OK so we're used to thinking of love and hate as being related, but I want to know if its possible to both love someone and feel intense envy of them simultaneously and if doing so is healthy. I have a close friend from school, put simply he is one of the most beautiful human beings, both physically and by nature, I have ever met, and I've met a lot of beautiful people. We lost contact for a few years after we left school and only bumped in to each other accidentally about 9 years ago and since then we've become really good friends. He's a year younger than me and in school he wasn't out, while I pretty much spectacularly was. After we'd rekindled our friendship he admitted to me (much to my enormous chagrin) that at school I'd been a huge influence on him and my confidence about my sexuality had helped him come to terms with his own and given him the courage to come out. Needless to say I was enormously flattered and embarrassed. Years have passed, and his beauty and charm and attractiveness have only grown, he's one of those people who literally magnetizes whole rooms of people, and when ever we are in each other's company we have wonderful times and I treasure the time we do have together because he works abroad and we see each other infrequently these days. A couple of years after we'd reconnected we had one particularly debauched weekend on the town together and ended up sharing a bed in a hotel, we didn't shag, I think because we were both uncomfortable with what that might do to our friendship, but there has always been an undertone of sexual tension between us, which I (due to my personal hangups about my appearance) have never quite been able to believe is real or as significant as some have suggested. We've never talked about it seriously, though we joke about it a lot. I do however feel intense envy sometimes of just how truly gorgeous he is, I can't help it, no matter how much I rationalise it, and no matter how I tell myself it's about my own insecurities, it just lurks there still. It makes me annoyed with myself, because I have envied almost no one else all my life, despite not being terribly enamoured of my appearance I am extremely pleased to be me and I love my life and am a confident and self assured person but this one person in all the world makes me envious and horny at the same time and it pisses me off that I envy him his physical beauty, because he's actually so so so much more than that. Is it possible to really love a person (platonicly or not) and yet at the same time envy them intensely sometimes? Is it healthy? Or does this situation in my life more likely stem from me secretly kicking myself that me and this guy never fucked? It's actually really conflicting, and it bothers the hell out of me. He posted pics of himself and his hot new BF on FB the other day and instead of being pleased to see my mate having fun, all I could do was fixate on how great his abs looked and how sexy he looked sitting by some fountain in spain and just feeling shit because I wont (being totally honest) ever look that hot. God I hate actually writing that, but it's true. It makes me seem so shallow and shitty. Grrrrrr, I actually love this guy (as a friend) and I really do treasure him as a person.