My professor is coming onto me, what should I do?

[13788]

ItalianStallion: I have been taking classes from this teacher for almost 4 years, and I have always thought she was very attractive. I don't know if she noticed that I found her attractive. Anyway she is an animation teacher, and I was kind of always her favorite student, probably her best student and one of a few of her students to actually persue a career in 3d animation. I haven't taken one of her classes for about a year, but we have kept in contact, occasionally she'll have me come into one of her classes and help some of her students out, or use me for demonstrations. Before I started my career she made sure to find work for me, everything for that whole time period seemed totally business, and professional.

Now that I have my career going well for myself there have a couple of times when she has asked me to come over to her house for dinner, because she says she is intereseted in hearing about how my work is going. I noticed last time that I went to her house for dinner that she was dressed just a little sexier, and smelling very nice.

Well here is my dilema, there is a big animation expo in New York City August 28 & 29th. She called me today because I have been working with one of her students who is very good, but during our phone call she told me about the expo, and asked me if I would like to come, we would be flying out on the 26th and returning on the 1st. I agreed, it will only be the two of us, she booked our tickets already, but what I am wondering is do you think she is expecting an intamacy to occur? She is about ten years older than me, and I don't really have a problem with her being my professor (although it is a little odd). I just don't know if I should act like she is my professor, or like she is a beautiful woman that I happen to be on vacation with. I have kind of always acted like she is my professor. Anyway in general what would you guys do? and what should I do?

 

[13788]

carolinacurious: It doesn't sound like she is your professor anymore, so there is no moral issue. So, what do you want to do?

If you want something to happen then I would suggest acting roughly the way you usually do, but more relaxed--you're on a 'vacation', it sounds like you have a pretty close relationship already. A little innocent flirting and noticing what she's wearing won't do any harm and if she wants more, she'll wave you in.

 

[13788]

ItalianStallion: I would love to take it farther with her, but I don't know for sure that she feels the same way. If she doesn't feel the same way then that might make our relationship weird, so I am just wondering how do I know for sure that I have the go ahead to take things farther with her, I mean if she wasn't my professor for years, then it would be different, but having a professional relationship with someone for so long, and then all of a sudden taking it farther, I just want to make sure that she wants more, before I go hitting on her. That and it is a big surprise to me that she may want more, because of our age difference, and that we hade only a professional relationship for so long. I am just a little surprised.

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

Why don't you just admit to her that you've got a lot of mixed signals in your head, and ask her what she's going after? It seems so much easier to just sit down and talk all this stuff through rather than guess one's intentions. I think you told us enough for us to fairly assume that she might be wanting something different from you than a strictly professional relationship. At the same time, it's your right and probably your best judgment to get her input on what's going on rather than assume things, act a certain way, and so forth.

Just sit her down and ask "What's up?" Don't pussy-foot the issue. And if you want to go for it, hell, you might as well be honest about that too.

 

[13788]

carolinacurious: That's why I said take it slow. Some people might think that's non-comittal, but given the situation, you don't want to damage the relationship you already have, so IMO coming on too strong could blow it even if she is interested.

Maybe "innocent flirting" doesn't really describe to you what I mean. Like I said before, complimenting her appearance, besides just being a nice thing to do, sends a positive signal while still being "safe". You can talk about how glad you are that you went together, how much you enjoy her company; there are all sorts of safe things you can say that will still hint at your interest in her.

I don't know how old you are but all things being equal I can all but guarantee you that the 10 years mean less to her than they do to you.

 

[D_Humper E Bogart]

I need to visit more lectures methinks. :huh:

I think, Stallion, that you need to know how she feels about you, if she's genuinely interested in you and your work, that is great, if she's a "lustful bunny" you need to know how YOU feel about that as well, and if she's both, then you both need to know how the other feels.

 

[13788]

kenny: sounds like your in buddy

i dont think you should ask her about it just be cool and enjoy your vacation with this women. who knows what will happen, but it does sound like shes keen.

 

[ponybilt]

All really good advice, and the course you take depends on how you feel.

If you contiunue to think about this alot (sounds perhaps like you already do), and you feel uncomfortable *not* knowing, then it's perfectly OK to ask her. You just need to be cool with the answer either way and not make her feel uncomfortable if it doesn't go as expected. On the other hand, if you're OK not knowing what it all means, then go with the flow, and if she feels that she wants more, you'll get a signal -- just be open and sensitive to the signals she gives. Too many people fuck things up by missing the obvious.

 

[kurios]

Well said ponybilt

 

[Pappy]

I agree with Dee on this one. I think you should sit down with her and have a serious talk about what each other wants/expects from this relationship.

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

I'd play it out, and take things one at a time, I mena, if you're unsure of her feelings right now, you don't want to jump the gun and find out in a shot.

 

[ponybilt]

I stand by my advice. Everyone will approach it differently based on what they need out of the situation and can't dictate what you should or shouldn't do. I'm usually similar to Dee -- I want to know (maybe I hate wasting time LOL), so I ask.

It's about how *you* feel: If you need to know, then ask. If you're OK not knowing then enjoy each moment you're in.

Good luck

 

[Standard Deviant]

If she is your professor, it is probably quite illegal or at least against college/university code of ethics for her to have any kind of romantic involvement with you as long as you are still a student. Maybe she's hoping you'll contact her after you graduate. Or, if you aren't in a degree-seeking program, you may be okay. If you really like her, though, maybe you should tell her but wait til you're not going to cost her her job by acting on it right now.

 

[D_Barbi_Queue]

my sense of the matter from his post is that she is technically no longer his professor, otherwise I agree with you.

 

[13788]

ItalianStallion: Oh I already graduated or everything would be out of the question, and I probably wouldn't even be going on the trip with her. I got my bachelors, and I am going to a different school for my masters right now. So there would be no conflict between her and the school board.

 

[D_Barbi_Queue]

Then if she gives the sign and you're attracted to her, I'd say "go for it!!" It still might be a good idea to have a little discussion first as to "what's expected" as already suggested.