what would you do??

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_625girth, Jul 2, 2010.

  1. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2007
    Messages:
    2,372
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    midwest
    cliff notes: I'm late 50's, wife early 50's(post menopausal). wife isn't interested in having sex with me anymore. "we're past that stage in our lives" well. maybe she is, but I am not. I have an ED problem, but nothing that can't be assisted with viagra, cialis. I am in good shape othewise, not overweight, look younger than my years. I still enjoy using my big cock, it makes me feel like a man to make love to a woman, and have a woman make love to me. we have discussed this very same thing a couple times. one time, she relented and we had sex or I should say I had sex, she pretty much laid there.

    if I try a little bit harder, I can probably score on one or 2 gals that are younger than me, both have shown an interest in me. both are very good looking, and sometimes I wish I was 20 yrs younger. I would definitely be trying to make the one of the two, my lady forever.

    my problem is my conscience. I mean, I took vows for fidelity. I don't want to hurt my wife, or either of these 2 gals. I just wanna get laid, and going to a "pro" is out. this is a small town, which is another problem. no matter where I go to get laid, eventually the odds are pretty good, I will get caught. don't want a divorce either. my wife needs me to take care of her, the house, cook, clean. she has low energy. has been tested for lupus a couple times, negative. fibromyalga(sp?) negative. she is overweight, which I think is part of my ED problem. I was talking to one of the above mentioned gals one nite. we had an arm around each other, and after awhile I was bone hard.

    what to do? I might live 20 yrs more, and don't want to be celibate?
     
  2. Boobalaa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2007
    Messages:
    5,674
    Likes Received:
    1,062
    Gender:
    Male
    Looks like you're stuck in that religious guilt trap complex..ya see..the more you "try" to repress feelings and urges..the more they unconsciously manifest themselves in behavior..On one hand you want to uphold those "vows for fidelity" while at the same time you want viagra and cialis...
    Then you say.."my wife needs me to take care of her, the house, cook, clean. she has low energy. has been tested for lupus a couple times, negative. fibromyalga(sp?) negative. she is overweight, which I think is part of my ED problem."..

    Well buddy,
    #1..going to internet sites like this is only exacerbating your feelings of guilt, lonliness and fantasizing lust. about probably scoring with younger girls..

    #2..Masturbate..Masturbate..Masturbate..
     
  3. alx

    alx
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2010
    Messages:
    1,065
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Take up a few hobbies?
     
  4. easytoremember55

    easytoremember55 New Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2009
    Messages:
    143
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    brisbane
    3) encourage her to get active and drop some pounds. You too, naturally. Being healthier increases how happy you are and can in turn improve your sex drives. Her dull outlook on life might just be a result of how depressive life is for her today.

    Just a thought. Whatever you do, don't live YOUR life unhappy just because someone else wants you to. Thats the way I intend on living anyway.
     
    #4 easytoremember55, Jul 2, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2010
  5. midlifebear

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2007
    Messages:
    5,908
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Nevada, Buenos Aires, and Barçelona
    Hmm . . . you took vows for fidelity and don't want to hurt your wife. But it appears, if your wife is no longer interested in sex, she's more than willing to make you suffer. I hope you are right and nothing is physically wrong with her. Try sending the wife to a fat farm for 6 months. If there's nothing physically wrong with her, losing weight will make a big difference in restoring her energy. Then again, if she's a whiner who's basically lazy and trying to grow larger than the living room couch . . . well, maybe it's time she got a job and learned to fend for her self.
     
  6. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2010
    Messages:
    3,291
    Likes Received:
    6

    Not so easy to do with lupus,it's incredibly debilitating and so is fybromyalgia which is incredibly painful thus making moving about and getting active difficult.

    OT

    Make do with your right hand....if your vows are important to you it won't be difficult to abstain from intercourse with others.

    Find tenderness other than penetration with your wife.
     
  7. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2010
    Messages:
    3,291
    Likes Received:
    6

    :eek:

    Didnt you see the part of OP where he mentioned his wife is ill?
     
  8. easytoremember55

    easytoremember55 New Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2009
    Messages:
    143
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    brisbane
    I don't know about you but i read the part where he said that she'd been tested for these and the results had come back negative. :biggrin1:
     
  9. John.Heath

    John.Heath New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2009
    Messages:
    42
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Good point here... if she's not willing to do her part of the marriage, which includes sexual relations, then you either need to seek it elsewhere or leave her. You can hook up with these other girls discreetly... if they're interested, explain the situation to them and be honest. If you're discreet, no one gets hurt...
     
  10. petite

    petite New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2010
    Messages:
    7,539
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    34
    Gender:
    Female
    First, I'd suggest seeing a sex therapist together. I'd insist on it. I'd tell her your happiness depends on it. If she says no, then...

    I'd tell her how much you love her, how much the years you've spent together have meant to you and how you want to spend many more with her, and how happy you are in the other aspects of your life. Then I would tell her that you have needs that aren't being fulfilled in your marriage and I'd tell her that you never want to deceive her because she means so much to you. Then I'd tell her that you want to ask for her permission to have a sexual relationship outside of your marriage.

    You have to be very careful about how you word your request, with lots of qualifiers like, "Please, just hear me out and don't answer right away, please just think it over first" and tell her that you love her and how important your relationship with her is to you, but you also have to tell her how much not having sex is affecting you, and that it is important to you.

    If she says yes to the sex therapist, and that still doesn't help, then I suggest you bring up this suggestion with your therapist's help, because I think it would go over better. You would need to discuss this alone with your sex therapist first, of course, before bringing it up.
     
  11. nakedone

    nakedone New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2009
    Messages:
    199
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    First of all, I believe that everyone, male or female, has the right to sexual pleasure, and that no one has the right to deny another person of that pleasure, even if that person is his/her spouse.

    If the situation were reversed and you were not able to give your wife the sexual pleasure she wanted and needed, would you do whatever was necessary to provide it for her? And, yes, I DO mean would you be williing for other men to fuck her if that is what she wanted?

    There are ways to have sexual satisfaction without finding other women to fuck. One of the others had the answer: MASTURBATION!!! Find some very stimulating photos, or whatever, and look at them while jacking-off and fantasizing about fucking whomever she is in the photos. You have the RIGHT to sexual pleasure, and if this is all the way you can get it, then go for it!
     
  12. alwaysguessing

    alwaysguessing New Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2010
    Messages:
    661
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northeast US
    Masturbation cannot provide the physical and emotional satisfaction that is derived from meaningful, intimate sex.
     
  13. big_tits4big_dicks

    big_tits4big_dicks New Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2010
    Messages:
    466
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    L.A, city of madness,
    If they keep testing her it's because something is really wrong, but they don't know what.

    You need to talk to her and explain that you need a physical relationship as well as emotional. This is very important in any relationship, even if it's not sex you need to be physically stimulated. A therapist may help her understand this if she wants to argue. But, what if she does just expect you to be celibate? I always tell my girlfriends to take care of their man, because if they don't some other woman will. Would she be open for you to have sexual relationships with others? I would expect that from my partner if they refuse to have sex with me. I don't think you should ditch your wife by any means, but any loving relationship needs compromise,
     
  14. big_tits4big_dicks

    big_tits4big_dicks New Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2010
    Messages:
    466
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    L.A, city of madness,

    Agreed. If it did wouldn't a lot more people be virgins?
     
  15. alwaysguessing

    alwaysguessing New Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2010
    Messages:
    661
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northeast US
    It might just be her attitude.
     
  16. big_tits4big_dicks

    big_tits4big_dicks New Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2010
    Messages:
    466
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    L.A, city of madness,

    I didn't know you were a doctor. This upsets me a lot, I guess because people have told me I was faking my health issues my whole life as well. Nope, I'm sick. People that are healthy are so lucky to have that! Making fun of us, or telling us we are faking is so mean...It drove me to try to kill myself once. If all the pain I am in is not real, will it ever go away? No one believed me, I felt dead I would be better off. But I got help and am doing better. Good thing this is not your wife.
     
  17. alwaysguessing

    alwaysguessing New Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2010
    Messages:
    661
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northeast US
    You don't need to be a doctor to diagnose a bad attitude.

    I'm not claiming that the evidence of her perfect health is irrefutable. I'm saying that there is a possibility, no matter how slight, that she could stand to improve upon her attitude. A person is doing himself a disservice if he believes that the only factor that can lead to poor health is some malicious disease that works outside of his control.

    If it were my wife I would have a lot more information and be able to make a more confident decision.
     
  18. adequate

    adequate Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2010
    Messages:
    340
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    50
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Tennesse
    I say go the counseling route. Talk to a specialist / therapist, the both of you. She has to see your point. I"m not a therapist, but I'd then suggest she offer up some sort of solution to your problem, your cards all laid out, she once felt the urges I'm sure that you still have. See a specialist, her talking to HER girlfriends doesn't constitute specialists either, in case she brings that up.
     
  19. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2007
    Messages:
    2,372
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    midwest
    I think I'll seek counseling first, and then depending on what they say of course, try to get her to go. what's funny or ironic, is she said early in our relationship that if she couldn't get it at home she would get it else where. and now, I'm the one looking elsewhere. and she never had to get it elsewhere, we both got and gave as good as any couple ever. we probably averaged sex 20 times a week thru most of the first 15 yrs of marriage. had 3 children. btw, been married for 32 yrs and with her 2 years before that. I didn't pop her cherry, but gave her first orgasm. I never let her down, when she wanted fucking, believe me I fucked her. we have slowly gone from "feast to famine"
     
Draft saved Draft deleted