The bi closet, so to speak...

[Trybogus01]

I think all straight gangbangs and MFMs have strong gay undertones.

I saw a MFM where one of the porn actors jokingly tugged on the other man's ball sack when he was drilling the woman. It was super hot.

In some Middle Eastern countries, you're only gay if you're receptive in anal sex. Nothing else is really "gay". You can see how our cultures shape what gay or straight is.

My hottest obsession with MFMs are DP, or any instance where dicks touch or rub against each other (of course, kissing is good too..)

 

[Stephenmass]

This is just my opinion, but due to the current timeline of social political unrest, (and maybe it's easy for me to say as I'm a single Black gay feminine man, and been this way all my life, even in my youth, and I'm in my 30s now.) I can understand somewhat if this were twenty or so years ago. I would agree with you, that as long as you were faithful to your wife, and weren't sleeping around with other men, you can keep your curiosity to yourself.

However, again as I said, it's 2024, a few more days we'll be into 2025, so we are in a different time now. Belgium is an LGBTQ safe space. So I think you need to come out and be honest. If she leaves you, then she didn't really love you. I'm so fucking sorry.

I also felt your comments about staying closeted were kinda depressing and sad, and you hold incorrect generalizations. Yes I'm feminine/flamboyant/fruity, but I can count on my left hand, and have close to five fingers still up, on the number of guys I've had sex with. Some gay men are promiscuous, but I am not. I also don't really care about being trendy with my appearance. If someone isn't keen on the way I look, then I couldn't care less. Yes there are some gay men who are vapid and are into appearance, but not all of them are. I feel you could adjust all those poorly thoughts you have of the LGBTQ community, into something good, and possibly join LGBTQ acceptance groups/political groups.

Or you can just keep it a deep dark secret smh, but I just feel in this day and age, and where you are located, that seems very depressing. But that's just me.

But it is your choice. I'm just some ignorant absent minded fool on a sex discussion message board, so although I do hope you take a some of my sentiment into consideration, whatever I say is not bond or law, but just saying.

Hoping the best for you.

"However, again as I said, it's 2024, a few more days we'll be into 2025, so we are in a different time now. Belgium is an LGBTQ safe space. So I think you need to come out and be honest. If she leaves you, then she didn't really love you. I'm so fucking sorry."

This part of your answer I do not agree with at all to be honest. Assuming she really doesn't know and thinks she is in a 100% heterosexual relationship, finding out "her guy" isn't 100% hetero for most women would be a dealbreaker. As he himself said, had he "come out" to her from the start things would be different. But he didn't and while I don't judge him for that at all, a LOT of time has passed. Assuming she is 100% heterosexual, for her to find out FOR SURE that he is not, is a major deception on his part and not "part of the deal" or whatever. To say that if she left (if he came out to her) she never really loved him is to me a bad statement. She may love him but can't fathom being with a guy that isn't straight. You make her out to be the bad one here when I don't think she is. I'm not saying he is bad either, but if he ever came out to her and she left as a result, I'd say the onus is on him (due respect to the OP). Isn't she entitled to a relationship with a 100% straight man if that is what she thinks she is in now? Perhaps SHE would feel more fulfilled as a result. It would also free him (he admits himself he leans more gay) to feel more fulfilled as well. He is me when I was younger. I have a young son who I love with all of my being. In my own way I love her as well, but she deserved honesty from me and I did give her that honesty. Both of us are happier now than ever before, hell she even likes my partner (friendship). She is with a guy now that is 100% hetero which is what she signed up for with me. That is why I don't judge him. She didn't know about me until I couldn't stand it any longer and gave her deserved honesty. She had every right to leave and she did. But at the same time we both love each other, just not the right way if she had begun in a hetero relationship and me in a m2m relationship. It was too guilt tripping for me and in my case I felt I owed her the truth.

 

[Trybogus01]

"However, again as I said, it's 2024, a few more days we'll be into 2025, so we are in a different time now. Belgium is an LGBTQ safe space. So I think you need to come out and be honest. If she leaves you, then she didn't really love you. I'm so fucking sorry."

This part of your answer I do not agree with at all to be honest. Assuming she really doesn't know and thinks she is in a 100% heterosexual relationship, finding out "her guy" isn't 100% hetero for most women would be a dealbreaker. As he himself said, had he "come out" to her from the start things would be different. But he didn't and while I don't judge him for that at all, a LOT of time has passed. Assuming she is 100% heterosexual, for her to find out FOR SURE that he is not, is a major deception on his part and not "part of the deal" or whatever. To say that if she left (if he came out to her) she never really loved him is to me a bad statement. She may love him but can't fathom being with a guy that isn't straight. You make her out to be the bad one here when I don't think she is. I'm not saying he is bad either, but if he ever came out to her and she left as a result, I'd say the onus is on him (due respect to the OP). Isn't she entitled to a relationship with a 100% straight man if that is what she thinks she is in now? Perhaps SHE would feel more fulfilled as a result. It would also free him (he admits himself he leans more gay) to feel more fulfilled as well. He is me when I was younger. I have a young son who I love with all of my being. In my own way I love her as well, but she deserved honesty from me and I did give her that honesty. Both of us are happier now than ever before, hell she even likes my partner (friendship). She is with a guy now that is 100% hetero which is what she signed up for with me. That is why I don't judge him. She didn't know about me until I couldn't stand it any longer and gave her deserved honesty. She had every right to leave and she did. But at the same time we both love each other, just not the right way if she had begun in a hetero relationship and me in a m2m relationship. It was too guilt tripping for me and in my case I felt I owed her the truth.

True... to be FAIR to the girl! It's not just about the closet guy but the girl have emotions that are just as valid as the confused/closeted guy. If she feels betrayed after the revelation and decides to leave, then the relationship is NOT FOR THEM -- there will be emotional heartbreaks for sure but no blame on either party. They are just not meant to be.

 

[18wheeler]

Hi everyone,

I don't have a real question, but just wanted to hear if there are other people here in a similar situation like me, and how they navigate life in the closet.

The situation I am talking about: I am in a long-term, happy, monogamous relation with a woman. I have known for quite a while that I am both sexually and emotionally attracted to men as well. In fact, I think I might tend more to the gay side of the spectrum.
Nobody truly knows this about me, including my girlfriend (though some people suspect it, I guess).

You should also know, I have never acted on this. A drunken kiss with a friend is as far as I ever went. I present as truly straight in all my interactions with people. Yes, I watch gay and bisexual porn.

Why haven't I tried it with a guy?
First of all, because I really value my relationship, and don't want to cheat on her (yes I am aware that not telling her about my true self is also a form of cheating). We have built a really good life together, and I love her to bits. I honestly don't feel the urge to have sex with another person than her. I am curious about gay sex as an avstract thing, but not something to act on 'on the side'... I also don't feel I could come out to her. We've been together for so long now, and the secret coming out would probably be more toxic than it is today remaining a secret. In fact, I think that might even be the only reason of me not coming out. i don't think labeling it would bother me all that much.
Second reason, I really don't think I could thrive in the gay community. I have many gay friends, and I feel close to them (as in: I deeply connect with their attraction to guys, if that makes sense) but I always struggle with their lifestyle: heavy on the partying, open relations, short relations, lots of sex with different people, a exagerated focus on looks, etc. I am aware that this is a gross generalization, but it really is a common theme I notice with them, and even when they don't enter the gay scene with this mindset, they change because of it.

So I guess I've kind of settled on straight life. And there is a gay/bi cloud hanging over it, but it really isn't the most important aspect of my life... My main fear, perhaps, is that I would have regrets on my death bed.
Also: I can't imagine my relationship ending, but if it does, I would probably end up with a guy...

You and I are living the same life