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Kissing

Discussion in 'Ask a Woman' started by 1362255, Jun 12, 2019.

  1. 1362255

    1362255 Guest

    Hi. It's taken me all day to sit down and write this, primarily because I'm a little embarrassed, admittedly. That said, I just ask that anyone who comments to please be kind and not respond with anything rude. Thank you.

    I'm not confident that I would be a good kisser. Perhaps I overthink it, but maybe I should be thinking more about it. I found a forum on another website wherein women were laughing at the idea of a man not being experienced with other women, prior to approaching them. I think it's a sensitive issue and more men than just myself are inexperienced in their 20s; either because they're not ready or just haven't found anyone they've taken interested in. Some are religious and wait until marriage, but for me? Aside from not really knowing how I felt about anyone in high school, I was more or less concerned with keeping myself alive. My thoughts were too focused on suicide and keeping myself living to the point that, well, how could I possibly expect to care for someone else when I very well couldn't care for myself?

    Anyway, I've no doubt sex is an awkward, stressful situation the first time -- it's probably worse when you're in your 20s and everyone makes a big deal about how you should've done in 10 or so years ago. It's a peculiar mentality to have, but whatever. I didn't judge people in school for having sex -- I wish I could've -- but part of me has always figured waiting would be better; mentally, emotionally and hopefully in terms of relationship status. I've read a lot about the female anatomy and specifics on what...you know, gets a woman off. That's at least one good thing about me, compared to the boneheads that hop into bed and expect any woman to be satisfied by random thrusting.

    The one thing that truly worries me is kissing. I know guys are supposed to go in 90% and the woman is supposed to go 10%, or whatever percentage nonsense all the guy videos explain, but sometimes it's not really just a slow, perfect setup. How are you supposed to anticipate where your partner's lips will be, or how much tongue they use? I've freeze-framed virtually every romantic comedy I could find and I've tried researching this crap online. I just feel so, so stupid. I don't ask any women out because 1. How do you not disappoint anyone these days? and 2. I just want to make sure there's something.. I don't know.. memorable about that first kiss?

    Again, this is all very embarrassing. I'm sure the worries of sex and kissing are somehow different for women, but all the advice I'd gotten from men seemed smug and.. not "toxic" per se, but the stereotypical masculine act was definitely taking away from the real, man-to-man discussion about women; so I figured I ought to ask women what they'd expect and how they'd want to be kissed and how to actually be positively effective at it.

    I realize this post is all over the place and likely not well written -- chalk it up to feeling indescribably embarrassed and utterly perplexed.

    Thank you for taking the time to read this.
     
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  2. Tight_N_Juicy

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    Everyone is a good kisser, and everyone is a bad kisser.

    The way you enjoy kissing isn't going to be the same way everyone else does, but you'll have to just do what feels natural and hope that it feels good for them too. I promise, some people will love the way you kiss.

    Try to pay attention to physical communications, and send your own messages. When you have physical experiences with another person there are subtle ways to communicate without speaking. Don't solely focus on those, but don't ignore them either. Focus on what feels good, and how she's responding.
     
  3. 693987

    693987 Guest

    It really is going to depend upon who you are smooching. I've never minded making the first move, for one. I also don't like the sensation of someone else's tongue in my mouth. Semi-open mouth kisses, where I might nibble a lip? Yes. That is my preferred kind of smooching.

    I know a lot of people who love french kissing. I happened to end up with a sweetie who likes to kiss the same way I do. I've done french kissing in the past with partners who liked it, but it has never been my preferred method. Being willing to be flexible is good, by which I mean open minded. Maybe french kissing won't be your thing, maybe you'll love it.

    One specific thing I will mention is consider swallowing before french kissing. Drowning in saliva is not pleasant. Slippery? Okay. Feeling like I need to wash my face afterwards? Not so enjoyable. I would think the folks who like -that- wet of kisses would be a minority, anyway.
     
  4. Tattooed Goddess

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    I eliminate kissing from sex most of the time. I used to really enjoy kissing but for some reason I just dont enjoy it like I used to. I've moved onto other things I enjoy to take its place.
     
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  5. Tight_N_Juicy

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    Oh, and uh... I've had so much sex with my guy. We've kissed lots, especially back when I was 18. We made out a lot back then. We're in our 30's now.

    We *still* have awkward kisses that don't look at all like the bullshit you seen on screen. Real life is real.
     
  6. Tattooed Goddess

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    I have a kissing date scheduled for first thing in the morning. We shall see if this makes me like kissing again. ;)
     
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  7. AlteredEgo

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    Hello (BF)
    First kisses are the best/worst! And every new partner means another first kiss. I have had every first kiss tragedy you can imagine. We missed. We bumped teeth. We slobbered on each other. But I've also had fairytale quality first kisses. In those cases, we were the same kind of kissers, and the magic of the moment swept us both away.

    Even now, thinking about a few, my heart has begun beating so hard I can hear it. My dog just awoke, got up and turned around so her head is no longer facing me. I think my pounding heart woke her up. So, of course things progressed with those fairytale kissers, but I didn't instantly dismiss my disaster kissers! Luckily, they didn't immediately give up on me either.

    You have got to relax. A relaxed mind is able to pay attention. They key to all human interaction is a twofold thing. First, try offering that which you would like to receive. But at the same time, realize that your partner is probably instinctively doing the same thing. Simple. In this manner you are teaching each other how you would like to be kissed. So, you just do something you imagine will be nice, then shift into doing whatever has been done to you. I've kisses literally scores of guys, and at least a dozen women. But first kisses are STILL hit or miss. Just relax.
     
  8. Tattooed Goddess

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    AE you sure are right about kisses being really good or really bad. I get nervous kissing anyone the first time. I think I'd be less nervous if he went down on me first. That shows me how good his mouth work is. ;)
     
  9. 1850231

    1850231 Guest

    This is such a sweet post. Here’s the thing: when you’re attracted to someone, the actual first move can be damn awkward and pretty nerve wrecking for most of us - that’s what makes it so great... No one is a great kisser until they are. One thing a guy I used to date (full-on nerd, and utterly adorable) did that warmed me up, really fast, was he started by stroking the inside of my palm with his finger in a slow, causal rhythm that made our first kiss feel natural and, well, obvious. It’s easier to start with light kisses on the lips, over and over again, pressing your body into theirs, just becoming acquainted with the warmth, smell and taste of them, and try to relax into that experience. Once you’ve made bodily contact, it will get easier. Less technique - although the comment above about swallowing before you go in, is a good one, just tune into how he/she is responding to you and laugh at the awkwardness of it all, because it is both ridiculous and wildly exciting. And, well, fun.
     
  10. 1362255

    1362255 Guest

    Thank you, I appreciate this. I think, after the first date, kissing is still a thing, I'm not sure. I'd likely ask, which is kind of lame I think, but I just want to make sure my partner's comfortable. I wish I could be the guy that just spontaneously does it, but there's no surefire way of knowing if a woman's interested in that or not and, with everything going on today, you just want to make sure the partner feels safe, comfortable and happy.
     
  11. 1362255

    1362255 Guest


    Thank you for the response. Yes, I agree about swallowing the excess saliva prior to kissing. The lip thing sounds appealing. I suppose I'm rather dorky in that, rather than use tongue the first time, I'd likely go for either a peck on the cheek or just a simple kiss on the lips, maybe linger a second or two. One woman is always different than the other and you never really know what they'd be into. Dating is hard for everybody, surely enough, but it's extra stressful when you worry over every little detail. My parents raised me to be chivalrous and benevolent; so I hold doors open for people all the time. Once, at a Barnes & Noble, I held the door open for a young woman who was maybe... about ten years older than me. Anyway, she began yelling at me because, to her mind, my sincere gesture was taken as: "You're telling me you decide whether or not I get to enter or exit the store, by man's will? I'm strong enough to open my own door." It was bizarre and I didn't mean to offend this person, but again, everyone's different and you just never know.
     
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  12. 1362255

    1362255 Guest

    Thank you for commenting. Yeah, I feel like maybe I'd reserve kissing during sex for someone that I feel a deeper passion for. I don't think I'm the type to do one night stands, but if the mood and the moment was right, maybe a strangers in the night type of thing could happen and I'd be open to it. Unless that person wanted me to kiss them during sex, I wouldn't. I doubt there's any time prior to sex to discuss expectations and what your partner needs to feel.. special, for lack of a better word, but if you're not there to please your partner, there's little to no point. I don't really understand when other guys talk about how good it feels for them and just leaving afterward, whether or not their partner was, uh, "finished." In that way, I've never really felt like a man, I guess, because I don't share what seems to be a common thought.
     
  13. 1362255

    1362255 Guest

    That's most definitely what I suspected all along, honestly. I know there's a difference, I just didn't know what exactly. So long as you have a partner who laughs with you, not at you, in those moments, it should be alright.
     
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  14. Tattooed Goddess

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    I am seeing 2 people right now. They arent one night stands but regular friends with benefits. One doesnt kiss much. He prefers my mouth to be on his balls about 90% of the time we are together. The other is a huge fan of deep passionate kissing. He revs me up kissing me. I'll kiss him as much as he wants.
     
  15. 1362255

    1362255 Guest

    Great advice, thank you. Personally, I wouldn't mind if someone kissed me and it wasn't very good, I'm pretty understanding. I just don't want to be the one making that mistake because, well, maybe your partner's understanding and maybe they're not -- I don't think one could easily tell at that early stage in a relationship, if it's even a relationship at all hahaha.
     
  16. 1362255

    1362255 Guest

    Holy shit, thank you. I mean -- I'm appreciative of everyone who has posted -- but this response, especially. Laughing is precisely what I'm going for. When people say kissing or sex is "JUST" kissing or sex, it feels like it's being understated. It's not nothing, but it's probably not a big, big deal either. Laughing, I think, shows that you're both in it together, provided the partners aren't laughing at each other. It's sort of a silly act, isn't it? Special, personal, fun -- sure, but it tends to look ridiculous, too.
     
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  17. AlteredEgo

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    Make mistakes. You'll feel better once you do. By the time a first kiss comes around, you honestly have very little invested in the other person. Disappointment is life. If the kiss is awkward, and your partner lacks the experience to know that first kisses are usually not great because nobody knows what anyone wants from a kiss until after they have kissed, and they reject you on the basis of one kiss, run. Date women. Not puerile mean-girls. If the kiss is awkward, stop briefly, and start over. Little tiny pecks, slowly deepening until you each start to organically figure out what will work for you both.

    Seriously. Once you are no longer a high school sophomore, this should not be this serious of a concern. You are freaking yourself out for no reason. I promise. Life is disappointing, often. But if you worry too much about being disappointed, you will miss out on being blessed.
     
  18. LaFemme

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    I think TnJ nailed it, in my opinion. Everybody is a good kisser and everybody is a bad kisser - depends on who likes what.

    I love kissing, soft kissing, nibbling, mixed with long, deep sensual kisses - but I hate smacking sounds, excessive wetness. Others might like tearing at each other’s mouths. And remember, movie kissing is for the cameras, not for the participants. You won’t learn much from movies or TV except you should probably take off your glasses and lipstick makes an awful mess and can taste terrible. Don’t underrate fresh breath! :grinning: Never lead with your tongue, in my opinion.

    The only way to learn to kiss, is just to do it. And you get good at it with your partner. Then the next one will be different. It’s intimate. Fun. Can be ridiculous. Can be bonding.

    I kind of miss it.
     
  19. Scarletbegonia

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    I’m with a Mr Awesome First Kiss.
    So awesome I exited and asked when I could have another.
    Two years on, we are still making out like teenagers. And we both hold AARP cards.

    Just go with it. And a person you cannot laugh with is someone you should not have sex with.
     
  20. 693987

    693987 Guest

    Hell yes, laugh during sex and smooching and all of the above
     
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