About to have a nervous breakdown.

I've been going crazy lately, I don't know what to do, but I feel like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown. All I can think about is money. I even dream about money. I have zero income. I qualify for zero assistance to receive money. The only money I get comes from my father for gas and cigarettes. I already have a lot of guilt from having to ask him for money all the time, and then there's the frustration that I never have enough money for anything else. I can't take Skyler to the zoo or the skating rink, or even out to eat. When I go to the bar, I only order cokes, which are always paid for by someone else. My clothes are falling apart, and I can't afford to buy more. I have no way of getting my son a Christmas present. My cell phone has been off for over a month. The tags are expired on my car, and I don't have insurance on it. I could go on and on about all the things I need and cannot afford. I've been having panic attacks daily, sometimes 2-3 times a day. Rarely does a day go by without one. I've been missing my mom like crazy. I want her here again. School is driving me crazy with the end of the semester happening. My son has been having behavioral problems in school. He apparently has a problem with bothering other kids and talking out of turn. Nothing super horrible, but his teacher is on my ass about it so I'm on his ass about it and it's just one more thing I have to deal with. I've told him that if he can go to school this week and have good days on four out of the five days, then I'd have lunch with him at school. I don't even know how I'll afford to do that, but it's about the only thing that has worked so far. He's had good days 3 out of 4 days this week. With all this stress, anxiety, and depression that I've been dealing with, it's a fight everyday to keep from eating everything in the fridge. I've had a hard time keeping my composure today and not crying constantly. Blah. I keep telling myself that if I won the lottery, I'd be relieving so much stress... but I can't even afford a lottery ticket. :tongue: I got online today and looked up some therapists that deal often with anxiety and depression, and I intend on calling them tomorrow, but I feel fairly confident that I won't be able to afford them either. *sigh* Wish me luck.