Open relationships?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Gregg_Ghorian, Jul 28, 2010.

  1. D_Gregg_Ghorian

    D_Gregg_Ghorian Account Disabled

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    Has an open marriage saved your relationship or marriage. My wife and I have different views about it. She's feels she would be more open to it but I just don't know if it's worth the test? I don't know what to do. Just not sure if I could actually handle the reality myself? Looking for advice from you guys based on your relationship. Been married 3 years. We have a 19 month old daughter and are guardians of our 10 year old nephew. Such a stressful time.
     
  2. HiddenLacey

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    Wait who wants this?

    And if you have doubts I would say you shouldn't do it. That's just my opinion.
     
  3. D_Chesty_Pecjiggle

    D_Chesty_Pecjiggle Account Disabled

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    Why do either of you want this? Does she want something sexually you can't/won't provide? Or is she just overwhelmed with everything in your life and wants something different once in a while?
     
  4. sandy25

    sandy25 New Member

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    I started swinging after my marriage broke down , I reckon if we had been doing it when married things would have been different. Unfortunately it was not an open relationship.
     
  5. helgaleena

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    I'll bet your wife would feel differently if she had to work as well as care for two children. She'd be too tired to want sex very often :tongue: That is of course a wild speculation on my part. I have nearly no details to work from, as previous posters have hinted.

    But a marriage is a cooperative venture, and if you are not comfortable with something, she needs to acknowledge that. Your sex lives will always involve both of you, until you are no longer a couple. But as there are children, compromise and cooperation are called for, for their sakes.

    Is her sex drive stronger than yours? Is there something about you that leaves her unsatisfied? Or vice versa? Are there health problems impacting your sex lives? Whatever the details. there can be solutions without causing either of you discomfort.

    You asked about my own relationship(s)... the crucial factor was always whether we agreed about whether the relationship should be open. I am in one now, by mutual agreement. But I have been in them as well where it was not up front. Sneaking in the 'openness' is dishonest, and that is when things go sour.
     
    #5 helgaleena, Jul 28, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2010
  6. Lex

    Lex
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    A stressful time like you describe seems to me to be the worst time to talk about such a huge relationship shift like opening up to other people. That's a conversation to be had when both people are feeling nice and comfortable (and satisfied, IMO) within the relationship.
     
  7. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    My FB and his wife have been together for 13 years, married for almost two. They've had an open relationship for pretty much the entire time. I know it works well for my FB. I don't know if it works for his wife, as I avoid her like the plague (one of their rules is that she doesn't hear about or see any signs of his other women). From what my FB says, it seems to me that she would prefer it to be otherwise but knows she wouldn't have a hope of keeping him if it were. So I suppose it can work, for some people (well, for him!).

    Personally, I would struggle with the reality of an open relationship. I love the idea. It makes perfect sense to me. But in reality, if they are mine I want them to be all mine. My emotions get in the way otherwise.
     
  8. Riven650

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    Hi thx55,
    You have doubts, so it's definitely a big NO! Even if you didn't have doubts, I think most of us would advise extreme caution. It generally doesn't work. Talk to your wife about this and see if you can come up with plans to spice up your sex life that don't make either of you feel uncomfortable.
     
  9. buster6969

    buster6969 New Member

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  10. petite

    petite New Member

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    Could you provide more details? Whose idea is this? Is it yours? Or hers? And what is the reason? What is missing from your relationship that would be provided by introducing other partners? And under what parameters? Would each of you have to approve of any potential partners? Are you considering adding extra members of your family? Or are you talking about having separate sexual relationships outside of your marriage? Are you talking about swinging with other married couples, like occasional swapping for variety or going on vacations with another couple?

    There are too many details that you haven't provided about the who, what, why, and how to properly answer the question.

    Is it just a desire for sexual exploration? Or is there more going on? Who is it who wants what?
     
  11. curiouscam

    curiouscam New Member

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    It should be something you both want to do. Something that you are equally excited about. If you are having reservations I would say don't do it. I'm in an open relationship and honestly it only works because we both want it. If one of us had doubts it never would have worked out. Go with your gut.
     
  12. D_Edwin Eatser

    D_Edwin Eatser New Member

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    I'm all for open marriages if that suits both concerned. If you have a monogamous relationship which then becomes an open one, you've obviously both got to agree and I believe the danger is that sex will lead to love and a marriage break-up. It just wouldn't have worked with my last marriage.

    I met my current wife 8 years ago and we started swinging together almost immediately. We married after a couple of years and have a very happy, loving open relationship. We are both highly sexed and mature enough to accept that we both need sex with others quite often, but that it is just sex. Trying to be 'faithful' caused both our previous marriages to fail, and we think it's better to be honest. We prefer to swing together but if either of us meets somebody while away on business or whatever, and has sex, that's no problem. Our rules are that we tell each other afterwards - and use condoms. And enjoy it without guilt!
     
  13. spooky204

    spooky204 New Member

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    Was married, she cheated, we have a young daughter, agreed with an open marriage to keep the family together. She would see the guy she cheated with (he was married also) and I was free to find other "friends".
    Her guy was faaaar far away on the west coast so she only saw him 2-3 times a year (she didn't work, so I basically subsidized the trips. Stupid)
    I had a greattime, learned lots and made lots of friends.
    Xmas 2009 - her married friend gets busted by his wife, wife has mini breakdown.
    I'd basically stopped by that point as I was working too, so I was often too tired to play.
    Met a very nice single woman and the end came soon after that.

    My advice - make sure it's fair. Morally, financially, effort wise. And for the live of god, don't tell your friends or you'll soon find out the ones who really aren't ok with it
     
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