Prefered Personality Type?

[Enid]

What exactly do you mean by the bolded part?

i'll try to explain:

a person with a total lack of self-assurance and absolutely no self-possession can be so filled with self-doubt/fear of rejection or ridicule they find it hard to act/be assertive when a situation calls for it leading to a totally passive nature. the passive nature is a coping mechanism i suppose, in these extreme situations, which helps to avoid being hurt by rejection.

i don't find such extreme passiveness attractive -- i like people with initiative.

 

[Chantillylace]

Clone him and send his cline my way... Please! Lol. I agree with you on all levels.

This is going to be a long answer. My boyfriends personality is perfect for me. :tongue: Let's see... where do I even start...

• Easy, perverted, corny sense of humor. Willing to engage in foam sword fights in the toy aisle of Wal-Mart at 3am.
• Able to carry on intelligent conversation, or engage in debate without it becoming personal.
• Confident yet modest. My boyfriend has mastered that. He has almost no insecurities, can talk to any stranger that makes conversation with him, doesn't ever really doubt his abilities in anything... but at the same time, he's completely oblivious to him even being like that. Lol.
• A man who doesn't just LISTEN to what I have to say, but actually HEARS me. I swear, when my boyfriend listens to me vent, it's like he's capturing my entire soul at the same time. He always knows exactly what I mean, exactly how I feel, is incredibly good at relating to me even if he hasn't been in that situation before, and always says the exact right thing to make me feel better - without even trying.
• Open-minded, willing to try new things.
• Non-judgmental. This is vital.
• Passionate about his beliefs and opinions.
• Doesn't let people walk all over him.
• Affectionate and sexual.
• Not clingy. I can't accentuate this enough. Don't confuse this with aloof or not-caring. I want my boyfriend to want me, and I want him to want to be around me, but I don't want him to NEED me. I want to be the icing on the cake in his life, not the flour that's necessary for the cake to even exist. Make sense?
• Someone who respects my privacy, my need for the occasional bits of "alone time", and who doesn't guilt trip me when I go out without him.
• Someone who's close with his family and gets along well with them. My boyfriend is 25 and still gives his mom and dad hugs and kisses before he leaves the house. I freakn LOVE IT. I've never had that, I'm so jealous of his family and how close and supportive they are.
• I want a man that is assertive, but not aggressive. And certainly not passive-aggressive!
• Respect. That's paramount to getting involved in my life period, I don't care who or what you are. Respect is massive with me.
• Someone who's as honest as they can be, emotionally and otherwise.

Okay. I think that's it for now. :tongue: I'm sure I can come up with more at some point! lol.

:tongue: I'll see what I can do!

 

[basincreek]

i'll try to explain:

a person with a total lack of self-assurance and absolutely no self-possession can be so filled with self-doubt/fear of rejection or ridicule they find it hard to act/be assertive when a situation calls for it leading to a totally passive nature. the passive nature is a coping mechanism i suppose, in these extreme situations, which helps to avoid being hurt by rejection.

i don't find such extreme passiveness attractive -- i like people with initiative.

Hm, that's strange. I am hardly a passive type, at least in all things not related to women. I take the initiative in almost all things I do. I discovered early on in life that if you act like you're in charge most people will treat you like you are. It's weird but it works.

What's funny, since you're talking about such things as taking initiative, is that this week marks the one year anniversary of when I had to stop my neighbor from beating up his wife. He was pretty damned drunk and it took me and another guy to restrain him until the cops showed up. It was tricky too because he was holding his two year old daughter while kicking his wife so stopping him while not hurting the kid was a bit delicate.

What really baffles me is that he got out of jail six months later and she took him back! WTF? And believe me it's been very awkward since then.


Anyways, back to the issue, do you think that a lack of confidence always has to correlate with passivity?

 

[Enid]

Anyways, back to the issue, do you think that a lack of confidence always has to correlate with passivity?

oh absolutely not, i guess it has strongly for me personally (with a couple diff romantic partners), but certainly not always

:biggrin1:

 

[B_subgirrl]

So there's no women that look at a guy that's not confident and decides she's going to "fix" him by showing him that a woman can find him attractive (in ways other than confidence)?

There are probably a few of them around, just not many.

Hm, that's strange. I am hardly a passive type, at least in all things not related to women. I take the initiative in almost all things I do. I discovered early on in life that if you act like you're in charge most people will treat you like you are. It's weird but it works.

Well this is a good start. You just need to take that confidence with you when you speak to women.

 

[basincreek]

Well this is a good start. You just need to take that confidence with you when you speak to women.

Considering how confident I am all other things what if I have been? I mean what if I've been confident enough the whole time and something else has been the problem?

 

[B_subgirrl]

Considering how confident I am all other things what if I have been? I mean what if I've been confident enough the whole time and something else has been the problem?

I don't think you have been. Most of the time on here, when the attention is on you, you come across as lacking in confidence. You're fine when the topic of discussion isn't focused on you though. You need to harness the confidence you have then and use it!

 

[basincreek]

Okay then, Subgirrl.


What adventurousness, ladies? I like to do things like cave spelunking and it's really hard to find any women to go on those. Are there no women into such things? It seems like whenever we ask if any want to go they're either too out of shape or they simply ask why they should bother when there's free beer at some party nearby.

 

[petite]

Okay then, Subgirrl.


What adventurousness, ladies? I like to do things like cave spelunking and it's really hard to find any women to go on those. Are there no women into such things? It seems like whenever we ask if any want to go they're either too out of shape or they simply ask why they should bother when there's free beer at some party nearby.

Wouldn't it be easier to go cave spelunking with people into it and meet women that way, say by joining a club or creating a meetup for it, than to try and convince women who aren't into it that they should try it?

 

[double_digit]

Well, cave spelunking at least is a good way to get some dirty fun while still wearing all of your clothes.....knee pads, Helmet.... Sounds like one of my romps in the hay now that I pause to think of it.

Seriously though, Basin - you just got to be cozy in your own skin. Having that self-assured nature centers you squarely in reality - and women are very sensitive to that. It surfaces in everything from micro-expressions and twitches to how you hold yourself upright.

If you *think* you're damaged goods?

You'll look and act the part without even *knowing* it consciously.

 

[basincreek]

Wouldn't it be easier to go cave spelunking with people into it and meet women that way, say by joining a club or creating a meetup for it, than to try and convince women who aren't into it that they should try it?

Well we've already done that. Got a group with every spelunker from the area. However it's all male. Most are single too.

Well, cave spelunking at least is a good way to get some dirty fun while still wearing all of your clothes.....knee pads, Helmet.... Sounds like one of my romps in the hay now that I pause to think of it.

Seriously though, Basin - you just got to be cozy in your own skin. Having that self-assured nature centers you squarely in reality - and women are very sensitive to that. It surfaces in everything from micro-expressions and twitches to how you hold yourself upright.

If you *think* you're damaged goods?

You'll look and act the part without even *knowing* it consciously.

I know this will sound really weird but I do like who I am even if I think women don't. Does that make any sense? Sometimes I think I need to be high on Angel Dust to accurately transcribe my thoughts.

 

[Patchos]

I like the personality with the biggest dick.

 

[basincreek]

But tell us what you really think Patchos!

 

[B_curiousme01]

I like the confident and masculine kind. I think he might be considered an Alpha Male... Strong, dominate, protective, self assured.

 

[basincreek]

There's a fine line between what you describe and arrogance. Or are you cool with arrogance?

 

[B_curiousme01]

Me? I am fine with some arrogance. Most people are arrogant about something.

 

[basincreek]

I'm not sure if I'm arrogant about anything.....maybe that's a sign of arrogance?


Anyways, it would seem that you definitely want the leader of the pack. The top dog.

Are you cool with the fact that that will generally mean he will have a looooooong list of former sex partners?

 

[whatireallywant]

Well we've already done that. Got a group with every spelunker from the area. However it's all male. Most are single too.

.

I need to get over my claustrophobia and take up spelunking - being surrounded by LOTS of single men? Oh yeah!!!

I'm still working out my preferred personality type, I guess. I know I want him to be kind and also very egalitarian. I want someone who, like me, is against gender stereotyping. I want him to be intelligent but not lord his intelligence over everyone else or sound like he's lecturing all the time!

I also want someone who has a lot of interests in common with me, like going to music festivals and stuff like that. And, also someone who is fairly active - I've dated too many sedentary guys with chronic health problems. I'm rather sedentary myself these days but would like to be more active (I have other issues though, with time and looking for work - no time to do anything active!), and would like a companion to do active things with (plus active people have better sex lives!)

 

[B_curiousme01]

I'm not sure if I'm arrogant about anything.....maybe that's a sign of arrogance?


Anyways, it would seem that you definitely want the leader of the pack. The top dog.

Are you cool with the fact that that will generally mean he will have a looooooong list of former sex partners?

Mine hasn't.....and i would not not necessarily consider the personality type as the "top dog" or anything like that. Just someone comfortable with who he is, happy, well-rounded...

I was wacthing some tv this weekend and thought of this thread. Iron chef Michael Symon is a good example of a confident type of guy I would be attracted to in real life.

 

[double_digit]

I know this will sound really weird but I do like who I am even if I think women don't. Does that make any sense? Sometimes I think I need to be high on Angel Dust to accurately transcribe my thoughts.

Yes, this is sounding very much like just a neurotic, underlying - background static hiss of neurosis. Meaning, no, you're not fucking nuts. You just WORRY too flippin' much. Serious man, fuck what *you* think of what women may or seriously, MAY NOT IN REALITY ever think of you as. There is no magic process...

1) See woman.

2) ???

3) Take woman to bed (which is what this is sounding like to me as I catchup in background reading and the vein of thought other posts seem to "typecast" your behaviors/motivation as.)

I'll fill you in on step number 2. I will start with telling you exactly what it is NOT. Worrisome, overshadowing thoughts of self, self value, self worth, etc. Loose the self-deprecating thoughts and worries of what you BELIEVE as what must be going through someone else's mind. And another huge secret: LPSG is not a personals site. Does the "hook up" happen? Sure. Rare, but it happens. But you may be out of your element and certainly a little thin skinned for the likes of company you will find here. And as you are slowly discovering as of late? The wolves are circling, the scent of a raw wound on you is starting to draw them in....

In short - do a little personal soul searching and weed out the problems and inconsistencies that you can - develop and work with the ones you cannot. And once you KNOW your person, bone stock and without any lingering "problems" that you have not already learned to cope with, you're gonna be stepping up with a mega mother fuck-ton of game.

'Cause if someone's being mean and picks on a flaw they find, you'll let it roll off your shoulders. "That's true, but I cannot help it." That is just your core personality. No surprise or shock there, eh?

And lies/misunderstanding because that happens an awful lot? (most of us are merely human anyway:tongue You'll be secure enough and well armed in personal knowledge to educate them to the contrary without malice. Sorry to make this sound so story book simple but this is literally NOT rocket science.

Going into the interpersonal arena without first bottling your demons for closer study is a recipe for your own emotional demise. So get to WORK. :wink: