Why top?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by DiscoBoy, Apr 28, 2009.

  1. DiscoBoy

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    Sorry if I shouldn't be creating this thread under this section, but I figured the whole top-bottom dimension was a central part of gay relationships.

    So this is something I've been wondering about a lot recently, but why does one choose to be solely a top? I mean, what are the incentives (other than the obvious physical pleasure)? Is it the sense of power and control? Do you just simply not enjoy being the bottom? Or do you just refuse to be the bottom because you may see it as emasculating?
    Also, would it be safe to assume that tops are more common amongst bisexual men than homosexual men?
    Not trying to put tops in a negative light (there's already so few of you!), but I'm simply curious, why top?

    I'm sure this thread has been done over and over again and I apologize for redoing it. I did try the Search function though, but my search for 'top' yielded "no matches".
     
  2. MarkLondon

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    I don't bottom 'cos I don't like it. I do top guys, but there's got to be more sexual chemistry between us than just that.

    In my experience older bi/married men are usually looking for something that their wife/gf can't give them and are more likely to want to bottom if it gets to anal. They can be very good at it too, less passive than 100% bottom guys.

    With young, unpartnered bisexuals though, it may well be case they're more likely to want to top.
     
  3. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    I'm bumping this because I had this discussion with a person recently.

    Some tops (or maybe more than I realize) enjoy the act of watching their cock disappear inside. They like hearing the moans and pleasant sensations they can provide another person. I know that I personally would enjoy knowing that I'm giving someone as much pleasure as I possibly could. It would make me feel pretty amazing.

    So, that is why I'd top.
     
  4. lvsxy808

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    That's hilarious in itself.
     
  5. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    My best friend has always found bottoming painful (on the few times he's tried it) and so only tops.
     
  6. D_dtgt65rg

    D_dtgt65rg New Member

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    As a bottom, power bottom, I find it more pleasurable bottoming for a guy. My partner understands the pleasure of satisfying me as much as I satisfy him. It's a give and take situation. My personal downfall or reason I would never top is because its not as pleasureful in my eyes. I guess I like to play with a man who knows how to satisfy a man, as much as I satisfy him. I'm 25 and he's 42...I must say....older men fuck better than younger dudes and kiss better too.
     
  7. D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead

    D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead Account Disabled

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    I'm a bi guy, and I just don't enjoy getting fucked. I've done it for guys I liked and cared about, but I don't get the great feelings that other guys get out of it.

    I love fucking both men and women. I enjoy topping 'cause it feels so good to have my cock inside someone I think is hot and enjoy being with that way. And, yeah ... I love being told how big and good my cock feels inside them, and hearing their grunts and moans.
     
  8. lgtrmusr

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    My sense is that bi guys, particularly those that sort of admitted their attration to men later, after they had become sexually experienced with women, find being a top a sort of natural transition into m2m sex. Same mechanics, as it were. Then, maybe later, they may want to know more about the receiving end of the equation, and find someone who can help them with that discovery. Whether that makes for more bi tops I couldn't guess, but the pathway seems an easy one.
     
  9. Joseph

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    Actually.... I'm a virgin bisexual. And I am top, but willing to bottom from time to time.
    I think it does depend on the person. I just feel nicer being the dominating one, it really helps my ego, heh. But I would bottom from time to time, sure no problem.
     
  10. novice_btm

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    Hey, did you recently move to L.A.? :tongue:

    Sounds like a familiar situation.
     
  11. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    My boyfriend, who has never had sex with a woman, is a pure top. We've tried but he just doesn't like it, period. So now I'm a pure bottom and I'm not liking it. I would say I'm 80% bottom - I like bottoming - but I also like topping from time to time. I have not topped a guy in the three years I've been in this relationship. Does this give me a reason to go fuck someone? For some reason I NEED to top a guy from time to time. Don't know why....
     
  12. hud01

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    Then you need to find a new bf if it is important to you. I would actually ask if he is really gay, then why can't he bottom?
     
  13. D_Tim McGnaw

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    I think I'm a Top because I'm psychologically an alpha, and I don't mean in the commonly misunderstood sense of that term but in the stricter more accurate sense. I bottom once in a blue moon for a bit of a laugh, but my greatest satisfaction comes from fucking a guy who loves getting fucked. I get pleasure from seeing a guy with my dick inside him and knowing he's deriving pleasure from me fucking him. Je suis un Butt Pirate. ;-)
     
  14. Rugbypup

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    That's funny, because I feel the other way.

    It's more about pleasuring a man by him being inside me, well, eventually anyways, lol. :redface:
     
  15. D_Tim McGnaw

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    Hot :wink::biggrin1:
     
  16. Lex

    Lex
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    My hubby and I both find both topping and bottoming enjoyable. Not everyone does. I have a few friends who are total tops who tell us how jealous they are that they can't get pleasure from bottoming.

    I like to say that I am too greedy to do it only one way. Heh.
     
  17. Bbucko

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    Both my (completely platonic) roommate and I are non-versatile tops. We're both as gay as it gets in as much as we restrict our sexual activity to men. He likes them younger, I prefer guys in their 30s and 40s. My roommate was married for much of his 20s, only coming out gradually and eventually divorcing his wife. I came out as a teenaged virgin and did not have sex until I was 17, with a man of course. Neither of us is in any way effeminate or swish, though we don't have any problem with guys who are.

    My first three years of sexual exploration were not the most pleasant time in my life. I, like hud01 quoted above, felt that part of being gay involved learning to enjoy being penetrated, and I gave it the real college try. But inevitably I found myself deeply uncomfortable with it: I hated the loss of control I felt and was very uneasy with feeling as though I were about to simultaneously piss and shit involuntarily (as the top's penis would be opening up my anus and pushing against my bladder). Penetration was also extremely painful to me because I couldn't relax. I felt like a sexual failure because I hated bottoming so much.

    But I found that things were completely different when I was able to top, though being so young I rarely had the chance. The entire dynamic of sex would change for me: no pain, no unease, just pleasure.

    When I discussed this with guys who wanted to top me (or had just finished), I was given a variety of reasons of my displeasure (none of it his specific fault, of course), but they all seemed to center around my inability to relax and think positively about it. Several suggested that I was being willful in just wanting to deny him his satisfaction (including someone with whom I had an 8-month relationship: my first).

    But when I discussed this same issue with bottoms, I got a completely different story. Why push myself into a direction where I found no pleasure when I was pretty good at doing what I enjoyed? If sex were really about mutual pleasure, then why not just focus on the guys who'd find pleasure in what I could offer them? Why make life so difficult?

    My learning curve in figuring out how to qualify potential sex partners was really steep until I was in my mid-20s. Most of the time, my inability or unwillingness to bottom meant that sex was mainly an oral/JO thing for me, as I seemed to attract many more tops than bottoms. I developed mad oral skills as a way of compensating for what I was made to feel was a lacking on my part, and more than once would just get up and leave if the guy wasn't satisfied with what I was willing to offer. My fuckbud circle consisted exclusively of bottoms, but I kept things really casual with them for a variety of reasons (emotional and/or intellectual incompatibility, mostly).

    It was during this time, long after I'd come out, that I explored my bisexual side with two different women. For any number of reasons, they didn't work out though one of them remained a close confidant and friend for many years afterward.

    It wasn't until my third relationship, when I was 25, that I formed a real attachment with a versatile bottom. After that things got easier and I never again went through trying to make something work with a guy who wanted to fuck me.

    These days things are very different. At least where I am (in SoFla), tops are in a genuine minority and are considered "highly prized", so the pressure I felt as a young adult (in Boston in the late 70s-early 80s) to try and "open the flower" is non-existent.

    I'm one of the tops Lex mentioned in the quote above, as we've discussed it during his visits here on vacation. Part of me would love to experience the flip side of the intimacy I feel when fucking. But neither my mind nor my body will cooperate.

    So I play on my strengths and avoid my weaknesses.
     
    #17 Bbucko, Sep 22, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2009
  18. B_Hamadim

    B_Hamadim New Member

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    Some people are tops because They think it keeps them "Straight" and they don't want to be bottom because they think it will make them Gay.

    I know its stupid >_>
     
  19. Joseph

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    InHamad, I do agree that some guys might do so, which I find ridiculous. There is no rule that bottom means gay and top means straight! ... well admitted there does sometimes seem to be a tendency, but it's nothing to judge people by. Besides, why would you care what people think of you?

    If they find out you had sex with a guy, think they'll care you were the one fucking or receiving a blow job? I used to be a bit foolish like that too in the old days... worried not to do some things because then I'll be gay. Now I'm relaxed, but when it comes to sex roles/positions I never had real problems. I prefer being top, but I'd like to bottom from time to time... especially oral sex, but anal sex too. I never said to myself that I'd never do it once I'd have sex with a guy... I want it! And I'll do it.

    BTW... wasn't there another thing in there aside from Top, Bottom and Versatile? What was it called..... ehhh Power Button? What was that about exactly?
     
  20. Bbucko

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    The terminology can be confusing, Joseph.

    The whole top=active and bottom=passive only works with anal sex. In oral sex, it's reversed so that the person delivering the blowjob is the bottom and the receiver is the top. Personally I prefer to restrict the terms top and bottom for anal and presume that pretty much all gay men will give and receive oral.

    The expression isn't "power button", it's "power bottom". It means a very aggressive anal bottom. The term implies other things on the part of the bottom like an especially large capacity for dicks, toys and hands; a tendency toward rough sex; a stamina to extend an average encounter into an edging marathon lasting 3-6 hours (or longer); and the creativity to explore things that would not be considered "vanilla".
     
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