Labels And Women’s Sexuality

[Scarletbegonia]

When I came of sexual age, the only heteronormative label for sexual attraction I was really aware of was “dirty old man.” Given my age at the time, that seemed to start at 30. Perspective then.
Real perspective? I’m in a gap of the same number now.

Is he a dirty old man? Not really. The numbers on my driving license are an occasional source of curiosity, but aside from the evening he learned my age, he’s mentioned it maybe twice between us. (It’s a slight tease when he’s telling stories in public and mentions a year. I’ll hold up fingers to list my age then. Occasionally.)

He is a breast guy. The numbers in my bra matter more, preferably read from the floor.
Still “cradle robber” and “dirty old man” exist.


Now, most of the labeling, especially of derogatory nature, goes to women.
Slut
Cougar
MILF

All are meant to make women less than human.

writer Charyn Pfeffer wrote in 2018, about her repeated matches on dating sites to men 10-15 years younger:

Due to my dating habits, I've repeatedly been called a cougar. That's a term I find repulsive. Cougars are defined as older women who actively (and predatorily) chase after younger men.

In most situations, younger men actively sought me out. If anything, my being a more mature woman seems to be a big turn-on for them. That's fine. It works swimmingly in some super-hot age-gap role plays. I also look much younger than my actual age. Since I don't have children, I find MILF, an equally gross term mainstreamed by the 1999 film "American Pie," equally disgusting.

A less-offensive term recently surfaced: WHIPs: Women who are Hot, Intelligent, and in their Prime. It's a step in a better direction ... but I tend to reject labeling. Life is much more interesting when you allow yourself to color outside the lines.


Now, she is also non monogamous, so that plays into some common concerns in age gaps, like desire for kids or long term relationships including marriage.

So, why do people persist in using labels meant to dehumanize the person? What does that mean for women’s sexuality to have it attacked from every corner?

Will we ever get over the Madonna/Whore dichotomy? Or purity as a possession, rather than a state of mind?

 

[ChanelleNo5]

I wish we could just do what feels good and stop worrying about labels altogether, though I am the first to admit that I care what others think. Maybe someday I'll get over that but I haven't yet unfortunately.

 

[Sagittarius84]

As far as "dirty old man", i dont think that is a label that really needs to go away, nor do i think it exists as an affront to women's sexuality, it's simply telling it like it too often is: that older men unable to attract a companion that is a peer or a contemporary(or unable to appreciate what they have to offer), will often leverage their financial and social stability, and social status in lieu of actual compatibility, which is often a boon to younger women for whom the "positive" consequences of a largely patriarchal construct tend to be pretty attractive in comparison to some of the inherent frustrations to the more egalitarian aspects of dating men their age or younger(presumably due to maturity levels).
This is not me saying some May December romances amongst younger women and older are not possible, just that its a safer bet she's got daddy issues, or he's not a good catch and the women his age know it and steer clear, or some permutation of the two..

 

[Scarletbegonia]

I didn't say dirty old man is an affront to women's sexuality.

I suggest these are:
Cougar (and its derivatives)
Slut
MILF
And many others not listed.

 

[Sagittarius84]

I didn't say dirty old man is an affront to women's sexuality.

I suggest these are:
Cougar (and its derivatives)
Slut
MILF
And many others not listed.

Id concur with "slut". Id acquiesce a wholly unnecessary level of vulgarity to the other two, but not necessarily an affront to women's sexuality..,I'd actually argue the opposite, given the derelict and slapstick nature attributed to older women's sexuality pre-'American Pie'.
Again totally understanding some of the fetishy(as well as statutory) undertones that surround them, Id contend cougar and MILF have positive connotations, while the moniker of 'slut' carries a derogatory nature inherently.
I believe the male counterpart to milf or cougar is 'zaddy'

 

[spaj8987]

People persist because it makes them feel better about themselves. That's the reasoning for most if not all insults. Someone cuts in front of you in traffic. Fuck you, you cunt bag. If someone passes you over for a promotion. Eat a dick you waste of human flesh.

When we feel like we've been hurt. That our emotions have been hurt. We often time look for a way to get even.

People persist when it comes to women because in their minds women have hurt their feelings. Not a woman. Not one of their exs. Women.

Doesn't matter how illogical it is considering those types of people aren't working off much logic to begin with. All they care about is getting revenge for perceived slights. Which is very ironic considering that very thing is a stereotype of women and it's much more often men being that way.

Still though, when it comes to people who aren't as logical as others..it feels good. To them it's like gaining something back. One upping another person. Dick measuring. Their egos feel that keeping an insult going that's directed toward all women is fair. The fact that there's no other term as demeaning for men to them is also fair. To them women in general are more bad than men.

So when they say it. It seems logical to them. Along with it making them feel better.

There's also those who could stop it or at the very least say something to stop it. There are a certain number of people out there who will comment on it. Who would look at the person saying it as they are. There are others though who believe right along with the person who said it that women in general deserve it. And if that person is in a position of power then they'll allow it. Because they also feel better not only when someone else says it but that no one can stop or slow down others from saying it.

My guess is women's sexuality will be and has been hampered because of it. Leading to women having less sex, enjoying sex less and being much less likely to want to have sex with someone just to have sex. Only in the area of sex though. I'm 100% sure that it spreads outside of sex and negatively effects a bunch of other things. The reason i'm mentioning sex is this...

..in the grand scheme of things it isn't actually true but most people think men want sex more than women. What i would imagine is that women don't express their sexuality nearly as much as they would...because of those terms. And considering it was men who created those terms and men far far faarrr outnumber the amount of women who do. It's literally men bashing themselves in the balls with a spiked shovel then blaming women for it.

Making it one of the most illogical, stupid, effective, backwards, wtf things i've ever seen a gender do not only in present day but for hundreds of years without pause. The astounding part is that people in general..just don't get it even now. Even now when most of these sorts of topics get talked about at length. Women express how they feel about those terms and say how it keeps them from being freer to initiate sex most people still default to it as if it isn't like them throwing a brick in the air and trying to catch it with their face.

That's not to take away the harm it does to women. I mean it's horrible to light a person's house on fire with them still in it. Right off the bat those are horrible people. But you'd at least think them smart enough to oh i don't know. Not happily run into the house they just set on fire having first downed a shot glass full of gasoline. With the added mind boggling action of while they burn to death attempt to scream maximum effort in celebration of their actions.

Sure. Certain kinds of people do in fact feel better having used those words. But ultimately it literally keeps them from other pleasures that are far better.

I don't think we'll ever get over it sadly. Same goes for racism, homophobia, transphobia and a few others. Those things make certain kinds of people feel better about themselves. And to them there is no alternative.

Find a person who doesn't do any of those things to make themselves feel better and you'll find someone who has in fact found those alternatives. Though it takes time and effort. I've talked about people being more logical before. And i'm talking about people being more logical now.

People use those terms because they think it fits. They think most women are blank or blank. They feel better having done it and have nothing else to hold onto. Their levels of insecurity is as low as it is because they can't figure out how to have confidence in themselves logically. So they replace it with something else that also isn't logical.

With most people doing the same and not being anywhere near as logical as they could be. They have no reason to change. And if anything have every reason not to. In a room full of ten people if they see six or seven of them are doing what they do then odds are good they'll feel that what they're doing is best. Regardless of whether it is or not.

And if those six or seven people are religious, conservative, illogical and so on...nah. The world is moving away from those things. That is without a doubt happening. It's just that from the world having been those things for so long we kind of have a timer on our hands in the form of climate being our own doomsday clock.

Highly doubt we have enough time as a race to make to a moment where sexism isn't so appealing to stupid people.

 

[Haggard_Wisdom]

Just now I've been advised that the term 'GILF' is offensive. Offending/dehumanising others was never my intent but reading your post Scarletbegonia I can see why some would take offence to it. I won't be using it or similar terms again.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Just now I've been advised that the term 'GILF' is offensive. Offending/dehumanising others was never my intent but reading your post Scarletbegonia I can see why some would take offence to it. I won't be using it or similar terms again.

Thank you. it’s sexist and ageist. As is dirty old man.
It also assumes reproduction, even of the woman has never spawned.