So the spark can come back...

[Nomadic]

My hubby and I have been together 14yrs. Things got tough for a few years. My libido died because of the struggles in our relationship and other stresses. We have both been unfaithful.

We've been in counselling for 9 months. It was my idea, and it took months of pressure to get my husband to agree to it.

In the last couple of weeks, I've been getting really horny, and I've been involving my hubby in that excitement.

I've been sending him x-rated gifs while he's at work. This past week we've been like horny schoolboys! We're fucking again - properly. Our sex life hasn't felt like this since the year we met.

He also started focusing on his heath and fitness, and the other day when I was riding him, he looked so good - fitter and stronger than he's ever looked, and it really turned me on.

In counselling, I've been able to broach subjects that I've been afraid to previously; subjects I thought that would lead to arguments or feelings of rejection. Instead, I've been listened to and supported.

So, it seems a marriage, broken sex life and trust can be salvaged, after all. I think we're gonna come out of the stronger and more in love than before.

 

[BigBoston69]

That’s awesome. Relationships take work to keep the spark alive. 14 years is quite a ride in today’s cultural. Keep up the good work. Lots of luck!

 

[malakos]

 

[766055]

Congrats! Your hubby is very lucky

 

[BBB2.5]

I'm glad things have turned around for you and your hubby.... So many tend to give up easily. Merry Christmas to you both.

 

[ronin001]

Good Luck

 

[502855]

My hubby and I have been together 14yrs. Things got tough for a few years. My libido died because of the struggles in our relationship and other stresses. We have both been unfaithful.

We've been in counselling for 9 months. It was my idea, and it took months of pressure to get my husband to agree to it.

In the last couple of weeks, I've been getting really horny, and I've been involving my hubby in that excitement.

I've been sending him x-rated gifs while he's at work. This past week we've been like horny schoolboys! We're fucking again - properly. Our sex life hasn't felt like this since the year we met.

He also started focusing on his heath and fitness, and the other day when I was riding him, he looked so good - fitter and stronger than he's ever looked, and it really turned me on.

In counselling, I've been able to broach subjects that I've been afraid to previously; subjects I thought that would lead to arguments or feelings of rejection. Instead, I've been listened to and supported.

So, it seems a marriage, broken sex life and trust can be salvaged, after all. I think we're gonna come out of the stronger and more in love than before.

Good for you both! Agree that LTRs can be salvaged... just takes both partners being willing to lower their defences, share vulnerably, be willing to open their hearts to the other partner again.

 

[Galloper]

Great for both of you

 

[1241586]

It sounds to me that your evolving out of being romantic partners to best friends which is a sign of emotional maturity.

 

[328982]

Maybe I'm in thrall to heteronormative ideals of romance, or I'm not mature enough, but I'm not ready to give up on the idea of a passionate lifelong romance with one partner. When I see old queens in open relationships, yes that's fine of course, no doubt they remain fond of each other and it's companionable, but something seems to be lost: all the emotional charge and energy goes into the latest squeeze and the established relationship just looks like a shell. By shell I mean economic contract: usually a house or other asset to protect. So it feels a tad cynical to me and personally I wouldn’t be happy in that situation.

 

[brandon38]

My hubby and I have been together 14yrs. Things got tough for a few years. My libido died because of the struggles in our relationship and other stresses. We have both been unfaithful.

We've been in counselling for 9 months. It was my idea, and it took months of pressure to get my husband to agree to it.

In the last couple of weeks, I've been getting really horny, and I've been involving my hubby in that excitement.

I've been sending him x-rated gifs while he's at work. This past week we've been like horny schoolboys! We're fucking again - properly. Our sex life hasn't felt like this since the year we met.

He also started focusing on his heath and fitness, and the other day when I was riding him, he looked so good - fitter and stronger than he's ever looked, and it really turned me on.

In counselling, I've been able to broach subjects that I've been afraid to previously; subjects I thought that would lead to arguments or feelings of rejection. Instead, I've been listened to and supported.

So, it seems a marriage, broken sex life and trust can be salvaged, after all. I think we're gonna come out of the stronger and more in love than before.

That so good that will get other hope and sex it amazing when you both enjoy it so happy for you guys .

 

[EdWoody]

I'm kind of a similar place. My husband and I have been together almost 25 years now, and it's probably a good five years since we last had sex. I'm mostly okay with that, or at least I've become accustomed to it.

We did pretty much everything fairly early on, toys and kinks and taking boys home for threesomes, or going to sex parties and saunas and backroom bars (always always always safe sex). Over time it developed into an open relationship, because we both realised we had interests the other didn't share, and it was only fair that we allow each other to explore that, as long as it was all safe and consensual and we came home to each other afterwards.

But that then developed into us barely ever having sex together, and when we did it was perfunctory and unsatisfying. I don't resent it especially - I get that after a quarter-century together, this is just what happens. Plus he went through a depressive period some years ago that pretty much killed his sex drive, and we're both older and fatter and lazier.

But I kinda miss sex. I miss male bodies and dicks and stuff, and I torture myself by watching porn and thinking about what I can't have. I could go out and get sex - we're still technically in an open relationship even if in practise it's easier to just sit on the sofa - but developments in hook-up culture make me cringe away from that. No-one wants to use condoms anymore, and I refuse to have sex with anyone but my husband without one.

So the answer is to try to rekindle the flame with my husband, the man I love and trust and will spend the rest of my life with. I'm just not sure how that could be accomplished. I know we both need to exercise and diet and get back in shape, for general health reasons as well as sex drive reasons. It's just hard to generate the will power to do that when there is beer and Netflix. I have briefly considered relationship counselling like the OP, but I'm worried it might dig up old issues and disturb the delicate balance we've achieved. Aside from the sex thing, the relationship is pretty solid, and I don't want to do anything that might mess that up.