weight gain

twoton

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If this isn't the place for this, please remove to where it belongs. However, since it deals with a woman, I will assume it could be dealt with as a Women's Issue.

O.k. My wife gained 7 pounds over a four day Thanksgiving holiday. From Wednesday night to Sunday night. Seven pounds. And she hardly ate any more than normal. Think about it: that's roughly 5,000 extra calories per day.

She's upset, to say the least. She's already overweight, probably pushing the range of obese. I have no idea what she weighs, but probably around 220#. She's 5'5".

I mentioned this here before, but maybe someone has some new insights. What can I do to help? She has tried various low-carb diets, tried cutting calories, doesn't have much time to exercise. She frequently tired, achy. Cold. Grumpy. Nothing works. Never loses a single pound.

When she is willing to discuss her weight, I always say, "You should see a doctor." She'll say one of two things: "What can he tell me?" and "He'll tell me what he always does, to cut calories." Supposedly she's had some kind of thyroid test that came back negative. One more thing: it was suspected about 15 years ago that she might have had PCOS, but an MRI came back inconclusive.

It can't be simply a matter of cutting calories. A person shouldn't continually gain weight the way she does, considering she isn't overeating.

What can I tell her to get her to see a specialist? Our regular doctor is a great guy but isn't much help? I should add that my wife is one of the most intelligent people I've ever met, so generally speaking she 'knows better' than anyone giving her advice.
 

IntoxicatingToxin

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I'd say it's hormonal, personally. Have her get a saliva hormone test done as opposed to blood, it's more accurate (though most insurance won't cover it so you'll have to pay out of pocket). Also, if she's living a sedentary lifestyle, she might HAVE to cut calories. The amount of calories a person should be eating each day is directly related to the amount of exercise they are getting. Have her join a gym or something. I wasn't really overeating either and just joining a gym kicked my metabolism into gear and I lost 25 pounds in 3 months with very few diet changes.

I know she doesn't have much time to exercise, but she might have to MAKE time. Stress alone can also contribute to weight gain and exercising is not only good for your physical health, but your mental and emotional health as well. Just exercising a few days a week (good exercise that makes me sweat a lot and really exert myself) has helped a lot with my anxiety and depression.
 

hijinxy

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It's probably just water weight brought on by excess carb consumption over the holiday, but she should definitely see a doctor to rule out hormonal/thyroid issues. (The cold/tired bit *does* sound like PCOS.)

As far as being supportive for her, and helping her bring up energy levels, I'd recommend taking a "health at every size" perspective on exercise, and not worrying about working out to lose weight or get "in shape;" but rather participating in sports or physical activities that are fun and enjoyable on their own and offer an opportunity to get out of the house and spend quality time together while getting in *better* shape, but not stressing too much on achieving a particular weight.

Speaking as someone who hates to exercise, having a partner who makes the goal to spend time together and have fun doing something different and stimulating, with exercise as the secondary concern; is incredibly helpful in taking the anxiety, negativity and self-judgement out of exercising together.

From a dietary perspective, it's actually pretty easy to add 1000 extra calories a day to a diet- particularly from stress eating. Smoothies, coffee drinks, granola/energy bars and lots of snack foods are all packed with calories, not glaringly bad for you and SUPER easy to overindulge on. The thing is, mood impacts eating habits wayyy faster than eating habits impact mood- it's very easy for a stress-eater who is feeling terrible to opt for the short term burst of serotonin from eating something tasty, than to forgo that temporary enjoyment in the pursuit of longer-term rewards like achieving a fitness goal (because if you're generally feeling lousy, and still at a fitness level where working out is tiring and ache-inducing rather that exhilarating, that short term burst of serotonin may be the sole source of enjoyment in their day.)

Helping her find other sources of pleasure in her day (by generally being supportive, helping with chores, giving the odd backrub, motivating her to get out and do enjoyable exercise- or even helping her to do creative activities that don't involve exercise- learning photography, taking up painting or sculpture, etc) may help her mood in general, and give her a bit more willpower to avoid tempting snacks or treats.
Congrats on being a partner who wants to help his spouse without making her feel bad- best of luck!
 

D_Sandy_Krautch

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If she does have PCOS (I do)... Weight gain is directly related to insulin resistance. Carbs and sugar are the culprit for fat gain... And water retention is a BITCH. I spend 2-3 weeks per month with up to TWELVE pounds of water weight on me. TWELVE!!! PCOS makes a mess of your body... Insulin resistance, diabetes, horrible PMS, bad skin/hair from hormone fluctuation... A hundred other things... Women with PCOS do best on low carb/whole food/low dairy diets. Paleo lifestyle is popular (never felt better in my life)... Any diet geared toward diabetics is going to do her more good than anything. Also, regular exercise is REALLY important. It makes your body more receptive to insulin and helps regulate hormones. Weight is a battle for PCOS sufferers. It seems hopeless and it's very frustrating but it IS possible. I'm walking proof (having lost over 100) myself. The key for me is staying motivated to do something about it. All that takes is results. When you start seeing a change... It gives you hope and makes you want to see more. I'd suggest trying "the whole 30" as a good kick start to a lifestyle change. If I'd known when I started losing weight what I know now... I'd have done it all differently. I'd be more than happy to talk to her (or you) if you need some guidance :)
 

D_Sandy_Krautch

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Been giving this more thought... Standard thyroid panels don't always give you the answers you need. Ask for a more detailed work up. MRI for PCOS? Hmmm internal ultrasound is typically the way they go but even that is inconclusive. She may or may not have cysts when they do it. There is no one test that can determine PCOS. It's decided by a doctor after hearing all of your symptoms and maybe multiple tests. Doesn't really matter, though... There's no particular treatment. Hormone therapy, maybe.... Diet and exercise is where you need to start. I've commented to you before about your wife's troubles with weight. Seems there's always an excuse, though. The bottom line is... She's either got a medical problem that needs to be diagnosed and treated or she's consuming more than she burns. Maybe (likely) both. Obesity wouldn't plague this country like it does if that were all that difficult to do. It's absolutely not. Most people have ZERO concept of how many calories they're actually taking in. I damned sure didn't. Nobody thought I was over eating... But I was near 300 pounds. If she/you are going to dismiss that probability... You're doing nothing but sentencing her to a lifetime of struggle with her health, weight, and self-image (never mind the emotional turmoil). She has to accept that regardless of any medical condition, her weight is her responsibility and only she can change it. If she refuses to help herself... She's GOING to stay fat. There's no easy answer from any doctor. Any condition she may have is going to require treatment PLUS proper diet and exercise. Those two things will play a part NO MATTER WHAT. Even if she had surgery to help rid herself of the weight, she would still have to exert effort and self control. More so, if you ask me. They would make her follow a diet and workout plan for a few months before surgery to prove that she was committed to getting better. After surgery, her diet restrictions would be massive by comparison to what she would have to do on her own. It sucks, but the reality is... If she isn't ready to accept responsibility for we weight, her body, her self... And take control of her life... Then nothing anybody can tell you is going to help.
 

twoton

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to start. I've commented to you before about your wife's troubles with weight.

I know. :redface: Which is why I was reluctant to bring it up again, but I'm always searching for answers.
We've looked in to paleo, but it seems too expensive. (I know--pay now or pay later). If I'm thinking of the same whole 30, I'm familiar with it from when the people behind it were friends of Crossfit.

As for the MRI--the thought was that her pituitary might be the problem. So maybe there wasn't a link between PCOS and the MRI, but there was some kind of hormonal imbalance being investigated. Although, she has a lot of the PCOS symptoms, we've never had a problem with infertility.
 

D_Sandy_Krautch

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Regardless of diagnosis... To lose fat she's got to have calorie deficit... proper diet and exercise. A diagnosis wont get rid of excess weight thats already present. It's just a matter of priorities. How important is it? You're either ready and you do the work… Or you're not. There's really no shame in either. It's just that simple, though. Time for exercise and money for food are simply a matter of priorities. I don't make a lot of money and I definitely don't have a lot of time… But I find a way to do both. I eat Paleo and I exercise regularly. I work 10 to 16 hours a day, plus at least an hour and a half of commute on my long days, five days a week… Sometime six... And still manage to get myself into the gym three, four, five times a week. She doesn't have to go to a gym to exercise, either. There are plenty of ways to get your heart rate up and burn some calories without hitting the gym. It can be done at home in 20 minutes or half an hour. It really doesn't take more than that. Also, I'm a firm believer that losing fat is much more an issue of what you put into your mouth than working out. My theory is "eat to lose and train to gain." You eat right and you lose the fat, you lose cravings for horrible foods, you lose the emotional baggage that comes along carrying all the extra weight, you lose many of the health risks... You start training and you gain health, strength, and self-confidence (Not to mention some pretty kick ass curves). Anyway, I'm probably wasting our time even responding. I've been where you guys are… I've done searching for a diagnosis… The problem is that even if something IS wrong... A pill can't fix all of her problems. You're sure it can't be just calories... But when was the last time she tracked every calorie that went into her mouth? Like... Wrote it down on paper. It's astonishing how many calories we inhale completely unconsciously. What are the calories composed of? When was her blood sugar last checked? Has she been tested for diabetes or hypoglycemia? When you struggle that hard with weight... You have to be conscious of ALL if it... Calories, fat, carbs, sugar, sodium. How many processed foods does she eat? It ALL plays a role. Some people can eat shit food and stay thin. I'm not one of them and neither is she... Treating medical problems won't change that and eating improperly won't be good for whatever problem may be present. If there is something wrong... She needs a good diet more than if there isn't! I could go on for ages... But I suspect you already know all of this, anyway
 

twoton

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... But when was the last time she tracked every calorie that went into her mouth? Like... Wrote it down on paper.

Not lately, but she has in the past kept daily written lists. At this point she memorizes it.

It's astonishing how many calories we inhale completely unconsciously. What are the calories composed of? When was her blood sugar last checked? Has she been tested for diabetes or hypoglycemia?

I don't know about blood sugar, but a long time ago she said she was hypoglycemic, although that was more of a rationale to eat junk. "I'm hungry, bitchy, tired and will solve it with food." And she fully recognizes that a carb binge will crash her system when it wears off.

Treating medical problems won't change that and eating improperly won't be good for whatever problem may be present. If there is something wrong... She needs a good diet more than if there isn't! I could go on for ages... But I suspect you already know all of this, anyway

True, but if there's a medical Dx, it might be enough to convince her that she needs to change.

Thanks, anyway, Snarky. You're an inspiration, and I do appreciate your help. :smile:
 

IntoxicatingToxin

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This is a bit of a stretch, but I figured I'd toss it out there anyway.

I have a friend that was very overweight and couldn't lose weight for the life of her. She was diagnosed with PCOS and started taking some diabetic medication (I can't think of the name of it for the life of me, but it's common for women with PCOS.) and she felt better in some ways but it didn't help her weight loss any. She kept pushing her doctor about it and after some tests and whatnot, she was diagnosed with Celiac's Disease (gluten allergy). Come to find out, Celiac's Disease is common for people with PCOS. She changed her diet up completely to not ingest any sort of gluten product and in about a year and a half, she'd lost 90 pounds. She occasionally caves and eats a brownie or something, and she always gets a "gluten hangover" where she feels like absolute crap the next day. If you really think your wife has PCOS, she might check into a gluten allergy as well. Couldn't hurt, and it's incredibly more common than people think.
 

D_Sandy_Krautch

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*Points up*. Paleo'll fix that, too! Totally not a stretch, BTW. Lots of people have food intolerances (probably from GMO's) that cause digestive disfunction. Digestion is the foundation of health!
 
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Simple, eat healthy and exercise. I call bs on having no time. As for being tred and achy, moody etc. that because she doesn't exercise. A for a condition stopping her from losing weight I highly doubt that. People use that as an excuse way too much. People dont know how rare a disorder like that is.

Again, make time to exercise, drink lots of water, eat healthy. Especially no sugars/ bad fats. Mind you dont get everything low fat/ fat free. The body needs fat.

As for you helping, exercise with her. Push her to do the exercises. Workouts only take 20 minutes.

No excuses.

Oh and stay away from all that diet BS. Diet as in a commercial plan that you have to buy etc.
 

D_Sandy_Krautch

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Simple, eat healthy and exercise. I call bs on having no time. As for being tred and achy, moody etc. that because she doesn't exercise. A for a condition stopping her from losing weight I highly doubt that. People use that as an excuse way too much. People dont know how rare a disorder like that is.

Again, make time to exercise, drink lots of water, eat healthy. Especially no sugars/ bad fats. Mind you dont get everything low fat/ fat free. The body needs fat.

As for you helping, exercise with her. Push her to do the exercises. Workouts only take 20 minutes.

No excuses.
.

Oh and stay away from all that diet BS. Diet as in a commercial plan that you have to buy etc.


Pardon me... but... horseshit :) There are a LOT of versions of "eating healthy" and it's just as easy to eat too much healthy food as it is to eat too much shit. Eating food that's good for you doesn't mean you'll reach and maintain a healthy weight. Neither does exercise. Especially if the weight issue is one of an emotional nature. I agree that it's rare to have a weight issue caused by a physiological condition... but it damn sure isn't rare to have one with it's roots in emotional/mental struggle. So um... WRONG.

As for Celiac... Plenty of people without Celiac are gluten/grain intolerant. That can manifest in many ways. Dairy is also a huge trigger. Again... not the cause of weight gain, per se... but the cause of digestive dysfunction that can contribute to weight gain. *coughpaleocoughcough*
 

TheBestYouCan

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Snarky! Shut up and sit on my lap!!!

Good points... saying "Eat healthy" is a little vague to be of any real value.. you have to figure out within the realm of "healthy" food what is good for your particular physiology and also be sure not to eat too much of anything.
 

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My advice? Support your wife, and make her feel beautiful no matter what her weight is. She won't feel so bad about herself, and she will be able to focus constructively on her health.
 

Lord of Orion

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Again, make time to exercise, drink lots of water, eat healthy. Especially no sugars/ bad fats. Mind you dont get everything low fat/ fat free. The body needs fat.

As for you helping, exercise with her. Push her to do the exercises. Workouts only take 20 minutes.

No excuses.
My wife works out four times a week. She does crossfit, so it's a combination of weight-training and cardio every time. She's done the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3-Day (a 60-mile walk) three times. She's run a half-marathon. We hike in the mountains regularly. She also eats about 75%-paleo (the exceptions are still "real-food" exceptions like cheese).

But she's both busty and very pear shaped. Big boobs, big hips, big thighs, big butt. She's 5'7" and about 230# right now.

But she is very healthy (Cholesterol low, blood pressure fine, no blood sugar problems, no knee or back problems), and far more "in-shape" than most strangers would think. All they see is a fat girl. She's in better shape than I am, even though I'm taller and 20 pounds lighter.

I agree that, in general, a healthy diet, portion control, and exercise are the keys to a healthy body. But a healthy body is not ALWAYS a thin body, and a thick body is not ALWAYS unhealthy. There's only so much you can do to fight your genetics. Too many people think POUNDS are the end-all, be-all measurement of how healthy your body is, and it most certainly is not.
 
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Of course you can look at eating healthy/ having a healthy diet as being vague. But Eating healthy isnt just eating good foods, but like you said having balance in your eating, knowing what foods benefit what. The reason I kept it as eating healthy is because i thought you would understand what I was saying. Dont eat bad sugars/ fats etc.

Exercising is the easy part, having a good diet is the hard part and the most important part.

As for an emotional issue, thats an excuse and is why I said no excuses just do it. Of course its hard to get in the routine; but again as I said no excuses. Im a lazy bastard and have no motivation, and have been depressed most of my life. But I am still real with myself, I know I am just making up excuses and inorder for me to workout I have to just do it regardless of how I am feeling.

So be supportive, workout with her, learn your foods, learn what does what and just push yourselves. Be real with yourselves.
 

D_Sandy_Krautch

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My wife works out four times a week. She does crossfit, so it's a combination of weight-training and cardio every time. She's done the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3-Day (a 60-mile walk) three times. She's run a half-marathon. We hike in the mountains regularly. She also eats about 75%-paleo (the exceptions are still "real-food" exceptions like cheese).

But she's both busty and very pear shaped. Big boobs, big hips, big thighs, big butt. She's 5'7" and about 230# right now.

But she is very healthy (Cholesterol low, blood pressure fine, no blood sugar problems, no knee or back problems), and far more "in-shape" than most strangers would think. All they see is a fat girl. She's in better shape than I am, even though I'm taller and 20 pounds lighter.

I agree that, in general, a healthy diet, portion control, and exercise are the keys to a healthy body. But a healthy body is not ALWAYS a thin body, and a thick body is not ALWAYS unhealthy. There's only so much you can do to fight your genetics. Too many people think POUNDS are the end-all, be-all measurement of how healthy your body is, and it most certainly is not.


I could hug you for this. Just sayin.

While there are ways to fight your genetics... It's just... at what cost? I am healthy and in good shape. I lost a TON. I'd still like to lose 30-40 pounds. I spent the last year and a half beating myself up about how difficult it's proving to be. I'm in better shape than most of the people I know... but I am not happy yet. It's important enough to me to be meticulous about my diet and VERY strict on it as of late. It's working... but what I am doing is not something most people would be willing to do. We all have a different baseline for how much/where we carry fat. I'm telling mine to fuck right off lol The OP's wife is steadily gaining as opposed to maintaining her baseline. She definitely needs a diet tune up... but I absolutely agree with your response to AnanonymousGuy