Tops vs Bottoms

[Clewiston1]

I am a straight guy. Always have been. I do have a few gay friends and coworkers and I have always been afraid to ask about the difference between a top and a bottom.

Now seriously, I do know what the biggest difference is - one is on top and the other is on the bottom. But do tops usually remain tops or do bottoms generally remain bottoms? Are there gay men who like to be both tops AND bottoms? Any serious insights by LPSGers would be appreciated.

 

[AlphaMale]

Yeah there are all three: exclusive tops, exclusive bottoms, and those who top and bottom.

Just personal preference. :smile:

 

[affarsbitrade]

There is an interesting article from an american journal of psychology that has some interesting things to say about gay men's sexual roles. I will try to track it down but the gist of it is that while some gay men are 100% 'top' and others are 100% 'bottom', the gay men with the healthiest attitudes to sexuality are those that identify as 'versatile' (enjoy both). 'Tops' often struggle with internalized homophobia, and find the act of being penetrated by another man emasculating. 100% 'tops' are the most often of the three types to be in the closet. 'Bottoms' were found to be the most likely to have gender confusion and use sex as a way to counter low self-esteem (much the same way some women use sex to feel loved). 'Versatile' men were found to be the most 'loud and proud' with their sexuality and enjoy the highest levels of self-confidence, self-esteem, and higher levels of self-worth. Of course I am talking in generalizations but this was something that held across many different men identifying as 't', 'b', or 'v'.

It isn't some crackpot article but a researched scientific journal article and personally I found a lot of truth in it.

I identify as 'versatile' as do many of my friends who are in relationships. If you both have the same anatomy, why would you limit yourselves to what could be seen as 'heterosexualizing' a gay relationship. On that note, there is so much immaturity in younger gays that I have known (college-age guys) that there really is this sort of heterosexualization of homosexuality. 'Tops' are more masculine, 'straight acting' guys, whereas 'bottoms' are the effeminate queens at the disco. This is a very limited way to see something so complex as sexuality. I would say I am quite 'masculine' but went through a stage of being almost exclusively a bottom simply because I had never felt my prostate stimulated in such a way before and I really enjoyed this newly discovered part of body (note to straight guys, ask your girlfriend if she's willing to help you find your own g-spot!) But then some primal instinct kicked in and I just really needed to pump my dick into someone! Coarse but true.

Also just as a quick aside, remember that not all gay men engage in anal sex so being gay does not mean you have to identify as ANY of the three sexual roles.

 

[MarkLondon]

Yes, don't forget as well as top, bottom and versatile there's also neither.

 

[Sardonic]

Plus a whole area of identity v. practice. I am in practice an exclusive bottom because my partner is an exclusive top. For guys bigger than me I feel like I want to submit, but guys smaller or younger than me I often want to dominate (in fantasy anyway). With women, I always want to dominate, I could never image being penetrated by a women, only fucking her. I'd love to fuck my boyfriend but he'd never, ever do it because it kills his arousal completely.

The other thing is I'm more turned on by the though of fucking a guy who doesn't want to be fucked than a guy who's begging for it. A bit disturbing, but there's a whole dominance/aggression thing going on there.

 

[B_ILIW]

to me, it's a mixed bag/complex scenario. Some tops are so since they see it as more masculine. Some bottoms are so since they perhaps are more passive/submissive, or like to submit sexually. Certainly pop culture tends to support that standpoint. In practice though, I think it's different. I think exclusive tops/bottoms are so largely since it's what they enjoy. It has nothing to do with a psychological issue, or feeling more manly (or less so), etc.

I've never seen it weird to be an exclusive bottom, I think most who are get spellbound by the prostate. Even still, men have penises partly to penetrate (either a pussy or an ass), but I wouldn't look down on somebody who is an exclusive bottom.

 

[B_Nicodemous]

Just a quick note: I think we have touched quickly ona rather large topic, but haven't touched on one possibilltiy for exclusive tope (well really two): First, someone may have tried it and it either does nothing for then, or is fairly uncomfortable or painful. Secondly: they may have been sexually assulted and now cannot get aroused being penetrated (for physical as well as psych reasons, like anal fissures. Sorry no amount of psych threapt is going to make that feel ok while being penetrated) no matter how much they might wish it to be otherwise.

A prominent member of LPSG states this as his reason in a few threads, though he can identify himself if he wishes.

I for one am vers. I go through more top or more bottom stages but for the most part i am not completely satisfied unless I have at least been each role at least once per session. I am still happy, don't get me wrong, but when i have the option of being both? Heaven!

 

[NoH8]

There is an interesting article from an american journal of psychology that has some interesting things to say about gay men's sexual roles.

That was very interesting! I'd never thought about it but it makes sense. I'm a nearly exclusive bottom but I would like to develop my "topping" skills. I also have an attraction to topping a hot guy who doesn't look like he would normally take it. (Challenge and dominance I think. I guess I'm secretly dominant and would like to show this a bit more).

 

[affarsbitrade]

I guess for the straights it's worth pointing out that usually a top is either a 'power top' or a 'service top' and a bottom can be or they can be a 'power bottom'. While these labels are a little immature and I feel like an idiot whenever I say them aloud, I think they go to show that there is a broader range of sexual tastes than just top or bottom. It's also possible to be more than one of these things, perhaps even ALL of them. With one of my buddies I'm a power top (he's smaller than me physically, and we both enjoy when I can pick him up and throw him around a bit), with another we're both service tops, because we both enjoy being in control when we power bottom. With some guys who are bigger, more muscled, and often older, guys, I'm completely passive and love being used.

This seems to be a common trend among me and my friends, if your partner is bigger or older than you, you'll probably bottom for him. And if he wants you to be the top, then that's about every birthday and christmas come at once!

 

[henry777]

This is my generalization but I think most gays flip flop (at least all of my gay friends), that is they like to fck as well as receive anal penetration. I think it's rare to just find someone who likes to exclusively top or bottom; they do exist though. It's more fun when you have more choices. Just sayin'.

 

[hungryman40]

With men, I am an exclusive Bottom. It has nothing to do with psychology, I just LOVE having a cock in my mouth, and I can't get hard if my cock is in another guy's mouth. I also LOVE the feeling of being penetrated, and have NO desire to penetrate another man. I am Married, straight looking and acting, and I love sex with my wife. I have no problem getting hard and spending a lot of time making her happy in bed. I also have absolutely no desire to kiss a guy, except on his cock, balls stomach etc, and I never really check out guys in public. I just meet them somewhere and suck their cock, or let them pound my ass. Maybe I am an oddball... LOL

 

[NoH8]

With men, I am an exclusive Bottom. It has nothing to do with psychology, I just LOVE having a cock in my mouth, and I can't get hard if my cock is in another guy's mouth. I also LOVE the feeling of being penetrated, and have NO desire to penetrate another man. I am Married, straight looking and acting, and I love sex with my wife. I have no problem getting hard and spending a lot of time making her happy in bed. I also have absolutely no desire to kiss a guy, except on his cock, balls stomach etc, and I never really check out guys in public. I just meet them somewhere and suck their cock, or let them pound my ass. Maybe I am an oddball... LOL

Dear HM40, you're no odder that most other people here. Check out this link with a graph of all the sexual orientations of LSPG members here. You obviously have talents (hidden or otherwise) that some other men lack.:smile:

Those that are exclusively straight certainly exist but are in the minority.

http://www.lpsg.org/attachments/127...ng-update-lpsg_sexual_preference_20110120-jpg

 

[latinluva]

I could top a young fem cutie with a hot booty. But i prefer to bottom mostly. I've only topped a few guys in my life. Funny, cause one of those times was for this guy in front of his wife.

 

[tgirlsrgreat]

with my particular infatuation, i have been with total tops and total bottoms, a versatile gal is my fave and that is how i classify myself.

 

[BradMc]

I agree with hungryman40. Im a gay man and prefer to suck than been sucked. Be fucked than fucking, although this is not all that cut and dry... But a general rule. However like latinluva, if he turns out to be a good looking young stud, there is nothing like hard fucking his hole - unlike latinluva either way they have to be a mans man. Just not turned on at all by girly boys, much hotter and more stimulating with two hard bodies not to mention weapons!

 

[p_nut]

Brad MC you took the words right out of my mouth

 

[poultrygeist]

I could top a young fem cutie with a hot booty. But i prefer to bottom mostly. I've only topped a few guys in my life. Funny, cause one of those times was for this guy in front of his wife.

Absolutely same thoughts. I prefer my men to be slightly on the cute side, slightly feminine and twink-ish. Even then I'd prefer to bottom, but I could top for the above description. I am quite straight acting and rather masculine, but there's something I love about being sexually submissive. For me there is nothing that turns me on more than to get down on my knees and give myself up for another man's pleasure.

 

[Sardonic]

And the number of drags queens I've known who've been complete tops!

 

[LADave]

I'm strictly a bottom. When I first started having sex I did both and after awhile I found that I enjoy bottoming better. I love to suck dicks and get fucked. The feeling I get when fucking just doesn't really do it for me.

 

[kayman]

I'm an exclusive bottom whom enjoys giving oral (blowjob) as well as getting it (mostly via rimming/analingus). I when I'm penetrating, it's a female because I enjoy it much more.