Do you want to have sex with other people but don’t because you committed to the person you’re in love with? If your partner suggested having sex with other people what would your reaction be?
Monogamous Couples
- Thread starter erpap
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The temptation is definitely there. I honestly don't believe humans were meant to be monogamous. I think that's a construct forced on us by religion and society. I remain monogamous because that is the agreement my hubby and I have. If he were to approach me about having an open relationship, I think I would be game so long as strict guidelines were in place and the people were vetted
For almost the first half of our marriage I believed in the myth of eternal monogamy and that having sex with only the same person for the rest of one's life was the established norm and goal. Any other concept seemed alien to me due to possessiveness and strong jealousy should I even think about other guy showing interest in my wife, let alone seeing her nude.
It wasn't till I could acknowledge those feelings and truly feel enough trust that she was not going to leave me just because someone else found her attractive that I could even broach the issue of bringing others into our sex life. In other words, separate the pure physical of sex from the pure emotional and commitment of love and marriage.
Even then, our first encounters were limited to the wife just playing with other women or having sex with just each other in front of other couples, as neither of us still had the comfort level to see each other with opposite-gender strangers. Eventually, like many things, that fell to the wayside as both the trust and separation of sex and love had been more of a gradual process than a sudden revelation. Of course in recent years all those issues have been sorted out and tidied up to where both of us can acknowledge and be comfortable with our sexual expression with others.
None of this has proved detrimental to our relationship (and in fact has strengthened it) as what we have with each other we will always have and is far, far more important than the single sexual experience with another. Having gotten to see her with other guys, but knowing it is me that she will still be going home with afterwards and having been through so much together, exclusive to us, has also helped my acceptance.
Just the fact all human beings think and look at others with at least the occasional sexual thought, proves to me, monogamy is not the natural state, but merely something society created for what they considered the good of the family and religion.
This is not to say, one shouldn't strive for it's practice most of the time as commitment is the cornerstone to any relationship and not everyone (maybe most) could come to post-enlightenment swinging and make it work; but if it is a mutual consent thing, neither should it be looked down upon.
So maybe due to my personal experience and journey my view is biased, but I see nothing wrong with either choice as long as one partner is not forcing it on the other and putting their sexual needs or desires above each other's.
It wasn't till I could acknowledge those feelings and truly feel enough trust that she was not going to leave me just because someone else found her attractive that I could even broach the issue of bringing others into our sex life. In other words, separate the pure physical of sex from the pure emotional and commitment of love and marriage.
Even then, our first encounters were limited to the wife just playing with other women or having sex with just each other in front of other couples, as neither of us still had the comfort level to see each other with opposite-gender strangers. Eventually, like many things, that fell to the wayside as both the trust and separation of sex and love had been more of a gradual process than a sudden revelation. Of course in recent years all those issues have been sorted out and tidied up to where both of us can acknowledge and be comfortable with our sexual expression with others.
None of this has proved detrimental to our relationship (and in fact has strengthened it) as what we have with each other we will always have and is far, far more important than the single sexual experience with another. Having gotten to see her with other guys, but knowing it is me that she will still be going home with afterwards and having been through so much together, exclusive to us, has also helped my acceptance.
Just the fact all human beings think and look at others with at least the occasional sexual thought, proves to me, monogamy is not the natural state, but merely something society created for what they considered the good of the family and religion.
This is not to say, one shouldn't strive for it's practice most of the time as commitment is the cornerstone to any relationship and not everyone (maybe most) could come to post-enlightenment swinging and make it work; but if it is a mutual consent thing, neither should it be looked down upon.
So maybe due to my personal experience and journey my view is biased, but I see nothing wrong with either choice as long as one partner is not forcing it on the other and putting their sexual needs or desires above each other's.
Yes and yes. I am for free love, but my partner is monogamous, so this how O roll.
MilfBanger78
Superior Member
Monogamy is not natural for humans.
Probably why I never married lol.
Probably why I never married lol.
I’ve only been with 3 men in my entire life, my currently long term boyfriend included. I definitely have reoccurring thoughts of seeing what else is out there, different body types, different sexual experiences etc. But my bf is set on being monogamous, so that is what I agree with. I already know there is zero chance my bf would agree to an open relationship. But then there’s other factors that come with that. STI’s, hurt feelings, etc etc. So it really comes down to what you really want. Promiscuous sex with various people, or consistent sex with one person forever.
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Honestly? If I my future partner suggested we started having sex with other people even from time to time or worse, opening the relationship, I'd definitely end the relationship right then and there.
I think that it would be impossible for a truly monogamous person to accept the fact that your partner is thinking sexually about other guys and hurt feelings and jealousy eventually would make the relationship a living hell. It's the same as asking full commitment, faithfulness and monogamy to a guy who truly doesn't believe in monogamy, that wants to continuously be free to try stuff with other people while still maintaining an emotional relationship with one guy.
I'm a monogamous guy to the core, and would never be ok with either me or my man having sex with others, that's just how I am and what I like and I think it's as valid as guys fully believing in free open relationships.
I'm not saying monogamy implies not being able to appreciate hotness, we're human and we have eyes, but monogamy is a choice when you love someone, you consciously choose to devote your love and sexual life to one person who gives you everything you need. I'm one of those guys who really struggle to understand how to separate sex from feelings and I'm not even sure I'd want to understand that.
So I think the monogamy/open relationship topic is one of the very first things a couple should talk about, give your points of view and see if you're compatible. Otherwise in the long run it becomes nothing more than pain.
I think that it would be impossible for a truly monogamous person to accept the fact that your partner is thinking sexually about other guys and hurt feelings and jealousy eventually would make the relationship a living hell. It's the same as asking full commitment, faithfulness and monogamy to a guy who truly doesn't believe in monogamy, that wants to continuously be free to try stuff with other people while still maintaining an emotional relationship with one guy.
I'm a monogamous guy to the core, and would never be ok with either me or my man having sex with others, that's just how I am and what I like and I think it's as valid as guys fully believing in free open relationships.
I'm not saying monogamy implies not being able to appreciate hotness, we're human and we have eyes, but monogamy is a choice when you love someone, you consciously choose to devote your love and sexual life to one person who gives you everything you need. I'm one of those guys who really struggle to understand how to separate sex from feelings and I'm not even sure I'd want to understand that.
So I think the monogamy/open relationship topic is one of the very first things a couple should talk about, give your points of view and see if you're compatible. Otherwise in the long run it becomes nothing more than pain.
I believe monogamy is unnatural and harmful to the male psyche. Forced monogamy is akin to sexual slavery. It's a crime against nature and just plain wrong. Don't do it, don't be monogamous, it's bad for you.
Apparently I'm the lone dissenting voice.
I am only sexually attracted to women I'm in love with. When I was dating as a young man I never had eyes for anyone other than my girlfriend at the time. As a husband I never once considered looking elsewhere for sex, even through some pretty parched dry spells due to health and/or circumstance.
I just don't feel that way towards others, whether it's innate wiring, or a learned response of not seeing other people in those terms.
I am only sexually attracted to women I'm in love with. When I was dating as a young man I never had eyes for anyone other than my girlfriend at the time. As a husband I never once considered looking elsewhere for sex, even through some pretty parched dry spells due to health and/or circumstance.
I just don't feel that way towards others, whether it's innate wiring, or a learned response of not seeing other people in those terms.
No. Never had the urge to have sex with anybody else while in a relationship.
The knuckle-dragging mouth-breathers who try and justify their wants by saying monogamy "isn't natural" are a joke. You see an attractive person, so that's your big evidence? Gimme a break. Monogamy is the norm in every single country on Earth. Going with their logic, we should be able to kill, steal, and rape whenever we want. That's the way the species existed, right? Yeah... Except most of us figured out that these "natural" behaviors are easily controlled & do more harm than good to individuals and society.
Any excuse to try and get their miserable little peckers wet. Lol.
But, to add to my original answer to the question...
My sex life would make porn stars blush.
So,I have nothing to complain about, either.
The knuckle-dragging mouth-breathers who try and justify their wants by saying monogamy "isn't natural" are a joke. You see an attractive person, so that's your big evidence? Gimme a break. Monogamy is the norm in every single country on Earth. Going with their logic, we should be able to kill, steal, and rape whenever we want. That's the way the species existed, right? Yeah... Except most of us figured out that these "natural" behaviors are easily controlled & do more harm than good to individuals and society.
Any excuse to try and get their miserable little peckers wet. Lol.
But, to add to my original answer to the question...
My sex life would make porn stars blush.
So,I have nothing to complain about, either.
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My boyfriend and I are monogamous. I'm just for him and he's just for me, no one else.
I get that there are a lot of couples who are open, and I've had some friends who have been able to make it work; they're still happy, loving and secure in their relationship.
But much, MUCH more often I see it go the other way. Feelings get hurt, jealousy sets in, and they start feeling more and more distance between them.
I think the crux is how well a person (well, a couple) can separate sex from love. For us, the two are linked and can't be separated, and since we're romantically and emotionally exclusive, we're sexually exclusive too.
I don't judge couples who are open. If they can compartmentalize their feelings and be sexually open without having it decrement from their relationship, more power to them to have fun and be happy.
But I do think that it's something that a couple need to seriously discuss, not just before they open things up but also after, so that they both understand how the other is feeling. They may think that it's something that they want only to find the reality isn't what they expected. Emotions can't always be predicted.
I don't think that monogamy is more moral or ethical than open relationships. It comes down to the couple and the dynamics of the relationship.
I get that there are a lot of couples who are open, and I've had some friends who have been able to make it work; they're still happy, loving and secure in their relationship.
But much, MUCH more often I see it go the other way. Feelings get hurt, jealousy sets in, and they start feeling more and more distance between them.
I think the crux is how well a person (well, a couple) can separate sex from love. For us, the two are linked and can't be separated, and since we're romantically and emotionally exclusive, we're sexually exclusive too.
I don't judge couples who are open. If they can compartmentalize their feelings and be sexually open without having it decrement from their relationship, more power to them to have fun and be happy.
But I do think that it's something that a couple need to seriously discuss, not just before they open things up but also after, so that they both understand how the other is feeling. They may think that it's something that they want only to find the reality isn't what they expected. Emotions can't always be predicted.
I don't think that monogamy is more moral or ethical than open relationships. It comes down to the couple and the dynamics of the relationship.
longstroke7
Mythical Member
I am not fucking someone else while in a committed relationship.
It's not that monogamy isn't natural, it's that a lot of people can't control themselves.
It's not that monogamy isn't natural, it's that a lot of people can't control themselves.
After the first few years, my first wife and I had an open relationship. We both screwed around like hell. Although we still had great sex, I never could get her off from fucking alone; when she was ready, I'd go down on her. While I was overseas in the Navy, she had an affair with a buddy of mine and found she had no trouble climaxing with his much bigger cock. On my part, it was just the case of a roaming eye. I could pick up girls easily and did. (The looks!) We married way too young; although she was cute as hell and I liked her enough, I was never in love with her. I probably care more for her now that we're divorced than I did when we were married.
It is interesting, though. When single, I was quite promiscuous. A total sexaholic. I usually had more women in a week than most guys have in a lifetime. But in other relationships, I was totally committed and monogamous. It's like a light switch turning off. I had no interest in other women (except visually). My current (2nd) wife and I are totally in love with each other. We both know we could never love another. We've talked a few times about her stepping out if she wants, but she hasn't so far. Maybe when the Covid scare passes, who knows? However, for my part, I'll stay committed, both from my own desire and hers.
As to those who rail against monogamy, I say there's different strokes for different folks. In my case, the joy and happiness of being committed to one woman far outweighs any I could find with many. I've done that. No way. Not even close.
It is interesting, though. When single, I was quite promiscuous. A total sexaholic. I usually had more women in a week than most guys have in a lifetime. But in other relationships, I was totally committed and monogamous. It's like a light switch turning off. I had no interest in other women (except visually). My current (2nd) wife and I are totally in love with each other. We both know we could never love another. We've talked a few times about her stepping out if she wants, but she hasn't so far. Maybe when the Covid scare passes, who knows? However, for my part, I'll stay committed, both from my own desire and hers.
As to those who rail against monogamy, I say there's different strokes for different folks. In my case, the joy and happiness of being committed to one woman far outweighs any I could find with many. I've done that. No way. Not even close.
I'm not against open relationships and for awhile, I thought that was the only thing I was into. But since the last guy I dated, I realized that I'm fully fine with monogamy. I don't have any sense of fomo from not having sex with other guys. I can see other guys and find them attractive, but I'm so focused on my partner that I'm just not as interested in other guys.
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Exactly this!! Monogamy is a choice one makes for love, you decide to be faithful and share your sexual life with only your partner, it takes commitment and control. You obviously can still find other people attractive, you still have eyes and feelings, but when you truly love someone and commit to them you don't even feel the need to be with other people sexually. If you do, then why bother being in a relationship? just stay single and free to do whomever you want!
To say that monogamy isn't natural is lowering our intellect and control to one of an animal, who just acts on instinct to reproduce and will fuck any other female in heat, they can't control themselves, for them it is natural. We can, and that choice is what gives it value.
Constantly...my attraction is visually driven, Ive chosen not to act upon it.
Depends on who she is suggesting. We can do much with other women, we cannot do anything with other men..
As far as monogamy being natural...I think its natural to ask for but not so much to fulfill it. I think a lot of people are so hung up on the tenets of monogamy concerning not sleeping with other people, they neglect or overlook the responsibility of being sexually available to their partner.
Scarletbegonia
Worshipped Member
Palaka, that sounds like demisexual. Aroused only by the emotionally-tied mate.
To @erpap
For me, monogamy is the path to walk. I won’t try to walk it with someone who is/wants to be poly. I don’t want that level of relationship management.
Do I notice others? Yeah. But more in artistic appreciation. Do I recall others? Of course.
But I’ve never so much as fantasized about another person (not my partner) except when my marriage heard the death knell. And that was weird.
If my partner said he wanted to pursue a sexual relationship with someone else, I’d walk away. Hurt, for sure.
We did, briefly, discuss a threesome. But a) he has had one, and b) my attempt at one was scary and non consensual. Plus we are both so picky, we’d turn down the golden unicorn, even with diamonds on the soles of her shoes. And we are each an acquired taste.
it was interesting but not arousing in concept for me. More a gift of an experience, to him.
Ad hominem attacks and name calling never help to advance a mature discussion. You just come across as needlessly hostile. Come on, that's the best you can come up with?
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