Son is smoking

Ask him to stop. Ask him why he started. I smoked. I am a rare bird, since when I quit I had no with drawl symptoms.

 

I would tell him that I never want to see him smoke around me, or even know that he smokes, so stop or keep it hidden.

 

One of my fears. Not the biggest, but up there around the top.

It's a hard one, because we all know from being kids (or just young), telling us "don't" or "it's bad for you" didn't work on many occasions.

With my girls I try to stress the unattractiveness with it, but not sure that would be even a little effective with a young adult man.

Maybe tell him when he realizes that it's not something he really wants to do, you'll be there to help and support him while he quits.

I'm just really not sure on this one.


**edit to agree with Mem. While you may not be able to stop him completely, you can stop the behavior around you!

 

Sorry to sound very English about this, but does your son know you are asking these sorts of questions on a large penis support group website?

Frankly it freaks me out more that you are asking the question here of all places rather than the fact that he is smoking, which, quite honestly, is a bit more normal than doing what we are all doing on this site...

 

Let him smoke as much as he can in your presence... give him the cigarettes, but let him smok emore then he ever did so he get sick and disgusted about cigarettes.

 

At 20 years old, unless you are footing the bill for college etc, not much you can do.

In my family, my dad would have brought out the belt and whooped my ass good. lol

 

I think don't worry about it too much. Ask him openly, tell him it's upto him but you don't think it's a great idea.

If it's out in the open, he'll find it easier to ask your help if he wants to give up. Just my opinion...

 

Exactly.

 

To be honest your son is a Sophomore in college, he's a grown man, whether he smokes or not is none of your business.

 

Ok, when i was young bout 12, my mom caught me smoking and she made me smoke 3 cigarettes one after the other, it was sickening,but it worked, i did not smoke again until about 20, nothing she could do,but even now when i visit her, she makes me smoke outside, no matter what the weather is like.

 

Oh, this is a thread about smoking cigarettes. :smoker: I see, not what I was expecting.

Anyhow, I think at his age, there's not much you can do but offer the suggestion that he quit. Easier said than done - I know. I smoked for a couple of years when I was in the bar/restaurant business but quit cold turkey when I got tired of the smell & the coughing. Good luck to you.

 

LOL! I did wonder, myself...

 

He's 20, dude - there's fuck all you can do.

I would say even if you're footing the bill...

Let him know you don't like it. That's all you can do.

Oh, and to the prude who is all upset about MHD posting about this on this site, grow up. What in the OP identifies the son? Nothing? Is the son a minor? No. Is this the general, 'any other business' Et Cetera forum? Yes.

Twit.

 

You cannot make him stop smoking against his will, but always insist that he never smokes in your space and remind him always how much you disapprove. Tell him constantly that he smells like a dirty ashtray and that you do not enjoy his presence whilst being so. He might resent it and avoid you for some time, but it will make him think! I'm a long time smoker, but I resist from smoking around my family and friends who are non-smokers. I truly wish that I had never smoked at all.

 

Being a similar age, I can tell you he's not going to stop smoking unless he wants to. All you can say to him is "there bad for you" or "image how your insides asides are going to look" Which in the end is probably a waste of your breath !!

 

Good advice, maybe he will come to his senses like you did. I wish I could say the same for myself.

 

1) If he is paying for his cigs with his own money, then a parental suggestion is the best you can do, and it won't likely work.

2) If he is using your money to buy them, then you have options, but none of them are good. Realistically, a parental suggestion is the best you can do.

My mother gave me the speech when I was 11, along with the drugs and alcohol speech, followed shortly thereafter with the safe sex speech. She informed me that smoking will harm my respiratory system and my hockey game (my passion at the time). But personally I never saw the draw.

A parental reminder is okay, but won't work. And the more you make an issue of it, the harder he will likely dig in.

He's twenty and has to make his own mistakes now. Let him. But that doesn't mean you should have to pay for it, or for his health care. If he wants to act like an adult and smoke, than he can act like an adult and pay for them and his health consequences too.

 

I would be so upset...nothing bothers me more in young people than this addiction. I might not be able to stop him...but I wouldn't give any monet towards the cause.

 

I'd ask him when he started and why he sees an appeal. Maybe even ask how often and tell him you don't like that he does it. He's 20, so by all standards, he's an adult; however, he is your son, and you are entitled to have an opinion. While you likely can't force him to stop, you can possibly ensure he only does it when he's not home.

Another option you could try if you want to be a hardass is to say "If you have money for cigarettes, you have money to pay rent for living here." My aunt tried it on my cousin... it didn't work, but it showed she had a stand that gave him a little scare.

 

If you go in all guns blazing, chances are he'll dig his heels in and smoke more to spite you. (I did. Childish, I know, but...)

All you can really do is let him know you'd rather he didn't smoke. By all means, ban it in your home and ask him not to smoke around you, but don't do the coughing and waving your hand in front of your face thing. That will probably make matters worse.

Find out why he smokes and how many. You never know, he may only have one now and again if he's had a bad day, in which case, it's probably going to cause more hassle than it's worth if you have a go at him for it.

The bottom line is that you have no authority over him and you can't force him to stop. If you try, he will probably end up resenting you. If you can, have a mature and reasoned discussion about his smoking. If you fly off the handle or start nagging or threatening him, it will be counterproductive, so if you think that's going to happen, don't do it. Even if you think you know best, you've got to step back and allow him to make his own decisions. He's of an age where you've got to respect his choices and let him live his own life. You can ask him not to smoke in your presence, and ban smoking in your home - after all, your house, your rules - but don't be surprised or upset if he smokes in front of you when you go to visit him.

"I wish you wouldn't do that" is often more effective than "Don't do that" when you're dealing with someone in their teens or early 20s.

 

Wow amazed at the number of people in this thread who seem to think a parent has the right to direct or try to influence the behaviour of their son who is 20 year old grown man. I wonder if there would be so much "helpful" advice if the complaint was that this grown man enjoyed drinking alcohol?

 

"Great minds..." my friends. :biggrin1:

 

At 20 he might be smoking because all his friends are smoking - or maybe the ones who influence him the most. I'd make sure he knew you disapproved and insist, as mentioned earlier, that he can not smoke in your presence. That, at the very least, should show parental respect on his part.

My brother didn't dare smoke in front of our dad but after he was married I guess he thought he could. My dad never said a word. Now, my brother no longer smokes but his 20 year old son left a pack of cigarettes in his car. My brother saw them and said that if he ever saw him smoking my nephew would shit tobacco for a week. (My brother is a cop and means what he says!)

My dad told us a story that his dad (my grandfather, God rest his soul) caught my dad smoking when he was young and made my dad eat the cigarettes. My dad said he puked for hours and never touched a cigarette again!

 

Not a chance - merely being appropriate, the offence only merited a 'twit'. :wink:

 

Asking not to smoke will just create "boomerang effects" where people are naturally resistant to direct order from someone they don't perceive to be the authority (sadly, some children don't think their parents are true authorities). Try to convince him that you know how he feels that makes him have the urge to smoke, putting yourself in his shoes is the keypoint here. Try to make your request for him to stop two-folded, one from his point of view, and another one is from you. When you include his perspective on this, persuasion is more likely to ensue.

 

Maybe you can find some photos of a damaged lung from a smokers autopsy.
Not a pretty sight.

 

$5.50 per pack, One pack per day, 30 days per month= $165. Thats a payment on a brand new cheap-ass car. You do the math, kid, you're in college. Do you want to give a couple of grand a year to Phllip Morris for absolutely nothing?

 

Ask him to do a little math.

cost of a pack of cigs x frequency of purchase

6.00 x 365 days = 2190.00
x 40 years because cigarette addiction is difficult to quit = 87,600.00

That's not even accounting for inflation and additional taxation that will be sure to go into effect with the health care bill.

Ask him if he can think of anything he would rather put that money toward?