Relationship Crisis

[Knight]

Hi

Right so my gf lives a two (and a half-ish) hour train ride away and I can only see her once every two weeks, one day a week for two weeks in a row everytime the pigs lift off.

I asked her did she like going out with me, she said yes. And of course I like goin out with her too. She said she loves me, I said I love her.

Then I asked her is there any point us goin out if we can only see each other for a few hours once every two weeks, with her staying over here once a month if I'm lucky, more often its bimonthly or less. She though I was trying to break up with her, I wasn't, I was just asking her what she thought of our relationship. I want us to be like a proper bf and gf and see each other at least more often than now.

Of course she got upset...And we said we want to stay together etc but then she said I should get a gf near me, which all my family have been saying to me. That gets on my nerves but I havent said anything to them because I'm so unassertive (if that's a word).

Anyway I told her how I'm a headcase and I don't feel I deserve anything, most of all her. She told me I wasnt and that she wasnt anything special, which isnt true.

So basically now she thinks I want to break up with her but I dont...she says we should still go out and I want that too but I wonder if what I've said has changed her now and she'll just be different with me in some way...

Now I have a few 'issues' and even though I dont like use people dying as an excuse for my mixed up state of mind I admit that they are probably a reason...But I want this girl more than anything, just to be with her, and I cant...

Um...basically do you think I should continue this relationship, extremely long distance though it is? I have a counselling session on May 12th...

I also have no job and no direction in life, no aim or ambition and I feel lost and like everyone else is movin and I'm just stuck still.

Sorry about this (long) post and thanks for reading. Some advice please. Thanks.

 

[db03]

If this relationship makes you happy of course you should stick with it.

To end it now might make you feel like there is nothing good going on for you at the moment. Everyone lacks direction at some point in their lives, you just need to figure out what your personal strengths are, and what you might want to do with your life.

I felt the same way about 2 years ago, but things have a way of working out, although i know it doesn't seem that way now. If your relationship is keeping you happy then thats a well needed plus.

 

[viking]

I am a believer that if you really want to be together, there should be a firm time limit on having a long distance relationship. If you really love her, then make a commitment to be together in the same place. You can't really have a real relationship without actually being in the same place. Sure , you can have sex and talk on the phone, but real intimacy and love develop over time spent together.

I've done long distance before. After a while, it's going to involve other people. Especially if there is no firm time limit to look forward to.

I say, if school is keeping you apart, then graduation is usually the end point of being apart.
If there is another reason that you're apart, is it one that you can change?

Life is precious, make the decisions that are going to make you happy. Mistakes will always be part of life. But they are not the end of it. Take a chance, do what feels right.

Waiting to see what comes along can leave you feeling empty.

 

[blackwood]

Originally posted by Knight@Apr 28 2005, 06:11 PM
Hi

Right so my gf lives a two (and a half-ish) hour train ride away and I can only see her once every two weeks, one day a week for two weeks in a row everytime the pigs lift off.

I asked her did she like going out with me, she said yes. And of course I like goin out with her too. She said she loves me, I said I love her.

Then I asked her is there any point us goin out if we can only see each other for a few hours once every two weeks, with her staying over here once a month if I'm lucky, more often its bimonthly or less. She though I was trying to break up with her, I wasn't, I was just asking her what she thought of our relationship. I want us to be like a proper bf and gf and see each other at least more often than now.

Of course she got upset...And we said we want to stay together etc but then she said I should get a gf near me, which all my family have been saying to me. That gets on my nerves but I havent said anything to them because I'm so unassertive (if that's a word).

Anyway I told her how I'm a headcase and I don't feel I deserve anything, most of all her. She told me I wasnt and that she wasnt anything special, which isnt true.

So basically now she thinks I want to break up with her but I dont...she says we should still go out and I want that too but I wonder if what I've said has changed her now and she'll just be different with me in some way...

Now I have a few 'issues' and even though I dont like use people dying as an excuse for my mixed up state of mind I admit that they are probably a reason...But I want this girl more than anything, just to be with her, and I cant...

Um...basically do you think I should continue this relationship, extremely long distance though it is? I have a counselling session on May 12th...

I also have no job and no direction in life, no aim or ambition and I feel lost and like everyone else is movin and I'm just stuck still.

Sorry about this (long) post and thanks for reading. Some advice please. Thanks.

[post=305814]Quoted post[/post]​

Knight,

You seem to be at loose ends regarding your relationship, yet you DO know that you want/need her and she has been very good to/for you.

Yau are in school, right? And being in school you have studies to keep up with and responsibilities to the school. Your not alone, today youth are faced with stressors I (or my generation) never encountered. A job or future career? You are working to that end, so don't kick yourself. You apparently do not have to work at least now while in school and are receiving support from some source. Am I right?

With all points considered relative to your future you ARE on the correct path. So what to do about the stumbling blocks placed in your path.

1. Make it clear to you g/f that you want her. I used to commute and my wife still does drive for a hour and fifteen minutes 5 days per week to work. ???? Is the commute expensive? If costly, look for temporary employment to cover or partially cover the costs. Increasing your visits.

2. Continue your studies. What is your major? If you really want to continue the relationship you both may need to apply more energy to increasing your dating.

Your posts have all been thought out, put across in a most reasonable manner, and indicates that you are intellegent and serious about life.


You gotta keep at it kiddo. It will work out.

b.........

 

[woskxn]

Thats a really dumb thing to say.

You obviously have to evaluate how deeply you care for her, and if you find that you do, you gotta explain that what you said is because of your insecurities, not something to do with her.

 

[Lex]

My BF and I are 2 hours away and only get to be in the same place at the same time about twice a month if we're lucky. We work opposite shifts so its not like I would see that much more of him if we were closer anyways.

Knight--Isay explore this relationship. And good for you for going to counseling--not thinking you deserve a good mate is a good way to drive a good mate away.

I think long-distance relationships can work for a while and then one of you should move closer to the other. Sometimes distance is a good thing, sometimes it isn't.

 

[Steve26]

Knight,

Long-distance relationships are no fun but the distance need not be fatal. My wife and I were a four-hour drive apart for four years right after college, when our careers took us to different cities. We've been married now for 2.5 years, and I would say that pulling through the long-distance phase, and staying committed to each other throughout, was what really made me realize that this was a powerful relationship that was meant to be.

I guess I would say that if the relationship is otherwise strong, stick with it -- in the long run, the long-distance phase will only make your attachment more solid. Absorb yourself in your studies and whatever else you have going on in your life, so you don't sit there pining away. If a relationship can survive a lengthy period of physical separation, chances are pretty good that it can survive anything else life will throw your way.

Good luck, bud!

Steve

 

[kurios]

From all your posts you sound like a well grounded intelligent dude.

You may just be in a temporary low on many fronts. Sometimes when you resolve one issue, say what you want to be, the rest sorts itself out.
If you care distance is a complication only and you can work around it.
I would say just hang in there with the GF and use the time apart to resolve other issues and decide what really matters and what your priorities are and will be.

 

[Dr Rock]

why don't you move to where she is? problem solved. I don't think it's worth trying to sustain any serious relationship if you only see each other for a few hours every 2 weeks.

 

[B_RoysToy]

Knight, my recommendation will reveal my romantic side, but be that as it may, I cannot down play the importance of your loving each other. This one fact makes the sacrifices you're both having to make now necessary and reasonable. I agree with what ebviking and blackwood have said and, also, pend my answers on answers to blackwood's questions. I'm assuming you are a student, you know how long this separation will last, and that you will eventually be able to be together. If you both believe you have found the one with whom you want to spend your live with, take the necessary steps to bring that about, whatever it takes.

Keep us informed,

LUke

 

[Knight]

Thanks guys

It seems all sorted now I posted this when I thought that was it But the plan is for me to get a job then move closer to her. I asked my uncle to finance the move but he said no lol...It might be a typical teenage statement but no one understands me or this relationship. My uncle keeps saying it's my bi monthly servicing...which it isn't. Sex isn't even a part of it...

Anyways thanks guys. I'm goin to see her tomorrow and buying a mobile (cell) phone lol, I do have one but its broke and I lost the top up thing Then at least we can phone each other constantly

 

[B_hungrick]

Originally posted by Knight@Apr 28 2005, 01:37 PM
Thanks guys

It seems all sorted now I posted this when I thought that was it   But the plan is for me to get a job then move closer to her.  I asked my uncle to finance the move but he said no lol...It might be a typical teenage statement but no one understands me or this relationship.  My uncle keeps saying it's my bi monthly servicing...which it isn't.  Sex isn't even a part of it...

Anyways thanks guys.  I'm goin to see her tomorrow and buying a mobile (cell) phone lol, I do have one but its broke and I lost the top up thing   Then at least we can phone each other constantly

[post=305907]Quoted post[/post]​

Knight,

Yes, I think many of us understand what you're feeling. You love her & want to be close to her. There's nothing weird in that. And the fear of losing her has you emotionally upset. I mean guys are human too. This is what happens in loving relationships. It's not always easy as it seems in novels or films. Sometimes love is complicated & it takes time to work things out.

From reading your past posts, you don't seem like a "typical teenager" to me. You seem like an intelligent and focused guy, who's in love and can't figure exactly what to do about it. Take your time. You'll be ok.

All the best to you.

 

[naughty]

Knight,

I wish you the best of luck in your job search and I really hope you and your feind can find a way to work it all out. I am sorry your uncle didnt understand. In fact I think the younger one is the stronger the feelings because there isnt as much experience to dilute it. SO hang in there sweetie and keep us posted. Even if we cant literally reach out and touch we can at least try to be good listeners.

naughty

 

[Knight]

Originally posted by naughty@Apr 30 2005, 06:50 PM
Knight,

I wish you the best of luck in your job search and I really hope you and your feind can find a way to work it all out. I am sorry your uncle didnt understand. In fact I think the younger one is the stronger the feelings because there isnt as much experience to dilute it. SO hang in there sweetie and keep us posted. Even if we cant literally reach out and touch we can at least try to be good listeners.

naughty

[post=306592]Quoted post[/post]​

Thanks.

And thanks everyone, its sorted now, hopefully I'll find a job soon.

Thanks

 

[Altairion]

Knight, good to hear you've got things mostly resolved with your girl.

Good luck in your job search dude.

 

[D_Barbi_Queue]

If you love her and the feeling is mutual...stick with it. My husband and I spent about a year and a half of our relationship long distance. I was in Texas and he was in FL...well over a 2 1/2 hr train ride. :lol:

 

[Knight]

Originally posted by TexAssgirl@May 1 2005, 03:08 AM
If you love her and the feeling is mutual...stick with it. My husband and I spent about a year and a half of our relationship long distance. I was in Texas and he was in FL...well over a 2 1/2 hr train ride. :lol:

[post=306779]Quoted post[/post]​

Hehe thanks. So how did you keep it goin? Since I dont think you're telepathic it was just phonecalls? That sounds mad lol.

 

[jonb]

Yeah, 2 1/2 hours isn't the kind of long-distance relationship people talk about when they say long-distance relationships are doomed.

 

[Ineligible]

Knight, reading your original post, I wonder if your pessimism about the relationship is a carry-over of your feelings about your lack of direction in life? Perhaps you feel you have failed to get clear goals, and therefore are not a good achiever? My feeling is that most people don't have clear career goals, and those who do are likely to find that things don't work out as they expect anyway. Success is more often the result of taking the opportunities as you find them rather than pre-planning, I think.

 

[D_Barbi_Queue]

Originally posted by Knight+Apr 30 2005, 11:25 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Knight &#064; Apr 30 2005, 11:25 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-TexAssgirl@May 1 2005, 03:08 AM
If you love her and the feeling is mutual...stick with it.  My husband and I spent about a year and a half of our relationship long distance.  I was in Texas and he was in FL...well over a 2 1/2 hr train ride.  :lol:

[post=306779]Quoted post[/post]​

Hehe thanks. So how did you keep it goin? Since I dont think you&#39;re telepathic it was just phonecalls? That sounds mad lol.

[post=306804]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]


A lot of phone calls. At first it was just every few days, then every day, then a few times a day. I would fly over to see him every few months as well and eventually we just moved in together and the rest is history. We also sent a lot of cards and letters back and forth. That was before internet was practically in every home though.