Question about being Bi

[biguy2738]

I forgot to address the topic of labels and please bear in mind that this is my opinion and though it has been helpful for me, it may not be helpful to anyone else...however I thought that I'd share anyways...

Like with most things in life, labels can either be helpful or a hindrance to someone...it all depends on what the approach is and the level of balance that is being used. I am surrounded by labels in my everyday life; when I go to the store, I want to know what's inside the packaging and if I have a certain illness, I want to know what the doctor that I'll be seeing specialises in...there's no way in hell I'd allow a gynaecologist to perform open heart surgery on me. I am surrounded by labels and I am able to identify a need for them in my everyday life...and the same rings true with me.

I would not have been able to give a voice to, let alone understand my sexual orientation, my feelings, desires and needs if I had not allowed myself to identify myself as being a bisexual man...and much deeper than that, as an integrated and emotional bisexual man. Without it, I would have embarked on a journey as a 32 year old married man without any idea of what I was grappling with and where I was headed to...there'd just be sexual urges and confusion.

This is where the need for balance comes into play because if I allowed the bisexual label to be the beginning and end to all, then it certainly would have been harmful to me. I needed to get to know myself as an integrated being and to pause and reflect on how being bisexual impacts me and those around me; to view myself in light of being a bisexual man whilst reminding myself that there is more to me than just being a bisexual being. Ultimately, embracing that label gives my sexual reality a voice but it doesn't provide a voice for all of me. In my opinion, it's this awareness that makes the label useful to me as opposed to being a hindrance to my growth and self development.

Labels aren't necessarily a bad thing, like with anything else, it all hinges on how we choose to use them.

 

[8060]

OP, I think you a little bisexual:smile: and that's very cool from a 'label' standpoint.

Biguy: I love your term 'integrated emotional'. I heard it when I read it. I think that 'straight' and 'gay' has a foundation while 'bisexuality' is constantly in motion, for myself at least. In the beginning of my journey on learning about myself, I loved dick. I sought it out without even thinking about the rest. I craved it, but I didn't want the man...just his tool, because I couldn't see myself 'having a life' with a man. That was me looking at it through societal eyes, not my own eyes for what was best for me.

So on my journey, where I asked myself all of the 'unanswerable questions', I came up with ways to integrate myself sexual feelings and thoughts to suit my desired comfort level here on Earth. I am no longer just attracted to dick. I'm interested in the whole man. It's the rest of him that really brings the dick to life for me. As I matured, I attach my mentality to everything. I had to stop listening to what everybody else was saying because it was too confusing on top of being bisexual as it was. And what I found out was that what works for one, does not work for us all, that would leave you in a place that was comfortable. I enjoy my sexual relationships more when the person is inside of my head and vice versa beyond the physical attractiveness. That's even in the case of that 'animalisticness' that we get when we sleep with men.

In my relationships with women, my emotions are default number one and that fuels my sex drive with women. That wasn't something that I had to teach myself. So, I had to teach myself to attach that 'emotion' to my attraction to men. I had to learn about my attraction to men. How to behave around them. What I wanted from them. What I expected. Why I felt the way that I felt. The questions just never ended. It's a rolling stone. I didn't have a gay mentor like some people that I know. In many cases, a person like in your life can be very useful. I don't think that the grayness of bisexuality is something that someone can teach you. It's just something that you have adapt and integrate into your own life for your personal outcome. You listen to life experiences from other people and take your own and you stir them and make them into something beautiful and real and tangible for you.

My current state of mind has everyone on a level playing field. With the exception of childbirth, obviously. I have yet to run into a man so fine that I'd consider having a uterus put in him, LOL. 'Cause I'm not about to carry no damn baby:wink:. Seriously, though, I find everything about them as attractive or interesting as I do with women. Their physical presence, their values, their behavior, etc. Without that integrated emotion that swirls around in my head and flutters my heart and makes my head turn when they're near, I see that as an incomplete dynamic that would not be fun for me. No raging animal there. That's where I am today. Now, tomorrow, who knows...

 

[sasami006]

amazing replies. thanks for everyone who took the time to reply. some great points of view here.

I just wanted to put one more thing out.
I am in no way concerned with labels (I don't mind being seen as a Bi) nor do I believe I have some identity problem.
As I have mentioned, In my opinion I consider myself Bi, but wanted to get different people opinions.

 

[zayin21]

so out of curiosity, where do you all meet your guys that you hook up with ?

 

[D_Fowlmouth Chickenchoker]

so out of curiosity, where do you all meet your guys that you hook up with ?

I've met a couple of guys at clubs. But mostly, online (which can be scary). One guy through a political event. Hey, maybe here? We'll see. :evil:

 

[arkfarmbear]

I consider myself a tri-sexual. I've tried everything and still do so, if it sounds enjoyable. (I was raised in a very hardcore Southern Baptist home, therefore, it took decades to shed that baggage!)
I've also had exclusive long-term relationships with both men and women.
I finally came to realize that I fall in love with a PERSON. And, for me, that includes sexual activity, too.
I agree with everyone's comments about labels, but, my observation is that most people still want to use labels to identify other people's sexual orientation and activities. The tough part is attempting to explain it to inquiring folks who can only understand one or the other, black and white, no shades of grey.,

 

[shyvixen_chicago]

i'd have to say you're just human, plain and simple. that worst thing you can do is label yourself or allow others to do it, and pigeonhole yourself into some category or another. i say as long as the sexual attraction is mutual with another consenting adult, who cares?

i know it's confusing because i've had to come to the same conclusions myself before just accepting my attraction and appreciation of the human body as natural, regardless of whether the object of my desires is female or male. there is nothing right or wrong about what you desire, so long as it's not children or animals or something, but that's an entirely different conversation...

 

[357014]

I couldn't agree more! This is just like I feel.

 

[onewatcher]

Absolutely one of the most fascinating threads I've read!!!

If only all mankind could realize that each individual is an individual, and that there is no way anyone can say this is the norm or that is the norm.

I was fortunate to have parents that taught us all we need to do is be happy with who we are! My parents were born in the'20's and always were forward thinkers.

They didn't care if we dated out of our race, religion or whatever. They only cared that we were happy with whoever or whatever we had chosen.

Prop 8 is the big issue here in Calif. When will humans stop caring about who others want to declair their love for and try and impose their own beliefs on ?

Along those same lines, when will people stop trying to paste lables on one another. WE ARE WHO WE ARE!!!!!

I am Bi because I am able to love a woman and be sexually attracted to women, and also find myself sexually attracted to men.

I have been with women, and a few men, but really want to explore more with men.

I don't find anything wrong with that, and if my folks were still here, they would say go for whatever makes you happy!

 

[Primal_Savage]

.......Personally, I'm trying to come to terms with myself as well. I can in no way, ever see myself in a relationship with a man. It just doesn't seem or look right to me. Random hook ups, their bodies, sex, and the cock are just great to me. However, I love women, and could without a doubt marry them. Having kids isn't my forte, but I wouldn't mind having a couple. I dunno, what do you all think?

I know exactly how you feel. And for nearly two decades, I couldn't see myself in a serious relationship with another guy. Coming to terms with myself was much like going through the 5 stages of grief:

1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me" Not accepting or even acknowledging the fact that I was bi.
2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight – as a consequence I tried to fuck as many women as possible, but I always came back to another guy cause I wanted cock.
3-Bargaining- wishing, praying that I’d change. Only to realize that it wasn’t going to happen.
4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity. Dreams and plans for the future….that maybe, just maybe I’d find a woman that would change all that . Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Feeling suicidal, however, was never an option thanks to my Catholic beliefs.
5-Acceptance- After nearly 20 years, dealing in my own way with the 4 stages above, I found a perfect soul-mate with whom I want to spend the rest of my life. He’s convinced me that I’m not really bi-, but gay, and that it’s okay. Tho, a few years younger than me, he’s also a bodybuilder, We laugh and joke about the fact that others probably see us a freaks and wonder what we’re compensating for. I, guess, if anything, it’s to appear as str8, manly men, cause neither of us were shorted in the dick department. As part of acceptance, most of the porn I watch is either Raging Stallion or Titan Men. I look at those masculine guys and think, hell they’re no different than I am seeing how they love to suck cock and fuck ass.

 

[D_skeaflea]

I consider myself to be Bisexual; however, I am in no way attracted to men. I'm only attracted to girls.

. . . ?

Well, then it doesn't sound like you're really bi; Having some fantasies and being curious is all a part of normal sexual development. A single thought can't make you gay or bi, though; You'd have to be attracted to a person of the same gender and want to have sex with them.

 

[B_Nick8]

I have serious, serious problems with men who treat each other, and manage to rationalize it as such, as human dildos. Justify it however you wish, it still doesn't make it right in my book.

 

[Hellboy0]

I know exactly how you feel. And for nearly two decades, I couldn't see myself in a serious relationship with another guy. Coming to terms with myself was much like going through the 5 stages of grief:

1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me" Not accepting or even acknowledging the fact that I was bi.
2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight – as a consequence I tried to fuck as many women as possible, but I always came back to another guy cause I wanted cock.
3-Bargaining- wishing, praying that I’d change. Only to realize that it wasn’t going to happen.
4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity. Dreams and plans for the future….that maybe, just maybe I’d find a woman that would change all that . Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Feeling suicidal, however, was never an option thanks to my Catholic beliefs.
5-Acceptance- After nearly 20 years, dealing in my own way with the 4 stages above, I found a perfect soul-mate with whom I want to spend the rest of my life. He’s convinced me that I’m not really bi-, but gay, and that it’s okay. Tho, a few years younger than me, he’s also a bodybuilder, We laugh and joke about the fact that others probably see us a freaks and wonder what we’re compensating for. I, guess, if anything, it’s to appear as str8, manly men, cause neither of us were shorted in the dick department. As part of acceptance, most of the porn I watch is either Raging Stallion or Titan Men. I look at those masculine guys and think, hell they’re no different than I am seeing how they love to suck cock and fuck ass.

Funny how a connection with someone you trust can make life so much easier! You know I love you, man.

This has been a great thread to read from beginning to here...have learned a lot, so far. I've always been fascinated by bisexuality and have been lucky to have lots of VERY well adjusted bi ladies and gentlemen be frank and honest over the years to help me try and understand them.

Being a full-on, 100%, nevah-been-with-a-pussy Gay man, I actually do understand what it's like to be misunderstood regarding my sexuality but it never bothered me in the way it has some of my friends.

Anyway, this isn't about me...great honest answers, folks. Probably one of the most logical and humane threads I've read here in a loooooooong time. Gives me hope!

PS And I totally agree with Nick8's comment above.

 

[B_Rob15]

"I have a question for you. ... I do love to look at really good looking and built guys, nude or not. I also do not mind them looking at, lusting after, or commenting sexually on me. What does that say about me?"

as for your question. I do not know about common but I think that you are most certainly bi.

You kind of some it up pretty well here, a lot of people have at least some bi-ness to them and it's quite normal.

 

[impulse300]

I consider myself to be Bisexual; however, I am in no way attracted to men. I'm only attracted to girls. For example, If I see another guy walking down the street, i don't think to myself, wow that's a cute guy. The main reason I consider myself Bi is because I love cock plain and simple. I would have to say this to another guy, "I would love to suck your cock (if you prommise to cum on my face :wink but i'm not intersted in a romantic relationship of any sort." For some reason I just don't see other guys that way. First of all, would you all still consider me to be Bi? If yes, would you call this a common Bi behavior or am I special. :biggrin1:

your exactly like my roomate.. she loves the cock but cant get emotionally attached to a man.. were very close and we will take baths together while drinking beer and smoking pot.. and sometimes she will play with my cock because shes so fascinated.. we both claim to be bi.. but were always in relationships at different times so weve never had the opportunity to have sex

 

[D_Jerry_Atric]

I consider myself a tri-sexual. I've tried everything and still do so, if it sounds enjoyable. (I was raised in a very hardcore Southern Baptist home, therefore, it took decades to shed that baggage!)
I've also had exclusive long-term relationships with both men and women.
I finally came to realize that I fall in love with a PERSON. And, for me, that includes sexual activity, too.
I agree with everyone's comments about labels, but, my observation is that most people still want to use labels to identify other people's sexual orientation and activities. The tough part is attempting to explain it to inquiring folks who can only understand one or the other, black and white, no shades of grey.,

You sound like me in some ways.

I'm generally however more attracted to men sexually and romantically in ways that I'm not with women. Also I have fetishes that only men can fulfill and that women can't.

 

[sprsr123]

Well, I'm going to have to contribute to the consensus here that the OP sounds normal to me. As it sounds, I am like you and apparently many others in that have been getting horny for cock but absolutely love women. I never walk around and see a guy and wish I had him as mine. NEVER. It is only when I'm thinking to myself and just thinking about cock and not the rest of the guy. I have thought about it when talking to some people I know, but I am usually really turned off when I do because I'm seeing the face and hearing the voice and everything, all in a non-sexual setting.

I think I can put it as I lust for male genitals and all of the female, and love the female.

 

[411496]

I consider myself to be Bisexual; however, I am in no way attracted to men. I'm only attracted to girls. For example, If I see another guy walking down the street, i don't think to myself, wow that's a cute guy. The main reason I consider myself Bi is because I love cock plain and simple. I would have to say this to another guy, "I would love to suck your cock (if you prommise to cum on my face :wink but i'm not intersted in a romantic relationship of any sort." For some reason I just don't see other guys that way. First of all, would you all still consider me to be Bi? If yes, would you call this a common Bi behavior or am I special. :biggrin1:

I think I am the same as you and keep asking the question am I bi.I love to be wanked off with another male and like to do the same back. I have only ever once taken a cock in my mouth and that was as a teenager at school. I have been given blow jobs by females before but not by a man. I have no real attractions to men as in romantic dates. I have never had or given anal sex with either male or female. I once tried a banana with a condom up my ass and must admit it did nothing for me except make me sore. So you tell me am I bi or just stupid??:tongue::tongue::smile:

 

[B_TalkingHeads]

I think I am the same as you and keep asking the question am I bi.I love to be wanked off with another male and like to do the same back. I have only ever once taken a cock in my mouth and that was as a teenager at school. I have been given blow jobs by females before but not by a man. I have no real attractions to men as in romantic dates. I have never had or given anal sex with either male or female. I once tried a banana with a condom up my ass and must admit it did nothing for me except make me sore. So you tell me am I bi or just stupid??:tongue::tongue::smile:

You don't have to do anal sex in order to be bisexual or even gay. Lots of bi/gay men are just into oral sex and masturbating each other.