Master & slave relationships.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_Dustydo, Sep 13, 2009.

  1. B_Dustydo

    B_Dustydo New Member

    Jul 18, 2009
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    I am discovering a whole new aspect of my sexuality.
    I always though of my sexuality as equal - as in equally aggressive/submissive but there have been times lately, with a one particular dominant guy I've not only been submissive but have slid straight into "slave mode".
    If I was 100% honest this feels like a very natural voice for my sexuality when I'm with him but away from him, when I get time to think about it, I am left quietly shaken.

    I am wondering if there is any advice for a novice at this sort of "thing".

    Thank You,

  2. Bbucko

    Gold Member

    Oct 28, 2006
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    Sunny SoFla
    There are as many different ways of expressing one's feelings and scratching one's itches as there are people. Not everyone will understand what drives others into SM relationships, and many times one person's pain is another heightened sensation and pleasure response.

    That having been said, I've explored SM through a variety of experiences: role play; rough sex; spanking, paddling, flogging; humiliation scenarios, etc. In my life, this kind of play was always reserved for specific partners qualified specifically for the purpose: I've never tried to "recruit" anyone into the lifestyle, and I shied away from forming broader emotional commitments with the people with whom I played rough. Keeping this emotional line in the sand was always very important to me, though now (I'm almost 50) it's much less so than it was when I was in my 20s and 30s.

    I suppose this compartmentalization came about because of feelings of unease and shame (love is supposed to be gentle and kind, not fierce and devastating, right?) which, though much abated, I've yet to purge entirely. I don't necessarily think this is altogether a bad thing, as anything which stays 'forbidden" holds a higher level of sexual excitement.

    Because of this compartmentalization, though, I've always resisted crossing from Dom to Master. It's one thing to have a spicy kinky thing in private, something else altogether different to assume complete control over another's life: real Master/Slave relationships don't shut off. The dynamic that governs their sex lives bleeds over into all areas of their existence as a couple, which would seem to me to upset the proper balance of two equal individuals sharing their lives together.

    When I play rough, it's always with the tacit (or explicit) understanding that I can only go as far as the Submissive will let me: I may lead the dance but am not dictating the tune.
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