weight gain

[185248]

If this isn't the place for this, please remove to where it belongs. However, since it deals with a woman, I will assume it could be dealt with as a Women's Issue.

O.k. My wife gained 7 pounds over a four day Thanksgiving holiday. From Wednesday night to Sunday night. Seven pounds. And she hardly ate any more than normal. Think about it: that's roughly 5,000 extra calories per day.

She's upset, to say the least. She's already overweight, probably pushing the range of obese. I have no idea what she weighs, but probably around 220#. She's 5'5".

I mentioned this here before, but maybe someone has some new insights. What can I do to help? She has tried various low-carb diets, tried cutting calories, doesn't have much time to exercise. She frequently tired, achy. Cold. Grumpy. Nothing works. Never loses a single pound.

When she is willing to discuss her weight, I always say, "You should see a doctor." She'll say one of two things: "What can he tell me?" and "He'll tell me what he always does, to cut calories." Supposedly she's had some kind of thyroid test that came back negative. One more thing: it was suspected about 15 years ago that she might have had PCOS, but an MRI came back inconclusive.

It can't be simply a matter of cutting calories. A person shouldn't continually gain weight the way she does, considering she isn't overeating.

What can I tell her to get her to see a specialist? Our regular doctor is a great guy but isn't much help? I should add that my wife is one of the most intelligent people I've ever met, so generally speaking she 'knows better' than anyone giving her advice.

What did she have to drink in that time? Water, alcohol, softdrink, energy drinks? It's not only what you eat but drink also.

 

[twoton]

Pardon me... but... horseshit There are a LOT of versions of "eating healthy" and it's just as easy to eat too much healthy food as it is to eat too much shit. *coughpaleocoughcough*

On the Crossfit site, it's common for people to claim you can eat as much paleo food as you want and still lose weight. Just sayin'. :tongue:

My advice? Support your wife, and make her feel beautiful no matter what her weight is. She won't feel so bad about herself, and she will be able to focus constructively on her health.

She constantly complains about it, for the most part I keep quiet. When I do bring it up, it's always to encourage her and be supportive. The part about making her feel beautiful is harder. Whenever I say something to that effect, the response is "bullshit" in various forms.

My wife works out four times a week. She does crossfit,

I do my own version of Crossfit, and gave up trying to convince her to try it.

But she is very healthy (Cholesterol low, blood pressure fine, no blood sugar problems, no knee or back problems), and far more "in-shape" than most strangers would think.

Awesome. :smile:
My wife, on the other hand, is starting to show signs of problems. Her blood pressure was always in the healthy range until a couple months ago.

I mentioned the data that show celiac and obesity, and she didn't want to discuss.

 

[D_Sandy_Krautch]

A lot of people CAN eat as much as they want on paleo. They key is... "WANT". Your wife has emotional ties to her weight, food, "dieting". Period. That's where she needs to start. That's why she won't do things that will work... That's why she won't discuss the facts. It isn't her body... It's her mind and her emotions. She's attached to those pounds and the food even though they're making her hate herself. She wants to eat more than her body tells her it NEEDS. She can lose weight without fixing the emotional stuff but she'll never keep it off. It will always be a battle and her subconscious will always win. I have a book that I think has the potential to TRULY help you and your wife. It's not a diet plan... It's not an exercise plan... It's about learning why you keep the weight on and how to truly release it... Easily. I have a few copies... I'll send you one if you're interested.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

Sounds to me like your wife doesn't want to lose weight. There's only so much YOU can do. Until she makes the decision to change herself, nothing will actually change.

I spent years hating myself and my weight before I finally decided I was worthy enough to do something about it. Didn't matter what anyone else said, I had to be the one to make the change.

 

[PerfectlySexy]

Regardless of diagnosis... To lose fat she's got to have calorie deficit...

I think this advice, though common, is potentially misleading. Yes, a person can and will lose weight by cutting calories but that person's metabolism will adjust to compensate. The body, receiving less calories, will assume that food is more scarce and thus store more incoming calories as fat, which is why when people go off of calorie restricted diets they tend to gain they weight they've lost plus more; their metabolism has slowed in response to environmental cues.

The other reason cutting calories does not work is that the brain will start signaling cravings to prevent starvation. Attempts to suppress these cravings can lead to irritability, to say the least. The brain/body will also tend toward lethargy, away from exertion, in order to conserve calories. This is one of the reasons why people who are overweight have trouble sticking to exercise programs.

My advice, in a nutshell, for what it's worth: drink more water, eat more organic vegetables, cut out processed/refined/denatured/convenience foods (which is everything at a fast food "restaurant" and everything not on the outer edge of a supermarket), eat some healthy fats (high quality butter and/or coconut oil), and get some exercise/movement no matter how little (take a walk around the block). Paleo is a good way to go as there is a lot of literature and support for that diet/lifestyle currently.

 

[185248]

Sugar is neccessary evil, too much can be the evil. At times people on diets find they are lacking in energy, eating diet foods can be boring and tiring so they make up for the loss with quick fixes such as energy drinks, coffee or teas with sugar etc. The problem with that is it can be habit forming. Take a look in the fridge and the pantry, look at the sugar content of the food that is there. Eliminate the refined sugar from the diet, stick with foods which have a natural sugar content, yet do not over do it. I am lucky to have genetics on my side, yet I find women who are shapely desireable. Go figure.

 

[D_Sandy_Krautch]

I think this advice, though common, is potentially misleading. Yes, a person can and will lose weight by cutting calories but that person's metabolism will adjust to compensate. The body, receiving less calories, will assume that food is more scarce and thus store more incoming calories as fat, which is why when people go off of calorie restricted diets they tend to gain they weight they've lost plus more; their metabolism has slowed in response to environmental cues.

The other reason cutting calories does not work is that the brain will start signaling cravings to prevent starvation. Attempts to suppress these cravings can lead to irritability, to say the least. The brain/body will also tend toward lethargy, away from exertion, in order to conserve calories. This is one of the reasons why people who are overweight have trouble sticking to exercise programs.

My advice, in a nutshell, for what it's worth: drink more water, eat more organic vegetables, cut out processed/refined/denatured/convenience foods (which is everything at a fast food "restaurant" and everything not on the outer edge of a supermarket), eat some healthy fats (high quality butter and/or coconut oil), and get some exercise/movement no matter how little (take a walk around the block). Paleo is a good way to go as there is a lot of literature and support for that diet/lifestyle currently.

Oh... really? When was the last time you lost 110 pounds? I did about 2 years ago. What you're talking about happens when TOO many calories are cut. Whether a person consciously cuts calories or not... calorie deficit HAS to happen to lose weight that's there. It's just physiological fact. Organic vegetables have no magical fat burning properties. I've only spent 3 years of my life completely consumed by health, fitness, nutrition, and weight loss... and reading/researching/implementing the knowledge, though. What would I know? *shrug*

 

[D_Sandy_Krautch]

Also, your technique of "knock someone down to make myself seem smarter", isn't very effective when you haven't read everything that they had to say and you're repeating their advice. I also suggested Paleo, among other things… Regardless of any of that, there still has to be… Calorie deficit. Nice try though, pal.

 

[PerfectlySexy]

Also, your technique of "knock someone down to make myself seem smarter", isn't very effective when you haven't read everything that they had to say and you're repeating their advice. I also suggested Paleo, among other things… Regardless of any of that, there still has to be… Calorie deficit. Nice try though, pal.

I'm not where you got the idea that I was "knocking you down". I'm happy for your success, and my reiteration of your suggestion of trying Paleo was an acknowledgement that you obviously have valuable advice. Nor did I state that a calorie deficit is not necessary. What I stated was that focusing on calories has often been misleading because people believe that by cutting calories they will lose weight, which is not the case, at least over any significant amount of time (they will lose weight in the short term). There is plenty of research in this area, but mostly we know because the overwhelming majority of people who have tried calorie restricted diets have not lost weight and kept it off.

For anyone wanting more information in video form you can check out Matt Stone (he's a little rambly but this gets across some important points):

The Calorie Myth Part 3 – The Basics – 180 Degree Health

 

[Enid]

eat some healthy fats (high quality butter and/or coconut oil)

I would say not butter or oil so much as avocados or a fatty fish like salmon.

 

[D_Sandy_Krautch]

I'm not where you got the idea that I was "knocking you down". I'm happy for your success, and my reiteration of your suggestion of trying Paleo was an acknowledgement that you obviously have valuable advice. Nor did I state that a calorie deficit is not necessary. What I stated was that focusing on calories has often been misleading because people believe that by cutting calories they will lose weight, which is not the case, at least over any significant amount of time (they will lose weight in the short term). There is plenty of research in this area, but mostly we know because the overwhelming majority of people who have tried calorie restricted diets have not lost weight and kept it off.

For anyone wanting more information in video form you can check out Matt Stone (he's a little rambly but this gets across some important points):

The Calorie Myth Part 3 – The Basics – 180 Degree Health

Dude… The majority of people who have tried ANY diet have not kept the weight off long term. The reason being… excess weight may be a physiological problem but it's a physical manifestation of emotional and mental turmoil more often than not. The vast majority of obese people developed an unhealthy relationship with food at some point along the way either as a result of emotional trauma or from lack of education which led to obesity, resulting in poor self image, which leads to the feeling of hopelessness and "why bother?" attitude. That's how people get that fat. No diet or lifestyle change is going to keep that manifestation away forever. Which ever demons caused the weight to begin with, will ultimately win unless they're dealt with, first. That's not the fault of calories or any diet in particular... that's the fault of our society as a whole teaching us to treat symptoms and not the root of the problem.

 

[798686]

that's the fault of our society as a whole teaching us to treat symptoms and not the root of the problem.

Amen. :smile:

 

[PerfectlySexy]

I don't want to get too far off from the OP's question. Everyone has a unique body so what works for one person may not work for another. Some people get super into counting calories, those being consumed and those burned (though, interestingly, rarely those going out), and that's great if it's working for them. Other's, like myself, don't count anything and eat as much as they want of high quality, whole foods and have stable appropriate weights. Before anyone jumps on genetics as a reason, yes genetics can affect a person's tendencies but possibly a lot less than people think. For myself, my older blood relatives are almost all overweight/obese/diabetic. Plus there is mounting evidence that epigenetics plays a huge role in metabolic processes. What one eats, and other lifestyle factors, determines what genes are switched on or off and thus what one's genetic expression is.

I wanted to post my advice because it is contrary to a lot of what people are told and it's important that people know that there are a multiple schools of thought (and thanks to AnanonymousGuy for doing the same). For the OP, I would advise not repeating what hasn't worked in the past and try something new. There's no better choice you can make in life than to invest in your health and support your loved ones in doing the same.

Now because I know my advice may sound somewhat odd I want to respond to some of the criticisms, hopefully without anyone feeling attacked or offended. My views are based on the best research I have come across, if anyone has views that differ it doesn't mean that we need to frame things as right/wrong. The human body is incredibly complex and there is so much we still do not know. The truth may ultimately incorporate a lot of people's different views but explain the contexts under which they are true.

Organic vegetables have no magical fat burning properties

Actually, I find that organic vegetables do have calorie burning qualities, and it's not magic, it's just chemistry. Many people in the US don't eat enough vegetables (though to be fair, vegetables are also largely grown in nutrient depleted soils) and thus are deprived of several nutrients needed to metabolize the rest of the food they're eating. Diets high in refined foods tend to deplete magnesium and chromium, among others. Both of these minerals are critical in processing sugars/carbohydrates. Lack of magnesium has been shown to increase insulin resistance; supplementing with magnesium has been shown to increase insulin sensitivity. Thus a diet high in magnesium rich vegetables (like leafy greens) given to a depleted individual will facilitate more glucose moving into the cells and being used for energy instead of being converted into fat (ie, increased metabolism).

I would say not butter or oil so much as avocados or a fatty fish like salmon.

Salmon and avocados are both great foods to be eating. So is the much-maligned butter. By eating butter from pasture-raised, hormone-free, antibiotic-free cows you get: all of the fat soluble vitamins (A, D3, E, K1, K2), healthy fats (lauric acid, conjugated linoleic acid, omega-3's, medium-chain triglycerides), and some minerals.

Which ever demons caused the weight to begin with, will ultimately win unless they're dealt with, first. That's not the fault of calories or any diet in particular... that's the fault of our society as a whole teaching us to treat symptoms and not the root of the problem.

We are absolutely in agreement that society focuses on treating symptoms and not the root of the problem. But then how does one know if the root is physiological or psychological (assuming those are even a useful distinction for treatment)? You might be surprised how many psychological demons (for example, bulimia and other obsessive food thoughts) can be vanquished with some 5-HTP.

Which brings me back to my original point. In this country people overwhelmingly believe that people are fat because they're lazy when in reality they may be lazy because they're fat. For the OP, it sounds like his wife has a brain that's in a starvation state thus putting on excessive weight from meals and not being interested in exercise. Also, based on the symptoms provided I suspect his wife has chronically low serotonin levels. I would predict for this individual that calorie restriction will be problematic, as will getting her to exercise more than just a little bit. But no one has to take my word for it...

Anyway, now I'm off to the gym. My apologies for the lengthy post.

 

[Chaotica]

Seems to me that SnarkySuccubus and PerfectlySexy agree on more than they disagree! :smile:

In this country people overwhelmingly believe that people are fat because they're lazy when in reality they may be lazy because they're fat.

^^^^ This.

For twoton's wife who has no time to exercise, here are some ideas.
100 jumping jacks in the morning, 100 at night. That's four minutes.
5 pushups in the morning, 5 at night. One minute.
Lift a 5 lb dumbbell high and low 50 times, each arm, morning and night. That's three minutes.

 

[molotovmuffin]

Seems to me that SnarkySuccubus and PerfectlySexy agree on more than they disagree! :smile:



^^^^ This.

For twoton's wife who has no time to exercise, here are some ideas.
100 jumping jacks in the morning, 100 at night. That's four minutes.
5 pushups in the morning, 5 at night. One minute.
Lift a 5 lb dumbbell high and low 50 times, each arm, morning and night. That's three minutes.

Seriously! I will tell everyone that I have no time to do much of anything... but the truth is I'm choosing not to do anything. I got plenty of time, even if it's in short increments.

 

[Chaotica]

My wife works out four times a week. She does crossfit, so it's a combination of weight-training and cardio every time. She's done the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3-Day (a 60-mile walk) three times. She's run a half-marathon. We hike in the mountains regularly. She also eats about 75%-paleo (the exceptions are still "real-food" exceptions like cheese).

But she's both busty and very pear shaped. Big boobs, big hips, big thighs, big butt. She's 5'7" and about 230# right now.

Is she on any hormonal birth control?

 

[Lord of Orion]

She was off it for several years (I've had a vasectomy), but got back on it this year to control/regulate her cycles.

 

[PerfectlySexy]

After thinking about this some more, I'd recommend to twoton that his wife try some 5-HTP. I like this one because it has 5-HTP plus some b vitamins:

Amazon.com: Biotics Research - Neuro-5-HTP Plus 90C: Health & Personal Care

Take those between meals, maybe 1-2 between breakfast and lunch, again between lunch and dinner, and again before bed. See if that helps with the self-esteem, fatigue, aches, grumpiness, sleep issues (if there are any, and I'd bet there are), and cynicism. It may not be addressing the root of the problem, but it may clear up enough barriers that the other lifestyle changes appear more appealing. Whatever you try, good luck!

 

[jtmony]

If you're still taking suggestions, I would recommend Weight Watchers. My wife started together: me online, she weekly meetings. We started off doing very well. We counted points, learned portion control, and changed our lifestyle. We relocated to TX and she has completely come off the wagon. Whe has not made an attempt to locate a center, stopped counting points, and worst of all, stopped exercising. I admit, I jumped off too during a cruise for our daughter. I'm back on and see the results. My point is she has to decide to change and do something about it. I too call the BS card on no time for exercise. You make time now, or you wish you had during hospital visits later. You didn't mention age, but I can tell you the older you get, the harder it is for the weight to come off and the easier it is for you to make more excuses. Worst, it is easy for your body to fight against you...cancers and other illnesses come to mind. This is not to scare or to discourage you, but encourage you to keep at it with her. Support her by doing the shopping. Don't bring it in the house if you know it's bad for you, asking to go on walks with you or to the gym with you. Google "Eating according to Blood Type." I learned that my body has a hard time digesting red meat (AB+) and cut my intake of red meat by 75%. Also, select a time in the even to cut carbs, say 6 PM. I would finally ask her to see a nutritionist and 2 doctors. Doctor 1: check thyroid levels, doctor 2: Psych to check if there's an emotional underlining reason she eats: stress, depression, etc.

 

[Enid]

If you're still taking suggestions, I would recommend Weight Watchers. My wife started together: me online, she weekly meetings. We started off doing very well. We counted points, learned portion control, and changed our lifestyle. We relocated to TX and she has completely come off the wagon. Whe has not made an attempt to locate a center, stopped counting points, and worst of all, stopped exercising. I admit, I jumped off too during a cruise for our daughter. I'm back on and see the results. My point is she has to decide to change and do something about it. I too call the BS card on no time for exercise. You make time now, or you wish you had during hospital visits later. You didn't mention age, but I can tell you the older you get, the harder it is for the weight to come off and the easier it is for you to make more excuses. Worst, it is easy for your body to fight against you...cancers and other illnesses come to mind. This is not to scare or to discourage you, but encourage you to keep at it with her. Support her by doing the shopping. Don't bring it in the house if you know it's bad for you, asking to go on walks with you or to the gym with you. Google "Eating according to Blood Type." I learned that my body has a hard time digesting red meat (AB+) and cut my intake of red meat by 75%. Also, select a time in the even to cut carbs, say 6 PM. I would finally ask her to see a nutritionist and 2 doctors. Doctor 1: check thyroid levels, doctor 2: Psych to check if there's an emotional underlining reason she eats: stress, depression, etc.

The blood type thing is definitely helpful! I also follow WW points system which helps a lot, as well as staying as active as I can. It does not help having a chubby chaser BF though, will say that.

Another thing that helps me is I don't eat dinner, basically like ever.

But what hurts me dearly is that I love beer. Like LOVE it.