Why are bi guys so flakey?

[Widenla]

I'm married and secretly bi. I don't really hook up with guys, as much as I really want to, because I'm too nervous about STIs.

Occasionally I chat with a guy who seems like my type and seems safe. But they always flake when it's time to meet.

Is it because I'm too cautious and want to take it slow and ensure there's chemistry?

Maybe it's because I prefer bi guys like myself and neither of us can host.

Long ago I accepted that I'd never find a regular friend I could suck. But then I'll meet someone who will give me hope before he flakes too.

 

[MilfBanger78]

Happens a lot...My theory is usually bc many are married/attached so free playtime is limited, and maybe they get cold feet.... and yeah hosting is a major issue these days....seems tons of guys online wanna do car-hookups, which is outta the question for me.

 

[328982]

I'm married and secretly bi. I don't really hook up with guys, as much as I really want to, because I'm too nervous about STIs.

Occasionally I chat with a guy who seems like my type and seems safe. But they always flake when it's time to meet.

Is it because I'm too cautious and want to take it slow and ensure there's chemistry?

Maybe it's because I prefer bi guys like myself and neither of us can host.

Long ago I accepted that I'd never find a regular friend I could suck. But then I'll meet someone who will give me hope before he flakes too.

Maybe because you're both ambivalent about it and have too much to lose?

 

[bi20sman]

my experience has been if the other person is not in an open relationship or single then they are unreliable (not all but most of the time). I think it is simple if you are cheating on someone then you have a high risk, can't host, times are hard to stick to, and at the end many back out just because it is not worth it to them.
I can't blame them, but I will avoid a married guy if I know he is cheating. I think it also tells me not to trust them. Do that they get tested or even use condoms. Not worth the risk for me.

To much hiding and lying for me when I can find a open Bi or Gay guy have fun and not be so worried about it all.
Like hunghorse30 posted "too much to lose"

 

[elklindoxxx]

I stay away from married people. It's not worth the effort.

Plus you don't want to get caught cheating by your wife. Try explaining to your wife why you are gay. It's most likely that they will not understand why you are gay. I once came out to a girl who I was in a long term relationship and who I thought was going to be my wife. And she mused..."you dick guys in the ass, I thought you only liked girls?" It was pretty much done after that

 

[Black_Frost]

I doubt it actually has much, if anything, to do with being Bi. People are flaky in general.

I, also, tend to stay away from married people and people in relationships, unless I know for sure the other partner is aware and gives permission. And even then, I tend to be shy about them. Primarily because I've seen so many relationships where one partner wants to have an open marriage / relationship, and the other goes along not because they're okay with it, but because they're afraid they're going to lose the person they're in love with if they don't.

That...generally leads to an inevitable dramasplosion and nasty emotional fallout. Wave off. Danger Will Robinson.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

You're looking to cheat on your woman.

You're looking for other guys who similarly seek to cheat on their women.

And you're surprised that these guys turn out to be unreliable?


Knock it off and grow up. If you are having issues over hosting... it's because you are trying to hide this from the women who you know full well have an expectation of fidelity on your part.


That is underhanded, self absorbed, and literally endangering the woman in your life.


Either get her consent ( in which case the hosting problem evaporates ) or give up on you fantasies of having Both sexual interestes satisfied.

Learn to commit... or do not make commitments.

 

[kyle2457]

It's the internet. There is virtually no consequences for them to back out of something.

No one has the same reason to want to hook up with another guy and back up at the last minute, so let's not delve into this discussion too much. But regardless, that's the risk of wanting to hook up with someone.

 

[swimmersox]

It's easy to come across as flaky if you're bi.
I think the reason is that much as we really WANT to be either fully gay or fully straight (I know that I wish for that), it just never works. And that means, if you're with a woman seriously, you almost always have to hide or agree to squelch your attraction to guys (no matter how progressive or enlightened she may be). And while if you're bi and in a relationship with a guy, the guy may be understanding, but hey, admitting attraction to women can't help but make you seem to him to be a little, well, flaky.

 

[lookingforwisdom]

I think Phil got it right. You can't get on the train and stay on the platform. You have to commit. I am struggling with some of that as well. You can not live a double life. What is it that you truly want / need? What can you do without, your wife or your fuck buddy? You might not have to choose... but that is really where Phil pinpointed your conundrum, sit down with your wife and tell her that you want to have recreational gay sex, she might be OK with it, but then again she might tell you. she wants to do the same.

Then if you both are smart you will consider the consequences of fucking around? For instance does the play thing have any STDs? A persons word is not good enough you will have to insist on a very recent blood test. Remember when you fuck her she is fucking everyone you have ever been with and you are fucking whomever she has been with.

I suspect that the 1% gay part of you will not convince the 99% straight part that the long term risk is not worth the short term reward.

The consequences are ponderous and incurable.

I have been with many women and a few men and I have given my current wife an STD (HSV-2) that I did not know I had. I might have contracted it while I was just fucking whomever I could fuck back in my 20s. it might have happened because my former wife was doing the same. It might have been because we decided to try to work out our problems and have group sex with friends and neighbors. Who knows all I know is my former wife is now a former wife and my current wife is suffering from my selfishness.

Just by looking at this forum and putting down these thoughts, I have convinced myself that I should not attend an upcoming JO event or conduct myself in a promiscuous manner ever again. 1. I do not want to spread around my STD. 2. I do not want to collect another STD.

I am "lookingforwisdom" because I am at a cross road. My turn signal is on but I am pretty sure I want to continue on the road that got me here.

This session has been therapeutic for me and I hope helpful to you. Thanks to Phil for his wisdom.

 

[pursine]

Ah flakey, I like that euphemism. Calculating is more accurate. In the heat of the moment someone posts a message to someone else on a social media platform and then, later, has second thoughts about it; when there is less testosterone flooding their senses. Then they have time to consider the potential implications of their behaviour. Bisexual men like that are most likely to be in relationships with women, which are not open relationships. Don't take it personally, they are probably really into you, in a NSA way. However, maintaining heteronormativity is a real bore! That's why I prefer cruising or saunas. You lose the layer of administration, as well as the paper trail.

 

[Altoid]

like @pursine said, in the heat of the moment and usually after some edging, i'm down to meet up. when i stop strokin and start showering and thinkin about it i start to panic too, mostly about safety and stds. something freaks me out more when i give address and they dont show but have all my info

 

[DenverFunHunk]

Hello All, at the risk of demonstrating my nievite', if I understand correctly, the STD/I risk factor...Increases considerably for The person on the 'bottom' of an oral or anal 'Transaction'. So if you only 'received' oral sex 'without protection' of course. Not that protection is perfect... I'm thinking if's unprotected, then it's just that... Full Circle. The safest then would be stroking each other, but no sucking...
I've been monogamous with my wife for 16+ years, so I should be a pretty safe 'suck... Maybe? Got it...

 

[1241586]

As a bi guy, I prefer to have sex and be in relationships with bi guys. Yet the rule of thumb for me is never get involved with a bi or straight guy who's in a relationship with a straight woman, not even for friendship.

Heterosexual women are the worse homophobes and biphobes out there (even when they claim to be the worlds best LGBTI ally). A real or perceived male lover or fuck of their husband or boyfriend is worse than the other woman in their eyes.

 

[latinluva]

When I first started dating my wife, I tried hooking up with a bi guy and his gf. Gave them my address and info, shared some pics with them (if there really was a them). Anyways, set up a date and got a no show. A few days later, my mailbox was full of my nude pics, face and all. My wife (gf at the time) laughed at me and said,"Guess you'll know better next time".

 

[MrTMT]

To answer the original poster (posted 2 years ago), I don't think bi-guys are flaky. It would be too generalization for the rest of bi-guys. What I've noticed missing in the equation is the male/male bonding of relationship, general friendship in general. Once that relationship is formed and growth, the rest would just falling in its place. I'm in similar situation with Widenla, I've had thought of searching out other bi-guy who is in relationship/married, because, both would understand the arrangement and would be safe and secure emotionally. Of course, the attractions/chemistry, similarity in wants/needs that each guy provide to one another is a must. Been passing through this, I've gathered that things would work out when the condition is there.

 

[Pumpme]

It's not just bi guys.....I think its guys in general

 

[CandyAssCockSucker]

You have a lot of nerve calling bi guys flakes when you are cheating on your wife. Wow!