So what do you do?

[Andre80]

You know, this being a support group and all (and the fact that I am pretty big 'down unda', so therefore I hope that I qualify for support).

I am in a situation in my life where I feel like I am losing everything. My home, business, almost all of my friends, financial issues, etc. Anything that I hold dear and valuable to myself is slipping away. I keep hearing that "things will get better, really." "Once you hit bottom there is no way to go but up". And other little pearls like that that do nothing to make me feel any better. Basically, every time I have hit bottom, and thought 'this is the end, it has to get better from here' something else negative happens, and I slip just that much deeper into the abyss.

I'm a very intelligent, well educated and logical person. Which is why it scares me so much to be having the rampantly suicidal thoughts that I am having, and they seem to be occurring with far more frequency lately. My close friends think it is some bullshit ploy for attention, or just get pissed off at me. Basically, I am searching for a way out.. a way to do it that will not permanently emotionally scar the person who happens upon me. Plus, I am very averse to guns and whatnot.. so im thinking of taking enough opioid painkillers to put me into a deep sleep, and making sure there is something that will asphyxiate me when I pass out.

Right now, my fear of death is basically the only thing keeping me alive, but I believe that the scale of despair will tip to the point that I will no longer feel like I have a choice. I just don't know what to do anymore.

 

[NCbear]

Andre, take a deep breath, hold on to something in your mind that you know to be true (and positive), and think about it -- deliberately, carefully, luxuriously -- for a few minutes. Wait for your pulse and breathing to slow, and for your body to relax.

The "fight or flight" reaction may be what you're feeling right now, but panic (or its partner in crime, desperation) won't do you any good. Brainpower separates you from the animals, so relax and let your brain think of creative ways to get you out of your situation.

And yes, think of action items. For example, if you need money NOW, where can you get it? Can you pawn something? Can you ask a friend or a bank for a loan? Can you sell something? Can you get a second (or third) job for a while?

Take a moment to stop the wild, desperate pacing-back-and-forth-but-not-going-anywhere in your mind and sit down and think about your options.

NCbear (who has been in this situation many times and who hopes this helps)

 

[Quite Irate]

Looking through your post history, you seem emotionally stable enough to have posted normal posts not all that long ago. I'm guessing that something major just happened, or that you are, in fact, just seeking attention. If it is the former, be aware that impulsive actions based on stressful situations almost never make sense in afterthought.

I've wanted to kill myself. I think most people have had at least one moment where they have felt like there was no other way out than suicide. If you feel that you've exhausted all other options, consider the possibility of simply removing yourself from whatever situation is causing your depression. People always act like this is impossible, but it's really not. You've just got to let go.

And if it's the latter, well...

 

[Andre80]

No, things have been building for some time, and I do my best to shield those around me from it. So yeah, my post history may reflect that. But right now I'm just reaching a boiling point, and cant stop crying or shaking.

Major events:
Father passing away (a few years ago)
Divorce (quite some time ago, but I still feel emotional ripples from it, it was totally my fault)
Foreclosure.
Losing my business.
Losing a GF that I really loved.
Tax Lien.
Losing most of my friends.

There are a lot more minor ones that just keep adding to the pile.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

I think everyone has had a period of their life when it feels like God has it in for them, you think nothing else can possibly happen to make things worse then it does. Hang in there, things can get worse but they can also get better, if you're dead that's it, no possibility of things getting better. If it's possible to get away from your situation for a while do that and don't be scared to ask for help from real friends (friends who say a genuine plea for help is attention seeking aren't friends) or from your doctor or even the samaritans. It often helps to talk to someone from the net, yes they're a stranger and have no investment in your emotional well being, but that also means the advice they give is objective. We've all been there and we've mostly come through it a little wiser and a little stronger.

 

[mr obd]

maybe if u can explain the situation to some of us on here in a post then we can try & take each part & help you a piece at a time, like quite irate said its obviously something major that has made you start thinking like this.

Have u got any family you can talk to about whatever situation has arisen? As you've said you are very intelligent so you know there are a million other ways to sort out the things that are happening without looking down this particular road.


breaking down the whole thing into smaller pieces will take away a lot of the stress im sure, so whats happened in all the areas you've stated to take you to this point?

I think the main thing from what you posted secondly is that maybe you should let others in so they can help you, you may think its shielding them but its also stopping them from helping you out in any way at all & its times like these when you need other people to talk to & help you thru it

 

[NCbear]

Andre, you will find the strength within yourself to get through this period in your life. Really.

Just try to get away from it (physically, mentally, or both) for a while. Think about something else, go for a walk in a park, take a hot shower and revel in the sensation without thinking of anything else -- something different from going over and over in your mind what's upsetting you.

Then, once you've calmed down, address the issues head-on, but one at a time. Take each one just one small step at a time, and then it'll be manageable.

Remember, everyone who climbed Mount Everest made that climb out of hundreds of single steps. Everyone who hiked the Appalachian Trail completed it using thousands of single steps. Everyone who walked around the world took it one step at a time.

Try it.

NCbear (who wants you to think about meditation, about seeing a counselor, or about talking with a trusted religious figure about your issues -- whichever works for you)

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And no matter how you kill yourself, it's going to permanently scar whomever happens upon your dead body.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And no matter how you kill yourself, it's going to permanently scar whomever happens upon your dead body.

You see now I was looking for a way to say that and you just said it. Listen to her man - you can't take it back you see. that's the problem. The very fact that you are posting this here means you probably don't want to do it. So don't. Go crazy - run outside - howl at the moon - get shitfaced - sleep in a puddle - wake up - take a hot bath and a deep breath and think again. Life does have a start again button - you just have to grub around a bit before you can find it.

 

[LouisVauban]

Listen to the wise words taht have been spoken here.

Try to make a list of things that are in the PLUS column in your life.

As silly as it sounds, recognizing something as stupid as good good water pressure in the shower is a PLUS. Positive attracts positive as you begin to tip the scales in your own favor.

And if you are drinking, STOP! As a recovering alchi... the things you mentioned in your post all happened to me too, but I was in heavy denial about the amount of alcohol I was drinking. The sadness seemed bigger than living.

Am not suggesting that your symptoms ARE the same... just throwing it out there... as it could be.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

Ya know. I was going to say something earlier, but didn't because I figured it would be overstepping my bounds, seeing as how I don't know you. But I changed my mind, and I'm going to say it. You remind me a lot of my brother (from what you posted here.) My brother is intelligent, funny, outgoing, hard working, and has a million friends. But. He's 34 years old, just lost his apartment, hasn't owned a car in years, is currently unemployed, and suffers from depression. So just going from what you said in this post, I must say that you are also suffering from depression, and probably have been for a long time. My GUESS would be that you were probably raised in a somewhat chaotic environment, and you feel comfortable in chaos. So, you self destruct. Things go well, and your life steadies out. But you aren't comfortable with a nice easy life. Something has to go wrong somewhere, or you aren't in your comfort zone. So you make decisions or allow things to happen in your life that cause you to become self destructive. Then you get angry that your life is in shambles, and start over again, rebuilding. You stated in your earlier post that this isn't the first time this has happened. None of this is done consciously, by the way. You don't "plan" it. It just "happens". I may be completely off base. But I know my brother. I know why he does what he does. And from what you posted, you sound exactly like him. If I'm wrong, I apologize, and ignore this. But if you think there may be a hint of truth to it, then think about it some more. :smile:

 

[Vein Man]

Andre,

I believe that in addressing, acknowledging and discussing the issues that are facing is more than half the way to finding an answer. You can be strong as others have suggested and try to meet this head on on your own but that is a very hard task. Again ,as others have suggested, you can seek counsel from people in the community trained to deal with situations just like yours.

Pick up the phone and ask for help. Nobody will judge you. Nobody will abuse you. These people are there purely to help - whether they are part of a religious group, a goverment group or a purely secular help group.

Andre, generations of loving people made the family tree that is YOU. They wanted the best the world has to offer for each of their generations and the same extends to you. Feel their love and think about whether you are prepared to deny that love and make their efforts futile for the sake of an immediate choice to turn your back on all that is good and enjoyable and worthwhile and opt for the most ineffective cure of all.

I have been through most of the things you mention and they have been painful to endure. When I have been confronted by such feelings there has been a temptation to take matters into my own hands. But these set-backs are transitory. Perhaps they are tests. Maybe they are a bitter part of the learning process. But to refuse help and deny yourself another chance will mean that you will never know the beauty that awaits you once you have made your way through the tangle and the discomfort you are experiencing now.

We are told that we are to love one another and for those of us who do your wellbeing and happiness is just as important to us as it is to you.

Open your heart and your mind to the love that the world gives so generously. Block out the bitterness and hardship that you sense and, most importantly, seek help from those expert and dedicated to the healing and comfort of others.

 

[Luge]

I have had two friends commited suicide many years ago. On both occassions, virtually everyone at the funeral said the same thing. "If I had only known how he felt, I would have done something." No matter what is going on, an old friend cares about you and will help if he or she knows you need help. Ask. Let some people know you need help. Do it now. It is amazing to me how I can run into friends after not seeing them for years and it is like we never parted.

Seek out friends, family, former lovers...Anyone. Someone will open their heart to you and help you get things together again. None of us are alone. If that doesn't work, seek out a church or other gathering of people who desire to help people they don't know. You will make new friends. Remember you have many options. Only you can determine what is rock bottom. You will only hit it if you turn others away. My best to you.

 

[DaveyR]

There's a lot of good advice and nice words in this thread. I'm not good with that stuff but if you ever want to chat and I'm online then PM me. It's always good to talk.

Take care of yourself.

 

[Andre80]

Well, a couple of positives: I don't drink or do any drugs, not at ALL. I hate the feeling of intoxication. I don't like not being in control (of my own life, I'm no f*cking control freak). And I have awesome water pressure in my shower. heh.

I'm trying to take natural supplements that enhance the production of dopamine, seratonin and other 'feel good' chemicals in the brain. I'm in great health, good diet and exercise, but what really gets me is that none of this is working. I feel like im fighting a hell of a current, alone.

 

[Vein Man]

I feel like im fighting a hell of a current, alone.

Which is why you should seek assistance with getting on the road to recovery.

Cheers,

 

[Andre80]

Damnit, one of my friends just let me down again. wtf

 

[monstro]

Andre, I was in a similar situation about ten years ago. If you ever need anyone to talk to, please feel free to PM me.

Here's a couple of sites that may be helpful to you
Suicide: Read This First

Samaritans - Do you need someone to talk to? > Email

Don't give up!

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

I guess I should assume that what I said was completely wrong?

 

[Andre80]

I guess I should assume that what I said was completely wrong?

I cant say that you are right or wrong, but I am not self destructive. Even in this time of... I don't even know what to call it... I selflessly give to my friends, and always try to be there for them. Which is way more than I can ever say about them.