"Structured" personalities

[Principessa]

There is an attractive girl at work who seems to have "structured" her life. To me she seems to be quite sad, she doesn't behave like a normal person and never seems to have much fun. She only mingles with a few of her management colleagues and will shy away if anyone (other than management) tries to speak with her.
Do you know anyone like that?

What makes them like that do you think?

Are you like that? If yes tell us about yourself

Yes, I think we all know someone like that.
I am often aloof or as you say structured in the work place. I prefer to keep work separate from my private life. I think most people are like that.

I would prefer not to. Seriously, why does it bother you?

True, but why would they prefer that way to a more open, fun approach? I'm trying to work out what benefit they get from being like that.

They never get hurt, chastised or condemned. There is never a concern that something you did during off hours with a co-worker will become the topic of water cooler conversation. It's way easier than the gregarious all inclusive style you seem to prefer.

It sounds like she has the same mind frame as you.

Have you tried to change your way of life? It almost sounds like you don't want to.

Of course he doesn't want to, that would mean he couldn't be a victim anymore.

People accuse me of being like that girl in your office. All i can say is that we're all different and we have our ways of doing things without necessarily being suicidal.

I agree whole heartedly. In my experience it is difficult to be a good manager if you are too busy trying to be everyone's friend. Parents often make the same mistake. They try to be best friends to their children instead of mother and father.

At my age it's most too late to change. I wouldn't begin to know how to change things anyway. Sometimes I think I'd like to change things, but I have no idea how to go about changing anything. Most of the time I think it's too late, and hopeless...[/

Viking1 are you going to turn this thread into yet another pity party?

I finally figured out that you think this is theo nly way you can get attention and since most people are kindhearted here you let them give you pep talks and easy, free methods of improving your life and outlook on life. What few people especially the newbies know is that you have no intention of doing anything but wallowing in your cloak of depression, misery; and despair.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

This woman might be perfectly happy with her life, just because it's not the way you'd choose to live doesn't mean it's wrong. She might keep a distance because she wants to keep work separate from play, and if she's in a managerial position she might find it difficult to give someone she's friendly with a good bollocking.

 

[B_becominghorse]

True, but why would they prefer that way to a more open, fun approach? I'm trying to work out what benefit they get from being like that.

Of course they would, some people don't think of fun the way we whores do. Lots of people are serious all the time, plenty of others don't have any sense of humour. Look at Karl Rove, now that's a lot worse than what you're talkin' about...

..also, as some people said, people are so different they find it natural to separate all sexuality from what they think of as work. I don't think there's anything at all unusual about that, sometimes they're the best achievers, and don't have to be tending to their peters all the time.

 

[viking1]

Of course he doesn't want to, that would mean he couldn't be a victim anymore.

If nobody wants an answer, then don't ask!

Viking1 are you going to turn this thread into yet another pity party?

I finally figured out that you think this is theo nly way you can get attention and since most people are kindhearted here you let them give you pep talks and easy, free methods of improving your life and outlook on life. What few people especially the newbies know is that you have no intention of doing anything but wallowing in your cloak of depression, misery; and despair.

No longer...

 

[Jovial]

There is an attractive girl at work who seems to have "structured" her life. To me she seems to be quite sad, she doesn't behave like a normal person and never seems to have much fun. She only mingles with a few of her management colleagues and will shy away if anyone (other than management) tries to speak with her.
Even though she is quite hot and dresses rather sexily, I have learned that people like that don't make ideal partners so I'm not persuing her but I am curious to discover why some people like her, close their minds and surround themselves with self imposed limits and restrictions.

Do you know anyone like that?

What makes them like that do you think?

Are you like that? If yes tell us about yourself

This actually sounds a lot like be, except I'm a man and I wouldn't say I dress sexily. I may not be quite as shy. I do think I come across as structured, like in what I eat and working out. But I'm not structured in other ways. And people would say I don't like to have fun.

About having fun, I get a lot of enjoyment out of just being healthy and keeping things consistent in my life. I'm not always searching for fun like most people do. Also, what some people consider fun is boring to me. I like intellectually stimulating things more than other people, so a lot of times I'm just happy observing and thinking about things.

It sounds like you don't know her well enough to judge what is going on in her head exactly. And it does come across like you feel rejected.

And maybe she's the type that is very reserved in public, but a freak in the bedroom!

 

[B_andyo]

those quiet girls make the best lovers. I mean high sex drive lol

 

[Principessa]

This woman might be perfectly happy with her life, just because it's not the way you'd choose to live doesn't mean it's wrong. She might keep a distance because she wants to keep work separate from play, and if she's in a managerial position she might find it difficult to give someone she's friendly with a good bollocking.

Exactly what I tried to say; but was too wordy doing so. :redface: Like I used to say when people bitched about how awful work was, "If it was fun they would call it the circus, not work."

 

[Jovial]

those quiet girls make the best lovers. I mean high sex drive lol

Listen to him. I believe he knows what he's talking about.

 

[2322]

At my age it's most too late to change. I wouldn't begin to know how to change things anyway. Sometimes I think I'd like to change things, but I have no idea how to go about changing anything. Most of the time I think it's too late, and hopeless...

You'll be back! :smile:

I'm very shy in real life and have been mistaken for everything from a lesbian "trying out" being straight, to developmentally disabled! No, I just have a severe shyness and social anxiety problem that is a result of being bullied as a child. I am better in some situations than in others, and at work I do tend to concentrate on work 100% because it's the only way I can keep my job (and even then not always). I also don't date co-workers. That leads to just too many problems. I've heard of a few instances where it is successful, but too many others that just cause problems at work.

Not that I've ever wanted to date any of my co-workers though! :biggrin1: The very few that I ever found attractive were all married.

You are absolutely the least gay woman on these boards. Really. You're so completely not a lesbian I doubt you could even be a passenger in a Subaru Forester. You're not even a fag hag. Whomever thought you were gay is more socially inept than you are by a longshot. You actually relate to people really well here.

 

[dongalong]

I suppose I do feel a bit rejected, everyone else I work with is very friendly with me which is why I am so curious about her.

I know other people similar to her, so I suppose there is nothing abnormal and all of your answers have helped with my understanding of the way such people think.

I have come to the conclusion that trying to get close to them isn't compatible with my open minded approach to life, they wouldn't feel comfortable outside their structure and I would feel restricted within their limits.

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

She's a bitch. Avoid her.

How is avoiding her going to help?

Sounds like some form of social phobia.

 

[Hippie Hollow Girl]

I have met people and worked with people like the girl that you are talking about. And I will admit that I have always wondered the same thing. Basically what makes them tick.

But what I have discovered is that not everyone is like me and not everyone thinks like me. Not everyone is as social as we would like them to be. Especially not in the workplace.

People have problems and they may not feel like sharing them with the whole wide world. They may withdraw into themselves and only associate or mingle with who they absolutely have too.

There are also ambitious people who like to climb the ladder of success.....so when they are at work that is all they focuss on. That is the only thing on their brain and they are not out to win any popularity contests.

It is amazing that it is OK for men to be ambitious but if a woman is then she is a bitch.

Also maybe the woman is a lesbian.......or she got hurt really bad in a previous relationship so she has sworn off any type of social life.

Who knows......!!!!!

The only way you are going to find out......if you are that interested in this person is to engage her in conversation......develop a trust relationship and maybe she will tell you what makes her tick. The way I look at it is.....who doesn't need more friends in this world? ....The way she may look at it may be totally opposite of the way that I look at things. But all she can do is tell you to go jump in a lake. Or go away and leave me alone.....She isn't interested. But it would probably make her feel good that you noticed her and that you care about what makes her tick.

Just my opinion

 

[dongalong]

From what I know about her, I think that you have described why she is like that kadtxgl.

People have problems and they may not feel like sharing them with the whole wide world. They may withdraw into themselves and only associate or mingle with who they absolutely have too.

or she got hurt really bad in a previous relationship so she has sworn off any type of social life.

The only person she mixes with at work is a happily married family man, I think that she is avoiding any relationship situations that might end up with her getting hurt, and since work is her escape from what might be a lonely home life, she will do everything to keep herself free of emotional problems.

Yes, good advice kadtxgl, I'll just continue to be as friendly with her as I am with everyone else and take the first opportunity to talk to her.

 

[B_Bette]

Some folks prefer to keep work work and nothing more.

Yeah, what he said. I'd do a client, but not a co-worker.

Oh, who am I kidding? If I worked with anyone hot, I'd fuck them. But I work for old stinky lawyers.

 

[Meniscus]

I think dongalong's description of a "structured" personality is a bit vague, and it seems to me everyone is reading into it either based on themselves, a colleague, or someone else they know. The people that have been described thus far could actually have little in common with the woman dongalong is talking about.

At the place where I work, there are lots of people who socialize and are "chatty." They also give the impression that they don't get much work done. One woman who sits near me is almost always in conversation with someone. She never seems to work at all. These sort of people aren't performing so badly as to get fired, but they don't get promoted, either.

I'm at the opposite extreme. I come in, work a minimum of 8 solid hours (not a few hours of work and a few hours of gossip), rarely talk to anyone unless I have to, and when I feel like I've gotten enough work done (usually long after everyone else has left for the day) I leave.

I have received feedback from my supervisors that I need to be a little bit more friendly with people, particularly when making requests from another departments. One of my supervisors suggested that I try to chat people up a bit, show an interest in them as people, ask about how their kids are doing, etc. He also gave me an article about "emotional IQ."

But, the truth is, I have no interest in getting to know my colleagues as people, and I feel uncomfortable and dishonest trying to fake it. It's not that I particularly dislike anyone. In fact, there are some people whom I'm rather fond of, in my own way. But for the most part, I find my coworkers mostly disinteresting. Few of them are my age, and those that are are straight and married and all they ever talk about is their kids. I have nothing in common with them. Consequently, I have no friends at work, and I don't socialize with my coworkers outside of work.

I'd be perfectly content with that if I had friends outside of work. Unfortunately, I don't, but that's another story.

 

[Meniscus]

I'm pretty much that way. Except for being hot, and wearing sexy clothes.

For years there's been nothing for me but work. I just engrossed myself in it to get my mind off my sadness. I'm not happy, and I seldom have fun.
The only time my mind is totally occupied is when I working on something tough that takes all my ability. That rarely happens. There just isn't anything else, and it's too late for any change now, it's all gone by...

viking1, I empathize. Although I don't have much hope that my life will ever be any different than it is now, I do still have some small fragment of hope that I will someday have the life I always dreamed of. I'll be getting a late start if I do, and I won't lie and say that doesn't bother me, but that life is still worth having even if it comes later for me than for others.

I recently reconnected with a cousin who is a few years older than me and learned that he has gone through similar struggles. There are significant differences, as well (e.g., he's got a few good friends and he's been in a long-term relationship before), but I take some comfort in knowing that there are other lonely, single people out there who are my age or even older.

But if we're ever going to find happiness, something needs to change. Maybe not who we are, but how we live. There are two ways to break out of one's routine. One way is to do something different with a specific intent, a specific purpose. The other is just to break the routine for the sake of breaking the routine, just to try something new and see what happens. The former approach is more logical to me--I don't like doing things without a reason--but for me it doesn't work because most of the time I can't think of a reason to leave the house. So I need to force myself to leave the house even if there's no reason for doing so. It's hard. I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know what--if anything--is going to happen as a result.

I haven't made any major progress yet, but I haven't made any major breaks to my routine either. Frankly, I'm still working up the courage.

 

[Mr. Bungle]

From what I know about her, I think that you have described why she is like that kadtxgl.


The only person she mixes with at work is a happily married family man, I think that she is avoiding any relationship situations that might end up with her getting hurt, and since work is her escape from what might be a lonely home life, she will do everything to keep herself free of emotional problems.

Yes, good advice kadtxgl, I'll just continue to be as friendly with her as I am with everyone else and take the first opportunity to talk to her.

True, chances are she's avoiding any relationship issues that might end up with her getting hurt.. especially at work, that's the LAST place I'd look to get involved with a woman. I've done that a couple times, and both times have been horrendously bad mistakes. One morning, after a very drunken happy hour, I woke up in bed with one of the girls in our desktop publishing dept., something (at the time) I WISH I could hit the rewind button and made it never happen. I wouldn't recommend to ANYONE trying to get your honey where you get your money. She's hanging with the happily married man because of the "safe-ness" factor. It sounds like she's had bad experiences, possibly with getting tangled up in relationships at work, or just bad relationships in general. Yeah man, kadtxgl said it well, just be friendly with her as you are with everyone else in your office and you'll retain your sanity. :smile:

 

[dongalong]

I have gained a further understanding of structured personalities after a disagreement with an eastern European friend which almost got violent.

Anyway he has a habit of making rules about almost every part of reality and gets angry when something or someone doesn't conform to these rules.
Like the character Borat portrays, this friend is racist, normally he hides it but alcohol removes the mask.
After a few drinks he started complaining about something which was getting a bit too racist for my taste and without being insulting I told him the reasons why I disagreed with his point of view but he had no intelligent reply so he threatened to punch me Luckily he left and that was the end of that although he hasn't been speaking to me since.

Anyway this made me analyse the situation and it seems to me that he creates and sticks to these rules to simplify life and make sense of the world.

I can't decide why some people are like this, some of the reasons that come to mind are a lower than average IQ, fear of the unknown and low confidence in their ability to react to unexpected situations.

What do you think?

 

[BiItalianBro]

Any manager who shies away from the peons is a poor manager. It creates tension between management and staff, distances the manager from the very people she needs to manage, and likely reflects poor self-esteem manifest through a situational Narcissus response where she imagines her rank raises her above such things.

Seen a million of them. Stay away.

Amen! I see barricudas like her all the time at work...they will sell out their own flesh and blood to get ahead, so imagine the roadkill she would make out of you. I have to get along with my coworkers to be productive as a unit...I don't have to like them.

 

[2322]

I have gained a further understanding of structured personalities after a disagreement with an eastern European friend which almost got violent.

Anyway he has a habit of making rules about almost every part of reality and gets angry when something or someone doesn't conform to these rules.
Like the character Borat portrays, this friend is racist, normally he hides it but alcohol removes the mask.
After a few drinks he started complaining about something which was getting a bit too racist for my taste and without being insulting I told him the reasons why I disagreed with his point of view but he had no intelligent reply so he threatened to punch me Luckily he left and that was the end of that although he hasn't been speaking to me since.

Anyway this made me analyse the situation and it seems to me that he creates and sticks to these rules to simplify life and make sense of the world.

I can't decide why some people are like this, some of the reasons that come to mind are a lower than average IQ, fear of the unknown and low confidence in their ability to react to unexpected situations.

What do you think?

A Serb by chance?