You Need Help

[Knight]

Okay so the ex was crying last night because some lad wouldn't talk to her. The lad who seems like a nice guy, wouldn't talk to her because she took e (ecstasy) apparently by accident. He is yet another guy I havent met yet she cares about him enough to cry when he says he won't talk to her again. Her stories are interesting.

So anyway today I told her she needs help. That she is immature and doesn't realise how her actions affect other people. I also told her not to do drugs, I know people that have died because of what drugs have done to them and people that never did a thing wrong (drugs or smoked) that still died.

Anyway she went mad telling me I don't even know her, saying that in fact I was immature. I told her 'yes, thats it, get mad at me. The fault is in yourself'.

So now its officially finished, but I did the righ thing to tell her she needs help? She smokes weed sometimes which can't be helping her moods. She really does need help, she has many psychological and physical problems/insecurities.

 

[guy1]

She does sound like she needs help & my advise to you is to stay well away, she has issues & you would be wise to be out of the picture. If she's freaking out & crying over some other guy whats all that about? Wasnt she supposed to have been YOUR girlfriend until recently? How many boyfriends does she have? She sounds weird to me.

 

[naughty]

Knight (In shining armor)

She is going to have tales of woe as long as you will listen. She has an audience.
She has to get that help on her own.It is not your responsibility to bail her out!
Life is too short and eternity toooooo long. Be happy.

Naughty K.

 

[ItsJustMe]

Knight, you seem like such a great guy, a one-in-a-million type. I know it's easier said than done but I would run as far away from this girl as possible as she sounds like nothing but trouble. Good luck.

 

[B_DoubleMeatWhopper]

Originally posted by Knight@May 29 2005, 05:04 PM
Okay so the ex was crying last night because some lad wouldn't talk to her.

The correct response is, "Get used to it. The way you treat men, he won't be the last to stop talking to you."

 

[jonb]

The drama queen needs help.

 

[Dr Rock]

if this is the same girl your other post concerned - why are you still talking to her?

when you end a committed relationship with someone, it's best to cut off all contact with them for at least 6-12 months or so - or longer if it was someone you actually loved, and/or someone psychotic. you are doing yourself and her no favors by staying in touch - that much is clear from what you just posted.

the reason she is trying to make her problem into your problem, consciously or not, is because you're there. the best thing to do is to NOT be there. ignore her attempts to get your attention, lose your temper and be nasty if you need to (and you probably will, cos she sounds like a headcase, and they don't just go away if you ask nicely), but don't waste any more of your time and energy. I mean, for how long do you wanna find yourself posting a new thread about your ex's personal dysfunctions every week? :hurts: you've gotta decide whom you consider more important - her or you.

 

[Knight]

Yeah I will. Another thing she's done now is she's got this thing up sayin 'Happy Birthday Mal'. Mal is one of her 'friends' who lives near her, and he made her up the name of Lula. I'll stop talkin to her. She says he's her 'chicken' wtf.

I told her the best way is if we dont talk because I care about her and dont like hearin all this Mal shit and other stuff. She is just saying 'no' and nothing else. I'm explaining to her we were never goin to be together forever. It is done.

 

[hungitaliano]

Knight, u think she might have been crying at least partly because she was comming down off the e?

...anyway she needs to work stuff out in her head before she gets involved with more boys (but i'm sure she'll learn somehow)

 

[SomeGuyOverThere]

Sounds like somebody I know...

It is allways "oh my life is so terrible, oh woe is me!"

And well, no... not really... your life isn't that bad, but you are too self obsessed to realise...

And everything is allways somebody else's fault, allways.

Such people... well deserve to learn a bit about how much the world really bites and it isnt just God taking a special dislike to them... but Im too nice to voice it

 

[jonb]

Chicken? See? This is why pet names are stupid.

 

[B_UNKNOWN321]

This is your ex is she not. I think I can tell why, because you are a very nice fellow and she is very shallow. She must still think highly of you to want to cry on your shoulder for some asinine imaginary slight given her by a drive by acquaintance. If she does not want your honest advice, she should take a hike. I would not beg an ex to accept your thoughts as well meaning -- they were well meaning and do not need a detailed explanation. If you want to maintain this relationship on her terms, then you will have to cry with her, offer her drugs, tell her what a beast this unknown creep is, offer to have him brutalized and then probably sleep with her again so she can get her claws back into you. Having read many of your posts, you have nothing to apologize for, if she comes asking consolation again, tell her what you already have and maybe she will some day remember what you told her in kindness and take heed and redeem her life.

 

[Knight]

Thanks. The thing is she knows I dont agree with drugs and I told her in the beginning I wasnt going to go out with her if she smoked pot at all I dont care how often.

BTW she had that e the other night, not the night I told her its over. But she's always doing shit like that. And I havent spoken to her tonight. She was shocked to find I'd deleted her off MSN, she thought I'd be back (a mutual acquaintance informs me). I mean I used to be hangin out with all the druggies then I told them I think they're all scrotes and I'm away from it all. Everyone in my area is on drugs of some form or another.

Anyway yeah its done, met a few hot girls today when I rode 4 miles on my bike just for an ice cream lol. But it was good, I felt good

Thanks everyone. She really has issues, or maybe its just our standards dont match. I dont like anyone that's on drugs, and she cant stop takin drugs and doin stupid things...

 

[Dr Rock]

uh, drugs don't cause these problems. she'd be doing the same shit anyway. as a society we really love to blame our collective and individual neuroses on external factors, but you may have noticed that it doesn't actually get us anywhere. people abuse recreational drugs because they're fucked up, not the other way around.

 

[steve319]

Originally posted by Dr Rock@May 30 2005, 07:40 PM
people abuse recreational drugs because they're fucked up, not the other way around.

True. She may be unwittingly self-medicating, so to speak, for an untreated emotional problem.

Knight, it would be great if you could just walk away and leave this situation behind. I know that's hard to do because, if I hear you right, you have something of the "fixer" in you, that you want to make everything all right for others around you--particularly for this girl who has meant something to you.

But let me tell you something you probably already, man: none of us is able to fix someone else's life. We can't change other people; we can only change ourselves (and that's tough enough).

Don't get tied up in the drama and the jealousy and the feeling of obligation. Mourn awhile, let it all heal over, than go back out there and use your new education and wisdom to find someone better. You gave it your best shot and, in years to come, you will probably be able to look back on this relationship with some positive thoughts and fond memories, but for now, run while you can.

 

[jonb]

True. That's why it's called maladaptive behavior. She needs to work through this, and I'm sorry, but you're not helping her. Maybe some other guy will, I don't know. I do know that this sounds like classic borderline personality disorder. She needs therapy, now. Borderlines can end up drinking, gambling, cutting, impulse spending, having sex with people they barely know, and even committing suicide.

 

[madame_zora]

Originally posted by jonb@May 31 2005, 09:19 PM
True. That's why it's called maladaptive behavior. She needs to work through this, and I'm sorry, but you're not helping her. Maybe some other guy will, I don't know. I do know that this sounds like classic borderline personality disorder. She needs therapy, now. Borderlines can end up drinking, gambling, cutting, impulse spending, having sex with people they barely know, and even committing suicide.

[post=316587]Quoted post[/post]​

And unfortunately, in less severe and less frequently detected cases, they just suck the life-blood out of every relationship they have. Drama queens are not able to identify themselves as such and there IS NO CURE outside themselves. No matter what they tell you, nothing you could do will ever change a thing unless they have the will to change it themselves, and only then if it's their idea to change it, not yours.

Drug and alcohol abuse is a symptom, not the disease itself, and the removal of said will not cure the problem at it's source. Yes, she may need help, but it just can't be your problem as to whether or not she gets it, don't play.

 

[jonb]

True. Borderline personality disorder is rather complicated, and very difficult to deal with. Drama's fun to watch, but shit to live.

 

[IshmAeL12]

OK here is the other side. Do you love her? Have you met on levels with her you met on with no one else? Does she have a core generally speaking? If you answer yes to even one of these questions then stay in there. Love her to death and she will melt with the love. LOVE YOUR ENEMIES hate your defecits. Work to defeat both in your life but watch out on defeating PEOPLE. people have personalities and defeating a personality is devestating to both individuals. This is a fact Ive experienced personally. Work together if at all possible and the relationship and love will grow. Do not place any statutes on her You cant abide by also. Call off all Sex & romantic encounters until you can talk as HUMANS.

 

[rob_just_rob]

The day is coming when someone will respond to an OP's question that is so old, that all the parties involved in the OP's question have expired.