we were the only people at the community pool

somethingtosingabout

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Location
Los Angeles, California, United States
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99% Gay, 1% Straight
Chapter 1
You wouldn’t think so, but the community pool in my grandmother’s neighborhood is quietest on the 4th of July. In a sleepy coastal town like this, families pack up and head for the beach, the fairgrounds, or one of the water parks just a short drive away on all the major summer holidays. The community pool always gets forgotten. Abandoned, practically. So when I grabbed the pool key, goggles and a towel, I figured I’d be alone there. And I liked the sound of that.

In the three years I've lived here, caring for my grandmother, I’ve never bought myself a swimsuit. Didn't see the point. At 25 years old, I still fit into the mesh basketball shorts from my high school gym class, and those work just fine for swimming. I always wear a pair of briefs underneath the shorts, of course. A small layer of modesty against the way the sheer fabric clings to my cock when wet.

I made the short walk across the street and let myself in through the gate to the pool. The sun bounced off the water and white concrete, nearly blinding me without my sunglasses on.

For a moment, I didn’t see him.

I tossed my towel onto one of the beach chairs lining the pool’s edge and peeled off my shirt.

“Alright?” a man’s voice called to me across the pool. A British voice, deep and refined, out of place in this Southern California neighborhood. I flinched, startled.

Squinting through the glare, I spotted him waving to me from the shadow of an umbrella covering one of the tables across the pool. He must’ve been at least 6’5”, barely fitting under the umbrella, and looked mixed with something Mediterranean. Greek, maybe, if I had to guess from his olive skin and dark hair, just long enough to show a hint of curl. He was still fully dressed, but the suggestion of muscle beneath his shirt was impossible to ignore.

“Hey, man,” I replied, trying to sound unfazed. “Happy 4th…”

“Not really a holiday my people celebrate,” he deadpanned back.

“Right. Sorry.”

He cracked a wide grin. “Just taking the piss out of you, mate.”

I nodded and feigned a laugh, unsure of how else to respond.

As my eyes adjusted to the sun, I took him in fully. He looked maybe 30 years old, if I had to guess. Not that I’m any good at guessing ages. I tend to assume everyone’s older than me... especially when they look like they could bench-press me without breaking a sweat, which he definitely could.

What struck me most, though, was his nose.

Two small humps notched the bridge of his nose, giving it an angular, classical shape, like it had been chiseled from stone in the image of some long-forgotten god. I wanted to reach out and trace it with my fingertips. Commit it to memory.

No. I wanted to put that nose in my mouth. A desire so strange and specific, it startled me. As if it came from a place in my mind so primal and hungry that I shouldn’t have access to it.

The man stepped into the sun, which cut shadows across his face, catching the stubble on his jaw and highlighting the beginnings of a five o’clock shadow.

“I’m gonna get a few proper laps in,” he said, nodding toward the water. “How bout yourself?”

“Yeah. Same here.”

“Right on. Mind if we share the pool, mate?”

“No problem. It’s a free country.” God, why was I suddenly talking so... patriotic?

“Cheers,” he said, laughing me off as he pulled his shirt over his head.

I didn’t know where to look first. With his arms raised overhead, I stole a glance at his armpits. Dark and thick. I imagined smelling them. Licking them.

Then my gaze drifted to his chest: well-defined and dusted with perfectly groomed, short, dark hairs. Fuck. He was a man. A real man.

I felt boyish next to him. I’ve always been skinny. Never could grow a mustache or put on much muscle... or at least, I never really tried. A mop of messy brown hair sat atop my head, but everything else about me was as pale as the concrete I stood on. As long as I’m careful with sunscreen, I don’t burn. But I never tan. And the hair on my legs is so fine it’s almost invisible unless it catches the sun. Same for the hair under my arms and the faint patch on my sternum. The rest of my chest was naturally smooth. Without thinking, I crossed my arms, covering my nipples - like a prude, or a lady - and hoped my protruding ribs might pass for abs in the distance.

I couldn’t help but compare myself to this stranger and feel painfully self-conscious. Without a humiliation kink to soften the blow, I was left instead with just pure, unadulterated humiliation.

And then he dropped his shorts.

The Brit was now dressed only in a Speedo; common attire for our local swim teams but otherwise a touch too European for casual swimwear around here. I forgot about myself for just a moment, caught off guard by the sight, as blood rushed from my brain straight to the tip of my cock.

My eyes lowered, following the path mapped by his fallen shorts to the happy trail that ran from his navel to the edge of the Speedo, where tufts of pubic hair peeked out. I didn’t let myself stare long. Didn’t even take in the size of his bulge. I grabbed my sunscreen and started spraying it on, sitting down on the chair to hide the semi pressing up against my shorts.

The British man fastened his goggles to his head, gave me a short nod, and dove cleanly into the water. Barely a splash. But, boy, did I feel its ripples.

*******

We each swam the length of the pool a few times. He’d start at one end, I’d start from the other, so we were never swimming right next to each other, except briefly when we’d pass by each other. It seemed like the best way to maintain some distance and privacy.

About twenty minutes in, I took a break to float at the wall, trying to look casual as I let my eyes drift over the man as he swam. I thought I was being discreet until he surfaced beside me, caught my gaze and tilted his head curiously.

“Fancy a race?” he asked, as if trying to decode why I'd been staring him down so intensely.

“Oh no, sorry. Just taking a break,” I said.

“Shame,” he replied. “Wouldn’t mind the competition.”

“Sure,” I said, before I could think better of it. “We can race.”

“I’m Hal, by the way,” he said, smiling and stretching out his hand for a shake.

“Tommy.”

*******

I had no real desire to race Hal. But I liked that he was talking to me. Giving me attention. And the second I had it, I didn’t want to lose it.

So, a few moments later I found myself lined up with Hal at the wall, ready to kick off for a race. We dipped our heads underwater. Just before kicking off, I lingered, watching him. His Speedo clung to his body perfectly, and as he pushed off the wall, I caught the bounce of his heavy bulge. Then, I took off after him.

Even without a head start, Hal was clearly a better swimmer than me. He reached the far wall several seconds before I did.

When I surfaced beside him, I tried to play it cool, like I wasn't totally winded from the race. I took shallow and measured breaths when I desperately wanted to gulp in as much air as I could. It backfired almost immediately and I broke into a coughing fit, my lungs betraying my whole “cool and effortless” act.

Hal patted my back, which sent a surge through my whole body.

"Sorry," I coughed, "I'm not much of a sprinter"

“It’s the trousers. They’re holding you back, man,” he said, nodding at my basketball shorts, now ballooning awkwardly in the water.

“Yeah, they’re not very aqua-dynamic,” I said. Hal pressed a finger to his goggles and slid them up his face the way a nerd pushes up glasses. I laughed it off.

“You need to invest in some proper jammers,” he said. Then, seeing my confusion, added, “You know: Speedos.”

“Ah. Not really my style.”

“Or just swim in your trunks. You must own some Calvins?”

“I'm more of a Fruit of the Loom guy, actually,” I said, absentmindedly tugging at the waistband of my underwear which had risen above the top of my shorts.

“You’re wearing them now?" he asked, eyeing my waistline through the water's surface.

“Under my shorts.”

“Take your shorts off, then. We can have a proper race.”

My brain short-circuited. For a moment, all I could think about was how exposed I’d be. The white fabric of my briefs surely wouldn't leave much to the imagination. Then, my mind wandered to Hal’s cock. Was he uncut? He's British so he must be, right? But I hadn't gotten the clearest look at him underwater. As I turned those thoughts over in my head, I started to get hard again. I shook it off, fighting the urge to take my shorts off at his suggestion.

“I don’t think that’d be appropriate,” I said, weakly.

He smiled, devilish and casual. “Why not? We’re the only ones here. Besides, your undies probably cover more than my Speedo does.”

He wasn't wrong... my tighty whities weren't exactly the sexiest option. And fuck, this was the first time in my life that an invitation to race ever sounded tempting to me.

"One race," I said. Then I slipped out of my shorts, tossing them up onto the pool’s ledge.

****

Hal still beat me. But not by as much as the first race.

When I reached the wall, breathless and red-faced, he bumped my side with his elbow and said, “More aqua-dynamic, eh?"

"Fuck you," was the best rejoinder I could muster.

Hal's eyebrows raised in surprise, like he didn't know I had such vulgarity in me. "Cheeky."

****

After our swim, Hal asked if I wanted to finish up in the jacuzzi.

“Isn’t it a bit hot for that?” I protested.

“I love the heat. Good for the muscles," Hal said, shrugging it off.

I wasn’t sure why I was resisting. I didn’t know if Hal was gay, but he was definitely friendly. And honestly, I could use some friends.

“Sure. Why not,” I said, trying to sound casual.

We climbed out of the pool and I reached for my shorts, ready to put them back on.

“Leave ’em,” Hal said, glancing back at me. “Live a little.”

So I did. I folded the shorts neatly on one of the chairs, laying them out to dry. I followed Hal toward the jacuzzi, using one hand to shield the front of my soaked white briefs. The fabric had gone nearly transparent in the water. The pink tip of my cock was visible, as were traces of the network of veins running down my shaft. My pale, wiry pubes pressed tightly behind the cotton. I don’t shave or trim. Never had much reason to.

As we walked, my eyes drifted to Hal’s right ass cheek, which spilled out of his Speedo more and more with each step.

Hal turned on the bubbles then slid down into the jacuzzi. I followed, easing in with a hiss as the heat wrapped around me. As we settled in, I noticed he was watching me.

“So, Tommy Boy” he said, sinking deeper. “You live here in Paradise?”

“Yeah. But... I’ve never seen you around. Did you just move in?”

“No, no. I’m doing a house swap with a family in the neighborhood. They’re in my flat in London for two weeks, and I’m here. Thought the house was closer to the beach when I booked it.”

“Oh yeah, we’re a good two miles inland.”

“Fuck it. Pool does the trick.” He smiled like nothing's ever disappointed him his entire life. “How long have you been here?”

“I grew up here. Went away for college. But I’ve been back the last three years. I, uh... I live with my grandma.”

“Ah, Granny! Where’s she at?”

“She’s with a nurse right now. But I’m her primary caretaker most of the time. Sixteen hours a day.”

“Noble.”

“Least I could do. She raised me on her own.”

“Sounds like a special lady.”

“She is.”

“Is she sick, then?”

I didn’t want to talk about it. But the way he asked, gentle even in his bluntness, made it easier to answer than I expected.

“Yeah. Very sick. It feels like we’re on borrowed time these days.”

“That’s a shit situation. For both of you. I’m really sorry.”

“Thanks,” I said. My throat tightened. Fuck, am I about to cry in front of this man? No. Absolutely not. “Maybe we can talk about... literally anything else?”

“Right, right.” He paused, like he wanted to give me space. Then: “You reckon we’re floating in, like, buckets of spunk right now?”

I blinked. That was not the direction I expected.

“What?”

“Don't tell me you’ve never popped your willy out and stuck it in one of these jets?” He asked, making a jerk-off motion with the jet stream bubbling at the surface of the tub. The question should have embarrassed me. But something about Hal made shame feel optional.

“I mean... I did. When I was younger.”

“We all do,” he said, matter-of-fact.

“Maybe.”

“What, you think no one else in this neighborhood has done it? I’m telling you, this water is 40% chlorine, 60% neighborhood cum.”

“Jesus,” I said, laughing. “You are very weird.”

“Maybe you’re not weird enough.”

He was probably right. And I could feel myself getting used to the idea of Hal always being right.

I looked over at him and smiled, shaking my head. We sat in comfortable silence for a moment.

Then his phone started beeping.

“Shit, man. I’ve gotta run.” Hal was suddenly up and moving. It felt like a spell had broken. Whatever fantasy I was swept up in coming to a premature end.

“Oh. For sure," I said, trying to mask my disappointment.

“Is there a shower here?”

“Yeah. Inside the locker room.” I nodded toward the small building just a few steps away.

“Cheers,” he said, already climbing out of the jacuzzi. I stayed seated, watching him go.

Then, just before he disappeared inside, he turned and looked back: “You coming with?”
 
WOW! I mean wow! Can’t wait for the next chapter
 
Chapter 2

I followed Hal into the men’s locker room. Well, locker room was a generous title. Inside were five small lockers, one bathroom stall, one urinal, and a communal shower with three heads. That was it.

Hal walked over to one of the lockers and opened it to reveal a towel and a backpack tucked neatly inside.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone actually use the lockers here,” I said.

“I’m just a full-on tourist, aren’t I?” he replied, slinging the towel over his shoulder.

“Yeah. How much longer are you in town by the way?”

“Ten more days.”

I could've kept the conversation going. The ball was in my court but I hesitated. I didn’t know where to take it without sounding like I wanted more from him. So I just said, “Nice.”

“How much longer ‘til you need to be back with Gran?”

I glanced up at the dusty clock on the wall. It was noon. I had five hours until the nurse’s shift ended. “I’ve got a bit of time,” I said, keeping my tone casual.

“You have a car?”

“I do.”

“Want to run an errand with me?”

“You mean, do I want to drive you to your errand?”

He winked and turned toward the showers before I could answer. Somehow, he already knew I’d say yes. Knew exactly how far he could stretch the line without snapping it.

As Hal stepped into the communal shower, I looked away and tried to seem busy. It took everything in me not to sneak a glance. But if I was going to risk getting caught staring, I wanted to make it count. He still had his speedo on for now. Maybe he’d take it off when he changed. Maybe I’d get a glimpse of his ass in that quick second between toweling off and pulling his underwear up. I could wait. I could show restraint.

“The fuck?” he muttered. His voice echoed through the tiled room.

Instinctively, I turned toward him. Hal was twisting one of the faucets, but no water came out. He moved to the next. Nothing. Then the third. Also dry. He looked over at me with brows raised, almost sheepish. For the first time, I felt a shift in the balance. Like he was the one out of his depth. Like he was the boy, and I was the man.

“Any ideas, Tommy boy?”

“Not sure anyone’s used the showers here in years either. They might be rusted over.”

I walked over and stood beside him, pretending to inspect the fixture. I had no clue what I was doing.

“So you've got a bunch of Philistines in the neighborhood running around un-showered?”

“Most people just go home and shower. This place is kind of disgusting.”

Hal nodded, as if some glamour had lifted and now he could see the place for what it really was. He took in the stained tile, the flickering fluorescent lights, the faint smell of chlorine and mildew. It was just a shitty locker room used mostly by kids and old men, both likely in diapers.

“Come back to mine?” he said. “We can shower there.”

My heart stuttered. Did he mean shower together? I couldn’t think about that.

Then, like divine intervention, or maybe just years of backed-up water finally working its way through the pipes, the showerhead sputtered and roared to life. A rush of warm water spilled down on both of us. The other two heads kicked on in unison right after. We both laughed in amazement.

“This water pressure is incredible!” Hal said.

“It really is. Holy shit.”

He leaned into the stream, eyes closed, letting it run over him. Water traced the muscles of his chest, down his stomach, into the fabric of his suit. Into the line between his shoulder blades. The narrow dip of his back. Into the crack of his ass, just barely visible at the top of his Speedo. I wondered if he could feel every droplet the way I could see it.

I stepped under my own shower head and turned it all the way to cold. The shock gripped me. A gasp caught in my throat and I swallowed it down. I needed a distraction. Something to keep me grounded.

“So, what’s the errand?” I asked.

He opened his eyes, slowly, like I’d pulled him back from somewhere far away.

“Hm?”

“The errand you need a ride for.”

“Oh. Hardware store. I broke something in the house.”

“You broke something already? You've only been here four days.”

“I broke it on day one," he shrugged. No further explanation.

“There’s a Home Depot nearby. We’ll have to check if it’s open on the holiday.”

“Right on,” he said, turning back into the stream. He faced the water now, his back to me again.

And then he slipped the speedo off.

Let it fall to his feet then kicked it to the side without a thought.

I caught a glimpse. Just a glimpse. The full curve of his ass, slick with water and hairs matted down like a wet brush. Then a flash of skin hanging between his thighs. Could’ve been his balls or the head of his cock. I didn’t let myself look long enough to know. I was caught somewhere between wanting to be a gentleman and giving in to being a full-on voyeur.

I imagined touching him. Not even the obvious parts. What I wanted was to brush a fingertip across the damp hairs at the rim of his ass, to make him aware of every follicle. Just enough to make him twitch. To feel the tension build in him as I trace a slow path, first with my finger, then with my tongue, spiraling inward toward his hole, like one of those water park raft slides that spins you round and round, pulling you closer and closer until finally, you fall through the opening and disappear into a pool below.

I shut off the shower and stepped out.

“Left my towel outside,” I muttered. Which was true. An a perfect excuse to get some distance.

He mumbled something in return, but I didn’t look back.

I walked to the chair and grabbed my towel. I bit down on the fabric, like I was bracing myself before pulling a thorn from my skin.

What the hell was I getting myself into?
 
Chapter 3: Tommy

I made my way back to Grandma’s house. Hal and I had agreed to meet again in fifteen minutes. I’d pick him up after putting on some fresh clothes.

I entered through the front door of the modest, one story townhome. What do you call the poor man’s version of a McMansion? That's what this was. A house built to look like every other house on the block. Conveyor-belt homes. Cheaply made and cheaply bought, though we were all banking on them being worth millions in ten years, as more and more out-of-towners fled to the coast.

Grandma’s room, which was more like a hospice suite these days, was at the end of the hallway that lined the center of the home. My room was a converted office just off the living room / kitchen, near the front of the house. It was a small room which, really, was all I needed.

Down the hall I could hear grandma chatting with Samir, her daytime caretaker. The soft, indistinct murmur of their voices eased something in me. I couldn’t make out what they were saying, but knowing she was still well enough to laugh and talk gave me some peace.

It also confirmed for me that her attention was elsewhere. Which I was grateful for, as I needed a moment to myself.

I shut my bedroom door behind me and stripped out of my wet clothes.

Before I even thought about clean clothes, I looked down—and there it was.

My cock. Achingly hard.

I’d always known I was well-endowed for my body size. Skinny guys with big dicks... well, it’s a cliché for a reason. And my cock was no exception. Still, it looked... bigger now. Longer, heavier. The head flushed so dark it was almost purple. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I was this horny.

I've been on Lexapro for over a year now which took the edge off of my anxiety but also, thanks to an unfortunate side effect, meant getting hard wasn’t exactly common for me these days. At least not without lots of coaxing, lube, and some prayer. But in that moment? I was hard like a teenager again. If I hadn’t been soaked from the pool and showers, my briefs surely would've been stained with precum. Hal was right about the hot tub being full of spunk after all.

I didn’t even need to touch myself to know how sensitive I was. Just thinking about Hal made me feel like I could blow a load hands-free right then and there. But I didn’t have time to savor this arousal. I had to be out the door in a few minutes, and I needed a clear head when I picked him up. I couldn’t let my boner trick me into believing there was a real sexual connection between me and Hal. I didn't want to scare him off.

I grabbed my cock. Hot in my palm. Thicker than I’d ever felt it. I started working it slowly. Fuck, it felt good. My palm was a bit dry from the chlorine so I spit in my hand then kept stroking. Up, down. Fast, then slower. I was already close. I hadn’t had a session this good in forever.

When I was younger, I found this masturbation technique online: you just tap the frenulum over and over and over. That's it. No stroking the shaft, just focused, rhythmic pressure on that sensitive bundle of nerves under the head of your cock. It's like water-drop torture for your dick. Sometimes it took me over an hour to finish that way. But, when I did? Full body orgasm.

I laid back on my bed, running images of Hal’s hairy ass through my mind as I used two fingers, my right hand index and middle fingers, to tap my frenulum. It felt fucking amazing.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

I was alone in the room, but my hips lifted off the mattress as if I was offering myself up for someone to slide inside me.

I kept tapping. Gentle, then firmer. A warmth built slowly in my stomach, in my thighs, curling into my spine. My body bucked, wild and desperate, and I could feel the orgasm starting to rise through me. I was so. fucking. close --

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Fuck. Someone was at my door.

"Hello?" I asked, breathlessly.

“Hey, Tommy. It’s Samir. Your grandma’s asking for you.”

I gave myself one second of frustration. Just one. If Grandma was lucid enough to ask for me during Samir’s shift, I’d make the time.

I pulled on some clothes and opened the door.

Samir stood in the hallway, barely making eye contact. My grandma loved him, but to me, he was basically a stranger. Here's all I really knew about him:

Samir was twenty-nine years old, half Egyptian and half Mexican, details Grandma loved to repeat to me regularly for some reason. I knew he’d been born in Cairo, but raised in Vermont where his father was a professor. Samir moved to San Diego in his early adult life to focus on his caretaking work, and to be closer to the Mexican border. Every Christmas, he made a long road trip across Mexico to visit his mother’s side of the family in Guanajuato. He was into shoegaze music (still need to Google what that is), and in his free time he would watch every horror movie he could get his hands on.

I knew all this not because we’d ever talked, but because it was written on the nurse cheat sheet we kept taped to Grandma’s bedside table. Little facts meant to help jog her memory during his visits.

But they were also the only facts I knew about him.

Well, aside from the fact that he was beautiful.

His hair was always perfectly styled. Just enough wax to hold everything in place without ever looking greasy. I’d often wondered what it looked like without the product, how it might fall naturally. Whether the softer shape of his real hair would cast enough shadow to change the color of his eyes. Those intense, shifting eyes that flickered between green, brown, and blue depending on the light.

And then there was the way he wore scrubs. He filled them out so well, I sometimes caught myself wondering if he’d had them tailored.

But we rarely spoke to one another beyond the basics of Grandma’s care: meds, appointments, the occasional reminder about her hydration. And I didn’t plan to change that. He was just another face in the constant rotation of caretakers passing through our lives.

When I opened my door, though, I caught a flicker of something strange in Samir’s expression, just for a second. Like he was making a quiet judgment about me and forgot to smooth it over with the professional neutrality most caretakers are so good at maintaining.

“Hey man. Sorry, I know it’s my shift, but she was insistent…” His voice trailed off as his eyes studied me from head to toe.

And then it hit me.

Could he tell? Did he know I’d just been jerking off?

I cleared my throat. “No problem. Thanks for getting me.”

I turned and headed down the hallway toward Grandma’s room, checking my phone as I walked.

I was supposed to meet Hal in five minutes.

He’d have to wait.

And I’d have to face him again with the worst blue balls of my life.
 
Chapter 3: Tommy

I made my way back to Grandma’s house. Hal and I had agreed to meet again in fifteen minutes. I’d pick him up after putting on some fresh clothes.

I entered through the front door of the modest, one story townhome. What do you call the poor man’s version of a McMansion? That's what this was. A house built to look like every other house on the block. Conveyor-belt homes. Cheaply made and cheaply bought, though we were all banking on them being worth millions in ten years, as more and more out-of-towners fled to the coast.

Grandma’s room, which was more like a hospice suite these days, was at the end of the hallway that lined the center of the home. My room was a converted office just off the living room / kitchen, near the front of the house. It was a small room which, really, was all I needed.

Down the hall I could hear grandma chatting with Samir, her daytime caretaker. The soft, indistinct murmur of their voices eased something in me. I couldn’t make out what they were saying, but knowing she was still well enough to laugh and talk gave me some peace.

It also confirmed for me that her attention was elsewhere. Which I was grateful for, as I needed a moment to myself.

I shut my bedroom door behind me and stripped out of my wet clothes.

Before I even thought about clean clothes, I looked down—and there it was.

My cock. Achingly hard.

I’d always known I was well-endowed for my body size. Skinny guys with big dicks... well, it’s a cliché for a reason. And my cock was no exception. Still, it looked... bigger now. Longer, heavier. The head flushed so dark it was almost purple. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I was this horny.

I've been on Lexapro for over a year now which took the edge off of my anxiety but also, thanks to an unfortunate side effect, meant getting hard wasn’t exactly common for me these days. At least not without lots of coaxing, lube, and some prayer. But in that moment? I was hard like a teenager again. If I hadn’t been soaked from the pool and showers, my briefs surely would've been stained with precum. Hal was right about the hot tub being full of spunk after all.

I didn’t even need to touch myself to know how sensitive I was. Just thinking about Hal made me feel like I could blow a load hands-free right then and there. But I didn’t have time to savor this arousal. I had to be out the door in a few minutes, and I needed a clear head when I picked him up. I couldn’t let my boner trick me into believing there was a real sexual connection between me and Hal. I didn't want to scare him off.

I grabbed my cock. Hot in my palm. Thicker than I’d ever felt it. I started working it slowly. Fuck, it felt good. My palm was a bit dry from the chlorine so I spit in my hand then kept stroking. Up, down. Fast, then slower. I was already close. I hadn’t had a session this good in forever.

When I was younger, I found this masturbation technique online: you just tap the frenulum over and over and over. That's it. No stroking the shaft, just focused, rhythmic pressure on that sensitive bundle of nerves under the head of your cock. It's like water-drop torture for your dick. Sometimes it took me over an hour to finish that way. But, when I did? Full body orgasm.

I laid back on my bed, running images of Hal’s hairy ass through my mind as I used two fingers, my right hand index and middle fingers, to tap my frenulum. It felt fucking amazing.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

I was alone in the room, but my hips lifted off the mattress as if I was offering myself up for someone to slide inside me.

I kept tapping. Gentle, then firmer. A warmth built slowly in my stomach, in my thighs, curling into my spine. My body bucked, wild and desperate, and I could feel the orgasm starting to rise through me. I was so. fucking. close --

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Fuck. Someone was at my door.

"Hello?" I asked, breathlessly.

“Hey, Tommy. It’s Samir. Your grandma’s asking for you.”

I gave myself one second of frustration. Just one. If Grandma was lucid enough to ask for me during Samir’s shift, I’d make the time.

I pulled on some clothes and opened the door.

Samir stood in the hallway, barely making eye contact. My grandma loved him, but to me, he was basically a stranger. Here's all I really knew about him:

Samir was twenty-nine years old, half Egyptian and half Mexican, details Grandma loved to repeat to me regularly for some reason. I knew he’d been born in Cairo, but raised in Vermont where his father was a professor. Samir moved to San Diego in his early adult life to focus on his caretaking work, and to be closer to the Mexican border. Every Christmas, he made a long road trip across Mexico to visit his mother’s side of the family in Guanajuato. He was into shoegaze music (still need to Google what that is), and in his free time he would watch every horror movie he could get his hands on.

I knew all this not because we’d ever talked, but because it was written on the nurse cheat sheet we kept taped to Grandma’s bedside table. Little facts meant to help jog her memory during his visits.

But they were also the only facts I knew about him.

Well, aside from the fact that he was beautiful.

His hair was always perfectly styled. Just enough wax to hold everything in place without ever looking greasy. I’d often wondered what it looked like without the product, how it might fall naturally. Whether the softer shape of his real hair would cast enough shadow to change the color of his eyes. Those intense, shifting eyes that flickered between green, brown, and blue depending on the light.

And then there was the way he wore scrubs. He filled them out so well, I sometimes caught myself wondering if he’d had them tailored.

But we rarely spoke to one another beyond the basics of Grandma’s care: meds, appointments, the occasional reminder about her hydration. And I didn’t plan to change that. He was just another face in the constant rotation of caretakers passing through our lives.

When I opened my door, though, I caught a flicker of something strange in Samir’s expression, just for a second. Like he was making a quiet judgment about me and forgot to smooth it over with the professional neutrality most caretakers are so good at maintaining.

“Hey man. Sorry, I know it’s my shift, but she was insistent…” His voice trailed off as his eyes studied me from head to toe.

And then it hit me.

Could he tell? Did he know I’d just been jerking off?

I cleared my throat. “No problem. Thanks for getting me.”

I turned and headed down the hallway toward Grandma’s room, checking my phone as I walked.

I was supposed to meet Hal in five minutes.

He’d have to wait.

And I’d have to face him again with the worst blue balls of my life.
Samir def knows.
 
bear with me... chapter 5 will be back to our regularly scheduled levels of horny. but in the meantime here is ...

Chapter 4: Samir
I called Barbara Jean “Barb,” and she always called me “Mule.”

“Mule,” she’d yell from the bedroom, her voice too sharp for someone in as fragile a state as she was. “Mule, where are my drugs?”

The first time she said it, I winced. Something about a brown caretaker being called that by a dying white woman felt loaded. But Barb wasn’t racist, exactly. She was old and tired and unfiltered. When you’re that close to death, you stop wasting time on manners. Besides, technically, she wasn’t wrong.

I was her mule.

Not anything terribly dangerous, but every now and then I snuck her some MDMA. Ecstasy.
Small, precisely measured doses, administered quietly and responsibly. Just enough to lift the fog and help her stay present.

The cancer had crept into everything: her blood, her brain, her appetite; and the chemo wasn’t working like it was supposed to. Her body was fighting on multiple fronts and losing. She wouldn't admit it but I could tell the whole ordeal left her feeling undignified. What grown woman wants a stranger feeding her and helping her onto the portable toilet she keeps next to the bed for the times she can't quite make it to the bathroom.

But these brief moments after taking one of my pills, these times that we refer to as her “soft highs,” gave her a few hours of light.

I was hired to keep her comfortable. Adjust her meds. Keep her sheets fresh. And, every once in a while, slip her a tiny white tab that made her giggle like a kid again.

Her "soft highs" were the days she liked to talk about her grandson Tommy. She loved him more than anything in this world.

“He used to sing,” she told me one afternoon. “All the time. He sang loudly around the house when he was too young to understand how small this place was. And how thin the walls are.”

Barb’s stories about Tommy always took me on an emotional detour. I could never tell where I'd be by the end.

“I think that was the real him,” she said, her voice softer now. “Before he got so self-conscious. Before everything got heavy.”

She trailed off, her fingers tugging absently at the edge of her blanket. I just nodded. I had learned early on not to fill the silence when Barb went quiet like that.

“There’s stuff I hope he can forgive me for,” she said after the pause. “Stuff I hope he can move past one day.”

I didn’t pry. Sometimes MDMA cracks people open and makes it easier to talk about things they’ve buried for years. Other times, it just helps them sit with the weight of it, even if the words never come.

I’d developed a bit of a crush on the version of Tommy that Barb described. The version who used to laugh easily, and loudly. Who sang poorly, and loudly. Who went to art school but abandoned it quickly when he realized he may not be able to financially support Barb if he pursued that path.

Tommy was bursting at the seams with love, or so I'd been told.

The Tommy I knew barely spoke to me. He was courteous but distant. All tight smiles and averted eyes.

I only figured out he was gay because of Grindr.

Yeah, I know, it's unprofessional. But I'd already crossed that line when I started giving his 86-year-old grandmother ecstasy pills. Besides, I was at the end of my shift and walking out the front door that day when I opened up Grindr. I hadn't even planned to click on the app but it was muscle memory at that point. But that's when I saw it: zero feet away. Tommy's profile.

Tommy never brought it up. He probably didn’t even see that I’d clicked on his profile. It seemed like he'd been profile offline for quite a while, and I doubted he paid for the premium version that lets you hide your online status.

From what Barb told me, Tommy gets a small state stipend for being her full-time caretaker, but it’s not good money. And whatever’s left probably goes toward covering the shifts that I and the other nurses take during the week. It’s not cheap to keep someone comfortable at home so I figured paying extra for a gay sex app wasn’t exactly high on his list.

He didn’t strike me as someone who splurged. Or someone who let himself want much, period. From everything Barb told me, he wasn’t exactly thriving.

“He doesn't really have friends anymore,” she said once. “He came back here for me but I think he likes to use me as an excuse to hide from the world."

I understood what it's like to keep people at a distance.

I used to party a lot in my early 20s, when I was living in a house with three other guys who never wore shirts and treated ecstasy like it was one of the major food groups.

The first time I had sex on MDMA, a guy rimmed me, and it completely blew my mind.

I’d never had a rim job before. Honestly, I always thought it was pretty gross in practice, even if it sounded hot in theory. I didn’t think I’d be able to get past that mental block when the moment came. But then he put his tongue in my ass and it was hands down the most intense pleasure I’ve ever felt.

We’d met at a New Years Eve house party. I was rolling hard, my skin buzzing and heart pounding as I danced to the music. It was almost midnight and he asked if I had anyone to kiss when the clock struck twelve. I told him no. In fact, I'd never been kissed at midnight on New Years. He just smiled and said, “Let me fix that.”

Before I knew it, he had me on my back with my legs up in some stranger's bedroom. His hands gripped my thighs and for once, I didn’t tense up or freak out. The MDMA had me feeling open, loose, completely in my body. I couldn’t think about anything else.

The moment his tongue teased my hole, I lost it. My cock was rock hard without even being touched.

He went deep, licking me over and over, his mouth glued between my cheeks. Every now and then he’d pull back just to spit on my hole before diving in again, wetter and deeper, and each time it sent shivers through me. I found myself grinding against his face without meaning to.

I stayed hard the whole time but I couldn't cum. MDMA does that sometimes. But it didn’t feel like a failure. It felt like the edge itself was the point. As he fucked me, every muscle in my body reacted, strung up in this constant state of almost-cumming. And the longer it went on, the more intense it got. It was the best edging session of my life.

After that night, I kept chasing that feeling. I tried rolling with other guys in desperate attempts to recreate it but nothing came close. Either I wasn’t in the right headspace, or the connection wasn’t there. Eventually, I stopped trying.

But that night stuck with me. Not because of the sex, per se, but because for once, I didn’t feel like I had to hold back. I felt like myself.

Eventually, I quit drugs altogether. But I never forgot how they helped open me up. That’s why I started learning about the trials, reading the research about MDMA-assisted therapies. The studies backed up what I already knew: that ecstasy could help people heal, that it could be more than just a distraction from the noise.

Barb reminded me of that, too. She didn’t want distraction. She wanted to live in technicolor. She wanted whatever was left to be hers.

Which is why, that morning, when she looked up at me with that MDMA softness still in her cheeks and said, “Can you get my Tommy?” I didn’t ask why.

I just shook my head and said, “Of course.”

The hallway was dim and quiet. I knocked twice on Tommy’s door, keeping my voice low.

“Hey, Tommy. It’s Samir. Your grandma’s asking for you.”

I heard rustling. A pause. Then the door opened.

He looked... off. His damp hair clung to his forehead, and his glassy eyes seemed to sink into his flushed cheeks. I wondered if he’d been crying or was just sleep deprived. He didn’t speak right away, just blinked at me like he wasn’t sure what year it was, before thanking me and heading down the hallway.

It took me a second to register, but when Tommy opened the door, I realized that I recognized the look in him. He reminded me of a younger version of myself: a man who carries himself like he’s braced for impact all the time. I wondered if he knows what it feels like to let go.
 
As you wish!! The return of Hal!

Chapter 5: Tommy
“I want you to be happy,” Grandma said before I left the house.

Tall order, was my first thought.

Then I considered just giving happiness a try. Maybe it really was that simple?

I’d have to think on that more later because I was pulling into the driveway of Hal’s rental, which was identical to my grandmother’s except for the garage door that was painted a slightly off-shade of tan that sent our HOA into an absolute meltdown.

Even behind his sunglasses, I could see Hal staring at me like, Where the hell have you been? I yelled out an apology for my tardiness as he jogged over to my car, a beat-up Toyota, and hopped in.

“We’re running out of time, mate!”

“For what?”

“I’ll explain on the road."

I offered another quick apology because my car’s air conditioning was busted, so we’d have to keep the windows down on the drive. Then we were off, the hot wind rushing in like a hairdryer on full blast.

“So what’s the rush today?” I asked, remembering the urgency with which Hal had hopped out of the jacuzzi earlier, and now again with this energy like the world was on fire.

As we drove, Hal filled me in. Apparently he had climbed up onto the roof of his rental the first night he moved in. With a couple beers in hand, he'd wanted to feel the breeze and have a evening under the stars. But the roof hadn’t been maintained in years. One misstep and he cracked some old boards, popped a few shingles loose, and left behind a mess of jagged nails jutting out at odd angles, warped plywood, and peeling tar paper. Suddenly there were whole sections of the roof that looked ready to cave in.

“And you didn’t think to alert the homeowners? Or try to fix it before now...” I asked.

“I was on beach time, Tommy-boy.”

“And you're not anymore?”

Hal wiped sweat from the back of his neck. Even with the windows down, the car felt like a sauna. He took off his short-sleeved button-up and let it hang on the window, revealing a thin white tank underneath.

“If I start now, work straight through, six hours tops, I can get the plywood sealed, slap down a temporary patch, and make the whole thing sit-able again. Just in time to catch the fireworks from the roof tonight.”

It sounded like a huge, masculine undertaking, and I made an involuntary oof sound.

“Last time I went up there,” he said, “I damn near sliced my thigh open on a rusted nail and sat on something that crunched. I don’t need to go back home with your American tetanus. Or roof rabies. My fiancé would kill me.”

There it was. Fiancé.

Fuck.

But was his fiancé a man or a woman? The word hung in the air like frustratingly gender neutral bait.

My brain started buzzing. I couldn’t stop dissecting the sentence. I was being weirdly silent again but Hal always seemed to pivot without any discomfort.

“Maybe you can join me tonight,” Hal said. “Pretty sure my roof has the best view in the neighborhood.”

Then, like he sensed the way my energy shifted, he added quickly, brightly, “It’s Independence Day, Tommy!"

He had a way of treating life like it was always just on the edge of becoming something magical.

“That all sounds...” I trailed off, searching for the word.

“Cringe?” he offered.

“I was gonna say romantic,” I mumbled.

He grinned like a bastard. “I am a proper fucking romantic.”

I don’t think he was joking. No, looked over at me like he wanted me to know him. We didn't sit in the moment for long though.

“Is Tommy short for Thomas?” he asked, brow furrowed like this was suddenly the most important question in the world.

“No. It’s long for Tom.”

“Your parents named you Tom?”

“That was the first of their many failures,” I said.

He gave my thigh a supportive squeeze. I took my eyes off the road for a second. But it was Hal who made this feel dangerous.

********

When we got to Home Depot, which was thankfully open all day on the holiday, I remembered two things in rapid succession:
  1. My balls were still painfully full from Samir’s earlier cockblock.
  2. Home Depot had a reputation in certain circles as a very popular cruising spot.
I hadn’t ever done anything like that before. I didn't date or hook up, let alone go cruising. But the temptation rose in me like a fever. I wondered if I could slip away while Hal was gathering roof supplies. Just check the bathroom. See if anyone was there. I didn’t need much. A quick handjob would do the trick. The curiosity itself was turning me on.

As we wandered further into the store, I gathered the courage and said to Hal, “Hey, I’m gonna take a piss.”

I’d never said that in my life either. Gonna take a piss? I sounded like I was doing frat bro roleplay.

Hal gave a quick nod then resumed scanning the store for the lumber section.

I walked toward the men’s restroom. My heart was racing so hard I felt like I might faint.

I pushed the door open slowly. It creaked. A useful little warning to anyone inside.

Empty.

Every stall was wide open. No feet, no shadows, no one at the urinals.

It was probably for the best. But I could see why this place had the reputation it did: the stall doors stretched nearly to the floor so you could easily fit multiple people in each stall, and the urinals had no dividers between them. It would be so easy to peak.

I didn’t actually have to pee. I’d gone before we left. But I stepped up to a urinal and took my dick out anyway. Just in case.

I gave myself thirty seconds. If no one came in, I’d walk away.

I started counting down silently to myself.

30...

29....

28...


When I reached 5, the door creaked open.

I turned slightly.

Hal.

He stepped up to the urinal right beside mine.

“You had the right idea, mate,” he said, unzipping. “Had too much water today.”

Then, a steady stream of piss against porcelain. Hal was looking straight ahead, like this was completely normal, because it was.

My cock twitched. I tried to cover it with my hand, angling it down, but I was fully hard, and there was only so much hiding I could do.

I allowed myself one small sideways glance.

From the corner of my eye, I saw him: thumb and index finger pulling back the foreskin. So he wasn't lying about being British, a paranoid thought I had entertained earlier in the day.

I looked away, trying to commit the image to memory. He looked to be about five inches soft, and thick. I wondered how much bigger he got when hard, if at all.

I wasn’t much to look at soft. Maybe about four inches, but my cock grew substantially with even the slightest charge of arousal. I liked that about myself. It felt like a superpower, how big my penis could grow.

But honestly, I didn’t care about size. Hal’s cock looked perfect to me.

I stole one more glance as he gave himself a shake, watched his foreskin slide back into place. Then I looked away again, fast.

He zipped up and headed to the sinks.

The second he stepped away, my cock erupted with cum.

It was sudden. I hadn’t been stroking it, barely even touching it, just holding myself in place. There’d been no build-up. No warning. Just an instant, full-body surrender. My whole body flooded with warmth and euphoria. I clenched my teeth and tried not to make a sound, but in that moment, I almost didn’t care Hal heard me.

I came hard. Six thick ropes splattered against the urinal. If I’d been lying down the way I usually jerked off, the first shot would've cleared my shoulders and hit the wall behind me. The last shot, slower but still powerful, probably could’ve landed straight in my mouth.

My back was facing Hal, thank god. I don’t think he had any idea what I was experiencing just a few feet away from him. He left the bathroom while I was still pulsing through the aftershocks.

And as the door swung closed behind him, I had the wildest urge to call out. To stop him.

To ask him to stay.

To watch.

But I didn’t.

I washed my hands and I was immediately feeling lighter. More level-headed.

When I stepped back into the store, Hal was waiting for me with a cart half full of supplies.

“That was the longest piss ever, mate. We’re running out of daylight.”

“Sorry,” I muttered. “I’m a little pee shy.”

He gave me a crooked grin. “That is quite possibly the least surprising thing I’ve learned about you today,” he said, negging me gently as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and guided me back toward the building materials.
 
Chapter 6: Tommy

On the drive back, I asked Hal about his fiancé (fiancée?). I had to know more. Yes, I was nosy. But also, in just a few hours with him, I was already starting to care about him. Maybe I could learn to be his friend even if nothing else came of this.

“Her name’s Katie,” he told me.

He was engaged to a woman. In a strange way, that made me feel better. I never felt competitive with women. But with men… that was a whole different story. I never felt like I measured up. Never athletic enough, never confident enough. I could never quite figure out how to be friends with other gay guys. I got shy and awkward, sometimes combative, and always jealous. I’d project all my weird insecurities onto them and then self-sabotage before anything could start.

But Katie, I could work with. I could share Hal's attention with a woman.

“What does she do?”

“Oh, she’s rather posh. She's a pretty prolific journalist in London.”

“Wow. That’s… wow.”

“That’s what I’m always saying to her.”

“How’d you meet?”

“At uni. Never thought she’d go for a clot like me. And for a while, she didn’t. It took some persuading.”

“Really? I can’t imagine anyone not liking you,” I blurted out too honestly.

“Hey, cheers, man.”

I paused for a moment. The obvious question still hovered in the air, but Hal seemed like an open book so I went for it.

“Is Katie… is she on this trip with you?”

“Not this time. She's on holiday in Italy and I chose to come here. We wanted to do it separately this year.”

“Oh? Why’s that?”

He went quiet. For the first time today he seemed to be at a loss for words. That was my role usually.

“Sorry,” I said, immediately walking it back. “That's none of my business.”

“No, no. You’re alright. We’re just… figuring some stuff out right now.”

“Got it,” I said. I didn’t want this conversation to end.

I wasn’t ready to open up about myself, but the idea of Hal confiding in me felt nice. That’s what friends do, right? Maybe for the next ten days, I could be that. I could be his friend. Maybe that didn’t have to be a fantasy.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked. I didn’t mean to come across like a therapist on a television soap opera but I couldn’t think of a better way to phrase the question.

“I’m good, thanks. Maybe after a few bevvies.” He turned the car radio up and his walls went up with it.

*************

I dropped Hal off at his rental house with a noncommittal “maybe” about joining him on the roof for fireworks later tonight.

It depended on two things: (1) whether my grandmother was sleeping comfortably enough to leave her alone for a little while, and (2) how good Hal really was at repairing roofs.

When I walked into the house, I let Samir leave early. "Enjoy the holiday,” I told him flatly.

Samir was warm and appreciative. The slight suspicion I’d clocked in his eyes earlier seemed to have faded.

I checked on Grandma. Barb, as Samir liked to call her. She was asleep with a smile on her face.
I really should be nicer to Samir, I thought. He takes such good care of her.

I walked down the hallway to my room. I have a baby monitor set up in there so I can hear her if she needs anything. It’s synced up to my phone too.

I hate living in a world where we can monitor everything and everyone through cameras and microphones, 24/7. Privacy is dead.

Then again, I was the one who just stared at Hal’s cock at the urinal today. The memory was still so charged. So potent. I wondered if I'd be jerking off to it for the rest of my life.

For the first time in… God knows how long… I opened Grindr and saw something curious.

Samir.

I didn't even know he was gay. That wasn’t on the list of factoids taped to the bedside table.

He didn’t use his real name on the app but the photo was unmistakably him. I clicked on his profile without hesitation, not even caring if he saw. It wasn’t the most shameless thing I’d done today.

I scrolled through his pictures. It gave me the same uncanny feeling I used to get as a kid when I saw one of my teachers outside of school.

Still, I was curious to see what Samir was working with.

I scrolled to his last photo. He was shirtless at the beach, his body just as tight as I’d imagined. His hair was untamed and catching the sea breeze. He really was beautiful.

Hal was rugged. Defined. Manly. But Samir, despite the perfect body, had something delicate about him. I felt a sudden urge to pull him into a hug and hold onto him all night long.

I scrolled past the last picture and hit the lock symbol: private album. I wondered what was in there. Nudes? That felt like something a professional caretaker shouldn't have. But then again, who was I to judge what anyone did in their private life?

I didn’t have Samir’s number. Unless you counted the company iPhone all the caretakers shared. But I typed out a message to him on Grindr:

"Fancy seeing you here..."
Delete.

"Did you really open Grindr at my grandma's house?"
Delete.

Finally, I settled on: "Hey." A classic Grindr opener.

I hit send. He wasn’t online, so who knew when he’d even see it.

Was this some inappropriate power play? I wondered.

Was I technically Samir’s boss? Or was Grandma? Or did it not work like that?

I didn’t know what I wanted out of this. I just knew Hal had me worked up and acting out of character.

Or maybe for the first time in a long time I was acting like myself.
 
Chapter 7: Tommy

I snuck out of the house around 8pm.

Who was I kidding? Like I was really going to turn down the offer to spend more time with Hal?

Besides, I was curious to see how the roof was coming along.

His rental house was only a three-minute walk from ours, just past the stop sign at the end of the block.

I turned the corner and spotted him on the roof, his silhouette framed by the last streaks of summer light as the sun tucked itself behind the ocean for the evening.

“Perfect timing!” he yelled down to me.

As I got closer, I could see he was shirtless, sweat slicking his chest and arms, which were still gripping a large hammer.

“Get your ass up here!”

************

By the time we were two beers deep, and under the shadow of nightfall, the roof looked damn near flawless to my untrained eye. I was impressed.

The fireworks were scheduled to start at nine. From Hal’s roof, we’d have a 360-degree view of the whole county and at least four firework shows going off in different directions.

He popped open a third beer and foam spilled onto his hands.

“Aren’t you cold?” I asked, trying to sound casual. He still hadn’t put a shirt on, and while I didn’t actually want him to, I thought I had to ask. To keep up the illusion that I was just one of the bros.

“I’m a fuckin’ heat tank,” he said, his voice a little too loud as it echoed off the quiet houses around us. “I’ve never been cold in my life.”

“Not even in London?”

“Not even in London,” he said, his eyes wide and wild.

I didn’t believe him. His nipples were hard and rows of goosebumps dotted his arms.

“How’s Gran?” he asked.

I pulled out my phone and checked the baby monitor. “Sound asleep.”

“Then have another beer. Relax, mate.”

“I’ve never been relaxed once in my life.”

“Not even here in Paradise?”

“Not even here in Paradise.”

************

I’d never really cared for fireworks, but watching them through Hal’s eyes made me fall in love with them a little.

Or maybe I was falling in love with the way he looked beneath them.

As the fireworks roared on, Hal's face lit up in flashes of purple, green, and white, but I preferred him most under the red lights that exploded above us.

When the last of the shows fizzled out, Hal dropped onto the blanket he’d laid out earlier in the evening and folded his arms behind his head.

I sat down beside him. My eyes lingered on his armpits.

When I was younger, I used to fantasize about having armpits like that. Full, dark and bushy. And when I finally started growing hair there, I wanted so desperately to show it off.

The first time my grandma told me I needed to shave my face, I felt sick with shame. Like the newly growing stubble meant she would stop seeing me as her little baby.

But with other boys, I wanted them to see all of my body's changes. The hair, the sweat, the proof that I was also becoming a man.

It wasn’t just about wanting to fit in. It also turned me on.

I used to daydream about a perfect summer afternoon at the beach. Just me and a group of guy friends, lying shirtless in the sun, arms stretched out behind our heads, calling each other "dude" while the cool summer breeze whistled through the tufts of hair sprouting from our underarms. That was it. That was the fantasy. I jerked off to that image more times than I could count.

I never told anyone about that when I was younger. Armpit hair was too natural, too normal, too common an occurrence. Every guy had it and it wasn't something to hide. Which is why it felt dangerous to lust after when I was a kid. Because what kind of weirdo gets turned on by something so ordinary, and visible, and public? Arousal was supposed to come from things that remain hidden right? It was supposed to come from private parts and perversions, not from something as everyday as a patch of hair under someone’s arm.

I was terrified another kid would catch me staring at their pits. That one look too long would ruin everything. That I'd get a reputation as being the boy who likes armpits, and then no guy would ever take his shirt off in front of me again. No guy would wear a tank top or lift their arms. I’d be marked as a creep.

And I didn’t want to scare anyone. Definitely didn't want to scare Hal. So I averted my gaze.

“Show’s over! Sit down,” Hal said, pulling me out of my trance. I stole another quick peek at my granny cam again to make sure all was well, then sat down beside him.

“You want another beer?” I asked, still performing my straight-boy drag.

“I’m off my fuckin’ face already,” he slurred.

I was tipsy too, and therefore brave enough to ask: “So... you wanna talk about Katie now?”

“Ahhh, Katie, Katie, Katie…” he said with a sigh that I couldn't quite read. Was it exhaustion or contentment?

“What’s going on with you guys?”

“She’s the perfect girl, really.”

“Okay…” I said cautiously, unsure where this was going.

“I fell in love with her brain first. Really, I swear I did. She’s the sharpest, kindest, cheekiest person I’ve ever met. But my God, she’s a smokeshow. Like, actually stupid hot.”

“She sounds awful,” I said sarcastically, hoping it would mask the genuine bitterness rising in me.

“Oh, and the sex.” He turned his head toward me and the eye contact was fucking relentless. “Well we’re not bored of each other yet, I'll say that much. She has me trying things I never thought I’d try.”

“Like what?” I asked, the beer was doing the talking now.

Hal smiled coyly, then started blushing. He looked so cute. I knew I liked him in shades of red.

“She's been... spitting in my mouth, bro," he said, finally breaking eye contact as he did.

I blinked.

“She loves it. And I... well, now it gets me going, too.”

Straight couples always think they’re inventing kink. I almost envied their sense of discovery. And sure, there are some vanilla gay guys too. Plenty, actually. But for the most part they're at least aware of kinky sex and probably wouldn't bat an eye if a friend confessed their love for fisting or water sports. Straight people are so easily scandalized.

“So what’s the problem, then?” I asked.

“Problem?” Hal frowned. “There’s no problem.”

“You said earlier you two were figuring stuff out.”

“Oh. Right. No, it’s not a problem exactly. We’re getting married in the fall. But we recently had this really honest convo, y’know? About... well, about bisexuality.”

He said the word softly, like a secret you'd whisper in a school hallway.

“You get into these long term relationships and you love the person, right? Like, I really love Katie more than life. But sometimes you don’t get the chance to… explore every avenue of yourself when you're in a relationship. And that’s okay. Because you love each other and you want to commit to each other for the rest of your lives. But it’s also… something to think about. So we’re just doing a little… sabbatical, I guess. A pause. Just for a fortnight."

“A pause for exploring?”

“Yeah. Just a little exploring.”

I tilted my head. “So you and Katie are both… exploring your bisexuality before you get married?”

He laughed loudly. It was more like a howl. “Oh no. Just one of us is.”

There was a long pause.

Hal was drunk and sloppier now than he’d been all day.

And once again I felt like I was missing the key detail.

I'd have to ask.

And I did. As gently as I could: “So… which one of you is bisexual, then?”
 
Chapter 8: Samir

If his blindingly pale skin wasn’t enough a clue, I knew Tommy was white the second he told me to “enjoy the holiday.” The Fourth of July was always a hard holiday to justify, especially these days as a green card holder in this country.

Still, I couldn’t write Tommy off completely. I was, in fact, going dancing tonight in Hillcrest, San Diego’s gayborhood. Sometimes the party is the protest. Sometimes resistance looks like enjoying the holiday.

************

“You’re home early,” Jake said when I walked through the door.

My roommate looked like he hadn’t moved in hours. Jake was a 27-year-old blond jock, pretty and he knows it, and currently curled up on the couch and half-submerged in the chest of his boyfriend, Manny.
They were playing Mario Kart, their bodies tangled in a way that looked neither ergonomic nor conducive to gaming.

“Welcome,” Manny said with a smile as he stood up to greet me.

Manny was my age and built like a linebacker, though everything about him was gentle. He pulled me into a hug, tight against his cinnamon-brown skin. His eyes were a few shades darker, and warm and welcoming. Jake stayed planted on the couch, clicking away at the controller.

“So…” I said, pulling away from Manny, “Where are we going tonight?”

************

We ended up at a club called Torso. It was the only place in town where you might hear tracks by Peso Plumo, Bad Bunny, and Farruko remixed into the playlist, and of course classics like Selena's "Bidi Bidi Bom Bom."

Manny and I loved it there. Jake pretended to, which was his brand of loyalty I guess.

In line for our third round of drinks, Manny leaned in and asked, “Do you work tomorrow?”

“Don’t be boring, Manuelito,” I said, waving the question away.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

9:00 a.m. at Barb’s house would be here sooner than I cared to admit. But that was a tomorrow problem. I could feel my concern about it fading away as I sipped on my next drink. I’d stopped doing drugs, but I still flirted with the devil's liquid poison on occasion. Baby steps.

Back on the dance floor, a man caught my eye. He was shirtless and built, and wearing nothing but a harness and an American flag jockstrap.

I'm usually turned off by American idolatry. Fucking useless flag worship. Tonight, however, I wanted to count the stars and stripes on that jockstrap. One by one.

I broke away from Jake and Manny and moved toward the Jockstrap-in-Question, as if by the pull of gravity, like how the moon makes the tides.

We found each other’s rhythm immediately and started to dance. I leaned in and shouted over the music, “What’s your name?”

He smiled and pulled back slightly, then tapped a finger from his lips to his ear while mouthing the words, “I’m deaf.”

I nodded. Ah.

He took my hand and traced letters into my palm.

E-T-H-A-N.

Ethan.

From the Hebrew Eitan meaning strength and endurance. I wondered if he would live up to the name.

I pulled out my phone and typed, My name is Samir.

He grabbed my phone and typed back: Nice to meet you.

I typed out my next message to him rather insensitively, and through squinted eyes as the phone's bright screen hurt my drunken eyes: Can you hear the music at all?

He read it and smirked, then shook his head. No.
He took my phone and typed: It’s not about hearing the music. It’s about feeling the vibrations.

Then he reached out and gently pushed his fingers into my ears. Not the first holes I expected him to fill tonight. Still, it was intimate in its own way.

I closed my eyes then reached for him with both hands, pulling him closer. I stopped listening to the music and instead let it become a more tactile sensory experience.

There was the bass: vibrating through Ethan's chest and arms. Rattling the metal strap on his harness. Then, like a transference, I felt it move through my body too.

I opened my eyes and nodded to him. Something more than vibrations was passing between us now.
We fell into a deep kiss. His tongue massaging mine. He was a good fucking kisser.

After a few songs, he tapped me and pointed to my phone. He typed: I need to go to the bathroom.

I nodded and pointed to the spot where I was standing, as if to say I’ll wait for you here.

While I waited, I pulled out my phone and opened Grindr.

Buzz. The vibration of a new message.

It was from Tommy. "Hey." How uninspired.

I should’ve ignored it.

Instead I unlocked my album of private pics -- one pic of me naked at Black’s Beach; another of my bare ass in the mirror; the last pic was just a string of pre-cum bridged between my finger and the tip of my cock -- and sent them to Tommy. All of them. Without a second thought.

Somewhere in my brain, I knew that was a mistake.

But I was already dancing again, imagining Ethan’s hands all over me.

I’d deal with Tommy tomorrow.