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whats a good way to start doing anal?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Imported, Oct 14, 2003.

  1. Imported

    Gold Member

    Jan 1, 2000
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    wvu_kerq: My bf and I have been together a while now and we haven't done anal. He really wants it but I've never done it and I'm REALLY afreaid of it! I'm not totally opposed to it, but I'm exactly wetting myself at the idea of it either.
    Does anyone have any tips or advice for how I should start out? Like should I work up to it? And how?
  2. Imported

    Gold Member

    Jan 1, 2000
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    sammygirly: Go slow and don't be surprised if you can only take a few inches of him at first. It's not like vaginal sex. Forget everything you've seen in porn.

    You'll tense up naturally because it is so unnatural, and that's normal. Breathe and relax - and if it hurts, stop him, get accustomed, start again. If all you get is penetration the first few times - it's all good. Eventually, you'll relax enough to let him in more and more until you're actually having anal sex ;D

    Oh yes....and lube!!!!

    There's no natural lubricant in that area and you'll need the help. Just be sure to impress upon him to GO SLOWLY.

    Lastly, do not switch to vaginal sex after you've attempted anal sex. That's not sanitary at all.

    Good luck hun!
  3. jdoe86

    Gold Member

    Jun 17, 2003
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    Sunnyvale (CA, US)
    Two words: lube and patience
    DO NOT TRY TO RUSH IT! EVER! Take your time, listen to your body, if it hurts too much, STOP!
  4. Imported

    Gold Member

    Jan 1, 2000
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    9cyclops9: [quote author=sammygirly link=board=women;num=1066168850;start=0#1 date=10/14/03 at 19:20:48]Lastly, do not switch to vaginal sex after you've attempted anal sex.  That's not sanitary at all.

    Good luck hun!

    Or oral. Haha! Yuck.

  5. jdoe86

    Gold Member

    Jun 17, 2003
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    Sunnyvale (CA, US)
    Any questions about anal? Check out this site: http://www.puckerup.com/ It is run by Tristan Taormino- #1 expert in anal sex and a female.
  6. GottaBigOne

    Gold Member

    Feb 7, 2004
    Likes Received:
    New York
    me and my gf recently started doing anal and we had to go about it very very slowly. The whole process took about a week and consisted of a slow stretching of her anus.

    We bought this thing called a "anal beginners kit" which had three butt plugs of differing sizes, the final one being about 4" around at the flare. Still not close to me, but it was better than nothing.

    the trick is to get used to having something in your ass, so a good idea is to have the butt plug in while he's getting you off, so you may start to associate the feeling of having something in your ass with pleasure that makes it easier.

    also, think about maybe having him take a small dildo in his ass so he knows how it feels. I did it and it made me much more receptive to how my gf was feeling especially since i am much thicker than the dildo i had in me.
  7. Imported

    Gold Member

    Jan 1, 2000
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    Andrea: This is all excellent advice. Patience and time. KY jelly is the lube we use and is excellent. You cannot use too much lubrication.
    Be careful though - you may get to prefer anal intercourse. It is rather .... erm ... "intense".

    Andrea xxxx
  8. Imported

    Gold Member

    Jan 1, 2000
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    roedhunt: Golden rules:
    1.) Make sure you're free of poop.
    2.) Never go to the vagina next without cleaning.
    3.) Clean clean clean when done.
    4.) Tons of lubrication.
    5.) Have him go slooooooooooow.
    6.) Make sure YOU want to.
    7.) Make sure you are totally relaxed.
    8.) Use a condom (even if you are both STD free).
    9.) Have a patient man.
    10.) Have him use control (it's not a vagina).

    Once all above is accounted for, proceed.

    A real patient guy introduced me to anal sex. He made sure the time and place was perfect. He started with lube on his index finger. He also kept repeating, "anytime you are uncomfortable or you want me to stop, I'll stop."

    He rubbed up and down my perineum and then around the opening of the anus. He inched his finger in slooooowly. In and out before the sphincter muscle then past it when it was relaxed. That indeed was the hardest part. Once the finger went beyond it, it was very stimulating. After that, added fingers were used, and the movement went faster in and out. He used larger and larger items to get my anus wider.

    Then came (no pun intended) his penis. He went very slow and repeated his earlier comments. That first time was definitely awkward, but over time, it felt great. Even to this day, I use a dildo or anal beads for the added pleasure of masturbation.

    Good luck.
  9. GottaBigOne

    Gold Member

    Feb 7, 2004
    Likes Received:
    New York
    roed, hun, babe, girl, sweety

    Love to hear about girls enjoying anal sex. IS he a big guy? How did you get over that?
  10. Imported

    Gold Member

    Jan 1, 2000
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    roedhunt: [quote author=GottaBigOne link=board=women;num=1066168850;start=0#8 date=02/16/04 at 02:20:10]
    Love to hear about girls enjoying anal sex. IS he a big guy? How did you get over that?[/quote]

    I love to hear about GUYS loving anal sex. Most str8 guys don't because they think its only for gay men or they'll think of themselves as being gay... go figure.

    As for was he big.. it wasn't just "he".. it was "them"..hehe ::)

    Anyway.. this happened when I was about 17 or 18. And once it got thru the sphincter, size (to me anyway) didn't matter. Of course I mean girth not length. Even a 6" length has to be careful. I mean I really don't enjoy jumping face first into the headboard.

    Besides, to me anal sex is more for the tightness pleasure than the length. It can go slow or fast. Doesn't matter as long as it only goes in so far...

    Since that time, I have had the anal pleasure with about 8 or 9 men. Me personally, I absolutely loved the times when it was a sandwich. Oh shit did it feel great! Whahooo! hahaha :D There is NOTHING that compares to the sensation of two throbbing dicks moving inside you. Oh man.. I'd give up my two-headed dildo if I found another couple of guyfriends to do that again... :D
  11. GottaBigOne

    Gold Member

    Feb 7, 2004
    Likes Received:
    New York
    I think a lot of guys are missing out on anal pleasure just because they think it makes them gay. I'm not gay because I like things up my ass, I'm enlightened. Why do they think botoms like it up the ass? Because they want to please their boyfriends? No, because it feels amazing.

    People should try it at least a couple of times. You never know what you might like.

    Analingus is also something that shouldn't be shunned without trying it.
  12. Imported

    Gold Member

    Jan 1, 2000
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    Funkyfin2000: This guide should help you i would say :

    I'm sure that you've all heard the jokes
    that end something like this "If sex is a pain in the ass then you're doing
    it wrong". Believe it or not it does have some bearing on this tutorial.
    Anal intercourse should not be painful.

    Lack of preparation is probably the single
    biggest turn-off about anal intercourse. A typical scenario goes something
    like so. The couple decide to attempt anal intercourse but are not really
    fully prepared for it, he tries to push into her anus without much warning,
    she screams in shock and agony and ends up throwing herself away from the
    offending member and hits her head on the headboard. That's the end of anal
    sex in their relationship.

    With the proper preparations anal
    intercourse can not only be as safe as any other kind of sex, but at least
    as enjoyable if not more so than just regular intercourse. The anus can be a
    very erogenous zone and it contains more nerve endings than any other part
    of the body except for the clitoris. That said, I will also throw in my
    usual, this doesn't necessarily work for everyone comment. Some will find it
    enjoyable and others won't.

    There are a lot of people who get hung up on
    the "you're not sticking that thing in there" mentality. We have been so
    thoroughly conditioned to believe that touching our anus is bad never mind
    actually playing with it on purpose. I must confess that five years ago you
    would not have been able to convince me that I would ever have anal
    intercourse much less like it. And I do have to admit now that I do
    thoroughly enjoy it and it is a regular part of my sex life.

    There is no necessary medical reason for the
    perceived taboo against anal intercourse. If we are honest with ourselves
    the idea of doing something we're not supposed to is exciting. If you
    practice good hygiene there isn't anything repulsive at all about it. It is
    a good idea to make sure that you've gone to the washroom prior to
    commencing your anal play. If you desire you can use an enema if you so
    desire, but it isn't necessary. If you're really worried, hop in the shower
    together and lather each other up and then you can be assured that
    everything is as clean as possible.

    If you haven't been with your partner for a
    very long time, then you should certainly be using a condom for anal
    intercourse. Many couples will use a condom for anal intercourse anyway.
    It's not a good idea to go from anal sex to vaginal sex without first
    cleaning yourself very thoroughly. The bacteria that live in your rectum can
    really create havoc if they take up residence in the vaginal canal.

    Self Exploration
    Now that you are a little more comfortable
    with the fact that it's ok to be interested in anal sex you can start
    exploring your ass. If you've never had any experience with anyone playing
    with your ass you need to explore a bit on your own and see how it feels and
    get comfortable with the idea. In order to enjoy anal intercourse you have
    to be able to exercise control over your mind. If you are tense then your
    asshole is going to be closed tighter than a drum and nothing will be able
    to penetrate it. It is incredible just how big a part your mind plays in
    anal intercourse. I have experienced anal intercourse on numerous occasions
    and have enjoyed it thoroughly, however I have found that the times I've
    enjoyed it the most have been those times where I've been the one to
    initiate it. It seems to be so easy then, where on other occasions it is a
    bit more of struggle to get into the right frame of mind and relax.

    The best place to start your explorations
    would be in the bathtub. Draw yourself a nice warm bath and climb in.
    Alternatives would be the shower or even just lying down on your bed. Take
    your fingers and begin running them over the insides of your thighs and over
    your pussy. As you become comfortable, draw your legs up and run your
    fingers down the crack that run from your pussy to your anus. See how it
    feels when you lightly touch your anus with your finger. Try pushing several
    of your fingers down against your anus. If it feels pleasurable, you might
    want to try masturbating while your fingers are pushing down on your anus.

    If you find that this produces pleasurable
    feelings for you or you think that it might keep up the exploration. Take it
    nice and slow, there isn't any big hurry. The rectum is similar to an
    elastic pipe with a set of muscular rings at the end, the anus. The anus
    acts as a plug, to stop things from going out or letting them in. It
    tightens and loosens like purse strings on a bag and is fairly strong. The
    rectum can easily accommodate a large penis. Think about it, if the rectum
    can handle all your excrement then the smaller things like penises and
    fingers are really not a problem. The rectum is a sturdy flexible organ and
    isn't going to be hurt by fingers or a penis or other similar objects unless
    there is intent to hurt. Before inserting a finger into your anus make sure
    that your fingernails are cut short and don't have any sharp edges as they
    could easily scratch or tear the tissue inside the rectum and that won't be
    a fun feeling at all.

  13. Imported

    Gold Member

    Jan 1, 2000
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    Funkyfin2000: cont.....

    Exploring Your Ass
    After some preliminary touching you will
    find that you want to move on and actually insert a finger into your anus.
    At this point it is a good idea to have some good lubricant on hand. I
    personally would recommend a lubricant that is water soluble. I have been
    advised by some of my readers that Vaseline is also an acceptable lubricant
    as the rectum is a self-cleaning organism, unlike the vagina.

    Make yourself comfortable on your bed or
    whatever spot you've chosen for your exploration and bend your legs slightly
    bringing your feet closer to your ass. Using one hand get into a comfortable
    rhythm of masturbation and take a finger of the other hand, usually the
    index or the middle finger works best, and apply the lubricant of your
    choice to it. Gently start to push the tip of your finger into your anus.
    You will feel it give way and your finger will go in a little ways. To
    insert the finger further you need to keep pushing gently and try to relax
    your anus. This will enable you to get past the thick muscle and into the
    rectum. This may feel a bit uncomfortable at first, and there may be a
    little bit of a burning sensation or irritation. This is a normal response,
    just try to relax your ass completely and continue the masturbation with
    your other hand. If you want to, bring yourself to climax with your finger
    still in your rectum and see how it feels. If this feels good to you, then
    by all means continue with your exploration. If it doesn't feel good then
    withdraw the finger and try again another time. Take all the time you need
    to become comfortable with yourself.

    If you have enjoyed yourself so far, then
    you might want to try wiggling your finger around inside your rectum and see
    what it feels like. The inside of the rectum is very soft and comfy. I find
    it's a rather interesting sensation. Try moving your finger around in
    different directions and see what different movements feel like. If you have
    your fingers from your other hand inside your pussy you can push them
    towards each other and feel them pushing on walls that separate them.
    Eventually you will want to stretch the rectum a bit more so that you can
    prepare for your partner's cock at a later point.

    One way to do this is to try sliding another
    finger into your rectum to join the first one and to try spreading the
    fingers as far apart as you can. Only do what feels comfortable for you.
    Don't feel that you have to accomplish everything in the same day. You may
    do better if you explore a bit at a time over several days. Practice tensing
    and relaxing your anus around your fingers.

    More than fingers
    Now that you are comfortable with fingers,
    it's time to move on to something a bit more realistic. A good dildo is
    excellent to practice with. You can obtain one at a love shop or order from
    many places on the internet. I would recommend one made of plastic rather
    than latex. Latex dildos are difficult to clean and have soft pores that
    bacteria could be harboured in. Don't use anything with sharp edges or that
    can easily break.

    On your own try inserting the dildo into
    your ass gradually, making sure that it is well lubricated. Try pushing it
    in and out of your anus while you masturbate yourself with the other hand. I
    have found that if I'm already excited from masturbating it is much simpler
    to push the dildo further into my anus.

    From this point you can move on and involve
    your partner in the exploration process. Make sure that he is aware that you
    are setting the pace and not to rush the whole process. He will be greatly
    rewarded by the results of patience when he finally gets to experience your
    ass, especially if this will be a first for you.

    There are a couple of ways to get your
    partner involved in the exploration of your ass. They are postillioning and

    Postillioning is the insertion of fingers
    into the anus and may involve massaging it and the rectum. At it's most
    extreme you can end up with anal fisting, but that's a whole topic on it's

    The insertion of your partner's fingers into
    your anus is a great lead up to the ultimate of anal sex or it can even be a
    pleasant enhancement to regular intercourse. This allows your partner to
    become familiar with how you may react during anal sex. It gives him a
    chance to explore your body with you.

    Normally, I find that the index or middle
    fingers work the best, being a little longer than the others and stronger as
    well. Don't forget the lube! Run your fingers over the anal opening,
    kneading and pressing against it. You can use a circular motion if you like.
    It's just like giving a massage, you are helping the area around the anus to
    relax. Make the insertion by pressing gently and firmly inwards, wiggling
    the tip of your finger as necessary. At this point if your partner is
    comfortable and relaxed the finger should slide in fairly easily. On the
    other hand, if the ass is tense then your finger will not make any headway
    at all. You and your partner will have to decide at this point whether or
    not to continue or to perhaps leave it and come back to it another time.

    Once your finger is past the anal opening
    you will feel the thick, strong, muscular ring which is the anus and beyond
    it, the soft sides of the rectum. You will need to keep at least your
    fingertip beyond the anus or the contraction of the muscle could just force
    the finger right out. When your finger is inside explore a bit, pushing the
    finger as far in as it will go, flicking back and forth.

    A great way to enhance this exploration
    would be to suck on your partner's clit or stick your other fingers in her
    pussy. I have found that this combination makes for some pretty powerful
    orgasms. There is nothing better than having his mouth wrapped around my
    clit and fingers wiggling in my ass. It's a great feeling.

    Now for the other way to explore the rear
    end. This method is typically called rimming or can also be known as
    "analingus". It involves kissing, licking and sucking the anus. A lot of
    people have a problem with this concept since we've been taught for so long
    that we're not supposed to play with our asses, that they are dirty and bad.
    There is the possibility of getting VD or hepatitis from an infected person
    but the primary fears of rimming are mainly to do with smell, taste and
    personal preference. If these things are a concern to you, then perhaps the
    ideal time for this sort of exploration would be right after getting out of
    the shower. You can also buy dams, which are made from latex, very similar
    to the dams they use in the dental offices, only a lot thinner. You would
    apply this to the area, so that you would not be coming in direct contact
    with the person's ass but they would still get all the great sensations.

  14. Imported

    Gold Member

    Jan 1, 2000
    Likes Received:
    Funkyfin2000: cont....

    Analingus works so well because the anus
    opening is so incredibly sensitive and the lips and tongue are warm and
    expressive. It's easy to do and can be done in any positions where the
    buttocks can be spread far enough apart to admit the tongue. Run your tongue
    over the anus, licking it in soft wet strokes or circle it, running your
    tongue around the edge of it slowly and delicately. You can flick the tip of
    your tongue rapidly over the opening or try inserting your tongue as far as
    it will go pushing and stroking it back and forth. Try brushing your lips
    over the spot or sucking hard on the anus. If you are being rimmed try to
    push down the anus and relax the anus as if you were shitting, it will
    expand a little outward giving your partner more area to caress or nibble
    at. Use your imagination and experiment. Just remember to pay attention to
    your partner's reactions to your different techniques.

    First Time Position
    Now we can get into the really fun stuff...
    positions, positions, positions. Your positions should only be limited by
    your physical ability to get in and out of them and by what feels
    comfortable. Some positions will work wonderfully for some and not for
    others. It's up to you to determine which ones work best. I will give you a
    few suggestions to start with.

    The first one and probably the most
    important one in my mind is with the woman on top facing toward the man. I
    say this because if it's your first time experiencing anal sex, this
    position will allow you to have control of the insertion of his penis into
    your ass. This was what I used for my first anal experience and I felt
    comfortable because I had the control over how far his penis was going or
    not going to penetrate me. I could stop when I felt I needed time to adjust
    to the sensation and then continue when I felt ready to. This is still my
    all time favorite position.

    Ladies, all you need to do is to straddle
    your partner facing toward him. Make sure that you've got lots of lubricant
    applied to his penis and to your ass. You want to be able to have his penis
    slide in smoothly. Grasp his penis firmly and position the head at the
    opening of your anus. Hold it in place while you gently push your ass down
    against it. It will move fairly smoothly for the first little bit and then
    you are going to encounter some resistance, this is where the muscular ring
    is. To get past this point, you really need to relax and push down gently
    until you feel it pop past the muscle. Now, you might want to take a minute
    here to absorb how it feels so far. You may feel like you're going to shit
    yourself. This is a normal feeling and you don't actually shit yourself.

    One of my readers had suggested that
    breathing plays a very big role in successful anal intercourse. It has been
    their experience that a woman will have a much easier time of it if she
    controls her breathing. If the woman takes a deep breath and exhales slowly
    during the initial penetration it makes the act more pleasurable for both

    Once you've adjusted, try pressing down
    further on his penis, taking more inside your ass. This is a good time for
    your partner to play with your breasts, stroke and play with your pussy or
    whatever else works for turning you on. The more sexually excited you are
    the less attention you are going to pay to any discomfort you might feel.
    Then you can start moving up and down on his penis, letting it slide in and
    out of your ass. You are in complete control and can wiggle side to side,
    move up and down as slow or as fast as you'd like. You can also control the
    depth and force of penetration.

    When you're comfortable with this, you may
    allow your partner to become more of a participant instead of having him
    remain passive. It's all up to you and ladies I don't think that he's going
    to argue too much, especially if this is something that he's been wanting to
    do and is finally getting the opportunity.

    Other Positions
    Here are some other positions that you can
    try out to see what you like best.

    Doggie Style:
    This position that works so well for regular
    vaginal intercourse is also a good choice for anal intercourse as well.
    Kneel on your knees and elbows, remembering to relax your ass. Your partner
    kneels directly behind your ass, facing towards you. He will then bend
    forward guiding his penis to your anus opening and gently pushes it inside.
    Entry is made easier if you try to draw his penis into your ass as he is
    pushing. Your partner can then move his penis around inside your ass by
    thrusting his hips forward and back, while you either remain still or can
    move your hips from side to side. This position allows for fairly easy and
    deep penetration.

    Full Front:
    In this position the woman lies on her back
    and pulls her knees up as close to her chest as she can manage and then
    rests her feet on her partner's shoulders. The man pushes down on her face
    to face. If required a pillow can be inserted under the woman's pelvis to
    raise it higher up. The man can also push the woman's feet up over her head.
    This position allows for easy and deep penetration.

    In this position both partners are standing
    facing the same direction. The woman can then bend over at the waist (it is
    a good idea to use a wall or chair or something for support). This can also
    be accomplished from a kneeling position at the edge of the bed. Depending
    on the height difference some adjustments may need to be made. This position
    is a convenient one for outdoor use and allows easy penetration and full
    movement provided there is something solid to hang on to.

    Flat on stomach:
    In this position, have the woman lay flat on
    her stomach (use a pillow to raise the hips if needed). This allows the
    woman to relax more fully and her hand are free to move wherever they like.
    Since the man will lay on top of the woman he can also be more relaxed and
    have freer hand movements. The penetration in this position is not as easily
    accomplished and thrusting is difficult. The woman is also fairly restricted
    in her movement.

    Side by Side:
    From the position above, the partners can
    fairly easily roll over onto their sides, both facing the same way, drawing
    one leg up. This position allows for greater relaxation of the bodies and
    hands are free to explore and caress. Entry is easy and penetration is
    fairly deep for this position. Movement can be rather limited, although
    vigorous thrusting is possible once you get used to the posture of the

    Side by Side - facing together:
    This is another variation to the two
    previous positions. In this particular position, the partners lie on their
    sides facing one another. The man must extend his pelvis in between the
    woman's bent legs. This position allows deep entry and the hands are free
    for exploration. This position is also a little more intimate and allows for
    kissing and eye contact to take happen. Movement is fairly easy once
    insertion is made.

  15. Imported

    Gold Member

    Jan 1, 2000
    Likes Received:
    jessinathensga: I agree with everything most people have said....as a women that really likes anal sex. I have had many guys both big and small...anally it didnt really matter... go very slow and I would say...if you are close....then actually cumming inside is the best thing about it...I know this is not agreed on by all....but I would say that the bigger the guy the more the cum and thats what is amazing about anal...oh well Ive said my peice...
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