Polyamorous Relationships

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_orleandersee, Jul 12, 2010.

  1. B_orleandersee

    B_orleandersee New Member

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    I was wondering if any of you are currently involved in those and how it was going.. I'm not sure how many people are aware that it isn't just a threesome gone wild, it's actually a relationship between more than two people who have all mutually agreed upon dating each other and live a married life together in their own form.. I wouldn't even know how a situation like that presents itself so I figured that I'd start a discussion to see if we could all get a little feedback. Thanks.
     
  2. helgaleena

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    Me. But all three of us have been previously married and do not want to do that. We all three have our own homes and families. What we have now cannot be legalized anyway. It is however a relationship, and the two men tolerate one another and knew one another long before I met them, quite well.
     
  3. B_orleandersee

    B_orleandersee New Member

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    That's very interesting.. how did it happen? I know that in a sense it is not 'legal' though I have read about a pair amongst the the entire group marrying for tax benefits.. Do you guys all sleep together or is it just you and the two men separately?
     
  4. helgaleena

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    Both. We also keep in 'touch' via the Internets; something like the video chat area here only privately. None of us would dream of raising one another's children by other people...

    oh, how it happened? I met one of them during his divorce and mine on separate continents. He wasn't sure if we were a rebound thing and introduced me to the other man, who had been divorced for rather longer. It so happens i refused to give up apples in favor of oranges, so to speak.
     
    #4 helgaleena, Jul 12, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2010
  5. B_orleandersee

    B_orleandersee New Member

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    I guess jealousy issues are pretty rare since you all live separately is that right? I'm asking all these questions and I'm not sure if you're alright with it its just that I find this so very interesting.
     
  6. helgaleena

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    Jealousy issues are very carefully clarified between us. Good and open communication is essential. Each of us has our standards and has made clear to the others what those are.

    Remember we are all in middle age and a bit set in our ways. We have no hope of changing our natures to be all-in-all to one another. But we are in a place of love and respect for each other no matter what else may happen. This situation we are in is a blessing which will not last forever because nothing does.
     
  7. OCMuscleJock

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    we used to have a third in our relationship ... it lasted for a lil' over 6 months before they had to move away for work. We're still great friends tho... Yah it totally can work if the people involved are mature enough to deal with it. It definitely makes things MUCH easier as far as sex, bills, and even companionship.
     
  8. oddeyeblu

    oddeyeblu Member

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    It seems to me that jealousy would tend to buffer those situations from happening.
     
  9. helgaleena

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    Could you expand on what you mean by that? -- each of my spouses has different things which they are jealous about, and so do I. We do try not to hurt one another's feelings; that's the loving thing to do.
     
  10. OCMuscleJock

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    IMO...jealously is a form of mistrust. If you do not trust the people you're with...you do not need to be with them.
     
  11. nakedone

    nakedone New Member

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    I once became the third party added to an already ongoing relationship between a woman and another man. He was honest in saying that he was only interested in fucking, but did not want a permanent relationship.

    She had a house and either of us was free to come there to fuck her. Yes, there were times when our visits overlapped, which was awkward at first, but then he and I both seemed to welcome them. He and I remained friends, even after our mutual fuck-relationships were over.
     
  12. TomCat84

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    I wanna be the third! :redface:
     
  13. OCMuscleJock

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    :) now what makes you think I'd wanna share you :) I may wanna keep you for myself
     
  14. scottredleter

    scottredleter New Member

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    I love this idea... but why stop at 3? I'd be totally into a group relationship. I like the interplay between a small group. It does require mature, confident people for sure.
     
  15. DasLeezard

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    I miss the ones (plural) that I have had...

    The best one was when I was with this guy, who was a Marine.

    There was no jealousy, which was strange to me since I don't really care to 'share'... but he divided his time equally between myself and his wife, took care of us both equally, and didn't make either one of us feel as if he was paying more attention to the other.

    That was a few years ago, though...
     
  16. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    I live in an open MFF triad. We're all bi and I'm okay with either of my partners having a boyfriend or girlfriend. Polyamory provides plenty of opportunities for personal growth but also requires a lot more consideration for others and communication skills than monogamy. Plenty of people have tried it and failed so miserably they swore off poly for life. Others tried it and naively burnt others badly. It only works if everyone involved can own their shit, is emotionally mature and secure, and is not possessive. However, when it does work, the joys far outweigh the problems, and the joys in poly relationships are far better than those in monogamous ones.

    I've been in monogamous relationships, open dyads, a closed triad, and now an open triad. Having been in polyamory, I would never go back to monogamy for a day. Monogamy is far too limiting to me. Even a closed triad was rather limiting. I'll take an open dyad over a closed triad.
     
  17. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    Why stop at 3? As you add more people, the chance that somebody has show-stopping issues increases. That's just one reason why triads are very lucky if they last even 3 years. I've never met a quad that lasted more than 2 years. This is just one reason why you are certainly right about polyamory requiring mature, confident people.

    You already know how hard it is to find one person who is really compatible with you. Now try finding 2 who are not just compatible with you, but also compatible with each other. That's just one reason why long term triads are so rare. Finding 3 people who are not just best rate partners for you but also for each other is exceedingly rare.
     
  18. B_orleandersee

    B_orleandersee New Member

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    This is very interesting. I have a friend whom I set up with a very attractive man (hugely hung) and though she's aware of my orientation, we discussed the possibility of sex though i'd be way more interested in getting at him.. at the same time, i have loving feelings for her so it wouldn't at all feel to me as if i was sleeping with a woman, i'd be sleeping with my friend... i won't do it though eventually i started to question whether i was in love with their relationship or the possibility of being with both....

    i really admire the maturity in your post. the questions... what kind of jealousy? not enough time with one and too much with the other? loneliness? sexual deprivation? i don't know how you guys do with without wanting to be near each other 24/7.. i don't think that i could do that. i'd have to have at least one to hold all through the night.. then again, you all have seperate relationships... do the males ever get into confrontations over you or you with one over them? i beg to question if the connections are ever stronger between just two of you and not all three... your input i think would be very interesting.
     
  19. lpsgnooby

    lpsgnooby New Member

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    anything involving more than 1to1 relationships require an IMMENSE level of security and maturity. not that 1to1 relationships themselves don't require that too.

    in my experience, open relationships = failure.
     
  20. aproud1

    aproud1 New Member

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    Reading material: The Ethical Slut, available Amazon.com. Very interesting read and a guide to reflectively think through your feelings and experience. I recommend journaling while reading.
     
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