Wanting to develop my dom nature

[Ramsey]

Ok not sure if this should go into the relationships section or the sex section, but here it goes.

So, I've been wanting to learn and grow my dominant nature-mostly regarding sexuality. I'm a nice, sweet guy, but in the bedroom I'm quite multi-faceted especially with what I have in my mind to do. Most of this I'm sure is just common sense and acting out what I have in my head to do, but I'm curious to ask advice from any other dominant people here. What do you do to bring out your inner nature? When in the bedroom how do you usually work things? Etc.

 

[ShannonH]

Pretty dom/sub here with my gf, and I'd say the #1 most important thing is trust. I had a really bad experience with a previous woman - we loved each other a lot and she really loved rape fantasies (more than I did), but had serious emotional problems and later accused me of actually trying to rape her. Since I cared so much for her it really screwed me up since I legitimately felt like I did (or was capable of doing) something horrible.

My girlfriend now is amazing and I trust her absolutely. It was difficult to get rough with her at first because of what happened before, but the more I trusted her to be clear about her own boundaries the more I can just let go and bring out my 'inner nature'. It's always a tough balance between doing what you (and the one you're with) love to do, and not wanting to take things too far. It's something you need to learn about every woman you're with, e.g. one woman told me she liked to get smacked. I was a little hesitant and before doing it the first time I even asked her if it was okay, then smacked her across the face. She stopped and started crying - she explained later that she just meant lightly spanked. In my experience saying you like getting smacked always means something rougher, since I've never even been with a girl who doesn't like at least light spanking before.

That said, the best thing to start with is heavier and heavier spanking imho. Just with your hand at first, then next time with a belt, then really lay in to her until she asks you to ease up. Testing the limits is the best way to know what those limits are, and once you do you don't have to worry about going too far any more.
Bondage is a great one too - just tie up her hands the next time you fuck. It's easy and if she's in to it she'll probably get really excited the first time you start to tie up her hands.
Blindfolds (just use a scarf or something) are really easy, not painful, but still kinky and dominant so are a good thing to introduce early too.

 

[upone]

Two possibles: 1) advertise for a sub; 2) get a GGG girlfriend and see how it goes.

 

[The Dragon]

Expressions of Dominance is such a personal thing.

What is right and feels right for me or another Dom may not be right for you.

I highly recommend you get and read this book...

Amazon.com: Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism: Philip Miller, Molly Devon, William A. Granzig: Health & Personal Care

and this one..

Amazon.com: Sm 101: A Realistic Introduction (9780963976383): Jay Wiseman: Books

They are good entry level reads that can explain the dynamic in a fun yet comprehensive way.

I hope this helps.

 

[ShannonH]

oh and another tip too if you're thinking too much or are anxious (which is likely if you're just getting in to it): it's okay to leave your dick, and even her pussy out of the equation. My gf's told me one of her favourite sex memories was the first time I tied her up. I fingered and finger fucked her, spanked her, bit her ass, but never did anything with my dick. Sometimes that's even hotter because she feels even more used and objectified.

 

[CUBE]

I think you can use fantasy to take you to this mind set. I found that this was a swaying image that took me there myself. Literally mental imagery in masturbation and the porn you watch.

 

[693987]

Must of my encounters with BDSM have NOT included sexual intercourse. But then, I have different preferences than you seem to from the first post. After much discussion and negotiating of what was and was not ok for both of us...

In any case, when I've had a submissive much of the time it was the little things to remind them of their place within our relationship. For example, when in private (or a kink friendly place) my submissive wasn't allowed to sit on furniture unless asking permission. She also wore an anklet all the time that wasn't visible in day to day life, that had a small handcuff motif on it. Often in the bedroom she would give me massages at my bidding as well prior to any play. However, our interaction didn't include sex. She was kept in chastity, actually. My prior Ma'am had eye-contact restrictions (I wasn't allowed to look at her face/look her in the eye unless I asked or unless she told me to), in intimate settings I was kept nude while she was allowed to wear clothing, etc.

I don't know that my suggestions are anything you would be keen on, but they are things I've experienced. :smile: