Too Late to have Kids?

[goodwood]

it has always been my goal and desire to have children with an appropriately pratrician, blonde haired, blue/green eyed, tall, thin, athletic, outgoing woman. I thought I had found the right woman when i was 34. While she had two little girls from her marriage, she assured me she would have at least one more child when we got married.

Wedding was set and then she tells me she will not have another child. Marriage off. I was lied to for 2 years by this woman. She told me that i didn't need to have a child, that she could change my mind about that.

NOPE. I wanted children and she knew that from day one.

My point is this: it seems that a man who has been responsible throughout his 20s and 30s and used condoms and avoided pregnancies and STDs and child support payments ends up ready to have a child at 40 and somehow i am deemed too old? are you fucking kidding me?!

my options are 40 something year old GRANDMOTHERS or women of the same age who haven't had children or who have had children and won't have any more?

Growing up in new york, a man all squared away in his 40s and ready to settle down and have kids would easily find a 30something woman to do this with. In texas i may as well be a freak of nature. i don't care for texas. i want to go home.

 

[D_Kitten_Kaboodle]

I'm not from Texas... but here's my 2 cents.

You are a guy .. you have no "biological clock" ticking. I'd think in today's times that you are the perfect age for settling down. Two things I'd like to note:

My husband's best friend was much like you... he wanted to be a doctor, had a career in front of him. That was first. He also wanted to marry and have children. At 38, he met his (now) wife, who was one year older than him and had never married. It seems we had all gone to school together and they found each other so many years later. They married and a year later had their one and only child. It can, and does happen!

Also, there is nothing wrong with dating a girl 10 years your junior. My daughter is with a guy 10 yrs her senior and they are a perfect match! It can, and does happen!

There's someone out there ... I'm an optimist... and I believe if you keep looking you will find her. But one thing I wonder about is why the specifics.... (with an appropriately pratrician, blonde haired, blue/green eyed, tall, thin, athletic, outgoing woman.) What if the girl of your dreams is a brunette? or redhead? and you pass her by because you are looking for a blonde?? Children are beautiful, regardless of hair color, eye color... etc. and good genes does not guarantee a perfect child. (just sayin')

 

[SprinkleMe69]

It could be worse. You could find that you're ready but are told that you have cancer and thereby lose your ability to do so. You will find someone. If all else fails you can get a surrogate that can provide you with that child. Of course, for a price.

I take it the lady is now an ex. There are plenty of women out there that desire to have children. You just gotta look outside of your standards that you have set in finding that mate.

 

[pronatalist]

Don't waste your time with a woman who refuses to have children. That's just not right. That's contrary to nature, and contrary to much of the purpose of marriage anyway, that of building the stable family nest, to receive children.

That same sort of selfishness, is likely the same sort that dooms marriages these days.

I think that's a reason people are looking to other countries to find wives. The rampant contraceptive pushing has really messed up families in Western developed countries.

I wouldn't marry a woman who doesn't want children. How long until she doesn't even want me? The modern generation has turned so incredibly selfish.

 

[dolfette]

far more selfish are the women who aren't maternal but still have kids. far more selfish are those who persuade unwilling partners to reproduce. not everyone has what it takes to be a good parent. the world is full of unhappy children, being screwed up and screwed over.

and every child deserves good parents.

 

[dolfette]

i have kids but i doubt i'd have more. i've hit that age where the risk of complications increases and the amount of energy i have to put into it decreases.

 

[OhWiseOne]

I'm not from Texas... but here's my 2 cents.

You are a guy .. you have no "biological clock" ticking. I'd think in today's times that you are the perfect age for settling down. Two things I'd like to note:

My husband's best friend was much like you... he wanted to be a doctor, had a career in front of him. That was first. He also wanted to marry and have children. At 38, he met his (now) wife, who was one year older than him and had never married. It seems we had all gone to school together and they found each other so many years later. They married and a year later had their one and only child. It can, and does happen!

Also, there is nothing wrong with dating a girl 10 years your junior. My daughter is with a guy 10 yrs her senior and they are a perfect match! It can, and does happen!

There's someone out there ... I'm an optimist... and I believe if you keep looking you will find her. But one thing I wonder about is why the specifics.... (with an appropriately pratrician, blonde haired, blue/green eyed, tall, thin, athletic, outgoing woman.) What if the girl of your dreams is a brunette? or redhead? and you pass her by because you are looking for a blonde?? Children are beautiful, regardless of hair color, eye color... etc. and good genes does not guarantee a perfect child. (just sayin')

That's the part he needs to get past.

 

[umami_tsunami]

Step #1- GTFO of Texas.

Step #2- Refer to step #1.

 

[houtx48]

I'd say 40 is pretty much the cut off point, poor kid having an old dude for a father growing up.

 

[alx]

My dad was 42 whoen he had his final child. So no It's not too late.

 

[Sword_of_Damocles]

Sometimes you change your mind. When I was in my twenties I couldn't imagine ever wanting, much less having children. In my early thirties I found myself thinking about fatherhood with greater frequency and longing, eager to find the right woman and start a family. Now that I'm nearer to 40 than 30, with no significant other and no prospects for a serious long-term relationship, I feel too old to be having children. Biologically, sure, I could still father children. But I'm not sure I want to be chasing after small children when I'm in my mid-forties, dealing with teenagers when I'm in my fifties, and only finally getting my life, my home, and my freedom returned to me when I'm hitting sixty.

And it wouldn't surprise me in the least to learn that women close to my age feel much the same. Because, at this point in my life, I'm more than likely either going to end up dating a woman who already has children and doesn't want to start all over by having a baby, or one who's already decided she's not interested in being a mother. Fortunately, I'm content with either of those scenarios.

 

[Naturistlover]

if you want babies make babies, I say!
find a different partner if things are not working out.
I had the opposite of luck, girls willing to get prego and me not wanting it

 

[dolfette]

My dad was 42 whoen he had his final child. So no It's not too late.

as long as you stay super health conscious.
60y/os can still run marathons if they stay healthy, so running around after kids is still possible.

 

[Naturistlover]

as long as you stay super health conscious.
60y/os can still run marathons if they stay healthy, so running around after kids is still possible.

definetely possible

 

[nudeyorker]

goodwood I'm sorry about the problems leading up to you starting this thread and the lies etc... I said something in another thread (regarding being a parent at 70 years old) on the subject that I think applies here. I think you would make a wonderful parent.

Since I started this thread I was thinking about friends who were in their early forties...30 years ago and by a twist of fate they found out they were going to be parents. They were scared to death that it was too late and worried about parenthood at their age. Well they were wonderful parents. I just called them a few minutes ago and they are now proud grand parents. I guess what I'm trying to say is they are now the age these parents are. I have given this some thought. It's not fair to the children no matter how well they may be provided for. Children need parents to be around and listen and do the thing that parents need to do.

 

[redz_rule]

Maybe I'm reading it wrong, but I don't see this:

My point is this: it seems that a man who has been responsible throughout his 20s and 30s and used condoms and avoided pregnancies and STDs and child support payments ends up ready to have a child at 40 and somehow i am deemed too old? are you fucking kidding me?!

As any more ridiculous than this:

it has always been my goal and desire to have children with an appropriately pratrician, blonde haired, blue/green eyed, tall, thin, athletic, outgoing woman.

Given your own list of requirements is so rigid, why would you find it strange that someone else would rule you out on the grounds that you don't fulfil their rigid criteria?

The whole thing just seems so... clinical. No matter how much you desire it, your children will not be your clones, they are people in their own right. I can't help thinking once you hold your own child in your arms, desiring nothing more and being utterly grateful for, their health and happiness, you will look back at what you are holding important now and cringe.

A loving and stable household will give them the best possible start in life - their hair colour... not so much. Oh and in my experience, if your child isn't 'perfect' you won't be able to see it - you'll consider them the most beautiful, intelligent, talented creature that ever played 'wise man on the left' in the school nativity.

IMHO, you would do yourself and any future children a huge favour by looking for a partner rather than a broodmare.

 

[Incocknito]

There is a biological clock for men. Sperm quality / "motility" decreases with age. Although this usually means that it just takes longer for older men to conceive a child, it has increased risk of birth defects when/if conception is achieved.

Having said that I recently discovered that Cary Grant had his first (only?) child at 60 and that he was born in England.

 

[dolfette]

Given your own list of requirements is so rigid, why would you find it strange that someone else would rule you out on the grounds that you don't fulfil their rigid criteria?

i assumed that was tongue in cheek.
i hoped that was tongue in cheek.

 

[redz_rule]

i assumed that was tongue in cheek.
i hoped that was tongue in cheek.

I hoped so... then I read some previous posts...

I still have hope. Just a lot less than before.

 

[helgaleena]

Nope, the OP is a freak for genetic purity. He needs to freeze his sperm and leave it to a sperm bank with caveats attached as to what donors are worthy.

He also does not actually like children per se. Evidently he had no genuine feelings for the readymade family he could have had with the female he mentions. He only wants a clone of himself. He's probably blond with green eyes himself, thus his rigid requirements for breeding stock.