Is this normal to talk about with girlfriend

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Imported, Oct 18, 2004.

  1. Imported

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    TexSmith: Just this past Sunday I was lying in bed and my girlfriend was giving me a handjob. I like asking her about past sexual experiences and sometimes she's willing to talk about them and other times she thinks it's weird that I ask. My thing is I love hearing it because I'm very comfortable with our relationship. The one that I particurly am interested in is a flame she had that had the largest penis she's ever seen. She was telling me about the first time she gave him head, how big it was. At this point I was hard as a rock and I knew this guy had to be really well hung. Then for the first time my girlfriend mentions a fantasy of having sex with another guy while I watched. Before I know it she's so turned on that we're having great sex. Do you think this is just a fantasy to turn her on or something she really wants. Of course when we're both finished she states she wouldn't do it if I didn't want her to. Does anyone have experience with this. I don't want to mess anything up with us, risk diseases, etc. so is it worth it or just a good idea to keep as a fantasy. Also, is it normal to get turned on hearing about your girl having sex with other guys in the past?
     
  2. Bluespeedoz

    Bluespeedoz New Member

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    If you want to know if this is a fantasy or something she really wants you should ask her. Be prepared for an answer you don't like. And remember that fantasies of themselves are harmless and can be a turn on and that the reality can be far from what was imagined. :mellow:
     
  3. Imported

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    wvalady1968:
    Excellent advice!!!!

    Allie
     
  4. madame_zora

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    I'd leave it as a fantasy unless you are interested in having an open relationship.
     
  5. BobLeeSwagger

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    You're right. You don't want to mess it up. Does this seem like a fantasy that will turn you on again? If so, it's OK to use it occasionally to spice things up with her, as long as you both agree that you don't want it to really happen. Honesty is really important here. Even if the fantasy is now strong in her mind, she has to be willing to keep it just a fantasy, and you have to trust her. Fantasies are fun, but all parties need to be clear on where the limits are.
     
  6. Xin

    Xin New Member

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    There's a lot of difference between the actual thought of it and it actually happening. Personally, I'd advise against it. You seem very happy with her, so do you want to risk mucking it up by trying this out and feeling different to how you'd expected?
     
  7. Hockeytiger

    Hockeytiger Active Member

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    While I agree with the assertions that there is danger involved in living out fantasies, particularly when it involves a third person, the problem is that the issue is moot now. The train has left the station and you have already crossed the Rubicon, Tex. When Amanda and your girlfriend had sex with you the other night, and you are now clamoring for more, you are now in a tough position saying no to your girlfriendÂ’s desire to be with another man. You were more than happy to involve a third person when it was your fantasy being fulfilled.

    My suggestion is to ask her whether she wants to or not, and she almost certainly does. If she does, I would suggest entering into negotiations with her over it. If another guy is brought in, you get to have sex with both your girlfriend and Amanda (or another girl of HER choice) again. Also, change it to a threesome, not just a guy coming over and having sex with her while you are passive. You two can double team her or just tag team her, or both.

    To answer your questions, when we were still dating back in college, my wife and I had quite a few threesomes. It was always with people we both knew and could trust to respect boundaries afterwards. Frankly, we only found one other woman and one other guy we could trust, so we had our threesomes with them. We never just had sex with another person in front of each other. It worked out well with us but we were very careful to make sure that we BOTH wanted to do it. It wasnÂ’t just something one partner dragged the other into doing. Diseases are an important concern, so make sure if it happens protection is worn. And yes I have gotten turned on by my wife discussing pervious sexual encounters.
     
  8. RKT1001

    RKT1001 New Member

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    Tex,

    Be careful in your decisions and choices and use as much forethought as possible.

    I can not add beter advice than you have received above regarding those aspects.

    What I CAN add is that when I was younger and more risky, I was the occasional "hung stud" brought in to "do her" while the guy watched. After the bedroom fun was over, things didnt always work out well between any of us afterwards, but especially the couple.

    Good luck.

    RKT
    rkt1001@yahoo.com
    YIM: RKT1001
     
  9. Standard Deviant

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    Tex

    My wife and I always loved to do this when we were first together. She would tell me about her last BF who had 11 inches and it heated up our sex tremendously. He was still on campus and I started seeing him in the showers at the gym once in awhile and he was really, really huge.
    It added a tremendous charge to our lovemaking, like a super-aphrodisiac effect. It boosted my confidence and intensified my love for her that she chose me over him, but I was fascinated by hearing about what it was like.
    I asked her to have him join us sometime. She said she wasn't sure she wanted to. I pressed it but not too hard. After awhile we went out to a movie with him and then had him come over to talk. I couldn't stand what a knob he was, had such a deadly dull, nerdy personality that it repulsed me and I couldn't imagine him with us sexually. Just no way. So we dropped the idea.

    But a couple years later we did find the right guy just by chance and had a ball, literally, with him over the course of a year. We got together maybe five or six weekends--he lived 250 miles away. It was another 15 years after that that we found another hot hung dude who joined us once in awhile, this time over a period of about 3 years.
    It was the hottest, funnest sex I ever had, we were all respectful of one another. I was surprised how bisexual I was able to be, hadn't anticipated anything but seeing and maybe holding his cock. I ended up doing a lot of sucking and we all kissed passionately. The memories are terrific. We often wished we could find someone who would be with us in between those two sexual friendships, but it's hard to find someone who is compatible with both. The fear of disease was considerable, but we wanted the experience badly enough and felt safe enough with these particular two partners to take the chance, with precautions of course. (Especially the second one--the first one was back in 1980 before HIV.)
    We just recently heard from the first friend. Hadn't heard from him in about 19 years. Wondered if he had gone off and gotten AIDS. Found out he had a lover he had settled down with and been with for almost 20 years. The lover did get AIDS and died. How he avoided it, I don't know. But it goes to show that the danger is real.

    I hate to add to all the negativity, all these people here so un-fun about sex. I share this with you NOT to discourage you but to just say be careful, use condoms, spermicidal creams, keep fluid contact to a minimum.

    BUT... I disagree with all the warnings about emotional tragedy. It could happen, but it could be great, too, and problem-free, like it was for us. We both and both our lovers have NO regrets about having experimented and had the wonderful erotic experiences we had.
     
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