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Morality question
- Thread starter Hand_Solo
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shroomhead77
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like, separated since breakfast? umm, not okay.
if the separation is a trial separation? depends on if ground rules were laid down by both parties. off hand? if there isn't a no-sex agreement? nope. not cheating. separation gives folks a breather. a chance to see how life without their partner will be. a chance to work through feelings and all that stuffs. dating/sex is a part of seeing how life would be out of marriage.
eta: there is the possibility that unspoken or not.. a partner would be hurt by extra-marital affairs. is why i mention ground rules.. makes the iffies easy on all parties.
if separation leads to reconciliation... and for ya own ass... safer sex is pretty much required. as well as a willingness to be up front with any activity that might compromise the sexual health. ya really don't wanna bring an STI/baby to mediation
if separation is leading to a divorce? fuck at will. ya are under no obligation to anyone other than yourself and the person ya getting nekkid with. common sense would be to keep things quite to avoid riling possible ire from your ex.
kids might complicate the issue. kids are the priority. nothing to cause more drama during the already unavoidable drama. is best to stay as friendly as possible with ex's when small people are involved. :smile:
if the separation is a trial separation? depends on if ground rules were laid down by both parties. off hand? if there isn't a no-sex agreement? nope. not cheating. separation gives folks a breather. a chance to see how life without their partner will be. a chance to work through feelings and all that stuffs. dating/sex is a part of seeing how life would be out of marriage.
eta: there is the possibility that unspoken or not.. a partner would be hurt by extra-marital affairs. is why i mention ground rules.. makes the iffies easy on all parties.
if separation leads to reconciliation... and for ya own ass... safer sex is pretty much required. as well as a willingness to be up front with any activity that might compromise the sexual health. ya really don't wanna bring an STI/baby to mediation
if separation is leading to a divorce? fuck at will. ya are under no obligation to anyone other than yourself and the person ya getting nekkid with. common sense would be to keep things quite to avoid riling possible ire from your ex.
kids might complicate the issue. kids are the priority. nothing to cause more drama during the already unavoidable drama. is best to stay as friendly as possible with ex's when small people are involved. :smile:
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B_subgirrl
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Morally, as long as there's still a relationship/marriage it's cheating.
Ethically, I'd agree with Monel in that it depends upon the prospect of revival or the state of the relationship between the separated.
If her husband left her for a 22 year old who's now expecting his child then, I wouldn't give it a second thought.
Ethically, I'd agree with Monel in that it depends upon the prospect of revival or the state of the relationship between the separated.
If her husband left her for a 22 year old who's now expecting his child then, I wouldn't give it a second thought.
Hoss
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Each person has to make that decision for themselves. If the separation is the first part towards divorce, then I don't see it as an infidelity. If it is a trial separation to see how you are apart it's harder to say. Since trial separations often involve dating, there may very well be sex. Is that an infidelity? Each person would have to decide it on their own. I only had 1 trial sep. and we agreed to the 'no sex' during that time, our scheduled time apart was 3 months. We got back together and I at least had stayed true, I believe she did as well. 2 years later we called it quits anyway.
It all comes down to what your agreement or arrangement is with your partner.
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hud01
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As others have said if you aren't getting back together. No, I actually had a new gf before my divorce, as it takes 6-8 months to get a divorce where I live. If it is trial...what did you agree to?
I agree with those who have said it depends on what the intent was when you separated. If it was to get some breathing room and develop clearer heads - then it's cheating. No one got a clearer head about their current relationship when they were in bed with someone else. But if it's to see if divorce is the best decision and to see if being apart is better - then dating & sex is likely a part of the package. It was probably something that should have been discussed at the time of the separation.
I suppose if one person just grabbed their stuff and left a note behind saying, "I need some time", the one left behind might surmise that the one doing the leaving is starting to board the divorce train.
For me personally, it would be tough. I'm not the kind of person who would date or screw around until I had a piece of paper saying it's over. Maybe not the final decree, but at least have the papers filed. *sigh* Tis very sad. Big hugs Mr. Solo.
I suppose if one person just grabbed their stuff and left a note behind saying, "I need some time", the one left behind might surmise that the one doing the leaving is starting to board the divorce train.
For me personally, it would be tough. I'm not the kind of person who would date or screw around until I had a piece of paper saying it's over. Maybe not the final decree, but at least have the papers filed. *sigh* Tis very sad. Big hugs Mr. Solo.
Putting myself in those shoes, if it was a separation with a view to divorce, ie the decision that the marriage is over has already been taken and all that remains is to go through the motions then I would not consider it cheating.
If the separation was just to have a little space so both peeps could decide what they want... unless specifically agreed otherwise, I would see it as cheating. It would also kill any hope of reconcilliation. The idea of someone coming back to me because they experimented and found out they couldn't do better after all really doesn't appeal.
If the separation was just to have a little space so both peeps could decide what they want... unless specifically agreed otherwise, I would see it as cheating. It would also kill any hope of reconcilliation. The idea of someone coming back to me because they experimented and found out they couldn't do better after all really doesn't appeal.
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