Proposed written test for the new Urban California Vehicle Code

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  1. Scrufuss

    Scrufuss New Member

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    Proposed written test for the new Urban (Class 5) Endorsement on the California Vehicle Operator’s Permit (Driver’s License).

    1. The most effective method for changing lanes in congested traffic involves:

    A. Fire a warning shot first, then change lanes quickly.

    B. Continuous erratic behavior to warn away other drivers.

    C. Head directly toward the most expensive looking vehicle in the desired lane.

    D. Closely follow a fire truck.

    2. After a violent altercation over a parking space:

    A. Remove all weapons from the scene.

    B. Call for a tow truck.

    C. Do not leave your vehicle unattended.

    D. Explain to the arresting officer that you do not actually know his mother and that it was just an expression of endearment.

    3. When receiving a ticket for a moving violation:

    A. Determine the police officer’s visual acuity through determined questioning.

    B. Thank the police officer for not noticing you one block earlier.

    C. Explain that you were actually gesturing your belief that all police officers are number one in your book.

    D. Explain to the arresting officer that you do not actually know his mother and that it was just an expression of endearment.

    4. When approaching a bicycle messenger:

    A. Open your door wide to prevent a near miss.

    B. Match his speed to prevent damage to your front bumper.

    C. Offer assistance by calling for an ambulance on your cellular phone.

    D. Prevent tire damage by running over only organic parts.

    5. After being passed by a fire truck:

    A. Be prepared to pass them on the right to regain your position in traffic.

    B. Follow it to a site for alternative shopping.

    C. Resume speed to prevent being stopped by a second truck.

    D. Honk, flash your lights, and wave furiously. They like the attention.

    6. When happening upon the scene of an accident involving a city vehicle:

    A. Immediately jump on and grab your neck in pain.

    B. Spit for distance.

    C. Work the crowd for spare change.

    D. Explain to the arresting officer that you do not actually know his mother and that it was just an expression of endearment.

    7. When stopped at a traffic light next to a vehicle with very loud audio equipment:

    A. Prove the superiority of your own equipment by turning up your Barry Manilow tape.

    B. Gesture to the occupants of the other vehicle that you wish for them to turn the volume level down to one.

    C. Allow the occupants of the other vehicle additional time to enjoy their music by changing lanes in front of them and driving very slowly.

    D. Show your appreciation by placing your naked buttocks against the glass of your vehicle.

    8. If you are stopped at a sobriety checkpoint:

    A. Drive around it (onto the sidewalk, if necessary) to prevent traffic delays behind you.

    B. Immediately throw all opened bottles of alcoholic beverages out the window.

    C. Determine who in your vehicle should become the designated driver.

    D. Show your appreciation by placing your naked buttocks against the glass of your vehicle.

    9. When driving next to a school bus:

    A. Do not purchase anything being sold by the occupants.

    B. Roll up your windows to prevent surprises from entering your vehicle.

    C. Note that the flashing red lights will cause an opening in traffic.

    D. Watch for students showing their appreciation by placing their naked buttocks against the glass of the vehicle.

    10. When approaching this sign, you should:

    A. Slow to around 35 MPH.

    B. Note the openings in traffic directly in front of the slower vehicles.

    C. Watch for police officers.

    D. Swerve to miss it.

    11. Upon having your windshield cleaned:

    A. A one dollar tip is customary.

    B. Ask the homeless person to please spit on your side window also.

    C. Thank the student in the school bus with a polite wave.

    D. Advise your assailant that a rag works much better for that than a hammer.

    12. If approached by a truck while in a narrow alley:

    A. Park your vehicle and wait for clearance.

    B. Attempt to convince the truck driver to back out of your way.

    C. Drive into an open door.

    D. Punt.

     
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