Men experimenting sexually: how common is it really?

[DDre13]

I know of no solid data on the subject but suspect that Kinsey's 40% figure is probably reasonable when you throw in all the guys who had youthful "experiments" a time, or two, or a few back before settling down to a monogamous heterosexual relationship. From my own experience in playing with "straight" guys I'd make a wild guess that it's more like 10% of that population who continue to "experiment" through their adult lives. But I do believe that the percentages would definitely be higher if there were greater societal tolerance for such behavior.

I Am curious if you think it is more or less common now?

 

[theplayerking]

Very good reply, thank you. I am wondering where in the first place that the idea or all gay men being feminine originated. I mean, most gay men I have met are just like normal guys, so who created the idea of being a gay guy means losing your masculinity? Or is it just the concept of getting f*cked instead of f*cking is feminine?

Just my random thoughts.

Decades ago many of the men who were “out” were effeminate mainly because they had no choice. They couldn’t “pass for straight” because their mannerisms gave them away.

Once more and more men started coming out in the 90s, society was able to see the full panoply of masculinity/femininity in the LGBT population and changed it perception of what it was to be gay. That’s why activists like Andrew Sullivan were so adamant about same sex marriage and gays in the military. He realized that having gays in the military would utterly shatter they whole effeminate myth.

On the other hand gay culture in the 70s and 80s tended to play up its feminine side. I was born in 1973 and came out in high school in 1989. In those days it was still common to refer to other gay men as “she” and affect a generally campy demeanor when with other gay men. That sort of thing is definitely frowned up by many gay men nowadays.

 

[theplayerking]

Men are very concerned about what other men think about them. A woman is still a woman if she eats a pussy. A man is a fag if he sucks dick... to many men in American culture. A man has to prove himself. A woman gets a period and has babies to prove she is female. Masculinity sits uncomfortably with many men in male/ male sex situations. That is why in many cultures such as Mexico, a high percentage of young men can be had if you offer them a small fee so they can say they are doing it for money. Same reason why it is so easy to find gay for pay pornstars.

That’s conventional wisdom, and it may apply in other countries, but I think today in the US (and especially among people under 30) the group that has the biggest problem with male, same-sex play is straight women, not straight men.

I know guys who would never tell their wives or girlfriends that they experimented with a guy. They’re absolutely certain that the women will freak out and leave them immediately.

Women want men who will support them and their children for a lifetime. The find same-sex play—even if it was before they even met—very threatening.

 

[DDre13]

That’s conventional wisdom, and it may apply in other countries, but I think today in the US (and especially among people under 30) the group that has the biggest problem with male, same-sex play is straight women, not straight men.

I know guys who would never tell their wives or girlfriends that they experimented with a guy. They’re absolutely certain that the women will freak out and leave them immediately.

Women want men who will support them and their children for a lifetime. The find same-sex play—even if it was before they even met—very threatening.

I agree, they think the guy liked it will cheat with a guy.

But, I don't think they are threatened by the concept of gay men themselves....although I am not sure if that is what you meant. They are threatened that the py can't provide what the guy missed from his male play, even I'd the guy didn't like it, and will find a guy to do it with.

I am not sure if this is what you meant or not but these are my thoughts. This is an interesting part of the subject. Also, do you think it will ever change?

 

[DDre13]

Decades ago many of the men who were “out” were effeminate mainly because they had no choice. They couldn’t “pass for straight” because their mannerisms gave them away.

Once more and more men started coming out in the 90s, society was able to see the full panoply of masculinity/femininity in the LGBT population and changed it perception of what it was to be gay. That’s why activists like Andrew Sullivan were so adamant about same sex marriage and gays in the military. He realized that having gays in the military would utterly shatter they whole effeminate myth.

On the other hand gay culture in the 70s and 80s tended to play up its feminine side. I was born in 1973 and came out in high school in 1989. In those days it was still common to refer to other gay men as “she” and affect a generally campy demeanor when with other gay men. That sort of thing is definitely frowned up by many gay men nowadays.

They for your thoughts. Very informational. D you think this perception would change?

Also, what are your thoughts on my original topic, if I may add.

 

[theplayerking]

I agree, they think the guy liked it will cheat with a guy.

But, I don't think they are threatened by the concept of gay men themselves....although I am not sure if that is what you meant. They are threatened that the py can't provide what the guy missed from his male play, even I'd the guy didn't like it, and will find a guy to do it with.

I am not sure if this is what you meant or not but these are my thoughts. This is an interesting part of the subject. Also, do you think it will ever change?

No, I don’t think straight women are threatened by gay men, they’re threatened by straight men who’ve experimented with same-sex play. Women assume that men are sexually insatiable and a history of same-sex play is just one more thing to worry about.

According the evolutionary biology, men are attracted to healthy women to bear their children (which is why men are attracted to things like red lips and healthy skin and why women wear lipstick and makeup). Women are attracted to strong, masculine men who can provide resources for them and their children.

Same-sex play confuses the issue for straight women.

 

[theplayerking]

They for your thoughts. Very informational. D you think this perception would change?

Also, what are your thoughts on my original topic, if I may add.

There’s the difference between passive and active experimentation. Men are horndogs. If you count all of the guys who got frisky while playing Truth or Dare at a sleepover in junior high or jacked off a roommate in college while they were drunk, I’m sure the numbers are quite high.

I’ve had full on anal sex (as a bottom) with straight guys just because we were alone in the dorm room, bored and horny. It was something to do, they were curious and I was happy to oblige.

 

[Capitolhillguy]

That’s conventional wisdom, and it may apply in other countries, but I think today in the US (and especially among people under 30) the group that has the biggest problem with male, same-sex play is straight women, not straight men.

I know guys who would never tell their wives or girlfriends that they experimented with a guy. They’re absolutely certain that the women will freak out and leave them immediately.

Women want men who will support them and their children for a lifetime. The find same-sex play—even if it was before they even met—very threatening.

You have me there. Not to diminish my point, but definitely women are a problem here on this issue. Out of the thousands of bi men I've been with over the years, less than a handful had female partners that knew.
Even in porn in America, females will more often than not avoid working with bi male porn stars. In Europe it seems not to be a problem, especially in England and the Czech Republic.

 

[cannycrumpet]

Im in my mid thirties now and have had a few boyfriends/partners and I tend to think when men reach there 30s they tend to explore more, get more dirty ?

Maybe its a mid life crisis, but men over 30s are deffo more adventures, do these surveys take age into consideration ?

I like butch men who can handle them self's in the bedroom and in every day life but I also like if there a bit kinky dirty in the bedroom.

It is a fact bi-sexual men are better lovers, put it this way... its not very often id meet a straight man who likes to lick, all my holes chains me to bed and fucks me all over the bedroom.

Bi-sex men are just dirty, straight forward, and damm right good in bed, im not having a dig at straight men, but they do tend to roll on and roll off after 2 mins and say are that was good !!!!

Are the best ones are your loving this arnt you, im the man lol, yerrrr ok.... Im like thinking ? shut the fuck up and shag me like a rag doll idiot lol

yerrrrrrrr.... ok your the best......... NOT

 

[622675]

Thanks for this very interesting discussion.

I have a close friend (near my age 62) who has the ability to get into nearly anyone’s pants (male or female though he is gay). I am not sure he knows how he does this, but as I have watched him (during the 40+ years of our association) he is very quick to engage the other person in intimate conversations. Physically he is a nice looking and non-threading kind of guy. He is very bright and well spoken, X-military officer, and for some reason he just has the ability to ask the most personal kinds of questions without making the other person feel invaded. He is very successful with would-be straight (married) guys. And it is not that he really wants to encourage this group, but he just can’t help himself. Young guys adore him, but he is one of those guys who prefer maturity to puberty.

This is what I think is occurring. Most people walk around filled a mix bag of fears and desires which they keep as secret. When my friend breaks through to their private desires, it is like they have been discovered on a deserted island. My friend is a top and cock worship comes from the most unexpected people. It is just amazing to see how excited they become and how much they enjoy opening up and experimenting with someone they can’t shock or surprise.

It would be great to read how others might explain what is going on with my friend and his success at liberating just about anyone's gay sexual desires.

 

[oddeyeblu]

Shut the fuck up and shag me like a rag doll
ROTF LMAO

 

[dcw4]

Thanks for this very interesting discussion.

I have a close friend (near my age 62) who has the ability to get into nearly anyone’s pants (male or female though he is gay). I am not sure he knows how he does this, but as I have watched him (during the 40+ years of our association) he is very quick to engage the other person in intimate conversations. Physically he is a nice looking and non-threading kind of guy. He is very bright and well spoken, X-military officer, and for some reason he just has the ability to ask the most personal kinds of questions without making the other person feel invaded. He is very successful with would-be straight (married) guys. And it is not that he really wants to encourage this group, but he just can’t help himself. Young guys adore him, but he is one of those guys who prefer maturity to puberty.

This is what I think is occurring. Most people walk around filled a mix bag of fears and desires which they keep as secret. When my friend breaks through to their private desires, it is like they have been discovered on a deserted island. My friend is a top and cock worship comes from the most unexpected people. It is just amazing to see how excited they become and how much they enjoy opening up and experimenting with someone they can’t shock or surprise.

It would be great to read how others might explain what is going on with my friend and his success at liberating just about anyone's gay sexual desires.

whats your friends phone number?

 

[catman]

an old southern expression..." In a Baptist church, what do you call two unmarried 70 year old women who live together? Spinsters" "What do you call two unmarried 35 year old men who live together?" "Homos"....

Double standard- if you asked a man about his sex life, first question would be 'who wants to know?" (and then "why?")

 

[DDre13]

lol I have never heard of that expression before.

 

[D_22]

Regarding women being threatened about their male partners about a past experimental experience, I once had a big back and forth with one of my female friends which led to me getting annoyed and leaving before it got heated. So this female friend has a cousin who was my ex. My ex knew I was bi and was totally okay with it. My female friend found out months after her cousin and i broke up that I was. She was shocked but supportive none-the-less.

Flash forward, though, I made a joke about her boyfriend (also a really close friend of mine) and I messing around in the past. She started to get a bit defensive about that, especially due to him brushing it off and she wasn't sure what was being indicated. I told her I was joking after she asked him if I was telling the truth and that if I was, she'd leave him. Due to her reaction, I asked her what if he did experiment at some point in the past, she'd leave him. She said yes. I kept digging deeper and asking what if it were an experimental phase, let's say once and only once and all it re-enforce that he wasn't into dudes but was definitely straight. She kept saying even if that, she'd leave him plain and simple. She also stated that what if he got the urge to cheat on him with a man at some point in the future? I started to get annoyed and I asked her how is it any different from him having past experience with other women and possibly cheating on him with other women. She kept saying it was different and i stated it really wasn't because cheating is cheating, it shouldn't matter if it was with a man or woman.

I started to get annoyed especially as I was thinking that what if my ex shared her same thoughts while we were together. I told them I was leaving because i could tell it was something that was going to get me really annoyed and I did leave. My friend, her boyfriend, told me later on that after I left she was saying she didn't understand why I was getting annoyed and he said, "Really? He's bi, how do you not expect him to get offended my any of that?"

Ah well.

 

[SR_Pepe_LePube]

There’s the difference between passive and active experimentation. Men are horndogs. If you count all of the guys who got frisky while playing Truth or Dare at a sleepover in junior high or jacked off a roommate in college while they were drunk, I’m sure the numbers are quite high.

I’ve had full on anal sex (as a bottom) with straight guys just because we were alone in the dorm room, bored and horny. It was something to do, they were curious and I was happy to oblige.

I agree with your comment and it closely resembles my own experiences during my adolescence. I attended a single-sex school and it was very common that we would explore our sexuality when we met socially. It stated by our mutual fascination with our penises; we would often find a secluded spot where we would engage in social nudity and participated in group masturbation; sometimes we would jack each other off. As our curiosity grew some of us explored oral and anal sex, and looking back I enjoyed the experience and never regretted doing so. To this day social nudity still plays a part in my life but sexual experimentation is more restrained as eventually I discovered the pleasure of sex with a woman and entered into heterosexual relationships.

 

[str8bro1]

I drink beer but I'm not an alcoholic.
I smoke cigars on occasion but I'm not a smoker.
I let swear words flow sometimes but I'm not a swear-ER

over the years I've stroked a few buddies dicks. in the money it was just bonding and getting off. Sorry not gay. Not bi. Just a male.

 

[DDre13]

There’s the difference between passive and active experimentation. Men are horndogs. If you count all of the guys who got frisky while playing Truth or Dare at a sleepover in junior high or jacked off a roommate in college while they were drunk, I’m sure the numbers are quite high.

I’ve had full on anal sex (as a bottom) with straight guys just because we were alone in the dorm room, bored and horny. It was something to do, they were curious and I was happy to oblige.

I wonder if men will be able to admit this openly, and if society will acknowledge that is normal for both genders, especially men, to experiment sexually. Do you believe women will become more tolerant of hearing of a straight man's experimentation, or is it just too threatening for straight women?

 

[wpgman]

I think many men will experiment with another guy, but will never admit to it. I had a str8 bud some years ago who knew I was gay and always said he didn't have a gay bone in his body. But late one night he called me and said he was so horny because of a woman he met but she turned him down for sex. I said that's too bad and that he should just jerk off. But he said he needed more than that and was willing to experiment a little. He asked if he could come over, so I said sure. It didn't take him long to get naked and into my bed. I sucked him off and he even wanted to try sucking as well. Anyhow, I enjoyed it alot and when he left he asked me not to tell anyone at all. I think for sometime he was wanting to experiment with me but just needed an excuse as to being so horny.
He was not the only one, there has been a few other str8 guys willing to experiment with a guy as well. Just goes to show, there are tons of curious guys out there. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

 

[622675]

I agree with many of your insights on the nature of male sexual interests. They seem to start at an early age when some guys get the chance to experiment. Others just participate vicariously. Then along with age come cultural and social pressures to hide all but acceptable interest. So most guys stop experimenting for real. BUT they keep experimenting in their minds (fantasizing). When the right circumstance comes along the fantasy pushes its way out. It is often justified in all kinds of lame ways. When it is called a fantasy it sounds dirty, so we clean it up and call it a curiosity. But make no mistake; everyone has their “deviant” fantasies, which they frequently exercise.

Ooops! It just occurred to me why I may be attracted to the LPSG site.