Why top OR bottom?

AlexDB9

Cherished Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Mar 7, 2009
Posts
1,059
Media
18
Likes
401
Points
268
Location
United States
Verification
View
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
Of my relationships, people have often asked "who's the bottom?" My answer: "we don't do the top/bottom thing." The first guy who popped my cherry was vers and I thought everyone was like that. I found out most guys (when it came to anal intercourse) would only do one or the other.

I was lucky in my last relationship; he was totally vers like me. Back out in the dating world, I was reminded how rare this was. Anyone who said he was vers was usually a bottom. In the past I've dated total bottoms and total tops but not long-term. I'm currently dating a total top who has been sticking dildos up his ass to prepare for me. I told him I didn't want him to do it out of obligation.

In my experience (and I'm not exactly young) I haven't run into many other guys who were actually versatile. When people pry and I tell them I'm vers, they often accuse me of being a bottom with baggage. I assure them that if I was a total bottom, I'd be brazen. The number of guys who are totally vers like me seem mighty slim.
 
Last edited:

StuJr

Legendary Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
May 4, 2012
Posts
643
Media
5
Likes
1,332
Points
313
Verification
View
I think I'm one of those elusive versatile guys as well. My first long term relationship, I was mostly a top, and would bottom a few times. My partner was a bottom.

In my next relationship, my partner was a complete top, and let me top him only once, but he didn't like it. So I bottomed for several years.

Now, I'm definitely more vers. My partner likes to bottom, but also likes to top, and a few times we've flip fucked during our sex sessions.

The feeling is different but fantastic either way. I'm surprised more guys aren't versatile because you get the best of both worlds. the prostate stimulation and the cock head stimulation.
 
  • Like
Reactions: orangeC

slurper_la

Superior Member
Joined
Jul 6, 2008
Posts
5,860
Media
9
Likes
3,687
Points
333
Location
Los Angeles (California, United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Of my relationships, people have often asked "who's the bottom?" My answer: "we don't do the top/bottom thing." The first guy who popped my cherry was vers and I thought everyone was like that. I found out most guys (when it came to anal intercourse) would only do one or the other.

I was lucky in my last relationship; he was totally vers like me. Back out in the dating world, I was reminded how rare this was. Anyone who said he was vers was usually a bottom. In the past I've dated total bottoms and total tops but not long-term. I'm currently dating a total top who has been sticking dildos up his ass to prepare for me. I told him I didn't want him to do it out of obligation.

In my experience (and I'm not exactly young) I haven't run into many other guys who were actually versatile. When people pry and I tell them I'm vers, they often accuse me of being a bottom with baggage. I assure them that if I was a total bottom, I'd be brazen. The number of guys who are totally vers like me seem mighty slim.

I'm versatile AND in Los Angeles too so......

:tongue:

.
 
  • Like
Reactions: AlexDB9

FuzzyKen

Sexy Member
Joined
Nov 10, 2006
Posts
2,045
Media
0
Likes
97
Points
193
Gender
Male
The problem here is definitions.

Though I am an absolute top or dominant individual during sex it does not mean that I always have to plow a rear end. It is far more than what the sex act chosen happens to be it relates really far more towards dominance or passive behavior.

In my single days I loved encountering "power bottoms" because the dominance over the other individual became far more intense. In cases like that there is a great deal of fun to be had. Thinking back some years there was a fellow named Tom. He wanted to be fucked in the worst way and he wanted to control it. He was a blast because he would try to exert dominance and yet what he really wanted was to be dominated. He was far more turned on if the other person would not let him take control and in fact controlled him. He was one who demanded slam bam and rough but would be screaming at the top of his lungs when he was worked up over a period of hours which was what I preferred to do to him. I found him to be far more fun when he had absolutely no control at all and was played like a Stradivarius Violin. He would get more and more turned on and I would have him screaming and gushing pre like a fire hydrant before I would let him get off in any way.

In my earlier years I did try bottoming and it did not work for me in any way. Being submissive and or receiving anal was a total turn off for me. Part of the excitement and the fun was in some ways the dominance and taking control away. I think that there is a little of that in all tops.

Versatile would tend to imply that there is no preference for or against any form of sex or sexual role. A person in this position would just tend to "go with the flow".

My life-partner is a total bottom sexually and wants to be dominated. For us this is what works. Personally I see great advantages to those who are able play either role because I think it would open up more possibilities as far as sex partners or availability of them.

If you go by various meeting sites one would tend to think that versatile is probably the most common. I think the problem we all encounter however is definitions as I stated in the opening line.
 

Steven115

Sexy Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Nov 13, 2011
Posts
181
Media
22
Likes
74
Points
213
Age
47
Location
Olivehurst (California, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
I don't like the whole top OR bottom thing at all. I believe if a guy is willing to give dick, he should be willing to take dick! Yes I am versatile and always have been. I love to have my dick sucked and to fuck a guy. But I also love to suck his dick and take what he has to give. It's not really a matter of "It's only fair". It is just what feels right to me.
 

AlexDB9

Cherished Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Mar 7, 2009
Posts
1,059
Media
18
Likes
401
Points
268
Location
United States
Verification
View
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
I understand what you're saying Ken, it's not just about anal intercourse. Personally, I want someone to be my equal in and out of the bedroom. Yes, if you were to believe the labels guys apply to themselves on the sites you'd think a bunch of them are vers but it's usually not so. Vers=bottom in most cases; one kiss and their ankles get helium.

It's this: after 12 years with a vers guy who WAS my equal in and out of the bedroom, it's been frustrating navigating the sea of guys who either want to dominate or be dominated by me. The guy I'm dating is a top in bed but pretty submissive otherwise. When I met my ex it was such a relief not to have to deal with all that "role" bullshit. "You're the top, you make the decision," said a guy on a date last year. Like nails on a chalkboard. I'm well aware that I'm in the minority and it seems to work for most.

As we speak, my total top BF is shoving objects up his ass, probably out of resentful obligation. I never told him to do this but he wants to make me happy. I told him it won't work unless he wants it. Sigh.

****Edit

The first time I went all the way with a guy he fucked me. Not long after that, he sat on my cock; he leaned back and I watched it disappear into his ass. He was a lot of fun. He set the bar pretty high.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: WillyLong

davidjh7

Expert Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2006
Posts
2,607
Media
0
Likes
111
Points
283
Location
seattle
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
First, as far as the personality traits go, I am versatile. When I am in a relationship with someone, I want a PARTNER, not someone who requires I tell him what to do, or that I require to tell me what to do. In the bedroom, I am more top simply because that is how my pleasure centers are wired. I have and will bottom for my guy and enjoy the experience because we are sharing a sexual intimate experience. PHYSICALLY, however, it does nothing for me. Once I have been "broken in" after a long period without, I have no problems doing it, but despite a great deal of frustrating trials with and without a partner involved, I have had to accept this is how my body works. I personally believe both people in a relationship should be happy to WANT to do either, for the sake of caring for their partners wants and needs--not HAVE to, but want to. And I think there should be equality in and out of the bedroom. This doesn't mean that people shouldn't have and enjoy their preferences, just not be totally selfish about them. That's my standpoint, right or wrong.
 
  • Like
Reactions: WillyLong

Infernal

Superior Member
Joined
Sep 19, 2008
Posts
3,564
Media
7
Likes
5,138
Points
593
Age
54
Location
Phoenix, Arizona, United States of America
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
My first boyfriend had it in his mind that I was going to be a bottom. I hadn't ever done anal sex, so I thought I would give it a try. After a few months I decided being a full time bottom really wasn't for me. I flipped him over and pounded the hell out of him one night. From that point on we were both pretty versatile. Eventually I moved towards being more top and that was all I did for many years. My partner is total bottom, and while he has expressed interest in fucking me, we've never really pursued it past talking. In general, I would consider myself versatile, but things just haven't worked out where that is what happens. I'm ok with it though.
 

AlexDB9

Cherished Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Mar 7, 2009
Posts
1,059
Media
18
Likes
401
Points
268
Location
United States
Verification
View
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
My first long relationship with a man who wouldn't let me top him for 2 years. I finally flipped him over, popped his cherry, and the big bad Marine turned into a pussy boy. After that we were both vers. My 2nd relationship was with someone who was a total top for all the wrong reasons; a revolting power trip. At the beginning he told me he was vers which turned out to be a lie. We never went "all the way" (only oral) until we moved in together. After that I found the perfect man who was vers and married him.
 

AlexDB9

Cherished Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Mar 7, 2009
Posts
1,059
Media
18
Likes
401
Points
268
Location
United States
Verification
View
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
I would consider myself versatile, but things just haven't worked out where that is what happens. I'm ok with it though.

I may have to adjust my thinking to line up with this. Finding another vers partner who does it for me and is an equal in and out of bed seems to be a tall order. I want the whole meal: the appetizer, soup, salad, intermezzo, entree, dessert.
 
Last edited:

Exbiker

Superior Member
Joined
Jun 17, 2010
Posts
3,182
Media
10
Likes
2,848
Points
258
Location
Ascot (Windsor and Maidenhead, England)
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
I think it might be an American thing.

Most I meet seem to be versatile, albeit with a more or less strong inclination one way or the other.

It must be something to do with very complex processes of generation of self identity. And perhaps interactions between sexuality and other kinds of symbolism. Eg I get involved in BDSm, sometimes wearing various kinds of clothing for sex which definitely work by reference to broader social symbols - military, sport, authority figures etc.

I think for some people it's simpler and easier for them to focus on one role. Everyone must make their own choices, and that's fine. It is something to celebrate more than question... ...perhaps. But I also share the wondering about it :- are people cutting themselves off from certain experiences, for no real reason ... ?
 
Last edited:

TomCat84

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 23, 2009
Posts
3,414
Media
4
Likes
171
Points
148
Location
London (Greater London, England)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Personally, I want someone to be my equal in and out of the bedroom.

Bullshit. Just because someone is a total bottom in the bedroom doesnt mean he isnt the other persons equal. My current boyfriend is 100% top- and Im fine with that. He's very dominant in the bedroom, but that doesnt mean Im not his equal when hes slamming the fuck out of me. I still control the tempo, pace, roughness, etc. We arent in a master slave situation. He tends to make more of the decisions on where to go to eat, drink, etc- but mostly because I have a knack for planning dates that go awry. This bullshit about how bottoms arent equals has to end. Like to get your hole slammed? Perfect! Mazel Tov! It's not a bad thing, and it doesnt make you a lesser person!
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: summoner

AlexDB9

Cherished Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Mar 7, 2009
Posts
1,059
Media
18
Likes
401
Points
268
Location
United States
Verification
View
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
Bullshit. Just because someone is a total bottom in the bedroom doesnt mean he isnt the other persons equal... It's not a bad thing, and it doesnt make you a lesser person!

I never said a bottom is a lesser person. I'm 50% bottom and love to get plowed as much as you do. In the bedroom, I want balance. I want it all. Out of the bedroom, I do too. For some reason I attract submissive bottoms which doesn't mean I believe all bottoms are submissive. Right now I'm dating a submissive top. I never knew there was such a thing. I'm kind of an alpha dog but I like someone who can match me. Presently, I'm on my back in the bedroom and make all the decisions out of it and am having fantasies of that elusive balance both in an out. I've had it so I know it exists. I don't know why that's bullshit.