The only rule you need is COMMUNICATE.
Safe sex always. I'm sure neither one of you want ana STDs or STIs form anyone else.
Don't do it. That's the only advice I can give.
Sitronmelde
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#1 is you're not living together...that frees you up immensely. But in my single days I decided to avoid a friendly divorced woman whose ex still showed up regularly to mow her lawn - I didn't have that maturity level yet. Basically, the other men you meet (unless they themselves are cheating on their wives) could have issues to overcome.
Personally, I wouldn't have an open relationship at all. Ever. Just because you're living apart doesn't mean you can't be faithful. My husband and I did live apart for a year (one of us had to take care of our mother, who had had major surgery). We would never have thought to cheat on each other. That's only asking for trouble.
If you're apart, you should be thinking of each other, not running around looking for ass. Unless you're already thinking of splitting from your husband, I think you're asking for a whole lotta heartache.
If you're apart, you should be thinking of each other, not running around looking for ass. Unless you're already thinking of splitting from your husband, I think you're asking for a whole lotta heartache.
Honesty and Communication are paramount!
Have you played together before? In my personal experience that was a welcome step before playing with others.
my husband and I met 13 years ago when Grindr didn’t exist. I was 19 and he was 22, we decided then that we were young and if opportunities presented themselves to play together or separately that there was no harm in engaging.
It’s extremely rare that we play separately but we have - usually when I’m travelling for a few months. i dont bottom and he’s a vers top who only bottoms for me.... watching him Fuck/ and taking turns is so much fun because I know he needs to Fuck and watching him get that satisfaction makes me happy too. Just like he loves watching me fuck or knowing I got my rocks off. (Hell we had a threesome on our honeymoon).
If we play separately we talk about it in our own time, without judgement. We’ve spent enough time together and apart (upto 1.5 years) to trust and be honest with each other
Have you played together before? In my personal experience that was a welcome step before playing with others.
my husband and I met 13 years ago when Grindr didn’t exist. I was 19 and he was 22, we decided then that we were young and if opportunities presented themselves to play together or separately that there was no harm in engaging.
It’s extremely rare that we play separately but we have - usually when I’m travelling for a few months. i dont bottom and he’s a vers top who only bottoms for me.... watching him Fuck/ and taking turns is so much fun because I know he needs to Fuck and watching him get that satisfaction makes me happy too. Just like he loves watching me fuck or knowing I got my rocks off. (Hell we had a threesome on our honeymoon).
If we play separately we talk about it in our own time, without judgement. We’ve spent enough time together and apart (upto 1.5 years) to trust and be honest with each other
I should add that we were and are deeply in love and entirely committed to spending the rest of our lives with each other
Just be very careful. My partner and I only play with others at Steamworks (go together, play separately) or he's ok with me playing with others when I'm away (which is rare that he is not with me) I personally will not take the risk of developing feelings with someone that is local. For me it needs to be a one time encounter. It can be a slippery slope. It's easy to think that you won't let feelings develop and it will be just sex but that can quickly change. The "drug" that kicks in your brain with a new exciting encounter or "friend" can very quickly take over. Be very careful.
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Most important concept is communication to the level comfortable for both. My partner and I have been in a open relationship for 2 years with its own ups and downs. Understanding what the other enjoys and appreciates from communication is important. Some people just want to know something is happening and others like to know what happened.
Set your rules early:
- decide whats appropriate and inappropriate
- asking for permission or simple informing?
- locations? prefer one to host or not at home?
- can you develop friendships with the other person?
- etc
Lastly, always be willing to say or listen if you/they re uncomfortable. Don't get upset because you followed the rules and the other is upset. Listen to the others concerns and be willing to revisit the rules if they arent working.
Best of luck!
Set your rules early:
- decide whats appropriate and inappropriate
- asking for permission or simple informing?
- locations? prefer one to host or not at home?
- can you develop friendships with the other person?
- etc
Lastly, always be willing to say or listen if you/they re uncomfortable. Don't get upset because you followed the rules and the other is upset. Listen to the others concerns and be willing to revisit the rules if they arent working.
Best of luck!
Y’all who are jumping in to say ‘no’ need to jog the fuck on and stop with the judgmental assholery right now. The question isn’t about your uptight self, And nobody is asking for your opinion on a decision that was already made. A member of the community is soliciting help on how to execute a decision that’s been made. If the best you can provide is arguing about the decision itself, go make yourself useful elsewhere instead.
good rules are simple.
1. Communication always. 2. safe sex always. 3. No fooling around with people who are lying/cheating on their end.
There’s a way to have conversations about ethical non-monogamy, and those of you who are opposed to it in the first place need to get the fuck out of the discussion so the people who are honestly looking for help dont need to endure the same waterfall of opinions that have nothing to do with the actual question at hand.
good rules are simple.
1. Communication always. 2. safe sex always. 3. No fooling around with people who are lying/cheating on their end.
There’s a way to have conversations about ethical non-monogamy, and those of you who are opposed to it in the first place need to get the fuck out of the discussion so the people who are honestly looking for help dont need to endure the same waterfall of opinions that have nothing to do with the actual question at hand.
Let the other person know when you’re gonna play with someone else, and safe sex always so you’re not bringing in outside disease. A lot of my poly friends first played together with a third person before feeling comfortable being separate with other people (and I’m usually the third haha)
Communication and 100% honesty, both with each other and yourself. If you're not honest with yourself then it can built resentment and jealousy. That never works out.
Decide what's acceptable and what isn't. Hooking up for some fun is ok, spending the night is not. Condom, or bareback. Oral, or anal. These are all questions you have to ask and answer.
Decide what's acceptable and what isn't. Hooking up for some fun is ok, spending the night is not. Condom, or bareback. Oral, or anal. These are all questions you have to ask and answer.
bravesoldier
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Don't ever meet with your ex-boyfriend, for any reason without your partner.
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Being open and honest is KEY! Communicate as much as you can. Other rules can be very personal so everyone has their own “perfect” open relationship. It just depends on you two.
The "y'all" who recommended not doing this was exactly two posts, neither of which were judgmental. Shouting down people in a forum is pointless.
I don't assume to speak for everyone, but the numbers for successful open relationships aren't very good. It's a risky venture with not much ROI. So a couple of well-meaning posts advising a rethink isn't a bad idea at all.
- JBY,
Communicate - be honest and if you have to, have an argument rather than leave doubt and threaten trust.
No repeat visits - once only and that's it, the risk of familiarity and attachment is too great otherwise.
No hookups with exes.
Being open is an addition to, not a replacement for each other.
No group stuff and sex parties.
After hookups, extra attention and time dedicated to reconnecting.
You will make mistakes and get upset at things, but just take it one step at a time. Allow lessons to be learned before diving in and hooking up again and again, as one of you might be more fatigued at processing it all or jealous of the other or their success at hooking up more than the other.
No repeat visits - once only and that's it, the risk of familiarity and attachment is too great otherwise.
No hookups with exes.
Being open is an addition to, not a replacement for each other.
No group stuff and sex parties.
After hookups, extra attention and time dedicated to reconnecting.
You will make mistakes and get upset at things, but just take it one step at a time. Allow lessons to be learned before diving in and hooking up again and again, as one of you might be more fatigued at processing it all or jealous of the other or their success at hooking up more than the other.
One rule I stand by is anything you eat after midnight standing up doesn’t count. Happy snacking.
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