What do you think?....

Marius

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Alright, so I've been with my boyfriend for a year now. And for the first month, sex was great. But as time progressed, things went slightly down hill on our sex lives. We still enjoy our company together. We love spending time together, but I get really frustrated when there's that sexual tension between two people and he just doesn't want to.
We went on for a dry 2 months without having sex. And he does not like the idea of me masturbating or watching porn because he thinks we should experience it together. He never really initiates the sex, and its gotten a bit ... Boring? Not to mention he doesn't really like to make out. It bugs me because I don't feel what I'm supposed to be feeling when I kiss him or have sex with him. But I do love him.

He says I'm over reacting and we have had numerous arguments over the matter that our sex life lacks excitement. He said he wants to focus on the relationship, that sex is easy. But finding that special someone is hard. Which I totally agree.

And I do sometimes get a little bit bitchy when nothing goes on. It kind of Bums me out. Am I the one wrong here, am I asking too much? I'm glad to be with him, there are just things I wish to have with him.
 

Sklar

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It really comes down to this:

Your special someone will enjoy sex as much as you do.

Right now, you are making all the sacrifices and he isn't.

If the relationship is like this now and you're not happy, what's it going to be six months from now? A year? Two years?

People don't change. They just want to change you.

Sklar
 

Gisella

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yeap..things will not improve but get worse as time goes buy...

Red flags!..he is trying to control the situation, dictating what you can do or not..wow..no masturbation? wow..that's crazy.
 

Marius

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Now I know there is always two sides to a story and I'm trying my best to give out details to both sides.
I can understand both of us experiencing the passion. But.. Waiting 2 months?.. I can go a month. And I've told him before that I can wait a month, but that's if I were alone. It's quite different when you're with somebody.
What also bugs me is that there really is not much for me to go on to initiate since he's very ticklish and finds most spots too ticklish to enjoy. And making out to him, he says is an initiate to having sex, which he said he tries to avoid.
He explained to me that he lost his virginity in his twenties and he was kind of fooling around at that age and that he got to the point where it wasn't as important to finding a partner that he can love.

I'm trying my best not to sound like the sex crazed one. Which most of the times when I bring up the subject, it feels like that's all I want. When ever I get disheartened that he doesn't want to have intercourse, he gets bothered how my attitude changes. Which I admit gets a bit annoying. I can get in a "pouty" mood.

What's worse now is that he just moved to a city about an hour and a half away from me, and whenever I do spend the night of there. Nothing really goes on. We spend our time together, and nothing really happens. I leave a little bothered but I say to myself, maybe next week? And still nothing...

What's difficult now is that I broke up with him this past December, we got back together in January, and the reason I broke up for him was because I didn't have those feelings that he had for me.And now that I'm back together with him, I told him I did love him. Which I do. But I ask myself this from time to time, why does this relationship feel so weird?... Am I supposed to be this unhappy?

@sklar, I've asked myself this and he has changed a lot! And I wonder if its something that just takes time. But then I ask myself, should love really have taken a year for me to get these feelings?

@Gisella, every one will have their opinions of course, but I was stunned to see his reaction when I told him I was messing around with myself when he went on vacation for a week. We didn't speak to each other the whole time he was away.

Also another thing, for the first couple of months we had dated, I was in a little thing where I had to hide that I was living under the roof of a man that had taken advantage of me when I was drunk. I admit that I was semi cautious and that I took the opportunity to have sex. So I can't fully blame the alcohol. There are of course bits and pieces where it's a bit hazy but its still somewhat my fault. And I was hiding the fact that he had some involvement with me. And that some texts I would have to delete because he was sending rather.... Sexual content to my phone. I had set a date to move out since I was under the lease, and my living situation with my parents wasnt so great since I'm not really out to them and we had gotten into a huge fight. There was a lot of baggage and secrets when I first dated my partner. And I wonder if I might have made him the way he is.

There's a lot to this story...

About half way in our relationship, we have had unprotected sex numerous times. And then out of the blue, he starts to show symptoms and he had discharge. Later that week I had strep throat. We found out to both have chlamydia and ghonnorea.. I was tested negative, and so was he. So how that infection spread is still a mystery.....
Makes me wonder if he is has been 100% honest with me.
 
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milwjocknow

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I think you should run like your ass is on fire.
I just left a 20 year relationship where this went on.
I regret it greatly, and wish I had those years back.
Now I have found out that he wasn't NOT interested
in sex.... He wasn't interested in sex with ME.
 

crushinonted

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I think everyone's pretty much said it already. Why on earth would you get back together with this guy? Mystery STDs? Come on! You're not sex crazy, but you are crazy.
 

Marius

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What are you getting out of this relationship? He won't even let you masturbate!
You need to 86 his ass and make room in your life for the guy who will come along and love you like you deserve to be loved.

Lol, I understand its a bit harsh. But if you think about it it does kind of make it a bit more "romantic" since both have had the same wait time, in a cheesy kind of way.
But I guess he's kind of engraved that in my head now haha.

I know it doesn't mean much anyways, but were on the phone and we discussed our issues about distance and its like he gave me permission... It just felt wrong. I still feel guilty for doing it and it kind of ruins it for me because I feel like he's hovering over my shoulder. And I'm the type of person that if I know I'm doing something wrong, it haunts me til its resolved.

He means well. And I know I should probably just leave. Wonder if its the relationship status or the feeling of being with someone that I'm afraid of losing.
But now it looks bad on me for saying "I love you" and then to just end it because of sex? I want to make him understand my situation, but all he gets out of it is that all I want is sex. He claims that my constant need for wanting to "always be together" or "can't keep ourselves away from each other" is lust. Well of course it is, but what i think he fears is that once that lust is gone, that the relationship will fade and die out.

He's not a bad guy, he may be arrogant sometimes but he's a very smart and lovable guy. And I have heard of couples having sexless relationships. The only problem is, I guess we aren't compatible in that area. Of course I'm still young, I'm only 21... I have much to learn...

I feel like I know my decision. But whether or not I take action is where I am currently at a loss...
 
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beretta8

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"He means well" That statement really pulls my rope. Can you honestly say you want to live on someone's "good intentions". He's either with you in the relationship or he isn't. It sounds like he's trying to treat you like a child. Giving you boundaries of what you can and can't do. I've been there in a past relationship, it went downhill fast. I wouldn't waste another thought on this guy.

The sooner you truly realize you have needs that need fulfilling, sex being one of them, you won't expect yourself to settle for less than what you need and deserve to give yourself. Do you think he considers your relationship with him at all? On any level? Here you are trying to work things out, looking for advice. Does he do the same for you?
 
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