Please Help relationship woes!

[Rugbypup]

Date a guy.

Meat for dinner, beer in the fridge and sports on TV.

 

[invisibleman]

Date a guy.

Meat for dinner, beer in the fridge and sports on TV.

And watch a guy sleep fuck the bed. And masturbate in his sleep. :biggrin1:

 

[Rugbypup]

And watch a guy sleep fuck the bed. And masturbate in his sleep. :biggrin1:

I think that's kind of cute really.

 

[invisibleman]

And watch a guy sleep fuck the bed. And masturbate in his sleep. :biggrin1:

I think that's kind of cute really.

I agree. I totally agree. :smile:

 

[B_gay101]

I Agree here also....

 

[invisibleman]

I wish Matt Damon and Henry Rollins were sexsomniacs. I would love to film them humping the bed and masturbating in their sleep. :biggrin1: Or humping each other and masturbating each other. Talking dirty. That would be hot.:smile:

 

[SandraSmithCarver]

This has been going on for a long time. She openly admited that she had issues long before I came arround. I have been by her side, done everything in my power to help. I tell her I love her more then love its self, and that I would do anything for her. But she has to make a move on her own. I thought she did, when she went to the doc, but he just gave her something to relax.Relax??? WTF
I dont see this a perminant solution to the problem. Hell No
So her whole life, when ever she gets mad and freaks she has to take a valium to calm her self down and make her all dull. I dont like that idea. The doctor wants to see her in two weeks. But she hasnt taken it. You know you can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink. I feel like i am going to have a nervous break down. I am sitting here at my office, staring at the computer screen, not able to do anything. I am devistated, this is killing me. No matter how much I tell her, I love her she just wont let her guard down. Here is a list of her personalit traits that she portrays often.
1. High anxiety
2. Easly set off
3. Anger problems
4. Lack of trust
5. Self focused.
6. Says degrading things to me you deserve so much better!
7. Ends the relationship when we get in arugments Let Her!
8. The week before period is HELL week she turns into a different person
9. Everything bothers her and she is personally effected by everything
10. I am not alowed to get mad or angry becuase she does enough for the both of us.

YOU CAN'T FIX HER MAN!!!!
Love is not enough!! i was seperated from my ex husband for 3 years before I filed for divorce, waiting for him to get help!!! i still loved him, we were married for 17 years, we have 3 kids, i didnt want it to end!

He never did, still hasn't i kept thinking, if he loves me and the kids enough, he will get help,, never has!!! It was like, theres someone sitting here, but no one is home, i measn when i hear woman say, they don;t want to bereak up or get a divorce becasue they dont want to be lonely? I was living with a body, but i was extremly lonely,and that is so much worse!
I thought I may as well have peace in my home for me and my kids, and if i get lonely i will be okay, but i was never the type of woman that had to have man in my life to save my self esteem.

So, the best you can do, so you don't go crazy with her,, is take care of yourself!
Get counseling, if you think it will help, but it sounds like you definitly need to live apart, , , you are not responsible for her, she might be bi-polar, etc who knows,, , it's really not your business, shes an adult!
There is a lot of good medications out there now, much better than years ago, now a days you can get antidepressants from your medical doctor,( I work in a docs office) but it sounds like she really needs to see a psyciatrist,, but all you can do is fix yourself, you have to keep your sanity for the sake of your job if nothing else, my ex husband was so depressed and angry all the time,, I knew me and my kids were better off with out him, It wasnt easy believe me, i probably grieved for years! But Im a much better person today!
Hang In
There
and
Good Luck!:smile:

 

[SandraSmithCarver]

I wish Matt Damon and Henry Rollins were sexsomniacs. I would love to film them humping the bed and masturbating in their sleep. :biggrin1: Or humping each other and masturbating each other. Talking dirty. That would be hot.:smile:

 

[SandraSmithCarver]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zoe73 [URL]http://www.lpsg.org/images36/buttons/viewpost.gif[/URL]

:wtf1: Your first sentence pissed me off. Then as I read your whole post I realized something, "You're a man baby!" No Man can put up with that!




Good lord, thanks NJQT for illustrating the point of exaggerating what was intended. I'm gald you thought enough to read the first sentence and tune out the rest, but sweetie, consider it's not meant to benefit you, as a woman. It's meant for him.

So now that you've designated yourself as the voice that speaks for ALL women :hail: HELL NO

Newsflash, It's my fucking opinion. He's got opinions from people that are saying medicate her, breakup with her and now you've got my opinion, call her out on it, when she's being remorseful, to let it go.

While you're busy critiquing how a woman NEVER say those things

If that's the big complaint you have about me being a man and not a woman -- GET OVER it.

As a woman I can fully admit if I take something the wrong way and escalate it in to something else. Kind of like you flaking out on me from the first sentence. I didn't say EVERY woman, it said it's common.



He says he loves her and says he's at the end of his rope.

So whether his sleep-fucking thing deserves the attention it is getting in this thread or not, isn't the issue in my opinion

I am not a fan of medication, because it makes you a dependent to handle a minor crisis. Thats not always true, sometimes it helps you through an event in your life that you are having a hard time handling, like Post Partum Depression


I'd also say that telling her not to blame the guy on the phone, just as she's getting off the phone isn't the smartest time to critique her on it either. That had nothing to do with gender that's just normal if someone is revved up - you don't pick that moment to aggravate with a critiq

Telling someone to take a pill is the ultimate cop-out.
Thats True, but this girl obviously needs HELP!!
This is not normal couple fighteing, getting pissed off over a wallet,, etc, its SERIOUS!!!

He's outlined several sceaniors that she has peripheral stress and is taking it out on him or someone else. She has the ability to cool down later and apologize, but is escalating how to handle that. When he could nip it in the bud by talking about it When someone is irrational as she is you CAN'T talk to them , it doesnt work!

then and telling her what she needs to do to make it right and not do that "you should just leave me shit" that rewards what she's contrived in her head.

Disagree if you want, but I'm done talking about this w/ you - it was meant for him. :hijacked:

 

[snoozan]

Studies show that folks who do not get treatment for depression have the exact same recovery rate as those that do... that folks who do 12 step programs for drugs or drink have the exact same long term sobriety rate as those who do nothing..( 5%-- only 5%)

This is not simply true in both cases. You're also leaving out some key parts of the statisics you're stating which aren't correct anyway.

Talk therapy, while massaging to the ego, does nothing to avert neuroses.

"Neuroses" is not a clinical term that many doctors use anymore. Also, therapy does work for many "neurotic" illnesses. Look up something called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It works wonders.

Some people are wired in a way that is so difficult to live with , that they will end up alone, no matter what they do.

Tell her she can get herself some help, and do the therapy and take a proactive stance on her issues.... and she has X amount of time to demonstrate to you that she loves you enough to actually do it.

This is a good idea.

But as for her behavoir--- habits that took years to wear a groove in your brain will take years of conscious avoidance to wear a different groove.

Sometimes medication and therapy can change things somewhat quickly, but the patient needs to be absolutely dedicated to the therapy. If she half-asses it like a lot of people do, she'll never change.

Meditation shows far more efficacy at calming states of mind than does drug therapy. Moreover, meditation's effects are longer lasting, and result in overall changes in mood that can become your default state of mind.

Meditation is a wonderful addition to any mental health treatment, as is exercise. But this sounds like deliberate misinformation aimed at discounting the mental health field in favor of espousing some other "alternative" form of treatment.

But I have seen the more profound changes in anxiety, fear and anger come out of sober meditation than any mind numbing drug regimen.

You need to learn more about mental illness if you believe this. I agree that meditation is wonderful but there's a point where it doesn't address everything that someone with a severe mental health problem is dealing with.

 

[Hippie Hollow Girl]

Good Luck with whatever you decide to do!

I have a female friend that sounds a lot like your girlfriend. I can't remember what her diagnosis was.....I was always thinking maybe she was bipolar because of her mood swings......but I think she had some other issues too. She was sexually abused by her father as a child and she never got help for it. She put off getting mental health as an adult saying she didn't have the money.....couldn't afford it......She did that until she had just about lost every friend......her husband and my friendship. She was behaving the exact way your girlfriend was behaving. And stressing out over every little tiny detail. We had to have a long tallk with her out of love........maybe it is called intervention. Anyways, I don't know that everything is perfect.....but she is seeking treatment and the situation is a whole hell of a lot better for everyone concerned. My friend wanted to know when her behavior was turning people off. It was a mystery to her that she didn't have any friends and that no one wanted to be around her. Sometimes mentally ill people don't have a clue that they are doing anything wrong.

So, I guess to me you have different options. You can try to intervene and get her help......whether you stay together or not.......or you can just walk away. You aren't married.....You don't have anything to legally bind you to her. It is all your choice.

Put your feelings down on paper and make a list. Reasons to stay and reasons to not. See if this doesn't help you. I was always a big list person. I still am.

This is all the advice I can offer.......hope this helps!

 

[Phil Ayesho]

This is not simply true in both cases. You're also leaving out some key parts of the statisics you're stating which aren't correct anyway.

Sorry- it is. AA refuses to publish results... because they know fell weel how dismal their track record is... but there are scientific studies and meta studies ( studies of studies) that clearly show that 5% is the correct figure, and that it is pretty consistent across all 12 step programs for all addictive drugs.

"Neuroses" is not a clinical term that many doctors use anymore. Also, therapy does work for many "neurotic" illnesses. Look up something called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It works wonders.

Bullshit. There is no scientific evidence that any form of talk therapy is any more efficacious than no therapy at all.
Sadly- the field of psychiatry has a real problem understanding research protocol and tends to rely entirely on self reportage from patients who have been immersed in the belief system at the root of psychiatry.

You really have to search hard to find any real double blind data in this field... its beginning to get a little better as fMRI and other technologies come into greater use...

But thus far... real science keeps finding no sup[port for the "theories" of metal illness underlying a lot of therapy.

For example- a recent, properly conducted study, showed that anti-depressants have no more measurable effect than a placebo on most depressed patients.

Meditation is a wonderful addition to any mental health treatment, as is exercise. But this sounds like deliberate misinformation aimed at discounting the mental health field in favor of espousing some other "alternative" form of treatment. ...You need to learn more about mental illness if you believe this. I agree that meditation is wonderful but there's a point where it doesn't address everything that someone with a severe mental health problem is dealing with.

Well...that's the rub... this is not some mere "opinion" I have formed...... I have a LOT of experience with the mental health profession... there is a lot of mental illness in my family. My Grandmother was given, against her will, a hysterectomy as treatment for "hysteria". I have seen my own mother receive electro-convulsive therapy... and seen her go into seizures because of the psychoactive drugs they have given her..
I have seen my brother committed, and every form of therapy in the world tried six ways from sunday... a bipolar Aunt and an uncle who committed suicide.


With the exception of a small handful of "disorders" that they have finally realized are actually physiological impairments, such as schizophrenia, the mental health profession is little more than a quasi-religious belief system...

They experiment with drugs and therapies, with no evidence that what they are "treating" is even a disease...or even treatable...


A perfect example is the whole "recovered memory" Industry that sprung from the world of psychotherapy.
There is no evidence whatsoever that memories can be suppressed. No evidence for a "subconscious mind" that can perform this trick, no evidence that these suppressed memories cause mental distress and no evidence that "recovering" these memories alleviates said mental distress.
None... really...
And yet all across America therapists were subjecting confused people to this totally unsupported idea... and doing lots of damage, too.
LOTS of lawsuits have paid LOTs of money to families torn apart by the implantation of false memories.

This entire branch of mental health is predicated upon a "theory" about the human mind and memory that science has shown is simply not true.
Yet most therapists still staunchly believe in suppressed memories of trauma as a source of mental illness. ( by contrast, PTSD, which is real, is caused by memories you CAN recall... not imaginary suppressed memories)

We are talking about the same group of wizards who, until 15 years ago, still listed homosexuality as a mental illness. And blamed Autism on indifferent mothers.

Claiming efficacy when the only results you can show are the reportage of people who have been convinced that these 'theories" are true... essentially puts most psychiatric "results" squarely in the realm of placebo.

When proper blind studies are done... their "results' evaporate.


And meditation?
It has actually been scientifically proven to be able to alter the state of consciousness... without drugs.

Long term, self controlled alteration of consciousness is what has the best chance of substantively altering a person's response to the world.

And, generally speaking... the less people think about themselves.... the happier they are.