ton of reasons why she may not care for it. I don't think it's wrong that she feels that way, just that you two are different and this may be something she's not going to be comfortable with.

    If you want to be truthful with her about it, I would suggest calmly talking to her about it. Make sure you get her to explain how it makes her feel and why she feels that way and you do the same.

    Oh and you're allowed to do whatever you want to do, whether or not you make exceptions for her feelings is up to you. It's your life.
     
    #13 HiddenLacey, Sep 6, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 6, 2010
  14. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    Dude, you're young and horny, and lots of guys have dirty secrets worse than what you're doing. Except for the fact that you gave your word to her that you wouldn't do it again, since you're not actually having physical contact with anyone, I wouldn't worry about it. Just don't get caught.

    I don't mean this unkindly, but maybe with your next girlfriend you'll keep this stuff to yourself.

     
    #14 B_RedDude, Sep 6, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2010
  15. badgirl22

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    I feel for the dilema you are in. I'd try and find out just what about it makes her feel badly or why she has a problem with it. I agree it's most likely because it makes her feel inadequate. And, online things can most definitely turn into real life situations.

    Just last night I answered a PM while at my bf's house and he has an issue with me talking to guys on here. He knows I 've met a couple (who don't live close) in real life which makes him think I'm likely to do it again (which is NOT my goal btw). But, it can and has happened so I understand where he's coming from.

    I won't give up LPSG at this point in time because I get a lot out of it and it really has no impact on my bf or how I feel about him. However, as my relationship gets more serious with BF, if he truly had an issue with it I may consider giving it up. I've invited him to check it out with me and he has no interest. On the other hand, he loves porn and watches it all the time. I have zero problem with him doing that and don't feel it has a thing to do with me one way or another. That is one of our problems, as humans (inherently selfish), we relate everthing to ourselves when in reality, most things have nothing to do with us. We put our own definitions to what someone else does and it's usually not correct.

    I'd invite her to watch some stuff with you - maybe find a couple you can cam with?

    I wish you luck with this one.
     
  16. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    Women like this make me very happy to be queer.

    Why do some women act like it's their god-given right to manipulate and control a man/men?

     
    #16 B_RedDude, Sep 6, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2010
  17. D_Porthos Porksworde

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    That's a good question: do you masturbate? If so, does she know? What does she say about that? Would she be mad if you told her you fantasize about other women? How about internet porn? Are there other control issues with her?

    You're only 21-now is the time to enjoy life and learn about yourself, not be suppressed by someone else because she disagrees. Once you get married you'll have plenty of time to be suppressed and be stripped of your independence (ask me how I know)! Don't give it up so fast. Don't waste time feeling guilty over how it makes you feel... enjoy life! Honestly, if I were you, I'd keep your cam activity to yourself. You're entitled to an individual identity. NEVER give that up to fit someone else's expectations.
     
  18. HiddenLacey

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    I'm just guessing it's the same reason some men act like it's their god-given right to manipulate and control a woman/ women.:wink:

    Both sexes can be guilty of being controlling IMO.
     
  19. avg_joe

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    You are not allowed to do the web cam thing anymore cuz I say so. LMFAO !!!
     
  20. RateMe27

    RateMe27 Member

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    To answer some of the questions asked and to clear a few things up. When I am on cam I do not watch anyone else I barely even talk. I flip the cam on, read what people say, rub one out, and turn it off. I do not sit and fantasize about the other person or how they look. I get off to the comments that are made about my size, and my size only. If you look at my page I have some 7 pages people leaving compliments, I get a lot of attention because of my size.

    To answer questions:
    ~No she does not care when I watch porn.
    ~No I have never, and would not ever meet any of the people I conversate with in person. This is a strictly sexual, "heat of the moment" masturbation sesion with an audience type thing, nothing more. No emotions, no nothing except for me, pulling my pants down, and getting off on a cam.
    ~If she were to do it, I cannot predict how I would react. I would like to sit here and say I wouldnt care, part of me thiks I wouldnt. But I could only know by it actually happening.

    Thank you for all of your responses, and thank you for not telling me what you think I want to hear. I appreciate honesty.
     
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